Darkest Before Dawn - 120

Chapter 120

“Wait, seriously?” Minoru asked, eyes wide as if he honestly couldn’t believe what Kazuki had just told him. The others around weren’t looking any differently, even if most of them weren’t that exaggerated.

“Seriously,” he answered with a weak smile as he stabbed a bit of food from his plate. “I kind of… want to take a break and Inui encouraged me to do so… So, yeah, I won’t be training or doing much of anything after classes. I’ll drop by the club, check on things, talk a little and then go straight home to just… relax,” he explained with a slight shrug.

He was leaving aside the fact that he’d still travel for shootings, but that was still a surprise for his friends to find out later. Although, he didn’t know how much of a secret it’d be, since his club members knew about it. Maybe it’d get out eventually, especially considering they might recruit some new people for Pharos.

“I’m feeling a little… burned out, or maybe I’m feeling a burn out coming my way, so I’m trying to do something about that,” he continued, taking a bite of his food. After a long moment in which his friends seemed to process this new information, he added: “Sorry if that’s… selfish, but I kind of need a break.”

“Not selfish at all!” Toru was quick to reassure, shaking her arms in the air and all. “It’s just… sudden.”

“It makes sense though,” Shoto commented, expression and voice flat as usual, but there was a tinge of… contemplation in there somewhere. Or maybe Kazuki was imagining things. “You push yourself as much as any of us in classes and in training. And you have the club and other things to deal with. You’ve got more on your plate than most of us.”

Idly, Kazuki wondered if he was including himself there or if Shoto considered himself to be on the same level or worse than Kazuki. If he were asked on the matter, he’d say it was the latter, but that was his own opinion. The guy certainly had plenty going on in his life too, and probably more that he wasn’t even aware about, just like Shoto didn’t know about his movie gig.

“I don’t know about that,” he mumbled, drawing into himself. “But yeah, I just… that’s what’s going on.”

“Don’t worry about it too much, Creepy,” Kyoka commented with a slight smile, poking him at the same time that she pulled on his old nickname. Was it considered old, actually? It hadn’t been that long since they’d stopped using those, right? “We can’t always be around, right? I think you’re the only one that doesn’t take a day or an afternoon off. It’s fine, just surprising. I guess we got used to you always being around when we hang out.”

“There’s some truth to that,” Momo mumbled, clearly fairly affected by the news.

Kazuki himself had to admit that they weren’t wrong. He had always done his absolute best to hang out with everyone when he could. Even when he traveled for his job those days, he did his best to stay around, visit Inui and get some training done with everyone, even if it not for long. That was all part of the reason why he was so exhausted though, or so he imagined.

With the training trip they were apparently going on soon, Kazuki really needed a break. Fortunately, Inui thought it would be a good idea to take a day or two off from anything that could be put off. In the man’s words, that was his first suggestion and help on the matter.

Kazuki wasn’t sure what else the man could do for him or advise him to do, but he was looking forward to it. Inui had always pulled through and helped, after all. Granted, sometimes he was more effective than others, but he never outright failed. He appreciated that a whole lot, when every failure felt like he’d be almost stepping off a cliff.

“Who knows? Maybe I’ll be too bored to do this more than once,” he added jokingly, but he didn’t really mean it. Staying at home with his fish tank, his plants, his violin and some idle shadow manipulation sounded like heaven. No effort, just calm and soothing stuff that didn’t require him to think or do much, that’s what he needed.

If he could forget about all the pressing matters going on, all the better.

“Anyway, anything fun you’ll be doing to make me regret my break?” he asked then, looking up and his friends looked between each other before shrugging.

“I mean, we can call it a day early with the training and go to the arcade or something,” Mina suggested when everyone remained silent for a long few seconds, fidgeting with their food and such. “Does that work for you, Kazuki?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean that literally,” he said with an apologetic smile. It made him feel a bit bad, to basically tell his friends that he needed a break from them too, but it was what it was. He was still getting used to… having friends, let alone socializing and such. It was all so… draining at times. He loved them all to bits, truly, but it was still exhausting to keep up with them.

He would always be wondering if he should say something, if something he said was wrong, if he was doing something that he shouldn’t. At times, he’d just sit there, stiff and uncomfortable while everyone else had fun, just because it all felt so… foreign. He’d gotten better from when he’d first arrived at UA, but maybe his childhood had left him stunted for life in that regard.

“Have fun for me though,” he commented, wanting to fill the silence that had fallen on their table. It was moments like those that he wanted to avoid. There was nothing to worry about when he was by himself, after all.

“No promises, man,” Eijiro said and Kazuki returned the guy’s grin, if weaker.

At least his friends were understanding.

