Curse These Old Bones - Chapter 44

Chapter 44

Konoha

Two months after the Academy Graduation 

The Hokage’s office had shed its ceremonial weight. The clutter of scrolls, trinkets, and relics was gone, replaced by clean surfaces and walls adorned with a whiteboard scribbled with equations, half-erased diagrams, and ideas that felt alive even in their incompleteness. Hiruzen’s blood clone, a mirror to the original body that now roamed Konoha as Sura, bore the weight of leadership with practiced ease. The constant feedback loop between the two bodies made it hard to tell where one ended and the other began. A steaming cup of tea sat untouched on the desk as he scanned the stack of mission scrolls before him, his mind elsewhere.

Tradition held that the Hokage would personally assign the first D-rank and C-rank missions to the rare Combat Teams, those few genin squads with the potential to shape the future of Konoha. Only five or six percent of graduates joined these teams, and their training had been overhauled under Hiruzen’s direct influence. Gone were the months of meaningless chores; in their place was rigorous instruction, joint exercises with the corps, and specialized lessons. Team 7, Team 9, and Team 10 had undergone two months of relentless preparation, emerging ready—or so their jonin sensei claimed—for something greater. But Hiruzen had long since ceased trusting tradition or simple declarations of readiness. Well — he did trust his jonins. But…

“Receiving them personally for their first C-rank, huh?” he mused, the words playing silently in his mind. “Or maybe traditions were made to be broken.” A mischievous smile tugged at his lips, brimming with a defiance that didn’t belong to a man his age—but then again, he wasn’t exactly a typical old man anymore. 

He moved to the open window. Then, in a swirl of robes, he leapt. The wind caught his mantle as he descended, landing with effortless precision that drew a curse form the Anbu charged with his 'protection'. His grin widened as he straightened, eyes glinting with playful authority. “Time to remind everyone,” he thought, “that this old man still knows how to keep things interesting.”

Running to keep up behind him, Tiger cursed the old man in his head. Normal was good. Normal was great, even—but for the past month, the old man had been treating "normal" like it was a mortal enemy that needed to be ambushed, set on fire, and thrown off a cliff. Or worse — trained by Kakashi and Gaï. At the same time. Nobody in the village would dare to think of the Hokage as someone who could not keep things interesting. So which asshole had cursed them by making the Hokage think he was seen as routine and predictable? 

— — — 

“You’re late, Asuma-sensei,” Ino called out, arms crossed and foot tapping against the ground. Her voice carried just the right balance of sass and exasperation to remind him who the boss of this team truly thought they were.

Asuma scratched the back of his head, lazily holding his cigarette between his lips. “Yeah, yeah,” he muttered, the smoke curling upward as he surveyed his team. They had changed in the last two months. Ino had filled out with muscle, her once-lithe frame now carrying the sharp edges of a kunoichi in training. Choji, to Asuma’s eternal surprise, had trimmed down, shedding fat for a bulk of raw strength that his clan’s techniques demanded. Even Shikamaru—still slouched, still bored—carried himself with the quiet confidence of someone who could probably outthink half the village if he cared enough to try. And fight. Maybe. 

“Huh, you’re here too, Asuma?”

He turned at the voice and froze. Kurenai stood at the edge of the clearing, her arms folded lightly, red eyes catching his with a look that felt both knowing and amused. Time seemed to drag for just a moment as he took her in. Kurenai had always been stunning, but today, something about her presence hit harder than usual. Her crimson eyes shimmered with that impossible combination of warmth and command that made him feel both grounded and utterly out of his depth. Her jonin vest didn’t even try to hide the full curves of her chest, each breath she took testing the limits of the fabric. Her waist dipped into hips that could’ve distracted a monk mid-meditation, and her long legs, toned and sleek, looked like they could kick a man’s teeth out—or make him wish they would. She shifted her weight slightly, the motion drawing his attention back up, and for just a second, he caught the faintest flicker of a smirk on her lips. Damn her.

“You staring, or you good?” she asked, her voice light but teasing.

Asuma coughed, exhaling smoke like it might cover his embarrassment. “Nah, just… taking in the view,” he replied, leaning into his usual easy charm.

Ino’s sharp voice cut through his brief reverie. “Kiba, quit running your mouth! You’re not stronger than us just because you’ve been throwing sticks for two months!”

Kiba barked a laugh, his grin wide and cocky. “Oh, come on, Ino. You seriously think you could take me now? Akamaru and I have been training harder than your whole team combined!” The white dog at his feet barked in agreement, wagging his tail as if to punctuate the claim.

“Keep dreaming, dog-boy,” Ino snapped, stepping closer, her hands on her hips. “You wouldn’t last a second.”

“Yeah? Wanna test that?” Kiba shot back, his grin only growing wider.

Before the argument could escalate, a loud voice echoed across the training ground.

