[Shrubley, the Monster Adventurer] Chapter 80 – Shrubley, the Hero

Remal’s graceful dancing had long since been replaced by a drunken stupor. The majority of the serpentii had eventually realized that it was taking too long to kill the Bard and decided to break into the town, anyway.

I kept them away long enough. Please let it be long enough, he thought wearily as another twin point of pain stabbed into his shoulder.

“He will take sssome time to die,” one said to the other. “But he will die. Look at the way the poissson courses through his veins!”

Delirious, Remal struck out with a dagger that had long since been knocked from his hands. A blade made of hardened wind appeared for a fraction of a second, warping the surrounding space as he focused his Air essence. It nicked the skin of the monster in front of him, then vanished as his concentration faltered.

“I think he’sss looking for thisss,” said another serpentii from behind, holding up his dagger. He held it up high, so the moonlight glinted off the blade. “I think it is time we end thisss, don’t you?”

Move!

Remal’s body struggled to stay upright, and it wasn’t doing such a good job at that.

Move!

The knife came down with glacial slowness. The grinning, fanged maw of the serpentii would be the last horrible thing he saw.

You have to move, now! They’re going to kill you with your own bloody dagger!

Rooted in place, Remal could only watch his demise.

The grinning snake suddenly looked slightly constipated and then, moments before the dagger pierced his neck, it dropped harmlessly to the ground.

All around him, the serpentii were vanishing one after the other. Whatever items they had on them fell to the ground. Hundreds upon hundreds of the slithering creatures were simply gone in a matter of seconds.

There were a few holdouts who looked confused at one another until they too disappeared.

Not that it mattered to Remal. The poison burning through his veins was enough to put down a platoon of men. But it did feel good to see the streets of Taamra clear.

As he fell to the ground, Remal found solace in the lack of bodies. He hoped it meant that Sel had been able to evacuate everybody.

The last thing he saw before the pain became too great to bear and vanished completely was a tiny shrub with glowing lamplight eyes.

***

One by one the serpentii that had slithered into Almora were dragged back to the mirror realm with each soul that Shrubley returned home. It was not an immediate process. The serpentii were dug in too deeply on Almora for them to be ripped away so easily. It took time for the transplanar magic to build to critical mass and drag the serpentii back to the dying mirror world.

But once it reached that point, for every goodly soul returned to Almora, a serpentii vanished from Almora without a trace.

Mistress Ceasewane smiled to herself as the sun went dark and the sky turned blacker than death. Not long now, she thought. Little shrub did a good job. Even managed to get Cluckley to fight for him. Don’t think he understood what a gift that was. It’s not as if Cluckley ever fought for me.

She paused and adjusted her hat as more serpentii appeared with a faint pop and a heaping of confusion.

Not that I ever asked, mind. Cluckley can do as she wants, I’m sure. But it wouldn’t have hurt her to offer, would it have? I’m an old lady. She could have offered is all I’m saying.

The world shrank and the lifeless chill leeched all the heat out of the cold-sensitive serpentii. They moved sluggishly, and they only realized Mistress Ceasewane was there when she clapped her hands once and arcing bolts of Phantom mana created the only source of light in this dying realm.

She grinned at them beneath her wide-brimmed witch’s hat. “Good evening, kiddies! I see you’ve finally returned home. Good. That’s good. There ain’t much time left in this ol’ world of mine, but I intend to make every second feel like a year. You’re in for a fate worse’n death. Ye should’ve left well enough alone. But for taking aim at my home? You best start praying, because only the gods can help you now.”

Just this once, she let loose a soul-wrenching, bone-chilling cackle that sent the serpentii scattering in all directions.

But they had nowhere to go. The world was no larger than Taamra’s town square now. They wanted the town so badly? Well, now they had it. There was no escaping Mistress Ceasewane.

***

“Do you hear that?” Joy asked, putting an ear to the stoutly barricaded door.

There was a nervous hush throughout the guildhall. People were huddled at tables. The only lights in the place came from the candles and lanterns. Strange, unsettling shadows danced along the walls. All windows and doors had been shut, barred, and warded to prevent any intrusions.

Even that was something Sel wondered about. She double-and-triple-checked the wardings. It was her one area of specialty and she wasn’t about to believe potential erroneous reports on their soundness.

She had found only one or two cases of sabotage, but managed to get to it in time.

Everybody wanted to talk to her.

Every table needed a private word. Every man and woman and child needed something from her. She felt that by the time she crossed the room, a hundred years had been taken from her life.

If she had to cross through the room once more, she wondered if there would be anything left of her by the time she reached the opposite end.

In the sudden hush, the young elf and temporary leader of Taamra hurried up to the old woman by the door. Several of the stronger adventurers looked abashed at having let her get so close.

Sel turned her sharp eyes on them, but figured she would leave the scolding for later. Things were bad enough as it was without adding to people’s miseries.

“Joy!” she hissed, dragging her away by the elbow. “You can’t just go up to the doors. Even if they are protected, they are–” Then she heard it too.

Or rather, she didn’t hear it.

There was no sound on the other side of the door.

Joy gently removed her arm and went back to the door, pressing her ear to it. “It’s dead quiet out there.”

“I wish you wouldn’t phrase it like that.”

Joy shrugged. “I calls it like I sees it.”

Ever since the gates to Taamra were broken down, the serpentii were constantly trying to break into the guildhall. The doors and windows rattled all throughout the night and judging by the durability on several of the weaker wards, there were far more serpentii out there than anybody could have guessed.

Several hundred, at the least. That was more than the population of Taamra itself!

Sel couldn’t wrap her head around the change. Despite what the elf had said—what now felt like a lifetime ago—that help would come, she could scarcely believe it.