[}-o-{]

“Everything’s going well then?” he asked, leaning back and looking around the room. Chikuchi and Neito were in a conversation with Mei and Melissa over their practice weapons, testing things and seeing if there needed to be modifications. Which there likely would be, whether they were good or not. After all, those were plain versions of the heavily modified ones that Melissa had in mind.

On the other side of the room were Futo and Ronaudo, who were deeply immersed in their work. Futo was still tinkering with their social media accounts and the club website, which was new, actually. Either that or he was making templates for posts they could make on their accounts. The guy liked to be prepared for whenever they had to post something, especially Kazuki. Although, Chikuchi and Neito had taken to asking for advice too, even if less than him.

Then there was Ronaudo, who was still hard at work on the numbers of their eventual sales. Honestly, most of what the guy did flew right over Kazuki’s head, but he appreciated the dedication. He seemed to work like a machine and he could respect that.

“Yes, sir,” Komako replied and Kazuki took a moment to wonder if “sir” was better or worse than “Boss”. In the end, he decided that they were equally as bad, if in different ways. “I also have rough numbers for what you asked. As expected, we can manage as we are on the heroics and support departments, but we need a lot more on the management side,” Komako explained and he nodded. That was expected.

Hina had a whole agency full of people just to manage her own stuff, after all. Sure, she also did a lot of side-gigs, but so did he, really. So, if he were to scale that, they would need even more people. Which made him wonder about the ratios in UA, because the numbers in each class absolutely did not match that. Although, to be fair, not all heroics students made it big, or at all. On the other hand, he doubted management students dropped out of the career quite as harshly.

There was also the fact that the general education students usually ended in a management career anyway.

The Management Team had informed him of that, actually.

“Also, tell Uwabami that we really appreciate all the advice and information she sent us,” Komako commented and Kazuki grinned. “It’s been very informative.”

“I’ll tell her that. Who knows? Maybe she can offer you guys a part-time job during breaks or something,” he commented and he, perhaps predictably, saw the three students perk up. “I’ll ask, but I make no promises.”

“You’re the best, Boss,” Komako said, Futo and Ronaudo mimicking the sentiment from where they sat. He just waved them off though. That was the least he could do for friends. Besides, if it helped them improve, then it helped him right back, really. They were his Management Team, after all, so if they got better, it benefited him. “Is there anything else you need?”

“Not right now. Do whatever. I just wanted to drop by, since I’m the president-”

“The Boss, you mean,” Komako corrected, making his eye twitch.

“-and I feel responsible for you all,” he finished, glaring at the entirely unrepentant student. Then with a sigh, he rolled his eyes and relaxed back where he sat, crossing his legs and cracking his neck. “I want to take it easy for a few days before our class trip though, so I probably won’t be doing much, if it’s all the same to you all.”

“I see,” Komako mumbled and the next second they were writing something down on a notepad. “Leave everything to us, Boss. We can keep this ship afloat without you.”

“I mean, no doubt. Not like I do much anyway, right?” he replied with a chuckle. He got a very odd feeling as a response though, not only from Komako but from everyone that could hear him. Nobody commented on that though, so he guessed he might be reading too much into it. “Actually, I’ll go get myself something from the vending machine. You guys want anything?”

As it turned out, yes, they wanted several things.

So, he left the club room with a list in hand and some money they’d pooled together for everything. The halls of UA were still not quite empty yet, since it was just after class. Hero students were probably mostly just sticking to the training facilities and the support students to their workshops, but management and gen ed students were still around, whether in their own clubs or doing chores for the school as their own version of practice.

He didn’t often move around the school without being on his way somewhere and being focused on that though. Usually Kazuki would just make a beeline to Inui’s office, the training facilities, the club or the room the class representatives gathered at. While he was at it, he didn’t often look around or anything, since his mind would already be on whatever he was going to do.

Not then and there though, which was why he noticed that many students that passed by or stood somewhere within sight would glance his way. Even more odd was the fact that none of them seemed to feel too negatively about him too. ‘Maybe they’ve grown used to me being here?’ he wondered idly, feeling oddly pleased by that. Maybe it wasn’t anything he did and it was just prolonged exposure, but that was still a win in his books.

‘The same could happen to the rest of Japan,’ he mused with a mental shrug. Was that what he wanted? Would that make him proud? No, not really. But he’d take that if it meant he wouldn’t have to deal with scorn.

[}-o-{]

[Tadao Inaba]

He walked through the halls, but he was hardly paying attention to where he was going. Instead, his mind kept replaying what he’d seen once classes ended. They were all getting ready to go home or maybe to their clubs. That was when a voice had cut through the idle murmurs.

“Can you move aside, please?” the one Gen Ed student that seemed to hold any importance asked and everyone turned to look. Whether one liked it or not, Chikuchi Togeike wasn’t just anyone anymore. Hadn’t been since her performance in the Sports Festival. Hadn’t been since she started being shown attention and given chances by the faculty.

