#1104 Milk vs Milk

All right, with that said, things are going down again.

Satyrs vs minotaurs.

They’re competing for the right to repay a favor through a milk showdown.

It’s quite the misleading title if you’re Japanese.

By “milk showdown,” we’re talking about comparing the quality of dairy milk, not chest measurements.

The intricacies of my language are giving me a headache again today.

These therians from the Satyr and Minotaur tribes have shown up uninvited, brimming with enthusiasm, determined to repay my kindness to the saint—me—personally.

“Return the favor if you receive it!” they snort proudly.

“Anyone who stands in the way of my repayment, I’ll crush ‘em all!”

“That’s my line! I’m perfectly willing to commit murder in the name of paying back a debt!”

Is that really what repaying kindness is supposed to be?

Anyway, thanks to their antics, progress on the development project has been practically zero today.

Every pioneer around has dropped their tools to watch these two great therian tribes face off.

I guess they’re hoping for some scandalous “wardrobe malfunction” or something based on the title.

The pioneers are mostly men, after all.

Observing this chaos from a distance, I realize we’re not going to get anywhere unless we push things along.

I, of course, will act as both host and referee to judge the winner.

After all, I’m the saint here.

Their whole motive is to repay my kindness.

Beside me is my wife, Platy, serving as co-host.

“It has officially begun! A no-time-limit, one-round deathmatch! Two species of therians fighting for the right to properly repay my husband! It’s a battle of pride! Of womanly honor! Will they earn their repayment rights, or will they face death?!”

Stop making it sound so dire, Platy.

Let’s keep the casualties to zero if we can, please.

“First, let’s explain what’s going on! Both the satyr and minotaur tribes are known for their milk. Deciding which milk is superior will show who’s truly worthy of repaying my husband’s kindness. In other words, this is a taste test showdown!”

“OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!!”

The crowd’s going wild.

Why, though?

“And what do we need to determine superiority? A judge, of course! We need someone with a refined palate who can detect the smallest differences. But isn’t that arrogant, declaring whose milk is better? Why can’t we just say both are delicious? Who’s so high and mighty to judge people’s milk?!”

Platy, what’s gotten into you?!

You’re flipping out over your own explanation! Mood swings?

Hormonal imbalance after childbirth, maybe? It’s been a while since you gave birth, though…

“Anyway, let’s introduce these so-called ‘arrogant judges’!”

This is taking a dark turn!

“First up, my dear husband, the saint! With his sacred taste buds, he can discern even the slightest difference in flavor! There’s no tricking his palate!!!”

Don’t raise the bar so high while giving me a bad rep.

“But one judge isn’t enough. We need more than one, so our second judge is Panu representing the satyr who settled at our farm!”

“Can you please not phrase it like I just parked myself here without permission?!”

That’s Panu protesting.

She’s a stunning satyr with a voluptuous chest, someone who’s lived on our farm for quite some time.

“I’m really sorry about how our young folk are behaving, barging in like this…”

Well, it’s complicated, I know.

It looks like some of Panu’s kin are smack in the middle of this conflict, so she’s feeling pretty torn.

And anyway, the reason the satyrs showed up today, eager to repay their debt, all goes back to the incident that made Panu move onto the farm in the first place.

“Panu, dear sister! I knew if we visited Lord Saint, we’d find you here!”

The leader of these pushy satyrs shouts.

In response, Panu…

“Paidra… even after all these years, you haven’t learned restraint. I trust you haven’t been rude to the Lord Saint?”

“Of course not! As if I’d ever dare insult our great benefactor!”

Um, didn’t she just send me flying a moment ago?

Guess that doesn’t count as “insulting” in her book.

Anyway, Panu seems to know this satyr leader.

Well, they are from the same tribe, so I guess it makes sense...

“Yes, Paidra is like a younger sister to me. When I left our village to move to the farm, she was just a kid…”

“And I’ve grown since then! My milk flows freely and in great quantity! I’m no slouch in freshness and quality now. I’m on par with you, Big Sis!”

“Oh, so you’re saying I’ve lost my freshness, hmm?”

Panu’s smile just got way colder.

At least we don’t have to worry about bias in the judging now.

Moving on, Platy picks up the mic again.

“Of course, just having two judges isn’t enough! Let’s introduce judge number three! A super-special guest!”

Ohh?

A big deal, huh? Someone more special than even the saint?

“Think about it. Who needs milk the most?”

A sudden riddle?!

“Milk exists primarily for nurturing children. Hence, those who need it most are little kids, right?”

Hmm.

True enough.

“So for our third judge, we’re bringing in the smallest member of our family: Shotaro! Let’s see if your milk can win over our newest addition!”

Platy lifts up our newborn baby triumphantly.

I see!

Our third son, Shotaro, is at the perfect age for drinking milk!!!

“Honestly, having so many babies born at once, we’ve got a huge demand for milk. Last time, with Junior and Norito, we managed thanks to Panu and the others, but now we also have Orkubo’s children, and we’re over capacity. So actually, their sudden arrival is pretty convenient for us!!!”

No wonder Platy’s so fired up.

She’s got a personal stake in this. I should have noticed the moms were scrambling for more milk.

All right, let’s use this as an opportunity to stock up and fill those little bellies!

“Hold it wight thereee!”

Huh? Now what?!

Just as we finished introducing the judges, there’s a sudden interruption.

Who’s popping in now? ...Norito?!

Our second son, Norito, barges in to crash the party.

The baby’s getting the spotlight, and now the second-oldest wants a piece?

“I wanna be judge too!”

Why, son?!

Apparently, Norito wants to join the judging panel.

“I’m kid too! I have milk dwinking wights!”

A kid’s going on about rights now.

We’ve got three sons, and the middle one’s definitely the troublemaker.

Platy, as the mom, narrows her eyes...

“Norito… Don’t tell me, you’re just hoping to get a front-row ticket to fresh young milk, aren’t you?”

“Guh—!”

...Huh?

“I don’t know where you get it from, but you’re that kind of kid. The way you look at breasts when you drink milk is different from the others. But you’re already too old for nursing. You’re disqualified as a judge.”

“I shall cowwect that kind of personawity one day!”

Norito runs off in a huff after being busted.

...Guess we’ll need to keep a close eye on that one’s upbringing.

I was worried our eldest, Junior, might join the fuss, but he’s more interested in soda pop right now.

He’s at that age where neon-colored junk drinks are way cooler than milk.

With our official trio of judges now set, it’s finally time for the actual showdown to begin.

Thanks for waiting, everyone!

“...Right, we’re starting now! I got it! Man, that took forever. I need to do some stretches before we kick off!”

The contestants have been waiting so long they’ve gone completely casual and relaxed?!

“Now’s the time to wipe out anyone who stands in the way of my repayment! Brace yourselves, enemies!”

“Ha! You’re the one who should be trembling! With the sacred milking techniques refined over four thousand years of satyr tradition, I’ll flick you down with just one finger!!!”

Thanks for cranking the tension back up, you two. After all that downtime, we’re finally ready to rumble!

The battle of milk versus milk is about to begin!!!

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乳(chichi) can mean either milk or breasts, much like oppai (but this mostly applies to children's language).

"i shall correct that kind of personality one day" is a line from mobile suit zeta gundam (1985)