What I learned so far in life ...(Just a free, text post)

I’ve always been a person with a ton of ideas but never really had the time and the energy and the motivation to work on them. I understand why so many people don’t act on their goals and their ideas but I think it is different for every person out there, some people will, not act out of fear out of being shamed judged doing things badly things won’t look good in the end result and people are afraid of even starting because they are already thinking “what if I fail what if it looks ugly what if it doesn't work bla bla it's like people imagine in their hands a good and a bad outcome right? Like people feel inspired by an artist for example , that does really good drawings and they think about this good outcome that is like what if I could also do this wow I would be so happy about myself. But then they also go and imagine oh what if I like post my drawings for others to see and then clearly I will do a lot of beginner mistakes and I will get called out for those mistakes and I will be like a loser who does nothing right, itºs thoughts like this that make some people not do anything sort of out of fear and anxiety. But also I think for other people it is more like lack of motivation and maybe even coming from a place of depression, lack of energy to do anything extra.

I personally relate to this last one a lot. I was living a super busy life and a super exhausting life. For the 3-4years I was commuting and for the last 4 years I have been working. I have been always commuting 3-4 hours a day, so 15 to 20h of my week was just taking public transportation. I wasted all the time I couldn’t do anything with these 20 hours. I was working for 9 to 10h daily, and when you are at work the only thing you think you can do in most of the cases is your work. Especially when there is a lot of micro management. So 10h of work plus 4h of public transport makes 14h of only responsibilities. Out of this 14h, in order for you to keep going to work routine, there is like at least 2h that will involve showering, handling clothes to wash and dry and iron and preparing lunch to take to work etcm that makes it about 16h out of 24h a day just lost in mandatory responsibilities. So if you subtract 16 to 24h which is the total hours in a day, we are left with 8h which should be sleeping time the problem is, if you sleep this 8h you literally do nothing else, so you won’t have any leisure time at all, this is a life where you do nothing ever for fun or for distressing ever. Now the trade of you can do here, is to sleep like instead of 8h, sleep maybe 6h and you can get in 2h of relaxing like watching stuff online talking to friends, meet with friends, for a quick coffee talk, play games 2h, or watch a tv show, whatever it is. But this makes you sleep 6h a day which means that you will be a zombie everyday you will feel super tired you will feel less sharp at work, you will be feeling a lot more of mental fog, slowness, it will be harder to think literally, to do your routine when you are tired you will also do way more mistakes and then you will be spending extra time to correct the mistakes and once again cut your sleep even shorter most likely. And combined with all of this lack of time to rest and do anything out of work or even think about doing things out of work, combined with this horrible life style there was daily constant family abuse at home, like basically combine this feeling of exhaustion with daily bullying at home, which by the way at work, is common to be dealing with basically toxic coworkers as well. So this was a true nightmare for me, this life. And also I somehow took my driving lessons and exams during this time. I literally was skinnier. I always had huge eye bags. And my weekends for me were to always sleep in and try to rest the max I could. Weekends were when I watched my movies lying in bed, and not moving really for hours and then I would fall asleep in bed after this movies, and I would basically on the weekends sleep during the night and during the day with several like naps basically I was so exhausted that my body tried to compensate on the weekends the hours I didn't sleep during the weekdays. So my weekends were not really to enjoy and do things were more like to really just rest.

And in the last months my life really changed because of covid basically which is weird, but I know a lot of people were just living the same way I was living, zero time for themselves, stress stress and more stress. A lot of depression that is not being taken care of, anxiety etc.

