Recommitting to him

Reading the reports on her family is a revelation. Now that she knows "all" he asks her to recommit to him. This is the following inner monologue:

The enormity of that promise made her blood run cold. She was sure he could feel her heart pounding, since his hand still cradled her breast. She was already in, but he was asking for a recommitment now that she knew all. She could burn the fruits of his labor and make all his methodical planning—the staged wedding, the announcements in the press, persuading her family that they were in a real relationship—moot, if she walked. She wore his ring, legally bore his name, and they had an ironclad prenup, but there were no legal documents binding her to their true contract—marrying him, so her sisters could retain control of Hennessy & Co. His agreement to help her sisters was a verbal promise she was trusting him to follow through on, just as he was trusting her to keep their story intact despite the blow up at Tuxedo Park with Thea and the interactions they had with the Davies and Johnny and Aleixo. 

If she walked, he would still thrive. There might be talk about their short-lived second marriage, but that wouldn’t stop him from claiming New York. Her personal life wouldn’t be impacted too much, aside from the deluge of unpleasant questions she would get. Her sisters were another matter. Could she stand by and watch as other wolves mauled her sisters? What if Roth decided to go after her brothers-in-law? What if he blackmailed Rami and Lyle? Would Rami feel threatened enough to call on the underworld again to get rid of Roth? She blocked that train of thought before she could go off the rails. 

And where would she run? Her sanctuary was Tuxedo Park, which was far too close to the city for her peace of mind. Why could she imagine him showing up there several times a week, somehow bypassing security and her locks, and fucking her brains out? Roth was dead serious. He wasn’t going to ignore what was between them. Even now, she could feel it buzzing in the air between them, urging them to be skin to skin, and fall into an addictive madness that she suspected very few ever experienced. Was she strong enough to hold her own against him, or would she be swept away?  She had two options. She could dig her heels in and try to hold back the tide, or she could give in and attempt to ride the tsunami and come out on top. She had no illusions that there wouldn’t be hardships, challenges, and she’d be pushed to the breaking point. Why did a little voice in the back of her mind whisper to take the jump? That the pain and pleasure would be worth it?

Recommitting herself, knowing what he was capable of and the world he lived in, was idiotic. He was a ticking bomb. Violent, secretive… Her mind skittered when he flicked her nipple. He gave her an innocent look that didn’t look right on his forbidding face. There was a mischievous gleam in his eye, a boyish excitement she had never seen before, even when they first got together. He had always been grim and focused. Now, it seemed that a weight had been lifted off him. It was easy to keep him at bay when he was being an asshole, but being on the receiving end of this playful, affectionate Roth was disarming her. She shouldn’t let it, but… he vowed to help and protect her family. He said he wanted to change, that he wouldn’t punish her for their past. It was dangerous to trust him, but what choice did she have?

He was already making allowances. He let her see what he had on her family, which had opened her eyes to dangers she didn’t even know existed. Was Roth her downfall, or would he save them all? It was safer to be Roth’s ally than his enemy, but at what cost? Her sanity, most certainly. Possibly, her heart, but that had been lost long ago. 

**This is a raw draft of Bitter Confessions. Please do not share or distribute.

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