SpanishRed

If You Grow Up in a Dysfunctional Family

If you grow up in a dysfunctional family, you will learn silence. Anything less exposes you to attack. Vulnerability is not a path towards intimacy, but an opportunity for abuse. And so you will spend your life hiding in corners digging through shadows in search of all the nameless things you lost years ago. You will learn that you are unlovable. This is how isolation begets isolation.

If you grow up in a dysfunctional family, you will learn that mistakes are punishable by cruelty. This...

Pictures of my home

This is my beach. This is the place I love. 

This is one of my favourite spots in the world. It's built on an island at the estuary. 

My city is famous for its south easters (gales). They're so...

This little mollusc has been on quite a journey

Scientific Facts About Blowjobs

• According to a Lancet study, blowjobs cure manflu in 100% of cases. Once the blowjob is over, the manflu will reappear in 100% of cases. This is incontrovertible proof that penis owners require 50 blowjobs a day.
• According to another Lancet study, there are two kinds of penis lovers:

a) Those who’d like nothing more than to give you a blowjob right now.
b) Crazy people.

If Group A handled all of Group B’s blowjobs, there would be world peace. Does Group...

What Kink Has Taught Me About Platonic Vanilla Relationships

I recently watched a two-year friendship melt into a toxic cesspool of gaslighting and mean-spiritedness. I cut contact based on two meagre conversations — Something my pre-kink self would never have done. She always tried to forgive because everyone makes mistakes, you know. Besides, you owe people second chances. You need to be justified in ending a relationship. You can’t just cut people off without good reason.

The kink scene has taught me an awful lot about things that...

Some Men Are Just Too Fancy With Too Few Holes

Me: He was literally running the country, but he never stood me up. Not once. He drove almost two hours to see me all through the week.
Jo: That’s lovely. So why did you break up?
Me: He was too fancy for me.
Jo: Whut?
Me: He was too put together. He did everything right. I can’t do everything right all the time.

I have two throws for my couch. One is a beautiful, cream angora. The other is a beat-up acrylic that’s taken too much Bobby Dog Claw Damage. Mouse also made ...

Are You in the Kink Scene To Find Something New Or Are You Here to Destroy Something Old?

Some sadists do this thing we do because they love BDSM.

Some sadists do it because they hate women.

Some dominants are in it for the power exchange, and some are in it because they need to control everything around them to feel whole.

Those motives matter. Healthy BDSM requires healthy foundations. Some are involved in kink for fun. Some just want to destroy people… or feed their narcissism… or prove they’re less fragile than they really are, and masochists are no dif...

Some sadists do this thing we do because they love BDSM. Some do it because they hate women.

Some sadists do this thing we do because they love BDSM.

Some sadists do it because they hate women.

Some dominants are in it for the power exchange, and some are in it because they need to control everything around them to feel whole.

Those motives matter. Healthy BDSM requires healthy foundations. Some are involved in kink for fun. Some just want to destroy people… or feed their narcissism… or prove they’re less fragile than they really are, and masochists are no dif...

My New Wuzzy Thoy

I wigured I thould thell you awout my new wuzzy toy. The pwoblem ith I can’th thawk anywore affer my wight with my toy because my teef fell ouw. Oh wight. I’m noth thawking. I’m thyping. Lemme thry awen.

I have Stronic-induced encephalitis. Every muscle in my body is defunct.

I know you want to know what my new toy was like, but I need a minute to lie down after all this typing.

…

<one hour later>

You’re still here? Then I should get to the point ...

Sometimes a Bad Sub is the Best Kind of Sub To Be

I’m not a sub because I’m a submissive person. I’m a sub because I’m looking for that one rare human who makes me melt into a puddle of, “I’ll do anything you want me to.”

The most beautiful passage I’ve ever read about kink goes like this:

“Each cut, each scar, each burn, a different mood or time. I told him what the first one was, told him where the second one came from. I remembered them all. And for the first time in my life I felt beautiful—finall...

2023-12-10 05:27:14 +0000 UTC View Post

Why did you love alcohol more than me?

Yesterday I asked people to share questions they'd always been too scared to ask. One of them was, "Why did you love alcohol more than me?" I've tried, with permission, to answer that question.

