tedsteel

2.40 - Play On

40.

Football glossary: Play on. Continue the game! Your player was kicked, but you have the ball in an advantageous position. So play on!

***

Saturday, 10th December

The first team gathered at Eastbourne and stayed indoors for as long as possible while our kit and bags were loaded onto the team bus. Indoors. Out of the cold, and boy was it cold. Our training pitches were under a foot of snow. We were heading south, far south, the deep south. Almost as far as <...

2.39 - The Devil Is In the Detail

Dear Patrons. As you know, I also write operettas. This one is called Ted Sings to His Readers:

- Would you like a double chapter?

- No we deserve much more!

- Would you like a triple chapter?

- No we’ve seen that length before!

- Would you like a quadruple chapter?

- Wow no thanks that's far too long.

What I'm saying is, get a tea. Get some jaffa cakes. And get ready for the longest chapter of all time.

...

39.

2.38 - The Attention Game

Hey! Do you like AI generated fan art? No? Well, close your eyes and scroll down about 4 inches.

Thanks to OneAutumnLeaf in the Discord chats!

38.

It started with Emma ringing my doorbell at 7:30. She'd taken the day off work and didn't seem too worried about the consequences. I guessed that dreamy blondes got away with such things a bit more readily than the rest ...

2.37 - Double Dribble

Quick note - I'm sure you sometimes think 'this story is top but the footy bits are slightly unrealistic'. Not so! Remember Darlo vs Kettering? So many red cards? Check out last night's Man United vs Fulham match - 2 red cards for Fulham players and one for their manager WITHIN 40 SECONDS! Events in Player Manager are tame by comparison!

Kay. On with the show:

**...

2.36 - Side to Side

36.

I flopped against the back cushion and felt something cold and wet press against my back. For a second, I worried I'd spilled something on Henri's nice sofa, but it was just my sweat spreading around my lower back. "Quick shower," I said, and tried to bound up the stairs. I was still pretty rigid from the previous night's exertions, though, so it took me a while to get to the en-suite.

The good thing about showers is that you can't bring your phone or laptop in ther...

2.35 - Do Better

Double chapter, almost a treble! This chapter is best served with a small bag of Cadbury's Mini Eggs and a big bag of red wine.

35.

We still had a bit of time before Holland vs USA, and I had a moment of inspiration. We put the shopping in the fridge, then got in my car. I checked I was fit to drive - I was, but it was borderline. So Emma drove my Subaru to a stationery shop that Henri seemed to frequent, based on the little paper bags in ...

2.34 - The Max Best Manifesto

34.

By Saturday morning I had turned into a human brick. A few times, I woke up and wanted a sausage butty or to pee but simply couldn't move. My legs were eight times their normal weight. Henri's bedroom had different gravity. I assumed I'd spend the rest of my life there, crushed under the pressure of my own fatigue. I couldn't even move my arms to put a podcast on, so I let myself curve in and out of sleep, before finally going deep, deep under.

A hand brushed my arm.

Tha...

Max Best IRL

Hi all!

Quick unexpected bonus content.

In the Discord chats, one Club Legend told us he was inspired by Player Manager to get back on the pitch after a long break. He found a Friday night game and wrote his experience up as a story which you can now read! If you like it, there's already a sequel. Like or comment if you'd like more of this kind of thing. (Not for algorithms. Just so I know.)

Happy Sunday,

Ted

...

2.33 - Go For the Corner

33.

We got into position for the second half. The crowd had visibly diminished. I hoped they were inside somewhere, buying beers, and hadn't fucked off home.

"Best!" Caveman was yelling at me.

I spread my arms. What?

"That's not the plan!"

Instead of being in the central DM slot, I was loitering out on the right wing. I was running one of my famous scams. Kettering’s manager was a few yards away from me. Based on a cursory examination of the pitch, heâ...

2.32 - Kettering Town

32.

Friday 2 December

On Friday morning we did a light training session, just loosening up and going through the match plans one last time.

I ate in the canteen and really had a lot of questions about it. The food was the same as the day before, even though we had a match scheduled for that night. I didn't know much about being a professional, but I knew I wasn't supposed to eat the same food the day before and the day of. I didn't expect a small club to have its own nutriti...

