ch37

[Chapter 37 - Villain and Logic]

"Wait a minute! Objection!"

I shouted loudly. The mice suddenly flinched.

"This body has realized an important fact!"

I walked confidently to the center of the room. I crossed my arms and looked down at the mice.

Squeak-?

Darkness's eyes darted nervously from side to side. White King seemed to be subtly trying to back away.

That's right, you must be anxious! This body has seen through your lies.

"There is a crucial contradiction in the claims of these little traitors!"

My voice was filled with cynicism. I walked slowly around the table like a prosecutor in a courtroom drama.

"A cockroach defense? Then answer me this."

My voice grew louder.

"Are you saying there were cockroaches in Crown Villa, which Evelyn manages?"

I walked to the window frame and ran my finger across the surface. Of course, there wasn't a speck of dust.

"Not a speck of dust…"

I lifted the sofa and checked the bottom. It was perfectly clean.

"Not a single cobweb…"

I raised my voice even higher.

"Let alone pests like cockroaches!"

The two mice's faces grew paler and paler. Darkness gave White King a look that said, 'What do we do?'

"Do you not know Evelyn's pride as a maid? To say there are cockroaches in a space she manages is an insult to her abilities."

I then picked up one of the pieces of evidence on the table.

My precious Black Forest Chocolate Cake… My heart ached at its miserable, half-eaten state.

"Look at this Black Forest Chocolate Cake! The bite marks… are only on the cake! If you tasted it to get rid of cockroaches, the cockroaches would mainly approach the edge of the cake. How do you explain only eating the especially delicious chocolate topping? Do you take this body for a fool?"

Squeak…

White King's shoulders slumped. Darkness's whiskers also drooped pathetically.

"And look at this! What about the state of the pudding? Why is only the sweetest caramel part gone? Were the cockroaches gourmets?"

"A definitely suspicious pattern, Master."

I delivered the final blow.

"Above all… it makes absolutely no sense that the cockroaches only targeted the snacks and didn't touch Evelyn's ingredients! All the evidence points to your theft!"

This body's logic was perfect. Perfectly deduced with the mind of a genius villain!

Squeak, squeak!!!

The mice trembled in shock and embarrassment. As expected, this is how criminals look when they are defeated by the truth!

"And where did you get this so-called 'cockroach leg'?"

I shook the evidence bag.

"Did you pick it up outside? No, this is… like a plastic model? Isn't this a toy cockroach part?"

Darkness took off her glasses and began wiping away cold sweat. White King had completely retreated and now looked like he was searching for an escape route.

"Evidence tampering? Daring to make a mockery of a villain's court! This is something that can be charged as an additional offense!"

A victorious smile spread across my face. I handed the evidence bag to Evelyn.

"Maid Judge, please examine this evidence yourself!"

Evelyn took the bag and carefully examined the contents. She nodded calmly.

"Master's claim is valid. This 'evidence' does not appear to be a real cockroach."

The mice were completely defeated. They made gestures as if passing the blame to each other.

Squeak!

Squeak-squeak-

Darkness nudged White King in the side, and White King pushed Darkness away with his foot.

"Behold! The truth is always on this body's side! Refutation complete! Kakat!"

Squeak, squeak…

The mice made desperate noises. They were completely defeated, with no room for excuses.

"Defendants, will you admit to the charges? Evidence tampering will be added as a separate charge."

Squeak… Squeak…

Darkness took out a small handkerchief and wiped away tears. White King also hung his head low.

A confident laugh came out naturally. To solve a case so clearly, this is what the wisdom of a great villain is like!

"Kakat! You must be afraid of what punishment awaits you! No lies can stand before this body's genius reasoning!"

But at that moment, the expressions of the cornered mice changed drastically.

Darkness and White King exchanged a brief glance.

'Huh? What's with that attitude? It doesn't look like they're surrendering?'

Squeak, squeak…

White King suddenly stepped forward.

His confident gesture was puzzling. Something was suspicious. This body's villain sensor detected danger.

'What is it? Are those mice plotting something again?'

Darkness silently took out a new file from a small briefcase she had taken out from somewhere and handed it to White King.

"What ridiculous excuse are you going to make now!"

White King suddenly began to squeak in a small voice.

The tone and rhythm of his voice were as precise and logical as a courtroom lawyer. He even had charisma.

Squeak, squeak, squeak… Squeak-squeak… Squeak!

"The defendant claims that the snacks in question fall under the category of 'abandoned items'."

"What?!"

I immediately stood up and protested.

"Abandoned items?! What kind of absurd sophistry is this! This is blatant fabrication!! My snacks are abandoned? There can't be a more ridiculous claim in the world!"

How can something in the refrigerator be an abandoned item? This was truly ridiculous.

