tredlocity

Regret

Young Space Dread had a whole cyber-angel thing for a while, where she would bust out her laser wings, but they don't really work and they keep tearing her robes.

(Dex owned by C)

Layers

Isaac used magic to make Val's body more noodly and stretchy so that she could fit into the giant armor suits. It's a horrid and horrible and terrible and terrifying experience and Val never wants to do it ever again.

A week later she asked Isaac to do the spell on her again so she could reach a pen she dropped under the fridge.

Brinner

Clarinet

The wife cursed the clarinet to sound really, really bad even though she could have just cursed it to sound better so that she wouldn't hate it as much. Good communication is the secret of a successful marriage and curse.

Call

Val used to be afraid of the night stars. She would stay up all night, worried that they'll fall on her house. Then her mom bought her glow-in-the-dark star stickers to show her that stars can be conquered. All she had to do was use her imagination, and the stars will do her bidding.

The Helmet

Val's dad keeps changing the recipe of the spacaroni dish, due to moving to different planets with different ingredient availability but he always adds too much pepper. That's the one constant in all his spacaroni cooking attempts.

Better

There was a weird few seconds when Val realized that her ship's bedroom smelled more like home than its Kazgarified version, which was closer to what she spent most of her teen years in. Was it relief that she felt? She hoped so.

Undo

At that moment, the people of Isaac's potted planet were in the middle of forming a subculture around appreciating Kazgar propaganda ironically, before it all got turned back into non-kazgar stuff. In the next few days they formed a subculture around appreciating appreciating Kazgar propaganda ironically ironically, but it got overshadowed with the mainstream return of ventriloquist acts.

Break It

Surprisingly, a lot of magic spells can be broken just by smashing a thing. Though after several incidents in which Val smashed something to stop a spell and ended up making everything worse, Isaac came up with procedures for when an unknown magic thing is happening:

• Drink Anti-Magic
• Get Isaac
• If Isaac is unavailable, wait for Isaac
• If time sensitive, call Space Dread
• If Space Dread unavailable, call Wizard Help Line (ask for Twitch)
• If...
  2021-03-03 23:00:00 +0000 UTC View Post

The Source

Aside from (most of) the outer plating, all of Val's armor has been completely removed and/or replaced with other tech. The only one she was most resistant to part with is the back massager, which she couldn't find a suitable replacement for. There was also an arm-mounted death-cannon but that was too heavy to ever be useful.

Out of the Frying Pan

One of Kthaioth's demands as a patron is for the ship to only be operable with him around. This is due to his fear of abandonment and rejection, which is understandable but it doesn't excuse this toxic behavior. Warlock-demon pairings need to be built on a foundation of trust. Without it, they are unable to conquer and defeat their enemies.

Kthaioth!

While they're very demanding, warlock demons tend to be very powerful. Warlocks would have to pick carefully on which demon they would form a pact. It is said that, when in full power, Kthaioth can destroy a small moon with only one blow. Kthaioth is a being of pure destructive energy.

Of course, there are beings more powerful than demons.

Non-Existence...

Many planets used to farm orkroids for their meat. However, any planet that lets orkroids grow in numbers end up disappearing from history. This is why orkroids are very rare. They also taste really bad, but rich foodies still eat them anyway.

The Plan

Kazgar Warlocks Weekly is no longer published since the fall of the empire, but some people collect old issues for the cake recipes and word jumbles. Also, the spells, but mostly it's the cake recipes.

Happy Valentine's Day!

The best thing about VR picnics, Doris was about to say, is that robots and organics share the same simulated sensations. Minnow somewhat agrees, except having a rose stuck through your head would feel pretty different in real life, she imagines.

(Current arc will resume in three days.)

Great Val the Redpink

Kazgarian comics are all about how you should eat your vegetables and listen to your parents and be loyal to the great empire. You'd think they'd only make a handful, but no they keep making them for years with reboots and revivals and have blockbuster movie adaptations and they'e all just about how kids should go to school and not do drugs and report any suspicious individuals who might be spies.

Potted

Val did a really poor job taking care of Isaac's potted planet back when he was training for the wizard bake-off. She left potato chip crumbs all over it. It did solve a hunger crisis, and helped he people invent potato chips, but it increased potato-chip based crimes which led to the potted planet's fifth civil war.