2.31 - Here Endeth the Lesson

31.

Sunday felt like climbing out of a hole. First, I got a lunchtime text from Emma. Just a light kind of 'checking in' message. I responded in kind. I guessed that Gemma had told Emma what she'd seen, and that while I was bonkers, I wasn't bonking women left, right, and centre. So Emma was trying to stay friends or whatever and was no longer mad at me. I didn't really need an outrageously sexy blonde friend, but it was better than nothing.

Then I got invited to watch ...

2.30 - Yellow Cards

30.

I paused as Henri opened a car door for me. "Enchanté," I said.

"I'm opening the door for Gemma. You get in the front."

"Why?"

"Because you're a professional footballer and we're going to be driving for two hours."

I didn't really understand what he was talking about. "What?"

"Being scrunched up in cars is bad for your hamstrings. The passenger seat has been calibrated. Now get in and don't press any buttons."

Gemma p...

2.29 - Poking the Bear

29.

The coach pulled over. The rest of the first team craned their necks in baffled amazement as I stepped off and got cozy at a random bus stop on Princess Parkway. I felt a bit odd wearing my Darlo hoodie and clutching my Darlo kit bag not all that far from my house in Moss Side. From the back seats, the cavemen gave me dead, flat looks. I blanked them; I'd already poked that bear enough for one week.

***

I checked the MUNDIAL tab and my accounts.

XP balance...

2023-03-03 11:24:48 +0000 UTC View Post

2.28 - All Out Attack

28.

"Well played, Webby, lad," Cutter called out, and gave the guy a pat on the back as he left the pitch.

That was my answer, then. Cutter needed me more than I needed him.

I strolled over to the far side of the pitch and waited for someone to pass to me.

***

Hereford were well up for the game. There were a lot of 7s in their match ratings, and a couple of 8s. Darlington had a lot of 7s and a couple of 6s. The left-back smashed into me the first chanc...

2.27 - Monkey Island

27.

Henri's bed was so incredibly comfortable and I was so terribly fatigued that I overslept. I jumped out of bed and zoomed to training. To save three seconds, I even left my kit bag on the dressing room bench for the first time since Captain Caveman's Wet Welcome.

Fortunately, Henri's house was so close and the roads were so clear that I entered the meeting room for the weekly planning just before 9. Made it! Even though I was on time, Cutter gave me a murderous look.

"Gl...

2.26 - Holy Moses

26.

While I was touching a couple of fingers to my neck to see how fast my pulse was going, a couple of young women approached our table. White, thin, fake tan, high-waisted jeans, big hoopy earrings. One's neck was bare, the other wore two different necklaces. Now that I was spending most of my time with tall, powerful footballers, these women seemed hilariously tiny. They made up for it with oversized personalities, though.

"Can we sit 'ere?" said one. We were on one ...

2.25 - Copa Mundial

25.

I read through the perk - twice - then looked at James. "Would you like to help me with a project?"

"Oh. Yes. Probably. What is it?"

"Two things. One. You're a big movie buff and you like Bible stuff. I've often thought of writing a screenplay. Maybe one where there's a guy who's made enemies with a demon. Maybe you could find out what the Bible says about killing demons. Silver bullets, holy water, garlic, whatever."

"Well -"

"And the most importa...

2.24 - Timing

24.

So much of football is about timing.

Egypt are due to play in the first World Cup, but miss their connecting ship to Uruguay. If only they'd arrived, they might have won, and people might have taken African football more seriously in the subsequent hundred years.

Lucas Digne signs for Everton. He loves it and the fans love him. Things go smoothly until he falls out with his manager. After a very public spat, Digne demands a transfer. He moves to Aston Villa. T...

2.23 - Whoever Has Will Be Given More

[Triple. Chapter. Triple chapter. Again!]

23.

I knocked on the door of a shitty terraced house in north Manchester. If you don't know what a terraced house is, don't imagine a place with 2,000 football fans living on the side - it's not that kind of terrace. I think in some countries they're called row houses. You might remember that I used to live in one. That was in the old days, though. Now, I'd moved up, skipping the semi-detached phase of the property ladd...

