38-55

Chapter 55: Something Like Magic 

And then… something magical began to happen again. The shaman closed her eyes and started chanting something like a spell. After a moment, Soo-hyuk, who had been sleeping, got up with his eyes still closed and walked over to stand between me and the shaman. What kind of comedy was this? Soo-hyuk sat down cross-legged. 

Anyone could see he was still asleep, and it was clear his movements weren’t of his own will. Soo-hyuk opened his mouth. 

“Because you can’t understand my language, I will speak through this person.” 

What now… For a moment, I wondered if Soo-hyuk and the shaman were in on some joke to mess with me. Both the shaman and Soo-hyuk kept their eyes closed, and only Soo-hyuk spoke. I couldn’t believe this absurd situation, but I was amazed to realize I had no choice but to accept it. 

“Your companions are trying to assimilate with us. They have already opened their hearts and are adapting to our way of life. But only you have closed your heart and stubbornly cling to the thoughts of your world.” 

I looked at Soo-hyuk, then thought maybe what the shaman was saying was true, so I spoke toward her. 

“Isn’t that natural? I didn’t come here to settle permanently. I’m a different person from these people.” 

Soo-hyuk’s mouth moved again. 

“That’s what you thought when you first came to stay for a few days. But when you asked to visit this time, you didn’t say that. You said you would not just observe as a visitor, but enter among us, spend time with us, and live as we do. That you wanted to understand us and learn our philosophy by doing so.” 

I was now sure this wasn’t Soo-hyuk’s usual way of speaking. The message continued. 

“Our only condition was this: as long as you open your heart and are ready to accept everything purely, that would be enough. But only you failed to do that. You didn’t even try… In fact, you had no intention of doing so. Instead, you clung to the strange human relationships of your world and tried to suppress and control the free desires of others.” 

From the beginning, the shaman seemed to have a bad impression of me ever since I talked about marriage. I tried not to think critically and reflected. It was true I hadn’t opened my heart to them, but that was because my purpose for visiting was different from the others. My wife and Dr. Jeon were passionate about their research, doing whatever it took to get closer and learn more. But… I was just dragged along, supposedly to protect my wife. And the reason I took these reluctant steps was because I believed I should be the first to protect her. That’s where my thinking started to diverge from theirs. And, though I hated to admit it… for me, there was an even more important, selfish reason: my professorship. The wish I had longed for my whole life. That was the bait dangling before me. But that was a reason I couldn’t say out loud. In the end, I had to stick to my first reason. 

“It’s not suppression, it’s because of the relationships in our world that you don’t want to accept. A man and a woman become a married couple, love each other, and protect each other by giving everything for one another. Even if I don’t suppress or force anything, my wife and I believe in and have lived by that. That’s how it should be.” 

The shaman’s words, through Soo-hyuk’s mouth, came again. 

“Isn’t that just your own thought?” 

“What?” 

“Does the woman you call your wife think the same way?” 

For a moment, I couldn’t answer. I felt as if I’d been stabbed in the side. My wife-the person I believed lived with me, relying only on each other-had just slept with another man and fallen asleep. Did my wife really respect the values and norms I considered important? I wasn’t just unsure-I was almost certain that my wife now thought completely differently from me. Still, I couldn’t bow my head to the shaman’s words. 

“I haven’t talked to her about that yet. But I’m sure she thinks the same as I do.” 

Even as I said it, I thought that if I talked to my wife rationally, she would change her mind. She liked intellectual conversation with me and was open to self-reflection and changing her mind when convinced. I pinned my last hope on that experience. Soo-hyuk’s mouth opened. 

“From what I see, everyone except you has already opened their hearts to us and wants to live according to our way of life. That’s why I wanted to show you the free side of the woman you try to control and cling to. I can’t understand how you can say such things after seeing that. Well… fine. If you insist, do as you wish. When day breaks, talk to your companions. If they think differently from you, and you still refuse to change your mind, I can’t let you stay here any longer.” 

With that, Soo-hyuk stood up and walked back to where he’d been sleeping, collapsing as before. The shaman, who had been sitting cross-legged with her eyes closed, opened her eyes as if waking from sleep and looked at me. She said a few words I couldn’t understand and left the house. After she left, I looked at my sleeping wife and Ho-cheol. If they woke up and realized I’d seen them, my wife’s defenses might go up. That could ruin any chance of a conversation. I hurried back to where I’d been lying and lay down. 

About an hour later, my wife suddenly woke up. 

“Ah… I fell asleep for a moment.” 

She quickly wrapped herself in her loincloth and came over to me. She looked at my face, then carefully lay down next to me and closed her eyes. When I checked with a squint, I saw faint light outside the door. It looked like the sun was coming up. Once again, I’d spent the night wide awake. I decided that once the sun was up and people were awake, I’d get up and talk to my wife. More honestly, I was thinking I needed to persuade her. 

I must have dozed off for a short while. When I opened my eyes, everyone in the house was already up, looking groggy. Only my wife and I were still lying down. I struggled to get up, and the noise woke my wife. It had been a long time since I’d seen her sleep in so late. Thinking that last night’s events were the reason made me feel gloomy again. 

We all went outside to eat breakfast and wash up. On the way back to the house, I grabbed my wife’s arm. 

“Honey, can we talk for a moment?” 

She turned to me, eyes wide. It was the first time since coming here that I’d asked to talk alone, and maybe my serious expression surprised her. We went to a spot outside the village fence, in the shade. I pressed down the low bushes to make a seat for her. She sat and said, 

“Why? What’s with the serious mood?” 

I sat in front of her. As she sat with her legs up, I could see her pubic hair and vulva. Thinking that another man’s penis had been there yesterday made my throat tighten again. I swallowed and tried to steady myself. 

“So… how long are you planning to stay here?” 

She looked puzzled. 

“What do you mean, how long? I came planning for a year, maybe another year after that, right?” 

That was right. She’d said she might stay for a year, maybe two. Honestly, when she planned this expedition, I hadn’t paid attention because of the professorship and didn’t comment on her plans. She looked at my face, smiled, and continued. 

“Why? It’s only been a month-are you homesick already? Missing home?” 

Seeing her talk so casually, I had a hundred, a thousand things to say, but I tried to hold it in and speak rationally. 

“It’s not that. I just wondered if, once we’ve done enough research, we could go back a little early. I’m not sure why we have to stay here so long.”