the rain that falls alone

https://sadnessmusic.bandcamp.com/album/the-rain-that-falls-alone

i don't even know where to begin with this one. I always knew this album came from a whole different universe. the way it made me feel while I was making it, and the way it literally felt like it came out of me coming from a different distant place lost in a dream, it felt extremely personal. it felt like a fragment of my soul left in this distant place. everything about this album (like my music in general) came completely naturally with 0 thought whatsoever being put into the music or lyrics, but more so on this album than others because I lreally just let the stream speak for itself, bleeding into the recordings and words. the song specifically "the rain that falls alone" I started on december 11th 2014 at 12:07 in the morning. along with the second track on the album which I recall recording the instrumentals for around this time, december 2014. I had the idea of making really densely saturated ambient black metal, with barely audible details all blended into a uniform sound, uniform like the single shade of color that creates the sky on a rainy day, or in the background of a dream. I knew this was how I wanted the album to sound from the very beginning and I even visualized the blue color, and this blue I wanted to capture is why I chose these tonalities to compose the songs in. I remember recording the keyboards for "the rain that falls alone" one december night in my basement and falling in a trance, I felt like I was exactly in that space, permeated by blue shade and light. for me (because of the time of year) this album is hugely inspired by winter as well, which is an interesting contrast when you compare it to literal "rain", but naturally that's what happens because it was winter where I was, snow and everything. the opening track for this album was actually recording january 21 of 2015, so pure winter slipping into the music, but thematically I felt like I wanted to capture somrthinh huge. something far beyond me. after I recorded the instrumentals in december I went to the mountains on a trip in colorado (if you've ever been to the mountains in winter you know what it's like). this in part also inspired the album further. I don't know what everyone else who listens to this album associates it with, but there's a winter essence in it for me. the lyrics for the first and last track were written alltogether on the same page in my school notebook one day when I was alone in this one particular classroom (I always did this). I had the lights off at the table and looked outside this big window, and disconnected myself from my surroundings completely. I wasn't concious at all of being in my highschool, like i mentioned before I felt this music come from a completely distant place, and everything i was writing felt like it was bleeding from this space. for this purity I felt like everything about this album and song were too deeply personal to share. I remember thinking that this album was my soul speaking. I genuinely didn't feel like I had human thoughts going into the writing of this album and it was purely my formless self communicating to me from a distant forgotten dream. 17 year old me would consider it strange that I'm talking about it so in depth right not because i really never had any plans on publicly releasing anthing about this album, but here we are now and I plan on uploading it to spotify as well (along with every other sadness album). 

lyrics below. the segment in quotation marks is the lyrics to bewailing the saturnine moonlight:

Beyond lenitive nightingales

flowing through jade and oaken memoria

Engraft with delicate eyes

Enharmony, ashrouded through clarity of seas resplend

One

Amid the ring of trees

Pearl morose deep blue emerald

As sorrow waving petrichor howls

envoi…

Like no sound

Unheard cries only fall, desolate

Unto innocence, Botany

Enfallen gardens and rivers within forests

Ravens, a thousand burn

Bleeding black into cold streams

quivering hands…

Her mourning voice entropa

As scarlet tears dance and bleed to the withering serenade

Enthralls she, enrobing the distance

as a trembling voice shakes

Petals fall through her

hopeless hands…

The Silent river, hands in lace of moonlight

Blanket of branches and enliven waters

White spirits above enclasp the cold sorrow, and love

Swepting the rose all juvenescent tears and her delicate voice, trembling, singing, so heavily softly… she cries….

"Somewhere in forgotten landscapes where rain shades the burning moonlight, only echoes…. rain falling as painfully as farewelling caress… the wind howls of bleeding sorrow, weeping away into the cold winter and Heather…. branches willow….

Enclaven by distance…”

Her tresses fall over her delicate hands

As the only warmth fades into the cold, lonely winter

The Rain that falls alone.. Harrowing so somber

Staring hopelessly in distance

and distance falls asunder, afforest

and moonlight enshines the mourning luminescence

“Please come back…”

The rose falls and somehow… the rain shines

and we still hope...

-------------------------

when I wrote this I thought it was my greatest writing ever, back then I tended to use this kind of vocabulary a lot but reading over it now I don't think that highly of it anymore. it's still genuine and this is what i wrote that day in that room, envisioning this place "the rain that falls alone". what I recall all of this being about was my own personal loneliness. feeling genuinely lost, wandering, homeless, deep within my soul. If I could recount any event, moment, place that brought me to feeling this lost, or even just describe it, it would have been here. I felt like I was deep ina distant dream world somewhere in the mountains, and this place looks exactly like the album cover. deeply saturated in dark blue, as if youre submerged in water. in rain. the story in this song is like a tragedy. the moment "she" loses something, or comes to the realization. the "she" I refer to in this song I could have been talking about myself or a second part of myself that I feel, again, was lost to me. these words seem like an unconcious effort of mine to describe how alone I truly felt, deep down inside. in the deepest part of me i could touch. I'm not sure what else to say that isn't already extremely personal, so I will leave this here.