Inner monologue about new aspect of relationship

Their relationship wasn’t perfect, but he was trying. So much so that Mo, Johan, and Sarai couldn’t take their eyes off him during the flight back to New York. They sat beside each other, which she had always avoided in the past. When she wasn’t napping, he was all over her—or made sure she was on him, either sitting on his lap or straddling him. He carried her into the bathroom twice to have his wicked way with her, and casually mentioned that he bought a jet that had a bedroom when he climbed into bed that night. 

He was a Roth she didn’t know he could be. She didn’t mind his stoic, serious demeanor and had never expected him to change. This playful side to him was devastating to her peace of mind. She wanted to believe this was the new him, but now that they were back in New York, she was afraid they would revert to their routines, habits, and comfort zones. He was already back to his hectic work schedule. How long would it take for the novelty of their fragile truce to lose its shine? She closed her eyes and willed away the welling anxiety. The urge to grab on with both hands, to nurture what was between them, so it lasted, made her clutch her cup in a white knuckled grip. He gave, and she wanted to give back tenfold. She was terrified of going overboard, of smothering him, and forgetting the end goal and convincing herself this was real when it wouldn’t last. It couldn’t. Maybe one of the reasons they had an unhealthy fascination with one another was because they spent so little time together when they were married the first time. Now that they were living together and would be around one another daily, their chemistry would die and the invisible ties binding them so tightly to one another would finally loosen and fall away. These obsessive feelings couldn’t sustain itself. Which was a good thing since it was all-consuming and didn’t allow for much else. They had careers and separate paths they were meant to walk. She would take what she could get—gorging and luxuriating in his sweetness, knowing they were headed toward a deadline. She hoped the good times would be enough to get through the year.

**This is a raw draft of Bitter Confessions. Please do not share or distribute.