What a Hell of a Way to Die

Zoo Crew: Dispatches from Armenia

Joe's in Armenia right now and he explains some of the local issues to Francis and Carey, plus the usual hijinks. Hope you enjoy!

The Zoo Crew Presents: Missouri Manhood?

This week, Francis, Joe, and Carey discuss a recent proposal from slenderman freak and notably virile figure U.S. Senator Josh Hawley, who has jumped on the bandwagon blaming America's woes on the 'demonization of masculinity.' It is of course a weird fixation with no grounding in reality, but this is Francis' Senator and we feel like it's worth examining in detail.

DadChat: Recovery Edition

Nate and Francis have a dadchat in which Nate is recovering from a cycling-related concussion.

DadChat: Relationship Edition

This week's bonus features Nate and Francis discussing a variety of things: the 1990 film Ghost and why the hell demons terrified Nate as a small child, his discomfort around bees, Francis's tips on keeping mice out of your house, and a segment of relationship advice directed at straight cis guys involving all the ways we learned to transcend being dirtbag guys in our 20s. Hope you enjoy!

Zoo Crew Presents: 2021 in Review

Well, this isn't really a review of the entire year, so much as it's a review of some military-centric stories that delighted and entertained us by being very, very dumb. Hope you enjoy!

Free Our Boys feat. the Zoo Crew

This week, Francis subjects Carey and Joe to two current military news stories: 1. he got a copy of the manifesto that disgrunted National Guard troops on the border (who listen to Hell of a Way) wrote about their terrible chain of command, and 2. he reads the story of the sailor accused of setting the USS Bonhomme Richard on fire, for which there is apparently very little actual evidence. Hope you enjoy!

Francis Guesting on the Hoot n Holler Podcast

Hello everyone, please enjoy this bonus episode in which Francis discusses the Precious Moments chapel on the Hoot n Holler podcast, a show about the Ozarks. You can find more of their episodes here: https://soundcloud.com/hootnholler

Midwestology 1: A Posse, If You Will, of Insane Clowns

This is a cross-post from Trashfuture's Britainology series, in which Nate, Francis, and Joe force Milo to learn about the Midwest. Now it's the good-natured Midwestern oafs in the driver's seat, and we explain the name of the region itself, why ICP had such appeal to our generation, and why literally everyone has a driving-while-intoxicated story involving being thrown out of someone's house. Hope you enjoy!

Zoo Crew Reviews: 'Stripes' (1981)

There aren't a whole lot of new military comedies being made these days (we blame Bin Laden), but in the early '80s there was STRIPES, a film in which Bill Murray and John Candy join the Army. Joe had never seen this, and Francis and Shocks couldn't resist forcing him to watch a (surprisingly accurate) movie about how the Army sucks. Hope you enjoy!

Zoo Crew History: the Pornocracy

This week, Francis takes Carey and Joe down a rabbit hole of Catholic history in their discussion of the Pornocracy, a period in which the papacy was not controlled by the Catholic church but rather by Roman elites. It has a funny name and is a story replete with some of the weirdest guys you'll ever encounter. Hope you enjoy!

Suicide is Painful: the Zoo Crew Reviews M*A*S*H* (1970)

Francis made Joe and Carey watch the 1970 film M*A*S*H*, not the series but the film itself, and react to all of the ways in which it captures aspects of the military that they recognize...and the ways in which it has not aged well. Hope you enjoy!

100 Deadly Skills, Reviewed: Part 2 (feat. Kevin Frint)

We're back with our Zoomer correspondent Kevin Frint (@ItsAll_Bullshit) to discuss 100 Deadly Skills, the world's most family-court book about how to stalk your ex and, uh, create plastic from milk somehow. Hope you enjoy!

Army Tradition: Destroying Your Body feat. Haley Britzky

This week, Francis speaks with Task and Purpose reporter Hayley Britzky (@halbritz) about brigades in the 82nd Airborne trying out this new thing called 'exercise science' and 'nutrition science' and 'perhaps not destroying soldiers' bodies with terrible exercise routines that have been out of date for 40 years.' Hope you enjoy!

You can also contact Hayley with tips at haley@taskandpurpose.com

The True History of the Beaver Wars feat. Joe Kassabian

This week, Francis and Joe discuss the history of the frontier fur-trapper wars in North America, also known as the Beaver Wars. Yes, there are dumb jokes--but also a lot of history of French colonization of America, and much more.

Colin Powell and 'Black Role Models' feat. Cynthia

This week, Nate and Cynthia discuss the impact of watching famous Black role models of the 1980s--people like Colin Powell, Bill Cosby, and Ben Carson--and what Black Americans of the same age as people like Cynthia feel now that their legacies are, to put it mildly, 'complicated.' Hope you enjoy!

Posting Your Way to the Brig feat. the Zoo Crew

This week, Francis, Joe, and Shocks discuss the strange case of Marine LTC Stuart Scheller and his relentless desire to post. Is it a good idea to be pro-se defendant in a UCMJ court? Is it a good idea to try and personally charge the commandant of the Marine Corps because someone told you that it was allowed under maritime law or whatever? Listen to find out!