Covid helped with that, in the end, because companies started allowing people to work from home. You could already get remote jobs before, but it is mainly for seniors. And you aren't someone with 10 years experience, it would be hard for you to compete for these remote jobs. Some companies did already have flexible options but, the majority of companies did not allow for remote work. And these companies are usually in the center of the big city which is too expensive for me to live there...specially with what they are willing to pay me, so that is why I had to commute so much. But that changed and I hope forever, the willingness to allow remote work and we have seen that many companies that the vaccine is rolling out, many are trying to go back and force everyone to work again at the office, is very sad for me to see this, I think the perfect mix is really to allow the ones who want to do remote to do remote and allow the ones who want to work at the office, to work at the office, I hate this idea of forcing people to everyday work in an way they feel really uncomfortable and way more unmotivated and tired etc for no reason, because many jobs can be done from home.

Anyways. Lately things have been different for me. I have been working from home all the time thanks to covid and I also moved out to a zone that is cheaper to rent apartments, of course this zone is not close to the big city at all. So I haven't been wasting 20h a week on transport, and I haven't been dealing so closely with my toxic family and this is a completely different life. Completely different.  My mental health is for sure improving, I don’t feel suicidal at the moment, and I used to feel that way all my life , until now, I always felt suicidal, since being a kid really, since my grandparents died when I was 14. I finally have time to think about my past and present and my future. Especially in the future, I can finally focus on it, and try to plan it. Which I literally had no time to do, before.

I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately...I’ve come to understand many things now that I have been working from home for a while but also have been living without my family, in my own apartment, I think overall I had more time to think. Like wasting time is really not good. If you want your life to change and you keep wasting time and you keep yourself distracted which can be a copying mechanism when you have a life that is not so good you may use entertainment to distract yourself but that may not be very good cause that will at the end of the day not improve your situation. I am not saying to never rest or to never enjoy your time with entertainment I am not saying to never relax and just be productive 24-7

No not saying that and this time is also needed for a balanced life. BUT in reality what  a lot of people do is to avoid fixing their problems and to try and forget those problems by watching netflix and playing games and then they go their entire life without working through their issues and they may end up as toxic people who blame others for their issues… and there is nothing wrong with leisure activities but if leisure is an escape a way to avoid life itself to avoid life difficulties then you really are just wasting precious time.

If you have a lot of time in your hands, there is really no reason to just waste time, there is no reason why just sit around and not use that time to make money and improve your life and the life of others you care about, or you can learn new things or better your skills at something. You can literally do so much with your time and energy, especially the more time you have the more you can do. And trust me, just pursuing better things for yourself makes you feel better, you feel better just because you are on that road, you will start feeling better before reaching your goal.  It ends up being like a distraction as well just the same way entertainment is but this distraction in particular helps you get better in life. Helps you improve your life. So you don't have to feel bad for wasting time all the time as you also feel good  because you are on your way to bigger and better things. A better you. And it's worth it. The journey is really important and it's more important than the goal sometimes. And may also make friends you know, you may meet like minded people, you can find a community. Just going after your goal can lead to a lot of good  in your life. Feeling productive, feeling part of something, a community, sharing your milestones, your results after grinding you know it's worth it.

And complaining is really, useless and waste of time, it’s even worse than just spending a lot of time indulging in leisure, because complaining doesn't even invoke positive feelings at all, it only invokes negative on yourself and it may invoke negative in others, and is like is ok to open up sometimes, preferably, to a specialist, a professional psychologist or therapist, and not to random people, that is not good, it can seriously cause you problems, but is ok also open sometimes to people you really trust, family and really close friends, but even so I would recommend the professionals, opening to professionals is better if you feel the need to complain a lot avoid going on social media and complaining, cause I feel that in the end what I learned is that it just really scales up your negative emotions and you don’t need that. Is also equally wasteful to just go on social media and fake promise the good things you will do in the future, to just go and post about your ideas and the never really work on them and never execute them, I think is obvious that overtime people will see that you are all talk and then you nothing of what you promise you will do. If you have an idea there is no need to announce it to the world, just go and start working on it, when your idea becomes something showable, you can show it later. You can really just talk about it when you have something to show for it, that’s way better. And people will be more impressed with you if you show what you did than to hear about what you promise to do.