"They claim that what they ate was a snack that had not been touched for more than three months at the very back of the refrigerator, so it can be seen as 'forfeited property'."

"That's sophistry! This body's property is this body's forever! Even if 1000 years pass, it's the same!"

I was so dumbfounded that I couldn't speak properly. My precious snacks are 'abandoned items'? What an absurd idea!

Darkness carefully came forward and began to organize the evidence, arranging it on the table.

There was even a model that accurately reproduced the structure of the refrigerator. Where did these guys get these things?

The first was an enlarged photo of the expiration date stickers attached to the snacks.

The second was a diagram of the refrigerator's internal compartments and a mapping of the snack locations.

The third was a record of the last contact date for each snack.

White King pointed to each piece of evidence with a laser pointer and explained.

Squeak, squeak, squeak…!

Evelyn translated.

"The defendant points out that the snacks in the lower rear compartment of the refrigerator have not been touched for an average of 124 days."

"124 days? Has it been that long already?"

When I thought about it for a moment, it could be true. It was because I had bought a bunch of snacks on sale a few months ago…

"Ah, no! What does that matter? The villain's snack consumption cycle is not something you can judge!"

White King took out another chart and showed it. Statistics on the amount of snacks purchased and the actual amount consumed were organized into a graph. The graph showed that a considerable amount of the snacks I bought were being thrown away without being eaten.

"That, that graph is fabricated!!"

Evelyn shook her head.

"The numerical calculations and probability models are quite sophisticated. At least the graph itself seems academically valid."

"Academically?! Do you think a mere mouse can do such calculations?"

Darkness suddenly raised her glasses, reflecting the light. There was a strange charisma about her.

"Um… there's a laptop…?"

There really was a small, mouse-sized laptop computer. She quickly tapped on the keyboard and generated a new graph.

"Is… is this even possible?"

No, I can't be swayed so easily! Above all, the fact that they stole and ate the snacks is still true! Whether there's a valid reason or not!

"Then, then you should have reported it! Daring to touch this body's snacks without permission! Everyone knows that all the desserts in the world belong to Grimoire!"

Before I knew it, an exaggerated tone came out.

"Besides, there are actually many items that are more than 6 months past their expiration date."

I somehow felt a different tone than usual in Evelyn's voice. It was as if she was implying that it would be good to fix my lifestyle on this occasion.

"E, Evelyn! You have to take my side! You're this body's maid!"

Evelyn replied expressionlessly.

"I am now the Judge Maid. Master, you appointed me yourself."

No way… My words are backfiring on me!

I quickly regained my composure and began to counterattack.

"Expiration dates are just recommendations! A real villain doesn't care about such things!"

I stood up and struck the most villainous pose. The gray light shone subtly from my horns.

"Chaos and disorder are the very essence of a villain! Ignoring set deadlines is the true evil! Kakat!"

White King whispered something to Darkness. The two mice seemed to be plotting something.

After a while, White King approached Evelyn and gestured to ask a question.

"The defendant would like to ask Master a question."

"What, fine. Ask away. Your downfall is already set in stone anyway."

White King politely squeaked and asked.

"What kind of snacks does Master usually prefer?"

It was a simple question. I proudly puffed out my small chest and answered.

"The most luxurious snacks, of course! This body is a villain who will conquer the world, so I don't eat ordinary snacks! Only the best snacks are worthy of entering this body's stomach!"

White King asked the next question with a slightly smiling expression.

"What are the conditions for a 'luxury snack' in Master's opinion?"

I proudly began to explain.

"Freshness, taste, and rarity! The best chocolate is from Belgium, the cakes are made by French patissiers, and the pudding is Evelyn's special! Especially since non-fresh snacks are not suitable for this body's dignity!"

White King exchanged a meaningful look with Darkness. I had an ominous feeling.

"Last question. Can a snack that has passed its expiration date be considered 'luxury'?"

I answered immediately.

"Of course not! A snack that has passed its expiration date is not luxury but tras… huh?"

I stopped talking.

Wait, it's a trap! This body has fallen into a trap!! To be tricked by mice!

Squeak, squeak, squeak─!!

White King made a gesture of victory and squeaked. His little mustache trembled confidently.

"The defendant states that, as Master just said, a snack that has passed its expiration date is judged to be 'not luxury'. Therefore, it is no longer Master's property but trash, that is, it is considered to have already been abandoned."

"That's… that depends on the situation! There may be a shortage of food during world domination! I kept it as emergency rations!"

Squeak!

"The defendant points out that when reviewing the world domination plan, the emergency ration list in preparation for food shortages only included canned food and dried food, and did not include refrigerated desserts with short expiration dates."

I was gradually being pushed back logically. I took a step back and barely managed to maintain my balance.

Squeak-!

