sadness - bigbury april twilight

this track will appear on the same album as "our whole lives in this moment" and "every tuesday, tuesday is green/only hearing the soft streams". the intro was something I made in march of 2018; back then I was always making electronic "beats" if you will. I have so many of these laying around as incomplete songs and for a lot of them I want to build upon them to make sadness songs, this being one of the first ones that occurred to me to adapt. sometime in  maybe march or february of 2021 I came up with the first guitar part on an acoustic and knew I would make it into a song, and even though I was discouraged at the time from recording music because of my files getting deleted I still went ahead and started recording some of the first section of this song all the way back then. of course around april when I started getting serious about composing again and I would write and record constantly for this album (and rain chamber) I ended up completing the whole song rather quickly (except for vocals of course, which I just finished tonight finally). I've been really motivated to finish all of my pending music lately, so these past few days I've been working almost non stop. for one I'm going to be leaving the country again soon and also I have a lot of fresh ideas for future projects that I want to be able to focus all of my energy on. "Bigbury april twilight" let me explain. for about 2 and a half years of my life I lived in Texas. southern texas to be exact. I absolutely hated it. if youve ever been to texas you know how absurd the weather is. my whole life I've loved cold/cloudly/snowy/rainy weather and I absolutely do not enjoy any hot weather. anything hotter than 60 degrees faranheit can get annoying if the sun is out , and speaking of the sun I hate it. not always but when it's really intense and bright (and hot) I absolutely hate it so much. so living in texas was a terrible desicion. the weather in texas is absolutely terrible all year round except for evenings and nighttime during the "winter" months. the only time you ever saw me outside was during december-march if the sun wasnt out. in particular during that time of year this last year, because the weather was finally not absolutely disgusting, I thoroughly enjoyed walking to work (instead of driving). my workplace was 14 miles away from my house so in order to get there on time I would have to start walking at 4 in the morning. I always walked the same route which would end up cutting through this one little neighborhood where "bigbury april twilight" comes from. in this one particular spot, for about a block or two walking down this street, there was something absollutely magical about the way everything looked, the way the trees looked. it genuinely felt like stepping into a whole knew realm, at least emotionally. especially the trees. they really made me feel this dreamlike feeling that reminded me a lot of april twilight. april in the same magical way I remember in my distant dreams, in april 2011, in the most pure sense of the words "april twilight". the "bigbury" comes from the fact that the intersecting street where this was located is called "bigbury". if you ever happen to be in san antonio texas, walking down Tezel rd in between Oxtead and Bigbury you'll find this little place I'm talking about. of course only do this if it's 5 in the morning and the weather is colder than 70 degrees because I'm sure on a hot day it loses all of its magic. this song would have been called "oxtead april twilight" to be more accurate with the location since this blok was closer to oxtead than bigbury, but oxtead doesn't sound anywhere near as pretty as bigbury. also bigbury has the appropriate colors. I don't really know how to describe what this "april twilight" means to me. I feel like there are no words at all,a nd it's just something you'd have to enter my head to undestand.what I can say is that this place, this dreamscape, memoryscape, something, some deeply steeped environment feels extremely potent and pure, and illicits some of the most magical feelings Ive ever known.

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in this place a golden april memory

playing as children

of deep violet night emma

when she's colored by the sun »»»»»» so woven

april sunset true zweisamkeit

singing like soft burning light

orchid sounds on a warm april night

your hands feel like dreaming

like floating

and i want to kiss you, hold you

and take you everywhere