HeartTheft - Entire Manuscript up to Epilogue Pt.1
Added 2024-04-12 08:29:03 +0000 UTCSo, here it is. I'm super tired and I STILL haven't finished editing Pt. 2 of the epilogue, despite trying to tonight. Figured I'd post this before I fell asleep at my laptop again. Would be maybe the fourth time this week.
I am in editing hell, going over and over and over everything, fine-tuning this beast. Here are the major changes so far. SPOILERS AHEAD -
Chapters 23-24 have massive additions made, including extra scenes, additional dialogue, and alterations to the existing action and dialogue. Earlier chapters have several similar re-worked sections, to aid in developing the events of the following chapters in a way that will hopefully feel less jarring to the readers, and provide more clarity on the characters' thoughts/decisions. I don't know if it's going to be an effective balm, but hopes are high.
Malachi's final line in the story has been changed slightly. I feel it still reflects the original concept while fitting the new additions better.
Isi corrects Nick’s slurring and lazy words more often, in keeping with earlier in the text
Various grammatical errors fixed, repetition of word choices, etc. Have yet to apply every fix from the editor, so don't be surprised if you catch something I missed. It's getting another pass.
Dolus pre-dates Helstrom’s appointment at Ebon Gables, this fact is referenced later as it was meant to be originally
SPOILER - Addition of the murdered Housekeeper into the story. This was mentioned in the original draft and meant to addressed later in the final manuscript, but never was. Facts surrounding this are discussed in Pt. 2 of the Epilogue, as well as being mentioned in the Lodge scenes. This is a key facet of Darcy's Confession at the end of the story, necessary for them to course-correct, I.E. even if they feel are in the right, they are still endangering themselves and their actions may have unintended consequences.
Isi now swears in fake Latin more often
SPOILER - Isidor now gives Malachi the purple scarf Mabel knitted for him at his funeral
Malachi was once under Bahdren, a type of shunning just above excommunication. This is now mentioned again, because Isidor also ends up working with mercenaries
Notes for Editors / Sensitivity Readers/ Beta Readers
- I’m already prone to melodrama, but since this is my tenth book I really let my freak flag fly on this one. Isidor is a huge drama queen, and obviously a lot of that is intentional- one of his core struggles is being unable to feel things halfway- but if it tips over the line into cringe territory for you as a reader, let me know where and when and I’ll see what I can do.
- I’ve done an in-depth pass on plot threads to tie up points I made earlier with payoffs later in the story, but I planned and wrote this book over the course of several years and I usually write my novels in less than six months, so I’m worried I forgot to touch back on subjects, scenes and mentions that were meant to connect with something later. Keep an eye out for me
- PRONOUNS – Darcy’s pronouns shift back and forth over the course of the story depending on who is talking about them and at what point. This is intentional, despite the character being NB, the world/characters have their own opinions on who they are. If however I’ve med something up within a scene and you aren’t sure it was intentional, please bring it up
- Ambiguous sex scene – just how it sounds. If you feel this scene leaned one way or the other on what genitalia the character has, tell me why so I can further muddy the waters. Darcy is a choose-your-own-adventure, I don’t want clarity
Dolus's sadism is not well-understood by the characters. Borders on if not crosses into a sexual fixation. This is an era where this sort of thing is not well-understood, thus the characters being baffled by it. Had to remember not to write from the perspective of someone who watches too much true crime.
Germain Helstrom is Ace, if that wasn't clear. Seriously, let me know if it's clear. Again, the main discussion for this is in pt. 2 of the Epilogue, so maybe give it til then. Does it bother you that an Ace person chose to become a celibate priest? It felt like a natural choice to me in an ancient era, esp. for a religious person.
Isidor's internalized desire to be dominated and punished for his transgressions becomes entangled with his budding sexuality, as they are manifesting at the same time. BDSM people- how did this feel to you? I'm a submissive but I can't say I'm this hardcore. I hope I did alright.
THERE IS A CONTINUATION TO THIS STORY IN ANOTHER BOOK. I didn't make this clear enough earlier, and I think it confused and worried people. I am taking a break from this story while I focus on the main Red Lantern novels, but when I return to writing this, it will pick up from Darcy's perspective.
Comments
Okay, thank you for the points above about needing more info on the Crown (Kyell mentioned this too in his own pass, I often assume people already know too much about my lore, and I need to lay things out more in my standalone novels) as well as the rest of your comments. BUT. Without sounding in any way adversarial, (please don't take it that way) I NEED to push back on the idea that colonizing empires did not push for conversion or forcing out what they saw as heretical religions, up to and including cultural genocide to accomplish this goal. That assertion ignores an enormous swath of history, including modern-day Missionary work, predatory conversion using resources as a paywall to essentially force beliefs on people, and as aforementioned... genocide. The notion that this was somehow uncommon or indeed, is uncommon today, is one I really feel the need to argue against. For US citizens, there was the long history of coerced conversion of chattel slaves, and the upholding of slavery through justifications made by clergy quoting Leviticus, I believe. Most of our southern neighbors in Mexico and South America suffered horrific invasions that were frequently religiously-motivated, and there was little concern there for whether the region became depopulated. The fact that there are many examples across the globe of Christianity working its way into and often eclipsing previous religious practices of the regions that were colonized is proof of how effective and how motivated these conversion/missionary efforts were. Christian-Vodou is a hybrid of Haitian Vodou and Catholic Christianity, the two have been merging together in a way since around the 18th century, when a majority of Haiti was part of the Atlantic slave trade. Missionaries up to TODAY in many areas of the country have introduced pernicious homophobia, sexual shame, and a bevy of other destructive beliefs that did not exist in the areas they targeted beforehand, or at least not to the degree they are now. This stuff still happens, it's motivated by power, colonization and the need to control people, and YES, it does take hold even in communities the doctrine declares as lesser people (you need only look to a good ol' home-grown one for that, namely Mormon Missionaries, who have been burying their racist doctrine for decades now). The rats in this book are meant to foreshadow one of two possible outcomes- something more hopeful, a group of people adopting the doctrine in their own way and hopefully making something better and more inclusive out of it in the future, or... the darker outcome, that they have been converted into a power structure that devalues their own people, and will dis-empower their own generations to come. Both happen in real history, unfortunately. And I think it's important to talk about it.