“Hey, Kiba! You think you’re strong? Ha! I could take your whole team with one hand behind my back, dattebayo!”

All heads turned as Naruto charged in, his orange jacket flapping behind him like a personal flag. Asuma glanced over, taking in the rest of Naruto’s team as they followed at a more measured pace. And… what the hell?

Naruto had grown. Not just metaphorically—he looked taller, leaner, like someone had yanked him out of childhood and thrown him headfirst into adolescence. Seven centimeters? Maybe more? What the hell had Nono been feeding the kid? Sakura, too, carried herself differently. She looked sharper, more focused, her body showing the results of rigorous training. And then there was the third one. Haku.

Asuma frowned slightly. He didn’t know much about them—him? Her?—but there was something unsettlingly graceful about the way they moved, their expression calm and composed. Definitely not a typical genin.

And then came her.

She descended like a storm. The mysterious and anonymous 'Sensei K'—but Asuma did not need to be a Nara to know she was the resurrected Kushina fucking Uzumaki, the Red Butcher, the Flesher of Iwa herself. Her red hair was tied high, swaying with each step, her sharp unnatural white-and-black eyes scanning the scene.

“Uh, you’re here too, kiddo?” Sensei K said, her voice sharp as she addressed him. Her grin was wolfish, like she was itching for a fight. “Convoked by the old man, huh?”

Kurenai stepped closer, resting her hands on her hips—a motion that did fascinating things to her chest, Asuma couldn’t help but notice. “Yeah,” she replied. 

“Yep,” Asuma answered, forcing his gaze upward with a mental groan at his own predictability. “Said he had our first C-rank for us.”

“WHAT? A C-RANK?” Naruto’s shout cut through the clearing like thunder, his face lighting up  like a Christmas Tree — or Gaï's face when he was told he would be able to force all the chunins to use his training regimen.

Before the commotion could escalate, a blur appeared in the middle of the field. Asuma barely caught the movement, but the Hokage—his father—was suddenly there, standing with the kind of ease that spoke of impossible speed. Half a second later, Tiger, the fearsome ANBU captain, landed heavily behind him, panting like a man who had just chased a hurricane. Tiger swore under his breath when he noticed the wide-eyed genins staring, then promptly melted into the ground with a genjutsu, leaving only a faint ripple where he’d vanished.

Asuma swallowed hard. His father had forgone his usual ceremonial Hokage robes, instead donning the standard Konoha jonin garb. But there was nothing standard about how he looked. The sleeves were rolled up, revealing forearms corded with muscle that belonged more to a veteran warrior than an elderly administrator. His shoulders filled out the uniform like he was ready to take on an entire battalion, and while his face still bore the lines of age, there was a sharpness—almost an mischievous energy, but his dad wasn't a pranker—that made Asuma uneasy.

Hiruzen grinned. Too many teeth showed. Asuma felt a chill. He wouldn’t… Would he?

Then, with a booming laugh, Hiruzen strode forward, greeting each jonin and genin in turn. His presence commanded instant respect; even the rowdiest genin straightened under his gaze. Asuma glanced at Kurenai. She stood tall but carried a tension in her shoulders. Newly promoted jonin often found the Hokage’s scrutiny a bit overwhelming, and even someone as composed as Kurenai wasn’t immune.

Before Hiruzen could say a word, however, two loud voices cut in simultaneously.

“Yo, Old Man, what’s up?” Kushina called, leaning back on one leg, her tone as brash as ever.

“Hey, Old Man, how you doin’?” Naruto chimed in, his voice an echo of his sensei's exuberance.

Asuma smirked despite himself. Truly both Uzumakis.

The Hokage threw back his head, laughter rumbling across the training ground like a thunderclap. “Good, thank you!” he said, mirth twinkling in his sharp eyes. “And you? How have you been?”

Recognizing the cue, Asuma straightened, lazily raising a hand in salute. “Jonin Sensei Asuma, reporting to the Hokage,” he said, keeping his tone casual but respectful. “Team progress: acceptable. All three are sitting between middle and high-genin levels. Ready for a C-rank mission. Oh, and Ino’s been showing proficiency in medical ninjutsu. Good choice of specialization.”

At that, Ino stuck her tongue out at Kiba, who scoffed. “What’s so great about that? It’s not like you’re fighting anyone!” he shot back, earning an exasperated sigh from Kurenai.

When it was her turn, Kurenai stepped forward, hands clasped neatly in front of her. Her voice was even, professional, but with a hint of warmth that reflected her deep care for her students. “Jonin Sensei Kurenai Yuhi, reporting. My team has made significant progress. I recommend them for C-rank missions as well. Their coordination is solid, and they’ve improved their individual strengths considerably.”

Hiruzen nodded, clearly satisfied, and turned to Kushina.

Her report was… less polished.

