SpanishRed

But I'm Not a Stalker

I've begun to create a list of screenshots from my stalker. I can't post them on Fet because that would be classified as stalking </irony>

I'm not sure what comes next, but I'm going to post a link because I want a voice and Fet has silenced me with their restraining order. 

https://wordpress.com/post/imnotastalkercom.wordpress.com/18

Toxic Positivity is Shame Wearing a Pretty Dress

Chronic illness is a kind of grief, and toxic positivity is the thing that stops up the tears. Healthy people don’t acknowledge their loss, you know, so don’t feel. Don’t talk. Don’t act. Just pretend you live in a healthy body. Science will heal you through the lies of your fake happiness.

Toxic positivity doesn’t care if you need to get this grief out. Grief is bad. Anger is bad. Any feeling that isn’t jubilance is making you ill. *You* did this, so toxic positivity would ...

If You Wanted To Do It, You'd Have Done It Already

I recently learned that people rarely do what they don’t want to do. Yes, it took 47 years to learn that. I also put two bites of cheesecake into a takeout container yesterday, so I don’t know what to tell you. I’m not a logician or a fast learner. I have, however, had two bites of cheesecake and am now on the turbocharge setting.

I always used to believe people’s intentions because I learn very, very slowly. I know better these days.

My country's electricity supp...

What Are Boyfriends?

Boyfriends sit on the evolutionary chain just after Neanderthals and before humans. They’re basically hominids who have developed opposable thumbs but haven’t yet evolved into girlfriends. They live on bacon and spend most of their day wearing black T-shirts. Occasionally, they get up to poke the barbecue fire.

Unlike girlfriends, boyfriends are completely defenceless creatures. Their greatest talent is definitely looking stern and sexy. Personally, I think they just do that to prov...

If Sex Advice for Women Were Written Like Sex Advice for Men Part Two

Stroke his nipple, kiss his left ear, and trace the muscle on his inner thigh with your fingertip while circling the air with your right foot. Once you’ve moved below the waste, compliment him on his pretty hair and willowy waistline. Your approval will make him feel less self-conscious about his sexuality. Don’t go straight to the penis, though. Men really want to have their earlobes caressed first because it makes them feel pretty.

Male orgasm anxiety can be cured using my tradema...

If Sex Advice for Women Was Written Like Sex Advice for Men

-1) The penis has millions and millions of nerve endings, so most men find direct cock contact far too stimulating. Make blowjobs a thing of the past. Rather lick his abdomen just to the left of his penis while simultaneously kissing his right earlobe and reminding him how pretty his hair looks today. The male libido is completely dependent on how lovely he looks in that blouse.

-2) Treating your body to the right nutrition will ensure full engorgement of the clitoris, and you know what...

Rape, Sexual Anorexia, and a Bottle Full of Rain

As promised, the post that sprung from last night's. This did NOT go as expected.

There are three kinds of rape survivors:

• Those whose sexuality inexplicably remains unchanged.
• Those whose sexuality fizzles out like a snail in salt.
• Those who become “hypersexual.”

I fit somewhere between two and three. I was terrified that I’d slip into sexual anorexia, so I immediately reengaged my sex life after I was assaulted. Sometim...

Look at mah dick! Look it! Look!

I want to sculpt this into a whole other kind of post, but I thought I'd put up the original for interest's sake. 

I am irrationally and disproportionately committed to The Penis.</capital letters> I would happily make a religion out of it if I had the time. Mostly, I just want to put all of them in my mouth. If I could bring myself to have casual sex, I would set up a glory hole right outside my front gate. I wish I was more of a slut because I�...

I Don't Have Spoons. I Have a Bucket, and You Need to Fix Your Damned Leak

They say if you have a chronic or mental illness, you get 15 spoons a day to represent your limited resources. I don’t have spoons. I have a bucket. If a building springs a leak, they put my bucket underneath it because why bother repairing it when you can just get Red to collect all the water?

My bucket can collect thousands of drips. I’m the ambitious sort. I often insist on trying to live an ordinary life despite the consequences to my health. I also say “yes” a ...

My Philosophy on the Submit Catastrophe

I once spent a couple of years writing a series of features about some of the world's most successful social impact entrepreneurs. Those years became the lens through which I viewed the Submit story.

Anne Miltenburg was my favourite in the series. She helps impact businesses to brand themselves, and her opinions on her industry are far from ordinary. In our interview, she said, “Unfortunately […] you have to craft the brand that you deserve.” If you don’t deserve th...

