Nacho stood in the demo kitchen of the Satiation Shoppe and tried to ignore the annoyed sighs of the Cinnabunny. He was intrigued by this very expensive Common Cook class, and he was dying to know about the skills, so he dove right in.
INGREDIENT PROCESSING (REQUIRED): The lucky cook with this skill can process all kinds of monstrous fruits, vegetables, and beasts of higher tiers based on their level. This isn’t just killing, skinning, and dressing your average carrot, oh no. This...
2022-09-23 11:00:07 +0000 UTC
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Crossing the threshold of the Satiation Shoppe, Nacho received a variety of messages.
Greetings, Player!
Congratulations! You not only did well on your evaluation, but you scored in the top one percent! That’s not easy to do. Your reward isn’t all that great, sorry. You do have the chance to become a Satiation Player!
Do you like chopping onions, dicing peppers, and standing over a stove for hours and hours? Or maybe you’d like to burn yourself on...
2022-09-22 11:00:05 +0000 UTC
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Nacho looked around at the mall surrounding a central abyss, and his inner safety-minded self was happy there were railings. He found himself without the backpack he’d strapped on before the Juxtaposition began, but he was confident he’d have it in the Starter World. His left arm was also completely healed, and he felt full and hydrated.
All dressed up and formal, he walked over to gaze down into the dark nothing below. Normally, there might be a first floor down there. Not in the E...
2022-09-21 11:00:07 +0000 UTC
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The soon-to-be-official assassin started a tiny fire in the crypt, solely for the light, and prepared for his midnight run. Taking a burial shroud, he rubbed it in dust until it became a dark gray, then used it to cover his cuirass and anything else that might shine. He gathered his bow and his last five arrows, then noiselessly followed the low stone wall into the central forest.
The crescent moon above wasn’t doing him any favors, but there were still thick trees and undergrowth for...
2022-09-20 14:14:16 +0000 UTC
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Not wanting to take a chance on a fire that night, Nacho cracked open the pinecones he’d collected and added pine nuts to his peanuts and berries, washing the meal down with a large gulp of water that had been cooled by the stone cave. For now, he could drink as much as he wanted, but the level of the pond had dropped another inch. “Trail mix and water. Hard to beat; even harder to eat.”
The strange voices had vanished into the west, but he knew that whoever—or whatever—those ...
2022-09-19 14:48:32 +0000 UTC
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Nacho found the cave on the north side of the mound of rocks. Inside waited a trio of Rat Nasties, a rodent monster similar to the Claw Squirrels, but with exponentially less cuteness to them. The rats had filthy fur, diseased pink tails, and both their arms and legs were visibly muscled.
He reflected on the fact that he was doing so much better than his first go-through. Last time, he’d spent way too much time filling his non-existent underwear and running from monsters. Kil...
2022-09-19 14:48:23 +0000 UTC
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“Yay, I’m not crazy!” Nacho was more relieved than he would ever let his friends know. That would’ve been awkward if the clock had hit twelve-oh-one and they’d just been standing in the apartment wearing their backpacks, not to mention a mountain of debt falling on him and the police ready to pack him away. “The best apocalypses are the ones you can set your clock by.”
Nacho had appeared in the Evaluation World wearing a tunic and sandals, which were basic clothes of antiq...
2022-09-19 14:48:15 +0000 UTC
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Nacho watched his friends, doing everything he could to delay their departure. As the time of their wedding drew closer, his eyes flicked to Reuben just as his larger friend tugged on the collar of his tuxedo. Looking slightly to the left, where Brie was standing and trying not to see her soon-to-be husband, he suppressed a wince as the unnaturally uncomfortable lady in her wedding dress glared at him more furiously with each passing moment.
Brie was not happy that the...
2022-09-19 14:48:04 +0000 UTC
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“Crave!” Nacho snarled as he yanked himself away from the table, staggered into his bedroom, stumbled across the dirty clothes littering the floor, and crashed into his closet door. He was back in his apartment? Impossible! He would’ve thought it was a hallucination, or some kind of simulation, but no, he could smell his roommate’s dirty socks. This… this was real? He was back in the apartment that he shared with Reuben, within walking distance of the University of Missouri-Kansas C...
2022-09-19 14:47:43 +0000 UTC
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“It’s time to go.”