"The defendants analyzed Master's snack consumption patterns and determined that Master always consumes snacks that they truly like within 3 days, and that snacks left unattended for longer than that are actually of no interest."

Darkness stepped forward with a serious expression.

Squeak… Squeak…!

"The defendant states that they believed that disposing of expired and spoiled snacks for Master's health was the duty of a loyal subordinate."

No, are these mice claiming to be doing this for me now?

Moreover, I could feel a slightly sympathetic nuance in Evelyn's voice! What's with that 'just in time' look??

"Master's impulse purchases of snacks have been getting worse recently. If we improve your eating habits on this occasion…."

The two mice clapped their front paws wildly. The squeaking sounded like a fanfare of victory.

'This, everyone was in on it!'

"Wait a minute! This is just a case of mice stealing my snacks! Don't deviate from the subject of the trial!"

White King presented his final logic as if he had foreseen victory.

Squeak, squeak, squeak… Squeak! Squeak, squeak!

"The defendant states that they approached it from the perspective of 'resource recycling'."

The mice held up a small poster emphasizing environmental protection that they had obtained from somewhere. It read, 'Wasted food hurts our planet'.

"The claim is that by consuming food that would be thrown away, they reduced environmental pollution and helped manage Master's refrigerator. They also add that they contributed to securing the refrigerator space needed when Master conquers the world."

These mice had truly cornered me.

"Hmm… world domination and environmental pollution…"

Come to think of it, even villains needed a planet to live on. If the world I was going to rule was covered in trash, that wouldn't be a true victory…

No, no! I'm wavering again!

"But why would mice be worried about environmental pollution? Isn't that putting the cart before the horse?"

Darkness suddenly adjusted his posture, putting on a small tweed jacket and pushing up his glasses.

Squeak, squeak.

"The defendant claims to be the 'Crown Villa Environmental Protector' and has already helped with separating the trash in the villa for a month. He is fulfilling his calling as an Eco-Rat."

"Eco-Rat? I've never even heard of that…! Suddenly making up such a ridiculous job! Evelyn, do you really believe what the mice are saying?!"

Evelyn paused for a moment before answering calmly.

"Actually, the amount of separated waste and food waste being discharged has drastically decreased recently."

Darkness held up a small bar graph. It contained a statistical summary of the amount of food waste I had stored in the refrigerator and thrown away. The graph clearly showed that the amount of waste had decreased by 68% since last month.

"Eek…!"

How did these mice prepare such thorough evidence? They even know my lifestyle inside and out! Their intelligence is outstanding!

Finally, White King bowed deeply with Darkness and spoke. His polite attitude was nothing like that of a snack thief.

Squeak… squeak… squeak!

"The defendants say, 'We sincerely apologize if our actions have disappointed Master. However, we hope you understand that this all stems from a loyal heart for Master's refrigerator management and health.'"

Suddenly, the mice' expressions looked so serious and sad. Like misunderstood, loyal subordinates…

"Th-this is…"

I was confused. Their logic made sense. I actually often bought snacks and forgot about them. Some of them might really be way past their expiration date… Villains don't care about such trivial things…

Evelyn raised the pork cutlet hammer.

"I have heard the arguments from both sides. Now, I will deliver the verdict."

No, this can't be happening! Am I being pushed around by mice?

With logic, no less! That's the field I'm most confident in! I'm a brainy, genius villain!

"Th-this shouldn't be happening…"

This was definitely not a good sign. I bit my lip and anxiously looked around.

I'm about to lose control of my refrigerator before I even conquer the world!

'If I lose the trial… a precedent might be set where I have to share all my snacks with the mice from now on! The foundation of the Grimoire Empire could be shaken!'

A terrible future unfolded before my eyes.

Every time I open the refrigerator, the mice assert their rights and demand my snacks.

No, furthermore, they might even come into my room and use my things!

'It won't end with snacks. If I allow snacks today, tomorrow they'll demand the game console, and the day after, my villain collection. Eventually, they'll even covet my throne!'

My fingers trembled at that terrible thought. I could see White King wearing my crown and Darkness wearing my cloak, laughing, "Squeak!"

'And eventually… control of Crown Villa will be handed over… changing the villa's name to 'Rat Kingdom,' and Room 301 will become 'Rat Villa'!'

Squeak!

Darkness and White King confidently high-fived each other.

The sound of their little paws meeting was particularly loud. Their appearance, as if they were sure of victory, made me feel betrayed.

Anxiously fiddling with my horns, I pondered a new strategy. I had to somehow reverse this situation.

"Kakat, kakat…"

My laughter trembled. I initiated this trial, but somehow I was being swayed by the mice.

With a desperate expression, I covered my head. I didn't want to admit it, but the mice' logic was perfect.

'Grimoire! You're a genius villain! There must be a way to win! Think! The most villainous way!!'

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