Getting Support is a Lot of Hard Work When You're Ill

Hi, I’m Red, and I don’t ask for help.

My reasons are (sometimes) more selfish than you might think, though.

They say somewhere between 45 and 60% of adult Americans have a chronic illness, but only 16% of us have experienced a significant disability. Most people never really find out what “help” entails for someone like me.

Telling people you’re going through a bad health phase is like signing up as a counsellor. Those who love you will worry.

You will have ...

You Know More About Kink Than You Think You Do

So you’ve found BDSM. You want to be tied. Or flogged. Or dominated, but you feel like the most ignorant person in the room.

You aren’t.

Your vanilla years have taught you to recognise abuse. You know what it means to be treated well by a partner. Kink doesn’t negate that knowledge. Your stomach will burn when you see exploitation masquerading as BDSM. Your intuition matters. Respect your judgement. It will keep you safe.

You'll often be wrong and that’s okay because...

Online Abuse Doesn't Kill Because It Hurts. It Kills Because It Convinces the Victim They Don't Deserve the Space They Take Up in the World.

Online abuse leads to almost 12 deaths in every 100, 000 teens. Targets are twice as likely to commit suicide than others in their age group, but if you want the statistics for adults, you won’t find them. The world is still waking up to its effects on people older than 24. We know that it destroys businesses and families, but we don’t know how many it’s killed.

Some people call it suicide. Neil Marr called it bullycide. He coined the word because he insisted the victim didn’t w...

Dominant's Contract for Being Served Obediently by a Brat

The following agreement outlines the DOMINANT’S duties towards the BRAT - I mean DOMME. The DOMINANT is obliged to strictly comply with the provision of the agreement.

1.1. The brat’s service hours will be from 8:00 until 8:01 on weekdays. The rest of the time, the brat shall play The Witcher 3 on loudspeaker to the backing vocals of Rick Astley.
1.2. The dominant shall not wake the brat up between 8:00 and 8:01. If he wanted her to make him breakfast, he should have bought her a...

Vanilla is a Precious Spice, Not a Reason For Shame

Vanilla is a precious spice. It’ll set you back $200 a pound, so only one percent of vanilla flavourings contain actual vanilla. These pods only bloom one day a year, and as the third most lucrative spice in the world, the beans that are harvested are often stolen.

On Fetlife, though “vanilla” is an insult. If you’re slapped with the label, you don’t belong. We’re only as worthy as the severity of our marks in BDSM Land. Our gatekeepers will accuse you of “waterin...

On Questionmark Avatars and Argonians

I just made friends with a question mark avatar with no profile description to speak of. He sent me a two-line message, but it was a *good* message. And, like no question mark avatar that’s ever existed before, he’s helping me finish a book. This doesn’t work in my favour. I’ve written more than my fair share of derisive posts about empty profiles.

There’s always an exception to cut your hypothesis in two.

Over the last seven years, question mark avatars have invited me ...

My Writing Process

Yesterday a reader asked me about my writing process, and I thought it worthwhile to add it here. Beginners to writing often share first drafts. This is not the product. First drafts are not for sharing. They're for hiding away in a drawer until you've crafted them. 

While you want to write freely without self-editing for the initial write, the last sentence should rarely be the end. It should only be the beginning. 

It's difficult to go back and craft something you've j...

Extrovert's Contract for Associating With an Introvert

The following agreement outlines the EXTROVERT’S duties towards the INTROVERT. The EXTROVERT is obliged to strictly comply with the provision of agreement.

1.1. The extrovert shall warn the introvert of an impending visit by calling five months ahead.

1.2. The extrovert shall warn the introvert of an impending phone call by texting five months ahead.

1.3 The extrovert shall warn the introvert of an impending text by sending his intentions out via the psychic ether.

2...

Some Masochists Just Want Tops Who Hit things, But I Want More

Learning to write is a lot like learning who you are. The more authentic you can be on the page, the more compelling your work will be. When I work with beginners, half the job is annihilating their pretentiousness. New writers often try their damnedest to be someone they’re not, and it never works.

You’ve got to find your voice. You can only touch people with the distilled essence of your very self.

Topping is a lot like that.

I’ve been involved with dominants who use...

Not Waving But Drowning

Having a mental illness is like swimming with sandbags around your feet. Everyone else is staying afloat just fine. They’re laughing and splashing up a storm, but you don’t find the water quite as pleasant. You keep vanishing under the surface and gasping for breath. Your fellow swimmers can’t work out why you refuse to float like they do or why you look so goddamned miserable, so they judge you as weak… or fragile… or angry.