And certainly hadn’t been since news of I-Island reached everyone.

“Can’t be bothered to walk around, can you?” the student that was in the way asked, nevermind the fact that his friends and him had been basically blocking the whole way. Togeike would have had to circle around half the classroom to avoid them. “Appear on the news once and you think you’re all that, don’t you?” the boy had asked, showing that he was very much in the group that didn’t like Togeike’s newfound importance.

“I don’t,” Togeike replied dryly, giving the boy an unimpressed look. “But you certainly seem to think so, if you had to bring it up.”

“You wish,” had been the hissed response. “And I wouldn’t be so proud. You’re just getting the crumbs of those hero students. But I guess you’d be happy with that, wouldn’t you?”

“... I am,” Togeike had answered flatly, giving everyone pause. “Because those crumbs are getting me closer to the hero course. What are you doing though? Are you happy here? In the failure class?”

She’d gotten no response to that, but the words had cut through the whole class, not just the target of the questions. Because they were true, much as they hated it. None of them were doing anything, except for Togeike and Shinso. The rest of them were just as she’d said, the failure class.

Because nobody went to UA for the general education course. It was supposed to be the Hero School for a reason, after all. The most prestigious establishment in the business. Not everyone that went there wanted to be a hero, but they all wanted to be part of the industry. So then, who went to the general education course? Those too weak to be heroes, those not creative enough to be tinkerers, those not savvy enough to be part of administration, those were the students that ended in their class.

Eventually, it was accepted that they grew in the school all the same, second year and up were considered to be almost – if not outright – on the same level as the management course at the very least. But first year? The first year classes were called exactly that, the failure classes. The ones that hadn’t been enough, the ones that fell short, that’s exactly who they were.

“Maybe you have a problem with me, or who I associate with,” Togeike had said, pushing through the group of students. Surprisingly, none of them did anything about it other than watch her walk away. “But I don’t care, because I’m doing something and you’re not. So… We’ll see who laughs last.”

And with those parting words, she’d just left the class, off to that club and with purpose. The rest of them, even those that should have been going somewhere, stood there with their eyes on the door. Tadao didn’t know what all everyone was thinking about, but he knew for sure that he was thinking about what he was doing. He was doing exactly what Togeike said, nothing.

That left a bitter taste in his mouth that had remained even then and Tadao had been unable to go home as he usually would. Instead, he roamed the halls of UA, as if that would give him an answer to the noise in his mind. Nothing of the sort happened though, all he got was more frustrated, as he watched management students walk doing tasks for the school, as he walked past the support workshops and heard them tinkering, as he stood at the doors of the training facilities and saw them exercising and improving their Quirk skills.

In the end, Tadao had decided to get himself a drink, if only to do something that wouldn’t rub salt on the still fresh wound, if only to wash away the ash taste from his mouth. At least then he’d feel like he was doing something, even if that was laughably stupid and usele-

“You done?” a voice snapped him out of his thoughts and he realized that he’d been standing in front of the vending machine, holding the can in his hand. He hadn’t even registered that he’d done that, didn’t even know what he’d gotten. It wasn’t what he’d usually get, which probably meant he’d just hit random buttons.

“Sorry, I-” Tadao started, feeling even more useless and stupid than before. That is, until the words caught in his throat as his eyes found the student beside him. And then he stared, taking in the pale complexion, the black veins, the bone white hair and the black and red eyes. “S-Sorry,” he repeated, and that was all that he could say.

Months before, maybe he’d have been so out of it because of fear. Then and there though, while there was some of that and some very uncanny feelings that reared just by looking at him, most of what Tadao felt was… awe. Because this student, the same age as him, was a star. Everyone knew him, everyone respected him – some more reluctantly than others – and-

“Don’t worry about it,” Kazuki Endo said, a soft smile on his face that clashed horribly against who he was and what he could do, yet fit him somehow. With that said, the hero student took the chance he’d offered when he stepped – stumbled, more like – back and went to get what he wanted from the vending machine.

And Tadao just stood there, dumbly watching Endo get several things.

Until he finally found his voice.

“... How’d you do it?” he asked before he could listen to his better judgement. It was already too late to take those words back though, he knew. So, when he watched Endo turn towards him, obviously not understanding what he meant, he spoke again. “When you arrived here you were… you and now you are…” His abysmal eloquence continued making itself known when all he could was gesture towards the boy. “How?”

“... I wonder about that sometimes,” Endo commented, far from insulted or annoyed or even confused by the question. Instead, he just looked, calm, somewhat. “I guess I just… tried and then tried some more,” he offered as an answer before shrugging and chuckling. “Plus Ultra,” he added jokingly. “Hope that helps,” he finished with, taking his things and, when he didn’t say anything other than stare at him, the boy just walked away.

And he was left alone with his thoughts.