There once lived a prophetess called the Cumaean Sibyl who wrote prophesies on oak leaves. She sold her words in exchange for eternal life. She made a grave error with her wish, though: She did not ask for eternal youth, so the centuries passed and passed. She aged and shriveled...

Why I Don't Warn People Before I Delete Their Comments

I don’t warn people that I delete personal insults from my threads because that ethic has existed since the age of enlightenment. When you came to my page, you had decades of life behind you. Whether or not you learned from them was your prerogative, but if you didn’t, you don’t get special asshole rights. You are an adult, so you’re held to adult rules—rules like “respect those who treat you respectfully” and “don’t throw tantrums at the grownups.” Those requir...

I'm Okay, You're Okay

I rarely trust my perceptions of people. My instincts with assholes have usually been en pointe, so if I’d spent my life trusting myself, my history would be steeped in rainbows and Chanel Number 5 instead of blood and broken glass.

I’m relatively well informed. I can spot predators from 50 paces, and yet I walk headlong into pain and trauma all the time. The same thought has gone through my head time and time again: “I knew they were destructive when I first set eyes on them.”<...

There's a Hole In the Kink Scene Shaped Exactly Like You

When you first develop an interest in BDSM, kink is like Schrödinger’s cat. Maybe when you open the box, you’ll learn that kink isn’t as appealing as you thought it would be. Maybe you’ll learn that it feels like home. The animal could be alive. Then again, it could also be dead. You'll only find out the truth when you open the box. This requires you to try terrifying things. Do some rope. Play with people at parties. Maybe even find yourself a partner. Schrödinger’s Kink says you...

Everything That's Wrong With Those Consent Violation Posts

Bobby Dog always used to get underfoot, so I developed a habit of taking off my shoes when he was nearby. Before I learned my lesson, I was subject to a whole manner of dramatic yelps. It was frightening, so I stopped to examine the offending paw every time. Still, the guilt would sit with me for hours. There were always treats in it for him.

This matters in the kink scene.

Almost every time a bottom shares a consent violation on Fetlife, the offending top’s response is, “Bull...

Here's my girl in Carolina

We did so many things and visited so many places. Fet friendships aren't always bunk. 

It’s cool that you have a Super Secret Strategy for The Sex™, but please find someone who fucks with their body. I fuck with my mind.

Ty was very good at The Sex™. You could tell by the two little lines that appeared between his eyes when he went down on you. He had a purpose. That purpose was to expose you to his Super Secret Strategy for The Sex™. It was trademarked and everything.

Ty said I was bad at The Sex™ because I didn’t like his trademarked strategy. He said I shriveled like a raisin, and I did. I am guilty of raisinhood. I didn’t enjoy his Super Secret Strategy for The Sex, partly because he had n...

You Can't Hide in Kink Country

You can get away with a thousand kinds of shitty behaviour if you’re dating in vanilla terrain. That world has biomes the size of China, so lies are easy to maintain.

This is not Vanilla Land, though. This is Kink Country, and it’s the size of France, so everyone knows everyone. Even if your local kink parties attract a few hundred players, we talk to one another. The brunette who thinks you’re a self-supporting bachelor is friends with the one who knows you’re nothing of the ki...

The One Sex Skill Every Cis Man Needs and Few Ever Learn

Yesterday I wrote a post called, “What Cis Men Should Know About Clits.” In the post, I said that mastering Sarah’s clit doesn’t master Jackie’s. You have to start afresh with every new person who deigns to remove their knickers in your presence.

What’s that you say? That’s not a contentious statement? Well, I thought that, too, but several men found it profoundly upsetting. They’re experts. They’re veritable clit professionals. Nobody knows the clit better th...

Things Cis Men Should Know About Clitoral Orgasms

• The female orgasm is like Nineties Tomb Raider: If you fuck it up, you have to start from the beginning again. This is why sjamboks were invented, so don’t fuck it up, Jack. It will hurt.
• Women are like Nineties Tomb Raider, too. If you’ve mastered Sarah’s vagina and start dating Jackie, you're officially a beginner again. You have to learn about every new body you touch. Having 20 exes doesn't make you 20 times more skilled at sex. It makes you skilled at sex with 20 wom...
  2023-12-03 06:49:08 +0000 UTC View Post

How to Cure Sub Drop

A warm bath will improve your dopamine levels.

