ch36

[Chapter 36 - The Villain and the Court]

"This… this is blatant treason!!!"

My whole body trembled with rage. I felt even my horns getting hot.

The situation: all the desserts safely stored in the refrigerator had been attacked by mice.

The mice I trusted and accepted as subordinates had betrayed me!

"Is this all the reward for loyalty? You traitors! How dare you sink your teeth into the energy source of a villain! Stealing the food of a great villain is a crime as grave as coveting the throne!"

Squeak-

Darkness and White King hugged each other and began to tremble.

The sight of the black mouse and the white mouse shivering in each other's arms… was, to be honest, a little cute. Thanks to that, my anger subsided slightly. Just slightly, of course!

But then, White King's tongue slipped out slightly and licked the chocolate around its mouth.

Ugh…! I really can't stand it anymore!!

"Is it good? It must be good! Because it's my top-quality snack! How dare you brazenly destroy the evidence in front of me? Prepare yourselves! You will taste the wrath of the great Grimoire today!"

My voice echoed throughout the kitchen.

The two mice shrank back even further and began to talk to each other.

Darkness subtly shook its head at White King, and White King pointed at Darkness with its front paw.

Squeak?

Squeak-!

Excuses like 'You told me to steal it' and accusations like 'You got caught because you took another bite' flew back and forth.

"Passing the buck to each other! Don't make excuses! Your crime is obvious!"

My anger surged again as I thought of my precious snacks.

It's a good thing I discovered them; otherwise, they would have eaten everything!

Moreover, this wasn't a matter of succumbing to temporary temptation; it was clearly a planned crime.

What's even more malicious is that they didn't touch any of Evelyn's ingredients!

Tomatoes, onions, even meat… all were perfectly preserved in the refrigerator.

'These guys, could it be that they're more afraid of Evelyn than me? They didn't dare touch Evelyn's things but only targeted my snacks?'

This was a moment when my authority as a villain was threatened.

"Calm down, Master. What's wrong?"

Evelyn approached from the living room.

"Look! These vile traitors whom I believed to be loyal subordinates! While I was on an expedition to the library, they plundered the snack warehouse!"

I made a decision.

Betrayal cannot be forgiven! An example must be made! Discipline must be established in the Grimoire Empire!

"On charges of unauthorized seizure of the top leader's snacks of the evil organization! You are under arrest as flagrant offenders! From now on, I will refer you to the villain court!"

As I declared in a solemn voice, the two mice shrank back even further.

"Evelyn, you will play the role of the judge! I will be the prosecutor!"

"Understood, Master. It will be a good opportunity to experience logical reasoning and legal thinking through a mock trial."

"What? No, this is a real villain court! Logic or whatever, it's for the punishment of traitors…"

"Even villains need logic. If evil deeds have a system and justification, world domination will be one step closer."

"...Is that so? Anyway, let's start right away! Prepare yourselves, you naughty rodents!"

*

A little later, the dining table at Crown Villa had been transformed into a perfect villain court.

Bang-!

Evelyn took her place at the head of the table.

A pork cutlet mallet was promoted to a judge's 'gavel' and placed next to Evelyn's hand.

I found a black towel and draped it over my shoulders. From now on, I am the villain prosecutor!

"It's time to judge the vile traitors! The villain's court is merciless and harsh! Evelyn, as the maid judge, you will deliver the verdict according to my instructions!"

"No, Master."

"What?!"

Surprised by the firm refusal, I stepped back.

Evelyn is refusing my orders? This was an unexpected development!

"The judge must be independent, Master. She must make a ruling based on the evidence without receiving any instructions. I believe that is the dignity of a true villain court."

"Ugh… um… fine! There's some truth to what you say! If a fair judgment is delivered in the villain's court… wouldn't that be the best mockery of this world!"

Bang, bang, bang.

Evelyn tapped the cutting board lightly with the pork cutlet mallet.

Finally, it's time for judgment!

"The trial for the refrigerator looting case will now begin. First, we will confirm the identities of the two defendants."

The two mice stood on top of milk bottle caps. It was a makeshift dock.

"Darkness and White King, the two defendants, are charged with unauthorized consumption of snacks from the Master's refrigerator."

I slammed a thick cookbook onto the table.

