♦ Insomnia ♦ Short Comic ♦

Dudes I haven't done a comic thing in actual years haha, this was such a fun little project! I love these sad old dads so much it's actually unreal

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Everyone reacts different to trauma, and there really isn't an exclusive list of things that can traumatize individuals, as there is no list to which individuals can find which situations comforting. One of the most interesting things about getting out on the other side of a hard time in life is how strange nostalgia can feel.

Specifically when talking about losing parts of your childhood to mental illness and living in constant fight or flight for decades can make the years when the person begins to heal feel... almost empty. Safety doesn't feel safe after a while, and it can become almost a void a person can't define in any means they have grown up recognizing. There are no patterns, no danger to survive or overcome, and the silence of it all can become an enemy all in itself. Once fear has defined you for your entire life, those first steps towards healing can feel like trying to meet your own inner self and who you are outside your survival instincts.

It's the nostalgia for the moments locked in time you'd never wish to live through again that I find extremely fascinating. That one hit of autumn breeze and the sound of the trees, the distant sounds of the city, all the times you can so vividly remember existing and appreciating the night and all of its beauty because it was the only time you've felt free and safe... the nostalgia of it can feel so much stronger than trying to get used to the normalcy of every day life because it was so rare. It felt special. It was the only thing keeping you ticking for another day.

I feel like this is why it's so important to remember recovery isn't linear. Trauma isn't linear. Nothing in life is. And so often those brief moments of nostalgia for those rare, fleeting times of serenity can make us feel as if we must have imagined the hell of daily life, especially when brains are so notorious for blocking out traumatic times to preserve themselves. But it isn't true.

There's nothing black and white about recovery, or life itself, and I feel like mental illnesses can often try to make us feel as if there aren't nuances to these things as a last attempt to garner any sense of control we might otherwise lack. It's what kept Rick up at night many times because he truly, truly struggled accepting he wished that small boy that lived through a horrific childhood could have felt that peace he felt at night more than he did, yet he felt too guilty for missing the feeling when he was "supposed to" despise everything about his past.