On the last night of his life, Nacho stood perfectly still, wrists manacled as his eyes roved one of the few overgrown green spaces of the camp. At that moment, he was doing his best to smell the roses that had bloomed in the area.
He snarled deep in his chest as he looked at his ‘captors’. They didn’t need to lock him up, but even knowing that he couldn’t do anything against them—guaranteed by the magical contract that he had signed the...
2022-09-19 14:47:26 +0000 UTC
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Cover art! Whee!
2022-09-19 14:29:48 +0000 UTC
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HI all!
Today we are starting a new trilogy that I've already FINISHED writing.
COOKING WITH DISASTER
However, I have not edited it yet, which means that what you have to say will still impact the final product. Oh, and I'm in negotiations with a very large company that really really wants the audio for it. I'll let you know what happens there.
Also, I'm gonna release a chapter every weekday for this week, then back to regular posting next week. Have fun!
2022-09-19 14:28:27 +0000 UTC
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I'm considering making a Special Edition hardcover of one of my books, with ten full-page illustrations in it. The only question is, where do I start? That’s where you come in!
I can only do one to start with, which should it be?
UPDATE: By overwhelming majority, Ritualist is the winner!
2022-09-16 20:47:35 +0000 UTC
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Hi guys! With implode being sent to you on Wednesday, I figure you probably don’t want more of those chapters today!
I’ve got a couple more things in the tank ready to go!
2022-09-16 13:18:20 +0000 UTC
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It took some doing, but Joe believed that he had managed a working version on only the second attempt. The first one wouldn't even start up—for some reason, any mana he put into it was continually removed—until he located a set of variables that would have probably fried his brain if he had managed to get it working. As soon as he had caught the error, he called over a large mass of the ritual goo, formed it into a teddy bear, and gave it a giant hug. “Thanks for not letting me...
2022-09-14 11:01:15 +0000 UTC
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Surprise! Hello to all my most wonderful and amazing fans and friends! We got the audio files this morning, and decided to go live with it TODAY instead of waiting at all!
The Ebook is in your inbox if you're at the $5+ tier, and If you are at the $15+ tier, audio will hit your inbox... later tonight! (files processing)
More fun and awesome things to come in the future, thanks so much for being a part of this! You guys rock.
2022-09-13 23:18:23 +0000 UTC
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“To get the most out of my Lore, I need to bring my Magical Matrices to a higher tier. If I can bring it to the Journeyman rank, I will gain at least a forty percent bonus to putting concepts into actual practice.” Joe was doing a quick rundown of his class abilities and trying to figure out ways to improve them as rapidly as possible. Unfortunately for him, the only way that he could think to train this particular skill was by utter grinding. It was unfortunately imperative for ...
2022-09-12 17:31:05 +0000 UTC
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You have benefited greatly from training under a Grandmaster!
Mana Manipulation has reached Student IX!
“You are already a Journeyman in Coalescence? You got there before you did so with Mana Manipulation?” For some reason, this seemed to intrigue the Dwarf greatly. “That is backward from nearly anyone else I have ever had the pleasure of discussing this skill with. Typically, that means you would have been using a large amount of power and not ove...
2022-09-09 11:00:15 +0000 UTC
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The Ritualist did his best to concentrate on the changes that he was enacting, but it was very difficult to concentrate with a swarm of Dwarves ransacking the building behind him. Clearly whatever they had been finding was extremely exciting, because the shouting had not reduced for the last hour at the minimum. Even so, Joe found it wonderful to be back in a Ritual Hall.
Taking notes and putting his thoughts in order were so much easier now that he was connected to the… goo?...
2022-09-07 11:00:04 +0000 UTC
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Unlike every other time that he had accessed a teleportation field or an elevator, the trip was not instantaneous. In fact, it felt much more like riding the Bifrost than it did teleporting from one location to another instantly. Also, what might have felt ‘ticklish’ to a Grandmaster Dwarf certainly felt like having his top layer of skin flayed off and kosher sea salt rubbed in.
Even so, he was able to fully enjoy the transportation. The sights that grew visible as the Zone receded ...
2022-09-05 11:00:05 +0000 UTC
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Following the Grandmaster into the Council room caused all sorts of murmuring to break out among the other participants. Six Masters were seated around the table, seven when Stu took his place. The guards that attempted to enter, clearly to keep an eye on the human, were waved away by the white-haired leader of the city. “Hello, everyone, lovely day to finally share the secrets of the Sage’s Summit with someone else, isn't it?”