If only they were more peaceful, like the Lava/Chill Time Beach Men.

The Song of The Prince

At this very moment, Evil Warlock Isaac is choosing which educational films to show Val. His choices are:

- Your Changing Loyalty And You.

- Real Punk Rock: How Conformity is True Counter-Culture Actually.

- The Yummy Cats Go To The Circus

The last one is not exactly educational, but it's one of his favorite movies and he felt it'd be nice to watch together to unwind.

Warlock's Room

Some of the lava men remained lava men instead of turning into chill times beach men, and the chill times beach men respected that. They would have lava/beach festivals where they would surf on the lava and make sand volcanos. Everything's fine in Chill Times Beach Planet.

Okay, enough about Chill Times Beach Planet.

Captured

Oh, Doris was there too.

Run

Epilogue:
A year later, Val and Isaac received a postcard from Lava Planet 12. Apparently, it has now transformed into Chill Times Beach Planet 12, and the lava men are now Chill Times Beach Men. Val and Isaac visited them and had chill beach times. Oh, Minnow was there too. It was a cool tropical vacation.

All A Dream

The first few weeks into the flesh mountain god's new, healthier sacrifices at Lava Planet 12 were difficult for everyone. Flesh mountain god was surly and irritable for a while. But then it started to feel a bit better. Its day-to-day mood improved and it slept more comfortably at night. The lava men thanked Val and Isaac for their health tips. And Lava Planet 12 is now a much better place.

The End.

Operational

The lava men said that Val would make the perfect sacrifice for their flesh mountain god. Then Isaac told them that flesh mountain gods need more than just meat. They need vegetables and fruit too, to prevent god-scurvy, among others. The lava men thought about this and agreed that their god needed healthier sacrifices.

Bed Gun

Val has kept a gun under her pillow ever since she got attacked in her room by the Lava Men of Lava Planet 12. They wanted Val to be sacrificed to their god, a mountain of living flesh with an open mouth on top. After a lengthy firefight in her room, Isaac convinced the lava men to negotiate instead. They agreed.

Rise and Shine

This is the eighth worst thing Val has ever woken up to. The seventh is very similar, but she didn't have a gun back then, and it was a lava creature so it ruined Val's sheets. Val then bought lava-proof sheets, but they were uncomfortable. She then decided that the likelihood of another lava creature attack in her bedroom was small, so she switched back to her regular sheets.

Bed Time

Valor used to be afraid of the night stars. She would stay up all night, worried that they'll fall on her house. Then her mom bought her glow-in-the-dark star stickers to show her that stars can be her friend. All she had to do was use her imagination, and the stars will help her with anything she needs.

Valor never had trouble sleeping after that. Not for a long time, at least.

Dental

Val and Isaac had tooth fairies, which can only be removed through mundane means. Magic would only turn them into bigger, more powerful bone fairies, which are even harder to remove without bone-hurting juice.

idk, what should we call ourselves?

They ended up calling their band "The Nonesmiths" with Isaac on gleetar, Twitch on acudo pipes, Four-Eyes on hyubells, and Marty on drums. They played quantum ska pretty badly at a local open mike.

Years later they started a hex hockey team called The Ace Wizards. Then they became a indoor wizardball team with the same name, then a reverse-tennis team (that time it was renamed "The Ace Wizards and One Gay Sorcerer"), and finally a competitive baking duo.

Temp Body

Doris' temp body was previously owned by Starla Suplex, three-time champion of the robot wrestling league. She donated her wrestling body when she retired to pursue a career in medicine. She now runs a clinic with her wife and two kids in a small town on Krondar's Moon.

Iris' temp body was previously owned by Mr. Forky the Forklift, who was arrested for war crimes.

Ancient History

"Oh! Fun fact about these glyphs: They detail all the shortcuts around the city that the messengers need to memorize in order to do their job well! If they find new routes, or if existing ones are changed, they'd amend and alter the glyphs as they go through the gauntlet!"

"DO THEY HELP US GET OUT OF HERE?!"

"No, not at all. Here's what's funny, though..."