Rukis
2024-05-05 22:51:51 +0000 UTCThis time around, Isi appears to be more willing to admit that he badly hurt Malachi. His thoughts of sadness and wondering what might have been strike some of the strongest emotional chords in the story, especially his final goodbye. -I did not pick up on Father Helstrom being ace, because honestly it seems like he is the kind of person who would take his oath of celibacy very seriously no matter his orientation. It does, however, make sense that historically many ace people would have gravitated towards the church as one place where being ace/celibate would be not only acceptable, but in many cases actively praised and affirmed. -It occurs to me after reading this that we know almost nothing about the Crown — not even the name of the King of Amuresca, let alone anything about the royals or their court. I realize that the focus of this story and the others set in Amuresca is on the Church for a reason, but it seems odd that nobody would drop even a passing reference to how, for example, this new king is less deferential to the Church than his father was, which is why it’s so important that Malachi get all the blame for killing Cillian. -Likewise, I didn’t really think about it before now, but we dont really see yet who specifically is in charge of the Church. Is there a Dog Pope? A -Speaking of Cillian, if I didn’t already know it was a foregone conclusion, I would totally be shipping an Isidor/Darcy/Cillian throuple. -The rats working in the Church confused me a bit — I always thought that the Amur religion didn’t generally encourage or even probably allow non-canines to convert. There’s a reference or two in Heretic to foxes explicitly not falling under nearly as much Church scrutiny as canines, and most of the Church members we see don’t talk or act like converting other species is even a tertiary priority. And in practice, most empires that actually lasted realized very early in the game that they couldn’t push too hard on converting people religiously — even Christian and Muslim rulers who theoretically had a duty to spread the faith usually understood this was a bad idea. The Mughals basically ordered their religious scholars to come up with something, anything that would show that they were not required to forcibly convert Hindus en masse. because the Mughals were smart enough to understand that actually following that mandate would end with them either dead or rulers of a depopulated, impoverished parking lot of a kingdom. There are few better ways to rile people up than trying to forcibly change their religion. -Brooke appearing as an adult completely surprised me. I had assumed that this story was coterminous with or even took place prior to most of your others, but it clearly is set a good deal afterwards. —I didn’t pick up on Dolus being a sadist in the sexual connotation of the term. Definitely in terms of the personality trait, sure. All in all, you did a fantastic job with this!
ZBMarten
2024-04-15 14:55:05 +0000 UTCReading this from beginning to (nearly the) end has really cemented for me what a great story this is. I could hardly put it down. (These may already be in the editor's notes you mentioned, but I noticed two small things: 'Ringing myself out' should probably be 'Wringing myself out' in chapter 8, and 'Almost by route' should probably be 'Almost by rote' in chapter 11). (Edit: Also, in '“Well, that’s the one true tale,” I said finitely' might something like 'definitively' fit better? Finitely seems a bit mathematical here.)
Sethvir
2024-04-14 11:44:39 +0000 UTCWhat a beautiful epilogue. So happy to see that Brook has become an absolute bad-ass. Wonder what has become of Klaus' character. Can't wait to read about this old and wise Johannes although I'm now quite worried about the fates of Luther and Delilah. I feel like I've known those characters for years; ever since you started their stories all those years ago. Fantastic work. I'm captured as always.
ArcticSpirit
2024-04-13 09:07:09 +0000 UTCI know what ypu mean. Characters that we have come to love and get entwined in their lives - its difficult to let them go without wondering how they are in their future.
Marcwolf
2024-04-13 05:52:33 +0000 UTCThank you so much for this.. Settling back to read this :)
Marcwolf
2024-04-13 05:50:42 +0000 UTCCan hardly wait for the final scene! I'm loving this book and don't want it to end!!!
Trejaan Cavelion
2024-04-13 00:08:38 +0000 UTCI'm not going to spoil it in the comments, but some connections to your other works made me do the Leo DiCaprio finger point
KiskaBeaust
2024-04-12 21:35:42 +0000 UTCI'm looking forward to giving this a good re-read all the way through with these updates. Thanks for the changelog and all your hard work; it really has shined on how you've grown as a writer over the years.
Glassan
2024-04-12 10:32:53 +0000 UTC