“I just… tried,” he replayed in his head then and again long after he’d gone home.

“I just… tried,” those words repeated themselves in his mind throughout the day.

“I just… tried,” he heard in the silence and darkness of his room, right before going to sleep.

And through it all, he didn’t know if he was haunted or reassured by those three simple words.

[}-o-{]

[Kazuki Endo]

“And that’s that,” Kazuki commented, drying his arms with a towel and looking at the tank. “No algae on the glass, substrate vacced, water topped up. All’s good here,” he announced, sitting back to enjoy the fruits of his work. Granted, the fish were a little spooked with all the work he’d had to put into things, but he hoped they’d calm down soon. He might even take a picture or ten.

“Good work,” Nemuri said, passing him a cup of coffee that he took with wide eyes. “The glass was starting to be more green than see through.”

“Ugh, I know,” he acknowledged with a groan. “I don’t know why the timer wasn’t working properly. Maybe I touched it while cleaning?”

“Or maybe I did,” the woman pointed out and he shrugged.

“Well, it’s fixed now, shouldn’t have any huge algae problems for a bit,” he said, running his free hand’s fingers through his hair. There was a moment of silence then where both of them looked at the fishtank like it was the most interesting thing ever. Which it wasn’t, much as Kazuki was proud of the little slice of nature he’d put together himself.

He did get lost in the sight, but at the back of his mind, he had a thousand other thoughts. He wasn’t precisely trying to ignore them, not really. He knew that wouldn’t work. All the same though, he followed them just enough before dropping them to continue admiring the fishtank or maybe picking up some other train of thought. Much like when one gave up and decided to indulge an annoying, persistent child by putting in minimal effort, Kazuki did sort of the same with his own mind.

Surprisingly, it worked pretty well.

“Thinking about anything in particular?” he asked eventually, turning to look at Nemuri when he finished his coffee. He hadn’t noticed, but the woman had taken her own chair and set it right next to his. 

“A few things,” she answered vaguely, which was fair. Wasn’t like he wanted to interrogate her or anything. “Some of them pointless, some of them… more important.”

“Same,” Kazuki replied with a weary smile. Although, most of what he was thinking about was far from inane. He had a lot going on in his life at the moment and little of it was nice and simple. Even the good things were complex. “Taking a break was a good decision,” he added, relaxing his tense shoulders and leaning back on his chair. He wasn’t even lying about that or pretending. He still felt exhausted, but it wasn’t heavy or painful. Like the difference between being tired while standing and being tired while lying in bed.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Nemuri said and he could see the soft smile on her face in his mind before he turned to look at her. “Maybe I should follow your example,” she commented, only half-joking. “Although, you gave me a good excuse today, I have to say.”

He paused at that, resolutely keeping his eyes on a fish that swam right front and center in the tank. What she said struck him though, because he’d just been about to say that she could tell Aizawa or someone else to fill in for her as his guardian. Hell, he could do well enough without having anyone around. That had been how it went at the beginning, after all.

Yet, Nemuri thought spending an afternoon with him was a break?

Kazuki didn’t know how to even begin processing that.

“You’re welcome,” he said, pulling on all his acting and social training. With any luck, it wouldn’t be obvious enough for the woman to notice. He really didn’t know what to do with himself at that moment.

He shouldn’t have been surprised, not really. It wasn’t the first time Nemuri said something that… That just made it clear that she cared about him, that she didn’t see being with him as a burden or something annoying. That wasn’t even one of the most direct ones or the most meaningful ones. Yet, it shook him all the same.

Every time, it was the same. Every time, he got proof that his parents were wrong. Every time, he felt his perception of the world cracking a little more. Every, single, time, fear clawed towards him, fear of hope and the unknown.

“Say, what do you want to eat today?” Nemuri asked, showing that she was very much unaware of what she often did to his mind. All the same, Kazuki smiled and, after a moment of silent contemplation, he answered.

“I think I’d like to cook something myself.”

And that was yet another voice sent to the darkest, most hidden corners of his mind.

He was dealing with a lot of those, it seemed.

[} Chapter End {]

Hey guys! How’s it going?

Even when he’s doing nothing, Kazuki can’t manage to have a peaceful day, apparently. The guy is just cursed that way. He’ll forever live in interesting times. Then again, it depends on who one asks, I guess.

Fun fact, I hadn’t named Tadao when I wrote this chapter. I actually had him unnamed and the PoV simple ready General Course Student #29 or something like that. It was only in the editing phase that I added his name, because I thought it sounded odd to have him unnamed. I don’t know if we’ll see him again or not, but I felt like giving him a name.

Maybe that’s a sign from the Muse?

Either way, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter.

Discord Link: discord.gg/UTDransjJZ

Random Question: Who’s best mom? Hina or Nermuri? Yes, I wanna see blood flow through the streets.

See you.