Silence met her words, as Joe had no idea what she wa...
2022-09-02 11:00:05 +0000 UTC
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“I never cared about getting on the Council,” Joe grumbled as the Master celebrated with his people around them. A piece of rotten fruit bounced off of the Ritualist’s face, and the human whipped his head up with fury in his eyes, daring someone to try that again. A few of them appeared as if they were willing to take that dare, so he kept the smirk off his face and activated Exquisite Shell and Retaliation of Shadows. His protective spells sprang up into place, and as a walnut bounced ...
2022-08-31 11:00:05 +0000 UTC
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“I am a known Master of the Council.” The as-yet-unnamed Dwarf called to the crowd at large. “Today we had a human walk into our city, and one of the first things that he did was challenge me directly!”
*Booo!*
“That's right, Boo! Boo for this ridiculous, over-entitled smear that came in here to cozy up with the leadership of our city!” The Dwarf turned and glared directly at Joe. “I don't know about the rest of you, but I think that he has other pl...
2022-08-29 11:00:05 +0000 UTC
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“Pardon my intrusion. I was simply wondering if the impending lack of food in this area is going to be an issue for the city?” Joe had asked the same question dozens of times already, each time earning an unintelligible grunt, glance of disdain, or occasionally a wordless shake of the head in reply. “Anyone? This is an issue that I am very concerned about! With the teleporters down and the bridge from the goat path destroyed, so few opportunities for gathering food exist!”
At th...
2022-08-26 11:00:05 +0000 UTC
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Happily, the presence of Major Cleave made the welcoming party actually welcoming, instead of an angry mob out for their blood. It was with a collective sigh of relief that they were welcomed into the city, which apparently had been expecting to be besieged, rather than visited. Even with their story checking out, their Dwarven companion vouching for them, and Joe’s high rank in the Legion, they were still assigned a high-level guard as their escort-slash-executioner.
The guard had be...
2022-08-24 11:00:05 +0000 UTC
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The colors shifted from moment to moment, energy never staying in a single place for more than an instant. Everything was in flux, and the fact that he was moving made the visualization so disorienting that he could fervently describe it as nauseating. As he flew forward, the contents of his stomach erupted into the air, and he was able to see how a combination of coffee, elemental mana, and stomach acid appeared when represented as purest energy.
It looked nasty.
Even so...
2022-08-22 11:00:06 +0000 UTC
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He was frozen in the moment, staring at the strange, creeping… the only word he could think of to describe what was happening to the essence of the world at this moment was ‘influence’. The energy that undergirded reality, that seemed to make up everything, was having something added to it. Anything that was free-floating seemed to be impacted by it, including the mana that he was regenerating, and what he was expelling by using the orb in his hand.
Joe wasn't entirely certain...
2022-08-19 11:00:05 +0000 UTC
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It wasn't too terribly long before they found the first enemies along their path. The small group of cat-like creatures made Joe think nervously about Queen Cleocatra, although these were definitely monstrous Lynx. While they may have been as intelligent as normal cats, they certainly were not a shape-shifting race of hidden beings. He didn't even need to ask; Cleave simply announced what they were up against.
“I don't remember the name of these things, but I know what they do. These ...
2022-08-17 11:00:05 +0000 UTC
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“I think—mind you I don't know for sure, but I think,” Major Cleave reassured them as they reached the third rest area on the path, “that we can stop here for some rest and recuperation.”
“Finally!” Jaxon dove into the roughly one hundred by one hundred foot space, pulling out a bedroll in midair and pushing his face into it. By the time he hit the ground, he was fully ensconced in the sleeping bag and resting comfortably. “One of the drawbacks to havin...
2022-08-15 11:00:06 +0000 UTC
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Contrary to Joe's expectations, they were not led to a secret tunnel. There was no entrance hidden behind a bush, no waterfall guarding a secret path to a magical city. Instead, they simply began their trek into the mountains, following a narrow path that could fit only a single dwarf at a time. If it were not for the fact that he knew magical storage devices existed that would allow for the rapid transit of huge amounts of resources and everything that a thriving city needed, he would never ...
2022-08-12 11:00:06 +0000 UTC
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