Had Remal somehow wiped all the serpentii out, all on his own? Maybe he ranked up, and with his renewed surge of power, took them all out.

And against all sensibilities, there was a gentle knocking at the door. It was very polite.

“Excuse me,” said a familiar and muffled voice. “Yes, I am asking them. Excuse me, can we come in?”

“Not on your life sonny jim!” Joy shouted at the door. She looked at Sel. “I guess they’re getting smarter, changing their voices and all.”

“My name is not Sonny Jim.”

“Oh? Smart alec are we?”

“It is not Smart Alec either. My name is Shrubley. I’m an adventurer. And I would like to turn in my contract.”

Joy exchanged a curious look with Sel, who was staring with disbelief.

Without a word, Sel ran to the table where she left the plates and immediately summoned up Shrubley’s badge locator. There it was. Right outside the door. And not just him. Several other adventurers, the same ones that had been missing, were right outside the door.

“If this is a trick, it’s a bloody good one!” Sel came back, waving a hand to attenuate the wards. “Open the spyhole.”

A small metal-bound plate was slid aside with a complex series of levers built into the door. One of the adventurers looked out. He looked back at Sel and shook his head. “Can’t see nothin’ ma’am.”

“I’m down here,” Shrubley said, his voice clearly coming through the slot in the door now.

Sel pushed the man aside and looked out through the door herself. The streets were clear. The town was damaged beyond anything she had ever seen before, but there were no monsters to be seen.

“Open the door,” she told them, completely removing the wards.

Shrubley strolled in, smiling at all the adventurers and people there to greet him. He gave a friendly little wave, his twiggy legs carrying him to the counter with Cal, Slyrox, and Smudge following in his wake.

They were escorted to the counter by all the missing adventurers. Jerric, Fio, Henry, and even a limping Remal came in alongside them as an honor guard.

The group of four monsters climbed atop their respective stools.

Shrubley slid the contract card across the table, waiting expectantly.

Sel half ran, half walked, struggling not to cry or laugh since her body didn’t seem to know which one she wanted to do more.

With all the solemnity of her station as acting head of the Taamra Adventurers Guild branch, she manned the counter just as the four took their positions.

She spotted the ethereal [Emergency Adventurers Badge] on three of the creatures.

Cal brushed off his adventurers badge, apparently not taking notice that his fingers went right through it. The skeleton wasn’t the only one sporting one. Smudge and Slyrox each had one of their own as well. That was part of the quirk of the guild. It had a bit of magic of its own, backed by the power of the Adventurers Guild, and the countless heroes that walked its halls since its founding.

Sometimes, during dire situations where adventurers are in need but none are yet enlisted into their ranks, would-be-heroes are granted an [Emergency Adventurers Badge]. So long as at least one person in attendance already owns a proper badge.

All of them had completed the contract that turned out to be far more than a simple courier mission, but a full-blown B-Grade, maybe even A-Grade, contract.

Sel couldn’t believe what she was seeing. She cleared her throat and had to do so again to get through the lump lodged there. There was a script she had to follow.

Protocols had to be maintained.

“You took longer than the recommended time to complete the contract,” she said, looking down at the very long list of achievements from the modified contract card. In true adventurer fashion, a simple contract had turned into something far grander and more sinister than anybody could have guessed. “Did you run into any problems that the guild should be aware of?”

Shrubley looked at his friends, then back at Sel. Had he grown a little? He definitely looked larger.

“Nothing we couldn’t handle, ma’am.”

“I’ll say!” Sel was still reading the laundry list of objectives the card generated as Shrubley’s “simple little adventure” turned into a realm-saving quest the likes of which Taamra had never before seen.

Sel pulled out a stack of plates. “There is still the matter of paperwork to be done,” she told them. Despite the pride practically bursting from the four, they looked like they could do with a long rest and a longer bath.

She smiled at them. “But just this once, we’ll skip it.” She lifted her voice so all in the guildhall could hear. “Be there any here that would deny these four heroes the right to become adventurers in good standing?”

Not a soul stirred.

Mostly this had to do with the Steel Ranked adventurers glaring so hard at anybody who so much as breathed wrong that it seemed they might just burst into ash. But there were no small number of people being reunited with family and friends who were trickling into the guildhall from the streets outside.

And the name on everybody’s lips was “Shrubley, the Hero.”

“Then by the power vested in me, I grant you all full membership into the Adventurers Guild and promote you, upon my honor, as E-Grade adventurers for your unyielding valor in dire circumstances.”

Sel slid across four brass keys and leaned in to whisper. “There are rooms just up the stairs over there on the third floor. Adventurers get free room and board. I’ll see to the paperwork while you rest.”

Shrubley beamed at her, his lamplight eyes glistening with dew. “Thank you so much, Miss Sel!”

As he hopped down and led them toward the stairs, Sel could hear the small floppy-eared creature ask, “Is Slyrox truly an adventurer now?”

She had just enough time to ponder the strangeness of it all when a small voice below the counter cleared its throat. Sel leaned over into the grinning, bashful face of a goblin.

He tapped the ethereal [Emergency Adventurer Badge]. “Adventurer reporting for duty!” he said, slapping his own forehead in an attempt at saluting.

Sel looked up and was hardly surprised to see a line snaking out of the guildhall and out into the street full of both monsters and ragtag farmers, all sporting the emergency badge.

Sel stood up straighter despite the massive workload in front of her. A new Age was upon them.

No rest for the wicked, she thought as she pulled out a glass panel and a silvery [Stele]. “Name?”

End of Shrubley, the Monster Adventurer, Book 1.