Look, Smagtar the Assembler is an honest demon. All he wants is one day off the tail end of your life. Chances are you'd spend that day being super old and staying in bed, anyway, so why not just give it up? He knows that wizards are terrible at manual labor. He just wants to provide them with an easier alternative.
2020-12-28 10:00:01 +0000 UTC View Post
"Risk-Free" of course means you can cancel your membership any time. If you die in battle, your membership will be canceled automatically, which means your account won't be charged in any way. You can also get a discount on any beginner tier weapons and armor, and a free coupon to the Hall of Feasts. Your membership will also be canceled automatially if you die eating any of the food served at the Hall of Feasts.
2020-12-24 20:00:00 +0000 UTC View Post
It takes about 6000 years for a fear goblin to become a full-grown terrorspace. Unfortunately, most of them only live old enough to become terrorspheres, before getting slaughtered by fear-exterminators or conquered by enterprising billionaires to be turned into a horror theme-park.
2020-12-22 15:00:00 +0000 UTC View Post
Space Dread boutta mess you up.
(Patreon exclusive)
While far from sentient, the vacuum-bot did have a spark of conscious thought when it decided to mess with Isaac's defense ward. This sort of unexplained behavior would happen again six months later, when it deliberately knocked Isaac's new coffee mug off his desk.
2020-12-19 15:00:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Minnow spent that night crying and looking up on whether Ax'al Games are planning on making a fourth Punchmaster game. They weren't. So, instead of sleeping she read a bunch of Punchmaster fanfic where Punchmaster trains his girlfriend's nephew to be the next Punchmaster and they go on new adventures and fight new enemies and Punchdogster came back to life again and they're all a happy family who live together in Punch Mountain.
2020-12-15 21:00:05 +0000 UTC View Post
"My bazooka is a special bazooka that makes forcefields explode."
"I have another forcefield under the forcefield that is explosion-proof."
"My bazooka uses double ammo, so it'll hit that forcefield, too."
"Three forcefields."
2020-12-13 15:00:02 +0000 UTC View Post
Trigolians have genetically engineered warrior beasts with polyester hides specifically so that they can be fought and defeated in battle. Among their other genetic science achievments are metal-feathered birds, linen-skinned wolves and the denimsaurus rex.
2020-12-09 22:00:00 +0000 UTC View Post
"Zandral Industries' stocks plummet after C.E.O. Jarok Helsmer's death earlier this week in a brutal incident involving the prototype for the company's new Golden Super-Mower, slated to hit stores this fall.
The Super-Mower, which has been advertised as "safe to use indoors", decapitated the multi-billionaire in his study at exactly midnight, completely on its own. This has prompted congress to reevaluate the planet's lax regulations on lawncare equipment safety.
Soooo.... I found an old sketch of Doris that I've never posted anywhere before.
Here u go.
(Patreon Exclusive)
2020-12-02 13:10:44 +0000 UTC View Post
Space Dread saw a spif (space gif) of Kyle Sanguinoid and Wolfbot X kissing and it made her mad since it spoiled the new season of Bloodfiend Diaries, which she hadn't been able to binge since she was in the middle of binging the new season of Bloodfiend Academy, a different show. She got even more mad when she finally saw that episode and it turned out to be a dream sequence that didn't actually happen. But she calmed down when they actually kissed for real later in the season. Then she got ...
2020-12-01 12:00:05 +0000 UTC View Post
Patreon Exclusive!
Once every Altanis cycle, the Masters gather together on an uninhabited planet at the furthest edge of the system to have an all-out battle of seduction that would bend reality itself. The resulting flirtatious energy rippling throughout the system is said to be the reason for Altanis' unbroken interplanetary peace.
Zuri once challenged Madam Volta to a flirtspar, but was instantly defeated by her patented ████████-o-matic.
2020-11-28 21:02:19 +0000 UTC View Post
Zuri Starr's Omni-Seduction Weaknesses:
Val knows how to spell obeisance in Kazgari, Moktorian, Lunalingua and Space Otter People Language, but not Galactic Common. The Word of the Day Calendar she got from Isaac is currently wedged under the leg of a particularly wobbly desk in her room.
2020-11-25 08:00:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Dread is just waiting to for that one job where she has to kill someone's aunt so she could go "Hey, how's this for AUNT?" and then she'd shoot ants out of her clavicle. That's not exactly what she would say, she'll come up with something better when the time comes.
2020-11-22 06:00:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Val and Isaac had to pay 8000 mimegold to bail her out, which meant that they had to open a mime bank account and then get a job flipping mimeburgers at a mime restaurant. It took 20 minutes, but it's very artistic and entertaining to watch.