“Sensei K here!” she announced with a grin, ruffling Naruto’s hair and throwing an arm around his shoulders. “So, my team’s kickass. Haku? Already high-chunin level in some areas when I got her—but now she’s balanced, knows teamwork, and honestly, she’s amazing. Naruto? The kid’s a tank. Could take out most genins in direct combat—don’t ask me how many he’s flattened.  And Sakura? Hospital says she’s a genius in medical ninjutsu. A total prodigy.”

Her team’s reactions were almost comical. Naruto puffed out his chest, grinning ear to ear. Sakura blushed, ducking her head but sneaking proud glances at her sensei. Even Haku—calm, composed, ice-cold Haku—blinked in surprise, her pale cheeks flushing faintly as she lowered her gaze.

Kushina beamed at her team, the pride in her eyes enough to make them all look a little taller. Asuma couldn’t help but smirk. Say what you will about the Red Devil, she’s got a way of bringing out the best in people. He had heard his father joking about something called the Therapy-No-Jutsu, once…But Asuma had not understood exactly what it meant. Only that it implied speaking and hitting someone at the same time. 

Probably an Uzumaki secrete Clan Technique. 

Naruto, of course, broke the moment. “C-rank mission!” he shouted. “I can’t wait, dattebayo!”

The Hokage smiled again. Too widely. Too amused. Asuma felt his stomach drop. That expression never meant anything good.

“No, I asked how all of you were doing,” Hiruzen said smoothly, his sharp eyes sweeping over the assembled group. “So, being a jonin sensei hasn’t made you slack on your training, has it? Asuma? Kurenai?”

Asuma gulped. His hand went instinctively to his cigarette, but it was gone—he’d dropped it somewhere in his earlier embarrassment. “I—uh…” He scrambled for a response, trying to keep his tone casual, but his father’s raised eyebrow made his words stick in his throat.

Kurenai stayed silent, her posture stiffening just slightly.

And then Hiruzen said exactly what Asuma had feared.

“Let’s see it, shall we?” The Hokage’s voice was deceptively light, but there was an edge of steel to it. “The twelve of you—yes, that includes you,” he added, nodding at the wide-eyed, frozen genin. “Let’s see what you’re made of.”

Before anyone could process the words, a staff materialized in the Hokage’s hands. It wasn’t Enma—thankfully—but a wooden one, light and fragile-looking. Not that it mattered. In Hiruzen’s hands, it might as well have been a guillotine.

“What?!” Ino’s voice cracked, echoing the rising panic of her teammates as she whipped her head toward Asuma. “We’re supposed to fight him? Like, actually fight our Lord Hokage ?!”

“Yup,” Hiruzen said with a smile that was entirely too calm for someone about to decimate twelve shinobi. “Good for team bonding. Well… assuming you can keep standing after the first shockwave.”

"Uh, which shockwa…"

A crack split the air as his staff slammed into the ground, unleashing a shockwave that rippled outward like a tsunami. The dirt erupted, and the force sent everyone sprawling. Naruto tumbled into Kiba, who barely kept Akamaru from being squashed, while Sakura threw herself into a roll to avoid being flattened. Even the jonin staggered, though Kushina, predictably, recovered first, her golden Adamantine Sealing Chains erupting from her back like snakes ready to strike.

And the old man moved.

Fuck. He was fast. 

The blur of motion was toward Kushina first. She barely dodged, her sharp reflexes just enough to save her from the first strike, but Hiruzen wasn’t aiming to hit. The staff changed course mid-air, pulled by a glinting ninja wire Asuma hadn’t even noticed. It looped around a tree in a perfect six-meter arc before hurtling straight toward Asuma’s head.

“Shit!” Asuma swore, ducking just in time to feel the rush of air as the staff missed him by a hair’s breadth. Or he would have if not for the genjutsu —the staff’s true trajectory was only ten centimeters lower. The wooden weapon struck him squarely in the ribs with a resounding thwack. He grunted, staggering backward, but before he could recover, the staff ricocheted off a nearby tree, ninja wire pulling it in a tight arc toward Kurenai.

Hiruzen chuckled, sidestepping one of K's chain that snapped toward his face. “Chains, already? Classic, Kushina. But predictable.”

“Predict this, you smug fossil!” she snarled, her grin wide as two more chains shot forward in a coordinated pincer. Hiruzen’s staff whipped upward, catching one chain and looping ninja wire around the other. With a sharp pull, he yanked both off course, sending one slamming into the dirt and the other slicing clean through a tree branch. Kushina growled but shifted her chains to cut off his escape routes.

It might have worked if Hiruzen hadn’t vanished in a puff of smoke.

The chains ensnared Kurenai instead.

“What the hell?!” Kurenai shouted, wrestling against the golden bindings that pinned her arms. She glared at Kushina — though she was more angry at the Hokage toying with them using only replacement technique. An E-rank jutsu. “Aim better!”