2.22 - No Backsies

22.

Alfy took the kick off and had a little go at us. Trying to get a quick equaliser. I shuffled and slid and kept the shape. I even sprinted to help Colin, the prick, out of a jam.

All the while, I thought about my ideal next steps. The absolute dream would probably be for me to score the second goal, really whip up the fans, and then... Then what? There would come a point where me shooting all the time would stop being inspirational and start being obnoxious.

I...

2.21 - A New Light

[Triple length chapter! Grab TWO coffees!]

21.

Guys slapped each other as I walked through the changing room. Get a load of this!

Dudes got out of my way as I slammed open the doors to the outside world. Oh my God, what happened to him?

I walked across the pitch towards David Cutter, manager of Darlington Football Club.

I say walked, but what I really mean is hobbled. Actually, I mean wobbled. The crutches sank into the dewy ...

2.20 - Managing Expectations

20.

Dirt. Dirt and decay. Dirt, decay, and debris.

Sweat. Stale sweat, the stink of sweat, dried sweat, sweaty beanbags, discarded sweaters, bags of socks both sweaty and discarded.

Boys. Teenage boys, teenage men. Belch, burp, hack, spit, cough, fart, drip, drool, scratch, repeat.

A woman comes to tidy, to clean, to rub, to bleach. King Canute goes to shore and instructs the tide to turn. Same result.

By the standards of the entire sweep of human civilisation, t...

Player Manager: The Audiobook

I don't listen to many audiobooks myself because I fall asleep, wake up to hear who the killer is, then go back to chapter 2 and find the whole thing is ruined.

But 50% of the comments I see on Facebook LitRPG groups and Reddit are 'that book sounds cool but is there an audio version?'

So in the interests of letting more people enjoy Player Manager, I started looking into making an audiobook. The whole thing seemed expensive and exhausting, but I was tentatively going ahead with i...

2.19 - Jam Tomorrow

19.

Wednesday, 16th November

I was first onto the training pitch again, getting my day off to a good start by smacking free kicks at goal. 5 right foot, collect the balls, have a think. 5 left foot, collect, think. It was a good rhythm. I could have taken a whole bag of balls but then I would have only been shooting and not reflecting.

That morning I was reflecting on the curse. I'd been gathering bits of XP here and there, and slowly paying down my debt. But wher...

2.18 - Whitby Town

18.

I had a hearty lunch in the staff canteen - apparently it was the done thing to load up on carbs the day before a match. The goalies were great company but were puzzled that I had chosen not to take a shower after the session. They kept ribbing me about it until I announced that while I didn't mind the joke, we were wasting valuable time where they could be teaching me about football.

After lunch, I walked back to the digs, took a shower, and drove back to the train...

2.17 - Top Gear

17.

I demanded the minivan keys from a very, very reluctant Pat.

"I'll drive you, lad. Where are you off ta?"

"Please hand over the keys, Pat."

"You're not insured!"

"The keys if you please." He dropped them into my palm. "My boots and shinpads are in the shower. Please leave them there."

"What?" He seemed dismayed, not by the news, but by my request.

"Leave them, Pat. Whoever cleans in there, let them know."

With that, I zipped out t...

2.16 - Digs

16.

Football glossary: Digs. Digs are cheap, shared accommodation owned or run by a football club for use by their junior players.

***

At around 6, Henri kicked us out. That is to say, he kicked me out, and then he kicked Emma out. I waited for him to do the same to Gemma, but he must have forgotten she was there.

With a grin, I shook hands with my new client, and took Emma to the train station.

I waited with her until her train came. "You know the way...

2.15 - The Fast Track

15.

There was a minor logistics issue. Because I'd walked to the restaurant and Henri had arrived in his impractical two-seated Lotus Seven, he would have to drive me to my car, and then I'd go back to the restaurant and drive the ladies to the stadium. Henri, of course, wanted to do it in a more complicated way.

"We will both drive back here and take one woman each. I choose... Gemma." Gemma wasn't the giggling type, but that was the closest she came.

"Oh, great,...