2020-11-18 21:00:02 +0000 UTC View Post
Isaac currently has multiple on-again, off-again pacts with various minor omni-beings. Among them are:
Naiognne, the Witness of Lost Days: You will never lose your wallet.
The Holy Fishcow: You are immune to lactose intolerance.
Cxyg'leh Av'yll'krus: You never make typos.
Ezgarlorius Jr.: Increases chance of critical hit by 80% when health is low.
Terrence DeVito: You aim better ...
2020-11-15 23:00:00 +0000 UTC View Post
This was after Minnow talked to Doris' auto-response system for 30 minutes. Doris apologized and they both listened to the conversation together after. It was mostly about boats, and boat-related culture.
2020-11-13 14:00:03 +0000 UTC View Post
General Globsteve's final order before he was assassinated was to inform the world that he has two separate medal rooms in his home. He told his men to omit the fact that he's only received 6 medals in his entire career, and that each medal room only has 3 medals each.
His order before that is to install an alarm in his home that tells him any time someone tries to look on the internet on how to kill a globtarian.
2020-11-10 00:00:00 +0000 UTC View Post
Minnow waited all month for the moment someone needed to crack an egg that size. In the end, Isaac made her a papier mache egg for her to test the device on, but at that point her heart's not in it anymore.
The same exact thing happened a week later with her new Can-Resealer 9000.
2020-11-07 13:00:00 +0000 UTC View Post
Tommy grew up to be the manager of a local hardware store. He donates to charity more than the average person. He has a pretty good wife and two pretty good kids. He died at an old age, surrounded by his loving family. One of his grandsons went on to direct a series of blockbuster spy thrillers that received mixed to positive reviews. Whether the assassination of Tommy's "bad" conscience has affected the quality of his grandson's movies remains up for debate.
2020-11-04 08:00:01 +0000 UTC View Post
"Hey Minnow, I weally wike youw Cyclops fwom the X-Men costume!"
Thank you patrons for the costume suggestions!
what characters from our world would they dress up as?
im gonna draw some patreon exclusive art lol
EDIT: actually i might release the art to the public, but patrons get to suggest what they wear
EDIT EDIT: alright, ive picked my fave suggestions! they all came from the patron-only discord channel! sorry, but there were so many great ideas lmao
2020-10-31 23:01:54 +0000 UTC View Post
Minnow's sleeping bag is made of nanobots. It can shift and change to give its user the most comfort no matter what surface they're on.
Isaac's sleeping bag is made of tiny slumber sprites. It does the same thing as Minnow's sleeping bag, but with magic instead of technology.
Val's sleeping bag is a regular sleeping bag. She's slept in worse conditions.
2020-10-31 11:44:45 +0000 UTC View Post
The villagers were really hoping they'd find a witch, since they bought too many witch repellant and never got to use them. What they don't realize is that the reason no witches ever appear is because they had so much witch repellant. Also there were no witches on the planet. Also the witch repellant doesn't really work. Look, it was an impulse buy.
2020-10-29 08:00:00 +0000 UTC View Post
Space Dread only needed two guns and maybe one sword, but this was the fourth bloodsport she participated in that prohibited concealed weapons, so she felt like being obnoxious.
2020-10-26 08:00:01 +0000 UTC View Post
"Hello, Green. I see you've fully embraced the civilian life."
"How did you find me?"
"You should know by now that nothing escapes our gaze, agent."
"Don't call me that. I'm out of that business for good. I'm a lumberjack, a husband, and a father. I am no agent."
"It's a matter of life and death. For the entire planet."
"It always is."
"We need you to stow inside a medal and listen in on someone."
"What?"
"They might have some valuable informati...
2020-10-23 15:00:03 +0000 UTC View Post
Hexes, or "name magic", are no longer possible in most parts of the galaxy. The few worlds where it remains alive tend to be avoided by space travelers. They're difficult to live in, since everyone has names that are deliberately too hard to remember.
One such world is Kluggo 12, lead by a President whose name is a 112-verse poem about skiing (91 of those verses are classified). Her inauguration was televised, though they bleeped out her name every time it was said (which takes 2 ...
2020-10-20 08:00:02 +0000 UTC View Post
The inventor of the magic copier swears that they have never heard of non-magic copy machines before, and that they got the idea from a magic dictation machine. The inventor of the magic dictation machine also swears that they have never heard of non-magic dictation machines before.
2020-10-17 08:00:01 +0000 UTC View Post
