Euphoric Blues (page 181-185)

okay... this scene is pretty personal for me. I was once at a point in my life where I asked myself this question: "Would death be better than what I’m feeling right now?"

that question lingered in my mind for almost a year, you might be thinking, "Why?"

In my experience, you don’t get instantly depressed, it builds up slowly over months or even years. I don’t know exactly how to explain it, but first, I felt isolated. I lost many of my old friends, I used to connect with them every day, then once a week, then once a month, then a year passed… and then nothing. I had nobody

After the isolation came the feeling of worthlessness, I kept asking myself, "What am I even doing with my life?" I felt like I had no future. I dropped out of college, and that only made it worse. I kept comparing myself to people my age, my cousins, my siblings, my old friends. I kept asking, "does my family even care about me?" or "maybe I should just die."

and although my family does love me, when you're in that state, you don’t think about love. What you feel is this terrible, heavy bitterness

but eventually, I started actively looking for signs that someone cared. And I found them. I felt it from my family, My cousins texted me every day
But when i felt depressed, I didn’t care. I hung out with them, socialized, smiled, but deep down, I took it all for granted. my family had no idea what I was going through

So yes, I am lucky. I’m lucky to have a family that cares about me, I’m lucky to have cousins who text me every day

If you have loved ones, text them, even a simple "what’s up?" can help more than you realize.
And if you ever feel like you’re in a dark place, talk to someone, your family, your significant other, your friends, or a therapist. Don't do what i did, Depression is hard to fight when you're alone