"You have violated all the basic duties of a subordinate: loyalty, obedience, and respect! Furthermore, you laid your hands on my dessert collection that I worked so hard to gather! It is a grave sin that makes any punishment feel light!"

My voice grew louder and louder. The two mice exchanged nervous glances. White King's little paws could be seen trembling.

Good, they're afraid. Serves them right!

"I will present the evidence!"

No sooner had I finished speaking than I ran to the refrigerator and brought out the exhibits.

A half-eaten chocolate cake, a high-end cheese with holes in it, and a pudding with the top scooped out were spread out on the table.

My precious snacks! They couldn't even make it into my stomach and met a miserable end!

"Behold! This is the evidence of their crime! All of these are my precious snacks that were in the refrigerator, and they have been damaged by the teeth marks of the mice! Moreover, White King brazenly licked up the evidence in front of me! This is a clear provocation and a challenge to me!"

Evelyn nodded.

"The evidence is acknowledged. Defendants, how do you respond to these charges?"

Squeak-

The two mice hung their heads low. They seemed to be admitting their guilt.

Well, of course! How could they deny it when the evidence is so clear?

Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!

"It's no use repenting now! The evidence is already clear! Since when have you been planning this vile act? Who led it? How many snacks have you stolen so far??"

I slammed my fist on the table. The mice jumped slightly.

"Their guilt is crystal clear! Deliver a guilty verdict immediately!"

Bang, bang.

Evelyn quietly tapped the cutting board. Her blue eyes turned to me.

"But the defendants must also be given an opportunity to defend themselves."

"Evelyn, you… are you taking the side of these ungrateful mice now! You're defending the guys who stole and ate my snacks?"

"No, Master. But even a villain's court must follow basic procedures. Wouldn't that establish the dignity of a true villain? Besides, giving the defendants a chance to defend themselves can be even more cruel. Because it's an evil act of giving hope and then taking it away."

I stepped back and crossed my arms. The black towel fluttered wildly on my shoulders.

"Hmph! Fine, try to make some excuses."

It's just a formality; the outcome of this trial is already decided.

No matter what excuses they make, I will crush them with my genius logic!

The two mice looked at each other.

Squeak-

Squeak, squeak!

White King poked Darkness with its little paw. Darkness shook its head.

A cowardly conversation was taking place, saying, 'You defend yourself first.'

What terrible camaraderie! My victory is a foregone conclusion!

"Enough! Are you making up lies with your eyes in front of me? Start quickly!"

Squeak.

Suddenly, Darkness took something out of its small pocket.

Miniature glasses? Where did a mouse get something like that?

Next, White King prepared a small table, took out a small file and a pen, and began to organize its arguments.

Squeak, squeak, squeak! Squeak, squeak! Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak!

Darkness raised its front paw and began to explain like an expert. At the same time, White King quickly wrote the contents on a small piece of paper, and that paper was immediately delivered to Evelyn.

"Wait, wait! What? 'Not a looting act, but a regular patrol for refrigerator hygiene management and pest control'?"

Squeak, squeak, squeak!

Darkness continued its defense by holding up a photo of a mouse wearing a suit like a security guard.

"But aren't you guys pests?"

White King straightened its back and twirled its mustache. Its expression was full of pride.

Squeak! Squeak, squeak!

"You're higher rodents? A mouse is a mouse, what's higher about it!"

Evelyn read the note that White King handed her and said calmly.

"The defendants claim that they are not mere pests but intelligent higher rodents who volunteer as security guards responsible for the hygiene and safety of Crown Villa."

Darkness suddenly became serious and pointed to the refrigerator with gestures. White King also joined in, striking a pose as if defending the refrigerator.

"Who exactly were you trying to protect the snacks from? A bigger mouse?"

Squeak, squeak, squeak!

White King quickly wrote another note and handed it to Evelyn.

"They claim that cockroaches were trying to invade the refrigerator and contaminate the snacks."

"Cockroaches?"

I observed the mice with suspicious eyes.

"Hmph! Then why didn't you chase away the cockroaches and report to me? If you were loyal subordinates, you should have reported to your master, shouldn't you?"

My logic was perfect. It was a logical conclusion with no flaws to be found anywhere.

