SpanishRed

My Favourite Writing

I keep a few posts in a little folder to remind myself of what I hope to achieve one day. It'd be interesting to share those posts, so here goes. I've done a lot of variations of this one, but I'm not sure anyone ever follows the link to the inspiration. Here it is, from the New Yorker, written by Junot Diaz

Your girl catches you cheating. (Well, actually she’s your fiancée, but hey, in a bit it so won’t matter.) She could have caught you with one sucia, she could have cau...

Stop Trying To Do BDSM Like the Locals

The “128 Slave Rules” was written by a Fetlifian in 1786 by the look of it. Here are a few to sample:

“I worship my master. I worship my master’s body. The power of my master fills me with awe. Just the sheer thought of him […] gives me strength.”

I am nothing more than an object of great value - an instrument Master will use to draw out His pleasures.

I will not hesitate when responding to my Master.

An...

Frank can lick pussy for hours

Frank can lick pussy for hours. Telling you so is his Fetlife mating call. All pussy-kind is supposed to be profoundly appreciative of his patience and oral endurance, but all I can think is, “Okay, but why?” The way I see it, if you need hours, it could mean one of two things:

• You’re really bad at giving women orgasms.
• You think hours of edging and orgasms are fun for women.

Bragging about four hours of oral sex is like bragging that you can ru...

Subs Aren't Delicate Flowers

If I were to name my most hated BDSM belief, it would be that all dominants should protect their subs. It assumes that male dominants are uniquely qualified for a role that we can't perform for ourselves.

We can.

African women are powerful beings. Many of our cultures are matriarchal, and you’d better believe that a 120-kilogram mama in a doek is a force to contend with. Never underestimate a Xhosa woman with a handbag. She will fucking end you.

Seven years ago, eight musc...

<sigh>

Dog Shaming Part 2

They never put the second picture up, though. 

Bobby Dog's Moment of Fame

This is Bobby Dog, and everyone loved him so much they put the picture on all kinds of websites. I don't agree with the victim-blaming, in the caption though. Too loud? <sulk>

Why Nice Guys Finish First

I’ve received some spectacularly horrible unsolicited messages from strangers on Fetlife. There was the sock who told me he wanted to watch me bleed out while hung over a bath and the reader who called me a “dirty AIDS slut” because I’d written a post about blowjobs. My inbox is a kind of horror-movie dream catcher that captures toxic sludge instead of fantasies. There are a few reasons men send that kind of message, and one of them is that somehow, you don’t realise that we talk to...

Stop Using Consent Models to Escape Your Ethical Duties

This is not RACK:

I’m a risk-aware skydiver. I know diving out of planes is potentially hazardous, so I don’t have to check my gear before jumping. Being risk-aware is enough. It’s not that I’m lazy. I’ve assessed the hazards thoroughly. I know, for instance, that one in 100, 000 skydivers dies while jumping. This knowledge makes the ground a lot softer to land on at speeds of 120 miles an hour. In fact, merely knowing the statistics will render my body entirely shatt...

2023-09-30 05:46:42 +0000 UTC View Post

Old Days

It's a shame I tinted this one. It would have been better with the right colours.

This fucking dress

I bought this for a wedding in my twenties. On the day of the event, I ironed it and burned a hole into the back. I said fuck it and wore it, but I never had the gall to wear it again. I'm still so in love with it. 

Crosswords!

At my childhood home, visiting Gauteng for the week and doing crosswords.

New Fetlifian

This was an amazing era. Seven years ago, new to the scene, and doing parties right, left, and centre.

Writing

Me back in the day when you had to write all your poems out by hand. 

Monkey!

We were buried in a cloud of monkeys that day. It was the best kind of fun.

My hood

This is currently my favourite spot in Cape Town. 

Tears

This is why all the doggos go crazy when the volunteers arrive. 

Hiking Around Cape Town

This was one of the toughest hikes I've ever done. Pretty much the whole trail was built from these crazy rocks. It was problem solving all the way.

Remembering Bobby Dog

Bobby used to take all the things inside, then outside again. He might put them down, but if you try to take them, he'd pick them up and take them outside, then inside again. 

Norman Says You Should Never Ask a Girl How To Get Girls. I'm Not So Sure.

Never ask a girl about how to get girls. If you're trying to catch a fish, you don't ask the fish. You ask a fisherman. – Norman

The odd thing about fish is that they don’t want to be caught. If you asked a tuna for a synonym for a successful catch, he’d say “Murder, and please find my will and testament under the conch shell.” If you want to be a great angler, you must convince fish that you aren’t, in fact, an angler, but a worm. The pick-up artistry spac...