Music speaks to the soul, so make a playlist that suits your mood. Everybody Hurts, say. Or Back to Black. Or I Wanna Rip Out Your Eyes With My Teeth.

Interpretive dance always helps. Find a partner whose eyes look relatively easy to rip out with your teeth.

Try yoga. There’s no better cure for frustration than attempting to wrap your ankles around your neck while balancing on one hand.

If you can’t quite rip those eye...

So you say Fet is a Sex Site...

Fet is a sex site. If you don't want to see dick, go to Facebook.

The fact that we’re on a kink site is not a reason to heed boundaries less. It’s a reason to be even more careful.

When I first began doing events, I felt paranoid that men might thrust their testosterone in my face the way I was so effortfully resisting thrusting my testosterone in their faces. I don’t even think about that paranoia anymore because I’ve learned my boundaries are generally ...

Don't Commit a Thought Crime. It's Against TOU

When I found out about Submit in February this year, one of the first questions people asked its founder was, “How can we be sure you aren't just another Elon Musk?” The answer? There would be a council, elected by the user base, who would hold the founder accountable. It sounded airtight, but the site became as transparent as a brick wall.

After a spate of racist bans, the founder admitted to racism and wrote a letter promising accountability for his actions. Then he promptly start...

Questions for Deciding Whether To Go Out If You're an Introvert

Have you racked up a minimum of three days of solitude in a row?

Have you made a comprehensive list of pros and cons for attending the event?

Have you counted your spoons?

Will the people at the event look at you weird if you sit in the corner with a fluffy unicorn?

Will the people at the event look at you weird if you begin drooling on said unicorn while muttering something about missing your blankie?

Has Netflix been utterly annihilated?

If Netflix has be...

So You Think It's Safe to Share Your Real Identity on Fetlife

If you ever become the target of online abuse, people will tell you it’s just the internet. This is a war against pixels, so you can just log off and get back to your white picket fence and daisies. The worst of internet toxicity is picking up a stalker who follows your internet trail with their teeny pixilated eyes. That’s what they say. It’s not that bad.

If that’s your impression, you’re not really grasping how bad online harassment can get.

Digital contempt crawls of...

I Got a Four-Month Timeout

When I learned of Submit in February this year, its founder told me he’d build his leadership structure in such a way as to encourage accountability. If the leader (himself) had to kowtow to the masses, ethics would be woven throughout the entire structure. Essentially, criticism would be encouraged. A council would be elected to assure us of that.

I wrote a 2023-11-29 05:06:07 +0000 UTC View Post

Since we're doing photos, let's do my US trip

This is Central Park from a horse carriage. MaggieLaFae planned an awesome day for us in NYC. 

Our horse! 

The sammich spot where Sally faked an orgasm in When Harry Met S...

I forgot to post photos of my birthday week!

Somehow, everyone ended up getting me tours for my birthday this year, so I got to be a tourist in my city for the first time. This li'l rock is where seals come to relax. That's what our guide said. I thought it was very cute to put it that way. 

2023-11-27 06:46:44 +0000 UTC View Post

The Best Laid Plans of Potential Wives and Men Oft Go Awry

When I was 13, I used to dream about confetti and white tulle. Prince Charming would throw away my glass slipper, sweep me up into his arms, and carry me to Marital Bliss Island where all the worthy girls lived. I committed to finding my One True Love before I hit 30, and I did. The trouble is you can’t always keep Mr Right. The best laid plans of potential wives and men oft go awry. My love story was disrupted by years of hospital admissions and medical chaos.

I still thought I’d g...

Visa destroys far more lives than my CNC kink

Sexuality is born in the least evolved part of our brains, so it isn’t the most rational kid at the party. Consensual nonconsent is an inherent part of my sexual darkness. If I hadn’t read about it from you… and you… and you, I would never have figured out where to draw my boundaries. I would never have learned how to protect my safety. Most importantly, I would never have burned away my shame.

I had the luxury to access as much CNC content as I wanted when I joined this site. I...