#956 Resurrection is a Saintly Pursuit

The story thus far:

While tending to a cremation, the deceased decided to come back to life.

You might be wondering what I’m talking about, but trust me, I’m just as clueless as you are.

Doesn’t fire turn everything to ashes and then help them be reborn?

This rebirth cycle is too damn quick.

Besides, are we really to believe that the girl who leaped from the flames was once that pile of bones?

“Yes, undoubtedly... well, maybe?” says our sole witness, Sensei, whose memory of events three centuries old is foggy, with good reason. “I can’t quite recall her face, but she was a young lady, much like the one we have with us now, I believe...”

He gestures towards the flame-emerged maiden.

Sure enough, the girl in question is in her prime, with youthful, glowing skin that radiates vitality.

Since she has just burst out of the flames, she’s completely naked, which only highlights her fresh and radiant complexion even more.

...

This is a bit scandalous.

No matter the backstory, two old guys ogling a completely nude young woman just screams ‘misdemeanor.’

Imagine if Platy or someone else caught us in the act!

“We need something to cover her up, quick!”

In a desperate scramble, I grab what seems handy...what is this, a tablecloth? and drape it over her.

Crisis momentarily averted!

Yet here I am, more worried than charmed by the sight of a young lady’s nudity...

It seems my paternal instincts are kicking in...!

“Mm-mm... It is improper for a young maiden to expose herself so.”

Sensei nods approvingly, himself surprisingly nude.

Wait, huh?!

Did I just cover her with Sensei’s robe?!

“No worries, I can summon another with a simple snap of my fingers,” he reassures, promptly snapping his fingers to don his magical robe once more.

Wow. Sensei can snap his fingers so well.

I can’t even do that.

Shouldn’t we focus on getting to know this fiery young lady’s story?

...She can communicate, right?

Just because she popped out of the flames doesn’t mean she’s some super being who can’t speak our language, right?

“Um... Miss? Your name? Can you tell us where you live?”

“Who are you to command me?! Bow before the church’s majesty!!!”

Ah, this isn’t going well.

She’s not the easy-to-talk-to sort, apparently.

“I am Saintess Maladona, tasked by the celestial gods to bring eternal peace and ageless harmony to this world! I am here to eradicate all calamities, starting with the Lifeless King, a demon playing with the false eternity!”

Aren’t “eternal peace” and “ageless harmony” kind of redundant?

“I’m going to rid this world of all its miseries! As part of that mission, I’ve come to defeat the Lifeless King lurking in these remote lands! The Lifeless King is a demon that defies the natural order, toying with a false eternity! We, the living, cannot allow such a being to exist! Therefore, we must obliterate it with all our might!”

“Hmm, that’s quite a noble sentiment.”

“Right? Right? So, you’ll help me take down the Lifeless King, won’t you?”

“I’ll give it my all!”

“Let’s go! Hoorah!”

Hey.

Jokes work because you end with a punchline, not just keep the joke going.

The comedic timing is off.

“Ugyaaaaaaah! The Lifeless King?!”

She finally noticed.

That’s a bit late for a punchline, isn’t it?

“Why is the Lifeless King here?! Take this, you monstrous defiance of divine law! I shall restore sanctity to this world! Charge, front lines! Hold the line with all you’ve got while I wipe out the evil with holy magic!”

Er, it’s not like you have a front line or a rear guard to speak of when you’re all alone, do you?!

The conversation doesn’t seem to be aligning well.

“...It appears her memories are still from before her death. Which is to be expected.”

Right, because posthumous memories aren’t a thing.

So, I guess that means this lady is the reincarnation of those bones?

Why, just why?

Since when has resurrecting the dead been off-limits?!

“There’s one possibility I can think of...”

Sensei, you know something?

Do tell us, plz!

“Ah, the same old pattern prevails here at the farm. The mysteries that unfold are typically born from a singular source, you see.”

A singular source?

And then Sensei stares intently in this direction...

...

Me?!

Could you please stop treating me as if I’m the cause of all troubles?!

But, maybe I actually am?!

This sudden resurrection of the dead! ...And it happened without any warning—it does make sense if I’m the culprit, doesn’t it?

If I consider that I am the root of all evil, then there’s only one possible explanation!

The Hand of Supremacy?!

Has this extraordinary gift within me messed up again?!

Could it be that I inadvertently touched the remains and stacked them on the firewood when we were supposed to burn them?!

Could it be at that moment?!

Did I stir some trouble then?!

“Your gift activates upon direct contact. Likely, it responded to some will of yours, breathing life anew into what was once lifeless.”

Oh dear, what have I done...?!

Have I transcended even the immutable laws of life and death? Hades might scold me.

But let’s be clear—it was an accident, not a habit. Let’s hope this one-time incident gets overlooked, please.

“However, what should we do with those who have returned from death...?! Surely, we can’t just kill them again because they were supposed to be dead. That would be even more unreasonable if I did it, wouldn’t it? Hahaha!”

That’s an undead joke if I ever heard one.

“In any case, let’s speak with the lady herself. You see, three hundred years ago, I was merely intercepting attacks without much conversation. Who she is and why she attacked remains a mystery to this day...”

Back then, Sensei, worn by time, was devoid of emotion.

It’s hard to imagine such a vibrant Sensei surrounded by students today could have been incapable of empathy.

“As for her motives, they’re beginning to clear up from my recent soliloquy, but the details are still quite elusive. Now that it’s come to this, my interest as the target is quite piqued.”

Meanwhile, the resurrected woman continues to hiss at Sensei without moving.

She must know that charging in without a plan would get her killed instantly.

And running away would hardly help, so here she remains, hissing.

“Come on. Don’t be scared now.”

Sensei says, trying to soothe the hissing resurrected woman with a cat’s tail grass in hand.

“So, miss, why are you targeting me? I don’t recall causing any trouble to the world three hundred years ago.”

That’s right.

It is said that a thousand years ago, Sensei was taken over by a sacred sword and plunged into a dungeon, becoming a Lifeless King.

It was not an intentional immortality, so he didn’t bother the outside world and spent a thousand years quietly.

The woman who attacked him was an exception.

And now, her argument.

“What are you talking about? Undead is evil by nature! All living things must eventually die! That’s a divine principle, the natural order! Defying that by continuing to exist after death is a violation of the law, the epitome of evil!”

“My ears hurt a bit.”

“That’s why I, recognized as a saintess by the Religious Order, Maradona, have come to right these wrongs!”

You keep mentioning ‘saintess,’ but what does that even mean?

Just so you know, people call me a ‘saint’ all the time, but I don’t really feel any connection.

But honestly, instead of pondering this mystery, I’d rather point out the facts.

“Um... you say undead are unnatural and evil...”

“Yes! All undead should return to the soil!”

“Aren’t you undead now too?”

“What?”

Well, you know.

You did die once and came back to life.

If you resurrected yourself, you might be a saintess, but coming back from the dead by some anomaly—that makes you an undead.

Just like you are now.

“What? I died once?... What? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!”

Oh dear, it seems this monster still hasn’t realized she was dead and is now facing that reality.

That’s exactly what’s happening, though.

Now, what will the saintess’ reaction be to the realization of her own demise?