The drowners aren’t fragile. They’re just not a...

Don't Set Your Slut Dial Above Its Recommended Settings

This week a Fetlifian sent a question into the Fetisphere: How could she turn her demi self into a slut? She wanted to join the fuck fest, but she couldn’t find her inner Caligula. People gave her their best advice, but I kept quiet. I’ve set my slut dial higher than its recommended slut settings before, and it wasn’t fun. It was a travesty.

I felt as though someone had taken out my insides and replaced them with a sticky mess. I still recall the sensation 18 years later. I wasn�...

Bloody hell

That post was written so badly yesterday. 😳😂 Sorry for subjecting you to such shitty writing. I've edited it, but I doubt it can be completely rescued. 

Submit

I joined the Submit Discord in February when Apollyon said he was asking for feedback on his ethics and policies. Almost immediately, I saw him silence two trans voices in a discussion about trans experiences. It was the first sign that something wasn't quite right.

In the months that followed, launch deadlines turned into later deadlines. When users started arriving on the site, they were used as unpaid bug checkers, then asked for backer money for the favour. 

Several of my...

Deepthroating isn't Kink Lite for Vanillas

Deepthroating is the most vanilla kink in BDSM-ville. Few other forms of S&M play have occupied non-kink sites as successfully as this one. You’ll see it on vanilla Only Fans pages. You’ll hear about it in Russel Brand comedy hours. Even Pornhub hasn’t relegated it to kink-related searches. It’s just a blowjob with a bit of spice thrown in — kink lite if you will. It makes your mascara run—and all subs need running mascara, you know.

Hi. I’m Karen, and I’m here to te...

How To Be a Fetlebrity

Thank you for embarking on the selfless endeavour of becoming a Fetlebrity. The first step towards kinky stardom is the ability to use seven adjectives in a sentence and sacrifice your grammar-checking app on the flames of Mount Doom.

You might

Also

Consider

Turning your prose

Into poetry

Through the

Use of

Unnecessary

Line

Br

E

A

K

S.

Being a Fetlebrity requires you to shoot for higher goals, so say thi...

Around the Internet in 40 Days

This week I went on a journey to the unknown lands of the vanilla internet. I got ignored on Tumblr, went viral on Facebook, and got followed on Medium. I joined an NGO, posted photographs of my dog eating tennis balls, and strongly considered resurrecting my Twitter account. I found out that Facebook debates are a blunt instrument best reserved for tenderising your steak and Tumblr subculture is completely incomprehensible. But if you think Cinderella memes and obscure animated gifs are all ...

We Apologise For Our Bodies

We go to yoga classes. We apologise for our bodies. We work 50 hours a week. We apologise for our bodies. We rise to the top of our chosen fields. We apologise. We raise six toddlers and five labradoodles. We apologise. We go out for milk. We play. We laugh. We forget, for a while, that we are supposed to apologise for our bodies, and so we go to sleep counting lumps and marks we'll never see on the cover of Vogue.

We apologise for our bodies even as we sleep, for in the beginning was t...

Types of Consent Manipulation

Are you sure you need this limit?

Isn’t it selfish to refuse when it’s my favourite kink?

I’ll leave if you don’t do what I like.

Are you sure you don’t want to be tied to a moving car with your knickers off?

I’m just using you as a demo dolly, so you don't need limits. You can just trust me.

You used to do anal, so turning it into a limit is neurotic.

If you don’t do what I want, you’re not a real sadist.

Are you still sure y...

Writing That Inspires Me

I'm learning to write satire through only one publication: McSweeney's Internet Tendency. This is one of my favourites by Rebecca Jane Stokes

30 THINGS MY NEIGHBOR KATHY SAID TO HELP ME BOUNCE BACK AFTER THE DIVORCE

3. “From what I hear, she’s not even a certified yoga instructor.”

4. “You should get on the Tinder.”

5. “Were you even intimate? I mean, at the end. Sorry if that’s too personal. Was it big?”

6. “Let’s start a restaur...

Writing That Inspires Me

This is another post that I absolutely worship: Three Beards by Donald Hall. He's a poet. Little wonder. 

1.

In my life I have grown three beards, covering many of my adult faces. My present hairiness is monumental, and I intend to carry it into the grave. (I must avoid chemotherapy.) A woman has instigated each beard, the original bush requested by my first wife, Kirby. Why did she want it? Maybe she was tired of the same old face. Or maybe she thought a beard wou...