#744 A Yoga Master’s Class

“I am the righteous decree of all things good.”

The Sage began to speak.

However, the words of this Lifeless King are oddly archaic and unfathomable.

Could his cryptic yoga teachings really get through this way?

“Don’t worry about that. I will thoroughly break it down and translate it into modern language, meow.”

Oh, it’s the cat!

As a fellow Lifeless King, the Professor can decipher the Sage’s words!

It’s not just because they’re the same kind. As a king who has lived for thousands of years, he’s undoubtedly knowledgeable and a universal translation machine!

“Thank you in advance!!!”

“The payment will be a roll of salmon, meow.”

Ugh, this crafty feline...!

“Let’s begin. This might be the first time in history that the Sage is teaching in front of such a large audience. You should consider yourselves fortunate, meow!”

“Learn and practice in time.”

The fact that two of the top-tier Lifeless Kings are teaching a class together... Things are starting to get intense, huh?

And to top it all, the class is about yoga.

Let’s quickly recap what yoga is about.

Though, this is based on my limited understanding.

Yoga originated in India... I believe.

It’s a practice where you meditate and channel superpowers into your body. 

As a result, your body becomes extraordinarily flexible, allowing you to spin around three and a half times, swallow swords without harm, and even grow your hair and nails rapidly to use them as weapons.

Before it became mainstream, it was often used as a superpower in shounen manga.

At some point, it was adopted as a method for health and beauty and became a fascination for women nationwide who wanted to be slim.

It allows you to lose weight without much effort and is trendy. 

Yoga, refined for the contemporary era, seems to have fulfilled these women’s wishes.

The person who sparked such a major trend is truly impressive.

I wonder who they are?

The one who will teach us yoga is Sage, the Lifeless King, of all people.

His only common factor with yoga is mountain training.

While I was anxious about the type of yoga the Sage would teach, I decided it might be best to let him do what he wanted since he was gracious enough to come.

You never know; he might actually teach us aesthetic yoga!!!

With that hope, the farm residents present have their eyes sparkling in anticipation.

Most of them are students who enrolled in the Farm School this year. Their eagerness to learn is palpable.

“Within each of us, the quiet and the bold coexist. The quiet mirrors Yin, and the bold personifies Yang. Through intake, we transform Yang into Yin; through output, Yin into Yang. This is the deep-rooted truth of Yin and Yang.”

“The key is diaphragmatic breathing, meow.”

Hey, this translator just left out a lot of details.

It was more like a daring summary with a sprinkle of explanation.

“The Sage is saying that the basics of yoga lie in your breath. You have to breathe deeply and slowly, focusing on your stomach. If you do, the energy you inhale will spread throughout your body and invigorate it, meow.”

Oh.

He sounds more believable now.

“Breathing is the foundation of all movement. If you can master breathing, you can achieve anything. Understanding one thing leads to comprehending everything. That’s the key principle, meow.”

The Professor’s interpretation is getting more intricate.

“Calm your mind and maintain a steady breathing rhythm in and out. Doing so fills the body with pure energy, eradicates impurities, and results in a flawless physique. If you maintain this state regularly, the human body becomes perfect, and furthermore...!”

Furthermore?

“Becomes immortal, meow.”

“That won’t do.”

That’s already way beyond the scope of health!

No, no, no! Immortality is out of the question!

Humans need to die at some point!

Plus, if you achieve such definitive results, it’s no longer a wellness or beauty method!

Are you really planning to teach yoga, Sage?!

“Immortality methods and yoga are similar things, meow.”

“But they’re still not one and the same!!!”

We can’t allow this. You need to teach proper yoga!

Yoga has evolved into a fashionable wellness technique embraced by young women in the 21st century. It should be achievable with minimal effort!

The easier it is to lose weight, the better.

I don’t want something that’s overly intense!

“Well, if one could stay young and beautiful forever, that would be ideal. I think everyone would want that. But don’t worry. Through this method, Belphgamilia, Sage’s disciple, has achieved immortality while still alive. In a way, its effectiveness has been proven, meow.”

“Yet, even as a debauchee gains a cloud to serve as the king’s aide, distress persists.”

The evidence was too overwhelming for me to accept.

“Now is the time to reveal Sage’s secret method... I mean yoga, and propagate it to the world! To birth many new Lifeless Kings! There are many gifted youngsters on this farm, so it’s sure to work, meow!”

“I won’t let that happen.”

“Meow?”

A voice like a cold shower cooled the Professor and the Sage’s excitement.

The owner of that voice radiated a frigid aura as if it were exploding from the depths of hell.

Of course, because he, too, was a lifeless corpse. 

It’s Sensei, another of the Lifeless Kings!

“Meow! It’s Sensei, meow!”

“Sensei, none can match your wisdom.”

Sensei, Professor, and Sage...?

Could it be that the “Three Wise” of the Three Wise and One Fool, considered the most formidable and malevolent among the immortal kings, have all gathered here on the farm...?

“Meow!”

“Yaa!”

Did they just high-five...?!

They’re surprisingly jovial for being at the top of the undead hierarchy.

“Anyway, you two, I can’t have you starting classes without me.”

Sensei, staying true to the undead stereotype, or perhaps reminiscent of a mummified Buddha, appears shriveled like a desiccated mummy.

Dressed in a pure clerical robe that suggests a high priest, he seems even more like a mummified Buddha.

In contrast, the Professor and the Sage, also Lifeless Kings, look far more grotesque.

The Sage, with an unlikely smoothness for undead, or rather with a rigid body like that of seborrhea, looks like a moving Buddha statue.

And uh, there’s the Professor, a cat.

What an array of personalities we have here.

Is this the diversity of a Lifeless King, boasting a legacy of thousands of years...?

Setting that aside, Sensei’s sermon continues.

“The new students are following a curriculum I crafted with all my wisdom. If you taught them the ultimate technique of Embryonic Breathing, everything would be thrown into chaos.”

“Don’t be so rigid. Once they master the guiding method and become immortal, all other techniques will follow. If they become immortal, they will have all the time to study, meow.”

“That’s precisely what I’m saying we can’t do.”

Sensei grimaces, a sight already fearsome and easy to misunderstand.

“I don’t want to create any more Lifeless Kings if I can help it.”

“What did you say, meow?

“We, the undead, understand better than anyone that we stand against the laws of nature. All living things, not just humans, exist to interact with others and raise the next generation. Consider how pitiful we are, having attained immortality and no longer needing to interact with others,” Sensei argues passionately. “We must not increase such miserable beings unnecessarily. Isn’t the reason we continue to exist as pretenders to pass on our mistakes to future generations and minimize those who stray?”

“Y-You’re right...! Despite being the youngest among us, you’re already so wise, meow!!!”

“I have been granted the mandate from above.”

The immortals seemed deeply moved by something I didn’t quite comprehend.

Thanks to Sensei’s counsel, it appears we’ve managed to prevent the mass production of immortality under the guise of a yoga class... well, that’s a relief.

It started as a trendy topic about yoga, but how did it escalate into such a serious matter?

As for Veil, who started the conversation...

“Huh? So there won’t be immortality happening today? Booooringggg.”

She looks genuinely disappointed.

“I wanted to grant Junior eternal life with this thing called yoga. Oh well.”

This girl, I swear...!

Was she still planning to meddle with Junior’s lifespan under some other pretext?!

My only wish is for my kid to grow healthily!

It’s really baffling the number of methods this world provides to escape what seems to be our inescapable destiny!