'Send in the Army' feat. Milo Edwards

This week, Nate and Milo discuss the peculiarly British phenomenon of calling for the Army to be deployed domestically--whether it's to quell a social conflict or fix a logistics issue. They love to call for the Army to be sent in. We get to the bottom of what this means, and why people want it.

The Zoo Crew Reviews 'Major Payne' (1995)

Look, we're going to get through all the '90s military movies--good and bad--and this one is actually okay? Sure, it's bad, but it's also less regrettable than many others like it. To make sure we hit all the high points, we got Shocks and Joe to join Francis and discuss it.

Con Air Predicted 9/11 feat. the Zoo Crew

This week, Francis, Carey, and Joe examine the 1997 Jerry Bruckheimer-produced summer blockbuster CON AIR. It's just yet another vehicle for Nic Cage to be out of his mind, but there are some redeeming qualities, right? Well, we'll see if we can get to them when the Zoo Crew homes in on how this film predicted 9/11.

Dan Crenshaw's Fanfic Report feat. Pat

This week, Francis speaks with secret military lawyer Pat about the recent 'Woke Military' report commissioned by extremely smart Congressman Dan Crenshaw. It's a joke, but it gets to a significant issue: the problems that service members are facing do involve bad organizational practice, but they aren't about 'wokeness' and the only people complaining about that are probably not worth listening to.

100 Deadly Skills, Reviewed: Part 1 (feat. Kevin Frint)

Did you know there's a book of 'Violent Nomad Skills' by a former Navy SEAL? Did you know it's deeply, deeply insane? Nate joins our Zoomer correspondent Kevin Frint (@ItsAll_Bullshit) to discuss this in what will become a 2-part review.

Movies for Coasties: 'The Finest Hours' feat. Shocks

We've decided to review the 2016 Coast Guard film about a guy who does his job. It's called THE FINEST HOURS and Chris Pine is horribly miscast (he's nowhere near ugly enough). To discuss it, the authenticity of its portrayal, and a lot of digressions about boats, Francis speaks with Carey Shockey (@shocks), our resident coastie and water expert.

The Deadliest Warrior: Sparta vs Sparta feat. the Zoo Crew

Yes, we forced everyone to watch it: one of the dumbest episodes of one of the dumbest shows ever made. Who would win, the real Spartans or the Spartans from the film 300? Learn the answer and experience brain death here

The Zoo Crew Presents: Tanker Daddy Issues

This week, the Zoo Crew convenes to discuss Armenia, what being a tank crewman entails, Shocks' stories of nearly dying theatrically on a Coast Guard ship, and Joe accidentally calling a drill sergeant 'dad' because he was that used to getting screamed at. Hope you enjoy!

The Zoo Crew Presents: V for Vendetta (Embarrassed Edition)

We're reviewing films that everyone in the military loved and that we're sort of embarrassed to like. In this case, Francis had never seen V FOR VENDETTA, and Joe was a shameful teenage fan of the comic books. So, we got the Zoo Crew together to discuss. Hope you enjoy!

Ancient Weapons, Still Around feat. Kelsey Atherton

This week, Francis speaks with defense journalist Kelsey Atherton about his recent piece on Substack covering the long usage-life of weapons and how there are in fact quite a few weapons that have been around for decades, if not centuries.

Read the piece on Substack here! https://athertonkd.substack.com/p/the-deuce-the-buff-the-constitution

The Special Psychotic Relationship feat. Alice Caldwell-Kelly

This week, Nate speaks with Alice Caldwell-Kelly from the podcasts Trashfuture, Well There's Your Problem, and Kill James Bond, about the 2009 Armando Ianucci film IN THE LOOP, in which the British TV series 'The Thick of It' visits the topic of the Iraq War and James Gandolfini plays a grumpy American Lieutenant General. Why are politicians in both countries such deranged freaks? What are stereotypes of British general officers? All this and more, this week.

How to Dodge the Draft Theatrically

Joe and Shocks join Francis to discuss historical instances of draft dodging that involve fleeing into the woods of Alaska, fleeing to Germany, and much more. Sorry for the delay on this one!

The Segregated Apocalypse feat. Erica X. Eisen

This week, Francis speaks with writer Erica X. Eisen about her recent Boston Review piece 'Blackness and the Bomb,' discussing the ways in which nuclear defense in the Cold War prefigured a segregated response that would ensure racial boundaries even in the event of a post-nuclear war future.

Read Erica's piece here: http://bostonreview.net/race/erica-x-eisen-blackness-and-bomb

Cold War Weapons feat. Joe Kassabian

This week, Francis and Joe discuss deranged weapons of the Cold War -- particularly, a nuclear recoilless rifle called the Davy Crockett and a plan for a nuclear-powered unmanned plane that, had it been constructed, would have flown low-level at Mach 3 delivering a fatal dose of nuclear radiation all over its flight path. That's American ingenuity, folks!