productivity log july 6

woke up this morning at 6:00 and found out that stellafera sent me me his songs for our split so i uploaded the bandcamp. we decided that in the near future we will update his songs because i told him he should rerecord his vocals with a better microphone so they can be mixed better. studio time for recording vocals (mine, we're not talking about stellafera anymore) is at 10:00 so i left at 7:30 so i could walk there and arrive on time. while walking i wrote lyrics for the song "Evlën" which was a finished instrumental for Trhä with only a vague idea in mind for what i wanted to write lyrics about. at the studio finished tracking "turhëndroje" vocals which were left halfway done last session. 11:14 i finished vocals for "qilahhqhja"

11:45 finished vocals for " nu'en shena, namvajvër"

12:11 finished vocals for "helënahappa" and if i'm satisfied with the way the three songs turned out for this album then all i need to do before i can release it is find an album cover, think of a title, and hand write the lyrics for physical version . after that i still had many songs to record but my voice has run out of stamina so i will wait until next time to finish . now i will walk home and mix eve rugby i just recorded

when I got home I started mixing in the vocals I did for "nu'en shena" but felt like something was very off. sometimes when I feel this dissatisfying feeling I decide to just take a break from the music work, in this case I ended up doing something else not work related. I don't like the idea of spending an entire recording session just to not use the vocals, even though I admit that even when I was there my voice was not sounding optimal, but sometimes I don't even care that much about how the vocals sound when the most important part is that it's emotional, also it's raw black metal who cares. but at the same time things do have to be mixed a certain satisfying way. after coming back I set "nu'en shena" aside and I'm gonna work on "turhëndroje" now. will obviously come back to nu'en shena later, maybe end up cutting out the "non scream" parts of the vocals, as that's probably what I find to be clashing unsatisfyingly (because of the accidental note/melody I end up vocalizing almost always being out of key with the song) and it didn't help that I didn't find the perfect EQ and reverb settings in general for the vocals. the first half of "turhëndroje" was excellently performed, because that day was a good vocal day. the other parts maybe not so much, so let's see how things sound when I try to mix it all together. i'm reminded of the idea that if I just made purely instrumental music my life would be much simpler. I would make sooooo much more music and release new albums many times a month. howver my voice, despite being a very subpar instrument, is still a very potent and pure medium of expression, and even though I've ruined my voice after 10+ years of insane screaming I still feel somehow that I HAVE to use it in my music. it'd be nice to coincide with another musician whose voice I loved who could do all of this for me, but such a person I don't know because not only would they need to have an absolute affinity with me and what I'm going for with my music but also be in very easy proximity with me. and in the case of Trhä they would have to be able to speak perfect hadlhaj. apparently running into the same obstacle mixing "turhëndroje". by no means are these songs supposed to sound "proper", but I still can't find the "perrrrfffect" vocal mix. it's not usually something I achieve since my vocals aren't perfect from the source. maybe using headphones I can find the perfect settings and then I can just use them universally over all of the songs on this ep. one solution I often opt for is to simply retract the vocals into the background (kinda like making instrumental music with another texture, in this case hidden poetry). it's also possible that the vocals aren't sitting a certain way in the mix because of the lofi instrumental sounding a certain way and can only house the vocals in another specific way that I have to find instead of assuming the vocals could just sit on the song however they want to.listening to turhëndroje with the current vocal mix sounds fine so far, but I'm also getting very distracted looking at the rain outside. after a while of this I think I'm just going to hold off until tomorrow to continue because my head will not accept the sounds I'm hearing . right now I could work on any of my other pending projects but in this disorganized mental state literally the only thing I can work on is amazingland, which I will do now . amazingland is the least tedious music I make and requires basically no effort and no pressure onmyself to reacha particular goal, so whenever I feel this very disorganized feeling but still want to create something, amazingland is the way to go.

at 7:22 I finish amazingland track "uuuusb¶¶fl••°‡0ººº0ª·————±±»™™£™£™£™£™£⁄⁄⁄⁄⁄€⁄€⁄⁄⁄€⁄€fiflfi›⁄€⁄fifi⁄€flfi›€⁄fifi›fi›€›ÅÅÍßÓÓhhhhhh  ÍÍÅÎÓÍÅ Ó´  å∂ƒ∆˚˙ ‹› €‹ °€‹‡‹ ´ÒÅÒ ooI؈͠ÍÚÍÎÆÚl åæ'ß…ßæßæ'ßæßæ"

at 8:16 finished amazingland track "64 mibtawns in a basketwater"
even though I was just making amazlingand, I could've been working much faster and made many more songs if i just did one task at a time, but I tend to get very distracted and not stick to one thing, so while making these tracks I was alwaso doing other irrelevant things

at 8:52 I finished amazinglandtrack "HSn ç˜s ˚˚º˚ººººº˚˚˚˚˚˚˚"

I think I'm done working on things for tonight. will try tomorrow to properly mix all the new trhä I recorded today. maybe even be able to work on all the millions of sadness songs I have to finish