If you've enjoyed our latest Special Episode and are wondering how you can play along at home, you are in the right place! Presented below are the official Trek Draft rules. Use them wisely.
TREK DRAFT RULES
This will be a snake draft.
You will draft a crew of 7 officers to helm your Starship
...
2024-03-28 14:15:08 +0000 UTC View Post
When Katya Bushnikova (Carly Monardo) is tasked with planning the Bachelorette Party for Meredith Chesterfield (Ali Fisher), she naturally invites Meredith's best fried, Gelmire Lysander (Tim Platt). But when Gelmire agrees to be 'just Meredith's friend' for the weekend, will an alluring suitor (Joe Lepore) come between them?
You heard right! The whole cast is doing a LIVE SHOW AT THE BELL HOUSE IN BROOKLYN ON MARCH 30TH. Rude Tales of Magic:...
What would happen, one wonders, if that villainous mastermind Darkly Gameover (Joe Lepore), hacked into the CSS Cavalier holozone to create a series of deathtraps to test Liberty Balboa (Branson Reese) and Mitzi Festerchild (Ali Fisher)? Would they rise to the occasion? Would they get stuck in the first deathtrap and in the interest of time Darkly would be forced to jettison the rest? One wonders!!
You heard right! The whole cast is doing a LIVE SHOW AT THE BELL HOUSE IN ...
Attention Officers!
If you're a fan of Oh These, Those Stars of Space, chances are you might also like Rude Tales of Magic. Well, good news for you: we're returning to the Bell House in Brooklyn for an all-new live show! Come see the whole These Those gang playing their classic Rude Tales characters in:
In order to pass through a dangerous Correxian checkpoint, the CSS Cavalier is shrunk down to the size of a coin, and escorted secretly by Dr. Dewey (Christopher Hastings) and Klaus Kitski (Branson Reese). With the lives of everyone aboard the ship in their literal hands, will Dewey and Klaus rise to the occasion? Or will their checkered pasts come back to haunt them?
Follow us on twitter, but only if you like pleasure, at 2024-01-19 04:06:17 +0000 UTC
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When Ensign Gelmire Lysander (Tim Platt), Ship's Cat Chestershire (Ali Fisher), and Ship's Mortician Clinton Bodycount (Branson Reese), need emergency shuttlecraft repairs on the abandoned mining planet SilvGold-7, they find themselves in a *gulp* ghost town. But surely the local legend of a ghostly miner who haunts the mines is nothing more than a spooky story...isn't it? For our heroes' sake, I hope so.
Follow us on twitter, but only if you like pleasure, at 2023-12-21 05:00:03 +0000 UTC
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Don't wait one second longer! Buy one for you and one each for your 100 closest relatives! Head to https://www.rudetalesofmagic.com/store before midnight eastern or regret it forever!!!
2023-12-04 22:47:53 +0000 UTC View Post
More like Black HOLE Friday!!!
We're back with another round of exclusive merch just in time for the holidays- including an incredible new SCANDAL Tee & Sweatshirt designed by our very own Carly Monardo! Orders are running until Dec. 4th to ensure delivery in time for the holidays. But why wait? Buy yours today!! Find all the merch in our store
2023-11-24 14:45:29 +0000 UTC
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Sometimes, dear listener, family reunions aren't 100% joyful. I know this may come as a shock to you, all the more reason you'll relate to Meredith Chesterfield (Ali Fisher), when she's visited by her twin siblings Bester Meth (Branson Reese) and Hester Beth Chesterfield (Carly Monardo), who come bearing bad news. For a hint as to what, see the episode title!
Follow us on twitter, but only if you like pleasure, at 2023-11-16 22:47:53 +0000 UTC View Post
By the end of this episode, you'll be like "Rip Van Winkle? More like Rip...Van...Twinkle Toes!"
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
Bubbsriel (Carly Monardo)
Pluto Cloud-Atlas (Christopher Hastings)
Rip Van Winkle (Tim Platt)
Follow us on twitter, but only if you like pleasure, at
2023-10-19 14:30:39 +0000 UTC
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Scandal (Carly Monardo). Charity (Ali Fisher). Dr. Dewey (Christopher Hastings). In a room with a Crunbo. What could go wrong?