All Hail the Tricksy Wank Fodder Hunter

You know the guy: He’s not in your inbox to extract personalised smut, just to ask your advice about the humiliating three way he had with his girlfriend and a guy with a huge cock. He’d never seen her cum so much, and he has a hundred other adjectives to run through before he poses the question: “What should I do?”

He hasn’t written to you to goad you into typing out your sexual fantasies (in a totally platonic way, of course.) He’s genuinely curious about the sexy informat...

The masochist is not the beating heart of every kink interaction. Sadists are whole people, too.

I recently had a (vanilla) conversation that went something like this:

I’m not going to do X. It might harm you.

I’m already destroyed. It’s okay to do X.

Destruction isn’t a finite thing. You can always sink deeper into a mire.

I’m really okay with the risk. I don’t really care.

I do care, though.

You really don’t have to care. I’m completely okay with it.

The one thing he couldn’t understand was that I wasn’t okay with i...

Imposters in the Kink Community

When I found the kink community, I was an exhibitionist and a slave. That was another life. I’m living this life now, and every streak of exhibitionism in me has evaporated. These days, ‘demisexual’ probably describes me best, but that label will rub off soon enough. They usually do.

The only thing I’ve learned about my sexuality is that it’s a constantly evolving organism. The more certain I am that I’ve finally found a solid sexual identity, the more overwhelming the next ...

Things You Should Know About Your First BDSM Party

• Not all play parties are raging orgies, so button up your jorts, Caligula. The kink scene isn’t a doorway into PornHub. Bodily fluids are strictly controlled and orgiesque events smell like Clorox. Mmmm! Sexy! You might see shagging people, but that doesn’t mean they want to shag you. Sex might also be banned in public areas. Check the rules before you put on that condom.
• That’s not to say your fantasies can’t come true. Some parties do offer group sex...
  2023-09-24 05:50:45 +0000 UTC View Post

Things I Wish I’d Known About Dating When I Was 20

• You don’t need a good reason to say no to sex. You don’t even need a bad reason. These are all acceptable reasons:

Your team lost and life has thus ceased to have meaning.
You’re wearing the knickers you practiced your embroidery on for some reason.
You don’t like his Crocs.
You literally just had sex with Tom Hardy five minutes ago.
You're pretty sure you have popcorn in your bra.

• You’re worth so much more than yo...
  2023-09-24 05:50:01 +0000 UTC View Post

Your Social Phobia Isn't Worthy Of Shame, So Get To an Event

Fetlife is confronting for the socially anxious. You want to be an active part of scene, but a room full of kinky strangers is what horror movies are made of. If you have this disorder, presenting yourself to a crowd on such an intimate basis is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. You’d rather stay home even though you signed up for the party. You swore you’d show up this time, but every passing hour makes the event more frightening. 

Social phobia is a self-perpetuatin...

Bottoms Make Mistakes, Too

A kinkster who’s “never made mistakes” is a kinkster who will make the same mistakes over and over until she gets old enough to wear purple. If there’s a brighter red flag than that, I’ll butter up my monitor and eat it. Every sub, every dominant, every person who’s moved beyond Fetlife has fucked up, so the only difference between those who claim perfection and those who admit their errors is the ability to self-correct.

Invincibility is an illusion. "Perfect" people always...

Can We Do the Roaring Twenties Again?

The last time we hit the Twenties, flappers in long pearl necklaces danced the Charleston to the tunes of live jazz bands. People drank Champaign like water and threw out their morals with last night’s canapes. Then they went home to read the latest books: Novels by John F. Fitzgerald, Ezra Pound, and Hemingway. T.S. Eliot worked in a bank and churned out bits of genius as though they were limericks. Talent flowed like water and so did money. Wealth doubled in only a decade, and women learn...

The best way to make a girl feel comfortable is to demand her address after laying your creep fantasy at her doorstep like a half-murdered mouse.

This morning I received a lovely message. It was about recipes and creativity, but then he threw this sentence in at the end:

You must be one hell of a fuck. Give me your address and I’ll send chocolate.

Yep. The best way to make a girl feel comfortable is to demand her address after laying your creep fantasy at her doorstep like a half-murdered mouse.

I hadn’t prepared myself for the objectification because the recipe theme had lulled me into a sense o...

What to Expect Now That We Have K&P Back

K&P has, at last, been freed from clickbait hell. “Press love” posts will now be detrended so that we can read actual content in the top 10. I feel for the Only Fans tribe, but I’m thrilled to see actual writers back up there. Unlike literally every other Fet member, I loved the top 10. It was a water cooler that launched a thousand site-wide conversations. It also introduced me to some pretty great peo...