“You’re the one who got in the way!” Kushina shot back, just as the staff came spinning toward Asuma. Who dodged too low — again — as he accounted for only two genjutsu, this time. It was fourth-layered. 

Asuma ducked, Kurenai threw up a genjutsu in desperation—a burst of shadowy figures clawing toward the Hokage’s position. Hiruzen appeared to hesitate, giving her a split second to think she may have…—until the staff smashed into her shoulder, from behind, sending her to the ground, while Kiba started to scream as shadowy figures attacked him.

“Genjutsu’s about subtlety, Kurenai,” Hiruzen called, his voice tinged with condescension. “Overloading the field with cheap tricks just leaves you open. I thought you knew better.”

Asuma pushed himself upright, scowling. “What are you trying to prove, old man? That you’re still the boss? We get it!”

“Oh, I’m not proving anything.” Hiruzen’s tone was light as he twirled his staff again. “I’m just showing you what happens when you let your guard down. Like now.”

Asuma froze, his instincts screaming too late. The staff wasn’t aimed at him—it was aimed at Kushina — and…no, it was for Kurenai. Incredible use of wire. "Fuck-it — Wind Style : Great Breakthrough" — a blade of wind went out of his hands as he tried to get his weapons from his pouch. But in a blink, Hiruzen was gone again, replaced by none other than Kurenai, who barely dodged the blade of wind chakra. The staff, however, wasn’t done. The wire hooked around a tree — one who had been hidden, invisible under Hiruzen's genjutsu since the beginning of the fight, redirecting the weapon mid-air toward Asuma.

“Shit!” Asuma ducked, the staff narrowly missing his head as it whipped past, its momentum carrying it back toward Hiruzen.

“Still just ducking, huh, Asuma?” Hiruzen said, his voice tinged with mock disappointment. “I thought you’d try to be a little more impressive in front of your crush.”

Asuma froze. “What—”

“Crush?” Kurenai hissed, her eyes narrowing even as her face turned crimson. Before either could defend themselves, the staff ricocheted again, this time sweeping low to take out Kurenai’s legs. She hit the ground with an undignified grunt just as Asuma caught a sharp jab to his ribs, sending him sprawling into the dirt.

“Lesson one,” Hiruzen said lightly, twirling the staff in his hand. “Don’t let embarrassment distract you. Especially not in combat. Mmh…And you're jonins, you say?”

“Alright, that’s it!” Naruto’s shout cut through the tension as a horde of Shadow Clones materialized around him. Ah — seemed like the genins had recovered from the initial shockwave. “You’re going down, old man!” The clones rushed forward, their war cries echoing across the clearing.

The genin regrouped—or tried to. Naruto’s clones swarmed the battlefield in waves, Kiba and Akamaru spinning into Fang Over Fang to support the assault. Shikamaru’s shadow slithered through the chaos, narrowing in on the Hokage’s ankles, while Haku and Sakura coordinated from a distance, launching a barrage of ice needles and kunai.

Hiruzen tilted his head, watching the incoming attacks with what could only be described as fond amusement. The staff snapped outward, deflecting the kunai into Kiba’s path. The spinning vortex of Fang Over Fang veered wildly, crashing into Naruto’s clones and sending the orange army scattering like leaves. Ice needles shattered against the ninja wire as Hiruzen spun the staff again, twisting mid-motion to knock Shikamaru’s shadow out of alignment.

“Good teamwork,” Hiruzen said, stepping casually to the side as another wave of clones rushed him. “But you’re telegraphing your moves. Shikamaru, start your shadow before the chaos peaks. Haku, your aim’s good, but your timing—well—still needs work. You're just wasting chakra stop firing the needles you know cannot touch me, and conserve your chakra for the one that may have a chance.”

Naruto charged in again, kunai flashing, only for Hiruzen to grab him by the collar and fling him directly into Kiba. “And Naruto, stop shouting your plans mid-charge. It’s embarrassing.”

Kushina snarled, her chains lashing out in a final, desperate sweep. They encircled Hiruzen this time, tightening like a golden cage. She grinned, triumphant.

“Got you!”

“Do you?” The Hokage’s voice came from behind her, and her grin dropped.

The chains tightened around a log, which promptly exploded in a burst of smoke, throwing Kushina off balance. Hiruzen stepped back into the fray, his staff spinning in a wide arc that caught Hinata, Shino, and Haku in a single sweep. And they had been more than ten meters apart — how did he do that ? 

"Got him!", screamed Shikamaru — like he still did not believe it. 

Ino attempted her Mind Transfer Jutsu, but Hiruzen was replaced in a puff of Smoke by Choji, who was already reeling.

“Oh, come on!” Ino’s voice groaned from Choji’s body as the larger boy toppled sideways.