Follow us on twitter, but only if you like pleasure, at @ohthesethose
Oh These, Those Stars of Space is powered by Lasers &a...
2023-09-21 04:00:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Chat time, you extraterrestrials! Joe, Ali, Chris, and Carly are makin' pods and answerin' Qs. We talk guest star Ryan North, all the latest Vestavia news, and even squeeze in Trill Talk. It's Oh These, Those Chats of Show.
Ed. Note: There's a lil audio glitch right when Ali says something that kicks off a long conversation. Annoying but sometimes that's showbiz, baby!
When a Vanguard Tentacle Expert arrives on the ship, Groomda (Tim Platt) can't be far behind. And when that Tentacle Man has an old friend aboard- Helmsman Pluto Cloud-Atlas (Christopher Hastings) can't be far behind either. And when a weird asteroid crashes into the ship? Well that rock's mysterious passenger (Carly Monardo) absolutely cannot be far behind. Hope they can keep up, but has everyone been doing their cardio?
Follow us on twitter, but only if you like pleasure, at
2023-08-17 04:01:00 +0000 UTC
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When Junior Mortician Vestavia (Carly Monardo), Ship's Agent Billy Onassis (Branson Reese), and Mage of Ill Portent (Christopher Hastings), find themselves on the bridge of the CSS Cavalier, we can only hope they won't be called upon to save the ship in a moment of crisis. They are not equipped to take that kind of thing on!
Follow us on twitter, but only if you like pleasure, at 2023-07-20 05:17:51 +0000 UTC
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You've waited patiently, and now here it is: the results from our Spring poll for the Top Ten Episodes of Oh These, Those Stars of Space! Thanks to everyone who made their voices heard. We salute you 🗽
After counting up all the results, we have our winner by a clear margin- Casketshowrooms! It turns out your favorite episode also has the longest title...
Did your favorite make the cut? Every episode received at least three votes so there are going to be some he...
2023-07-13 19:26:45 +0000 UTC View Post
Chat Time! Friends Joe and Tim are here to answer your burning Qs, cast the cast as Superman and Batman Villains, and even drop a little announcement at the end...! I guess it's just another Oh These, Those Chats of Show.
On a critical mission for the CSS Cavalier, Ensign Gelmire Lysander (Tim Platt) and his bodyguards Scandal (Carly Monardo) and Charity Mesterfield (Ali Fisher) have nowhere to turn but to an old friend: Xander Mercutio, governor of the Ring City of Relzax. Not only is he willing to help our heroes, he's coincidentally just made a deal to ensure the continued independence of his station. Rad!
Follow us on twitter, but only if you like pleasure, at 2023-06-15 21:20:08 +0000 UTC
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When a mysterious door appears before three Cavalier crewmembers, they find themselves freed from the hustle-bustle of the galaxy. Each is faced with a momentous choice. Will Werimether (Christopher Hastings) choose to live as a Mage of Good Fortune? Will Groomda (Tim Platt) find love? And will ship's Actor Hercules EGOT (Branson Reese) find a stage big enough for him? And will these choices take them away from the Cavalier- Forever??
Follow us on twitter, but only if you like plea...
Though beloved members of our heroic crew, sometimes officers Clare President (Taylor Moore) and Rip Van Winkle (Tim Platt) can feel like outsiders. And when the ship's hot new schoolmaster, Ichabod Crane (Branson Reese) threatens Rip's status as "Ship's Public Domain Washington Irving Character Brought to Life", he starts to wonder, do I belong here at all? Even Clare seems to love him! No one even cares that Ichabod slept with Rip's wife like 700 years ago! Maybe the only thing that can kee...
2023-03-23 04:31:50 +0000 UTC View Post
For the first time ever, the incredible minds behind Oh These, Those Stars of Space are reaching out you, our beloved listeners, to compile the definitive OTTSS TOP TEN Countdown (until we do this again).
We're opening the polls for one week, until next Friday, March 17th. At that point, if you're still in line, STAY IN LINE!! But you cannot vote.
