I quit

Sorry for the rant, but here is my recent thought about my artist life.

>Trigger: Am I needed?

Recently I have been finding lots of AI-generated gay erotic images on different platforms, some are making money (a lot) on Patreon using the mages. Adobe is now supporting AI generative tools, and stealing artists' works. Gumroad banned selling NSFW creations on their platform (somehow my gumroad page is still up and sooooometimes customers buy my digital products, but you know). I started doubting my need as an erotic gay artist. I need to consider my worth to the art community and think about what I can give to the audience.

I am not a fast drawer like others. My pieces are not beautiful and colorful like AI-generated images. I face the invisible wall called colorblindness. I cannot come up with naughty stories like other doujin manga-kas. There are more if I start listing what I'm lacking.

I cannot give much, I feel. Because I feel exhausted from the AI news, and seeing people doesn't care much about art nowadays. If the image is pretty, they get attracted to them and give money to them. If they can attract people with images at a low cost and fast, they use AI, sadly.

>Lack of motivation

"Money is not important," people say, but I need to pay my bills like everybody else. I am very grateful for people who have been supportive on this platform, and I feel the love you guys gave me in the past ♥️ But I need to stop creating here simply it's not bringing me enough money to survive. While stressing about it, I find another AI-generated gay porn Patreon page with lots of supporters...

>Do I enjoy drawing?

Honestly, no. I think it's because the drawing for me now is just a tool to make money. I can tell my recent illustrations are somewhat hollow and don't feel the energy from them. I think lots of the supporters and Twitter followers are getting the same feeling. When I organized my old Patreon rewards files, these reminded me having fun drawing them. (and I was making more money on Patreon back then)

>Patreon is not a good platform for me anymore.

Then imagine I keep getting notifications on Patreon "This person canceled their subscription" from time to time, reminding me that I'm not good enough even though I know supporters have the right to do so. Patreon is now forcing me to change how I work, and they chose money over the creator's freedom. In the future, Patreon even ban NSFW content creators like Gumroad did. Who knows? but I am not getting any positive feelings about this platform.

Soooo, yeah.

I am currently looking for a job, most likely a non-art-related job. And step back from Patreon. I might draw something small, but I am not going to think about making money when I do so. And hopefully, I come back with more enthusiasm for drawing in the future.

Thank you again for sticking with me on this art journey! I will post something small on Twitter and Instagram sometime, so you can tell that I'm not dead XD