White King suddenly came forward and began to act dramatically. It moved quickly as if being chased by something, and at the end, it even acted as if it was panting.

Squeak… Squeak, squeak…

"The situation was too urgent to respond immediately, and most cockroach invasions occurred at night while the Master was sleeping. Moreover… the defendants knew that the Master had an extreme aversion to cockroaches, so they directly disposed of the evidence to prevent mental shock."

"It was consideration for me? Disposed of the evidence… well, I certainly don't want to see roaches directly."

My heart wavered for a moment. The mice fought cockroaches all night for me? That's really loyal and touching…

Wait a minute!

"But there's something that doesn't make sense!"

I picked up one of the exhibits, a half-eaten chocolate.

"Ridiculous! You're calling that an excuse now? Then why did you eat half of the snack to 'protect' it?"

I shook the pudding bowl.

"Explain it!"

White King began to explain again with gestures. It was a motion of carefully tasting the food.

Squeak, squeak, squeak… Squeak!

"The defendant claims it was a 'taste test' to check if cockroach toxins had contaminated part of the snack."

"Taste test? On all the snacks? What a preposterous excuse!"

I poured out the refrigerator interior photos prepared as evidence onto the table.

They contained the refrigerator's condition on various dates.

"Look at this! This shows not a single 'invasion' but a continuous act of theft! Cake, pudding, chocolate, even cheese! They're decreasing little by little by date, aren't they!"

The two mice looked at each other without a word. Darkness came forward again.

Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak… Squeak!

"The defendant claims that a large number of cockroaches required long-term surveillance. They patrolled every night to protect the snacks."

I chuckled in disbelief. Did they think I would fall for such an obvious lie? I am a genius villain!

"Then why did you gain weight? Did you eat a lot of cockroaches? Ka-kat!"

Darkness suddenly started tapping on a small calculator (I don't know where it got it). Then, it moved the pen and quickly drew something on the paper. White King held up the paper.

Surprisingly, it was… a table comparing the cost of professional pest control companies and the mice's free service! There was even a graph!

Squeak, squeak, squeak!

"The defendants claim that snack consumption is essentially the mice's salary. All work requires compensation. If a professional company is called, it costs at least 150,000 won, but they provided 24-hour security service with just a few pieces of snacks."

"That's… um…"

After calculating for a moment, it was somewhat persuasive.

"But even so, this is a clear case of unauthorized consumption! I'm the one who has to determine the salary! How dare subordinates take their own salary, this is no different from a salary thief!"

Suddenly, both mice made sad faces at the same time and began wiping away tears with tiny handkerchiefs they produced from somewhere.

What's more, it sounded like sad violin music was suddenly playing from somewhere… no, it really is playing!

"What? Do you guys have iPhones!? And the latest models??"

Using better phones than yours truly, even though you're just mice!

Squeak… squeak squeak… squeak…

"They say they haven't been able to sleep all night fighting cockroaches. A single snack is just a small consolation for their suffering."

Darkness suddenly unfolded a small piece of paper. It looked like a horror movie poster.

'The Cockroach: Invading the Villain's Refrigerator'

Squeak! Squeak squeak!

Darkness handed another note to Evelyn.

"They worry that if their defenses are breached, Master's villainous image could crumble under the stigma of 'a villain who lives with cockroaches.'"

I raised my hand to stop this emotional appeal.

"Enough! This is a sacred… no, an evil court! Emotional appeals won't work here! Fight with evidence and logic!"

At that moment, Darkness took something out. It was… a cockroach leg!

Squeak!

"This is proof that the defendants fought cockroaches to protect the snacks."

I was momentarily confused. Were there really cockroaches? Did the mice risk their lives to protect my precious snacks?

If my subordinates' loyalty was genuine… could I have misunderstood?

'Wait, something's not right?'

I heard something clicking into place in my head. I slowly raised my head. My eyes sharpened, and a confident smile spread across my lips.

"Hold on! Objection!"

I shouted loudly. The mice suddenly flinched.

"Yours truly has realized an important fact!"

I walked confidently to the center of the room, crossed my arms, and looked down at the mice. A faint gray light emanated from my horns.

Squeak-?

The truth is always one, there is a crucial contradiction in these little suspects' claims!

TOC | Next Chapter