We're asking you to rank your Top 5 These Thoses, and we'll tally your votes to determine the Top Ten Stars of Space a...
2023-03-10 20:57:15 +0000 UTC View Post
Brought to you by the Black Orb on Taylor's desk!
2023-03-09 11:01:00 +0000 UTC View Post
No new episode this week (too busy celebrating our loves) but instead we thought we'd treat you with an all-new image of the entire Cavalier crew! Yep, From Chestershire all the way to Marvin Blond, this has everyone, all thanks to the drawing hand of Mr. Branson Reese [hold for applause]!
Can you name each and every character? GOOD LUCK
When the crew of the Cavalier discovers a shipwreck in deep space with ties to their past, you won't be shocked to learned they send an away team to check it out. Including our heroes Bubbsriel (Carly Monardo), Legs Loveless (Taylor Moore), and Scorpio Ni-Yeer (Branson Reese). But what happens next?
Something you never thought possible.
It will take everything they've got—and maybe the luck of a new friend—to get out of this one.
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While the crew mourns a fallen comrade, duty still calls for Katya Bushnikova (Carly Monardo), Liberty Balboa (Branson Reese), and Clare President (Taylor Moore). And, with the Cavalier's water reserves running low, they are sent- where else? AQUWORLD. Hope everything goes...swimmingly.
Follow us on twitter, but only if you like pleasure, at 2023-01-24 05:00:03 +0000 UTC
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Part Final
by Aubrey Lysander
“Dude, I seriously think working at those weird magazines has, like, rotted your brain. You assume everything is a conspiracy. He’s just a normal vape salesman.”
Gelmire walks me through the Cavelier, introducing me to his coworkers and peers. I would have hoped for the crew of an intergalactic war machine to have more reasonable employees at its helm. Instead, I’m welcomed by a parade of the ridiculous...
2023-01-17 15:00:02 +0000 UTC View Post
Available Now here: https://www.bonfire.com/androids-never-die/
An incredible new shirt from our very own Carly Monardo, inspired by our most recent episode! Wondering what's going on with Threadcount on this shirt? Definitely give that episode a listen, friends!!
This a limited-edition drop so get yours today!!
Part MORE (yeah, more GROOMDA)
by Aubrey Lysander
Memory of a stupor.
Just type what you can recall. Already everything is fading.
The tentacle lulls me into a trance. A faint resemblance to the riff of “Stellar” by Incubus and what I imagine Odysseus heard from The Sirens of Space Greek Moon Mythology. The memory of the melody is almost enough to knock me out again. Fight it, Aubrey. Recount the vision.
A vast ocean with no land in ...
2023-01-12 15:00:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Part SpaceThree
by Aubrey Lysander
I have one of Groomda’s tentacles.
It’s about two feet long. Four inch circumference in the middle with each end diminishing into a classic tentacle point. Purple, slimy skin with a lavender “suction cup area” at the bottom. And boy does it have a personality.
Mostly the tentacle acts like a Terran Cat. It naps; it zoomies; it leaps from surface to surface as if on a mission of discovery. &n...
2023-01-10 15:00:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Part Groo
by Aubrey Lysander
Here are the facts.
1) Groomda is a high ranking officer on the Cavalier.
2) Groomda is a scientist.
3) Groomda is more successful at tasks that require feelings than tasks that require lasers, which is a silly way to design a scientist.
4) Groomda has an ice form.
I was able to gather this information from my brother Gelmire and not, strangely, from Groomda’s Vanguard Public Profile. Groomda’s VPP is unlike eve...
2023-01-05 17:52:37 +0000 UTC View Post
Groomda’s Deal
by Aubrey Lysander
My brother Gelmire has long provided me material. Back when the notion of a career in writing was as distant from my thoughts as Jupiter from Earth (pre Vermont Portal), I would recount Gelmire’s endless social disasters to our cousins via VMail (mail via Vermont Portal). His illustrious career at the Academy gave a personal perspective to the more bureaucratic nuts and bolts journalism I was producing at my first job...
2023-01-03 15:00:03 +0000 UTC View Post