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Pokemon Bestiary Chapter 4: East Kanto

In Chapter 4, We Shall Finally be again covering Kanto. Last time we discussed West Kanto and the Johtonian border, and this Chapter will delve into the other sections. North, South, and the Sea.

Without further ado, let's begin with where we left off, heading east from Pewter City, into Cerulean CIity.

Cerulean City is something of a hub for many trainers into the remainder of Kanto coming from the West. Cerulean lies at the eastern foot of the Silver mountains. It's home to the Cascade Badge, one of Kanto's eight League Badges.

It is a city that has an affinity with water- Though not saltwater from the sea, but freshwater from the mountains and the Cerulean River. Along the Cerulean river is the Cerulean Cave. Cerulean Cave is only available to be explored by expert trainers due to the dangerous creatures inside.

Aptly, then, for Cerulean's watery environment, let us discuss some of the various fish pokemon that abound in Kanto's sea-routes that we have yet to cover.

GOLDUCK LINE

Golduck's line is comprised of Psyduck and Golduck and are both water type. They both belong to the Water 1 and Field egg groups.

Psyduck is an odd sort. It is where the phrase "what an odd duck" is derived. They are seemingly confused and beleaguered at all times, but in fact they are quite adept. It's impossible to tell whether they are holding their heads due to pain or because they are using some sort of power.

Golduck stand at five feet tall and gain a jewel on their foreheads. Many assume Golduck to be psychic type due to its abilities but this isn't so, it merely is able to learn a great many psychic abilities. It is an adept swimmer and occupies seaside areas.

POLIWRATH LINE

Poliwag's line consists of Poliwag, who evolve into Poliwhirl into either Poliwrath or Politoed. They are all water type with Poliwrath uniquely possessing the fighting-type. They are part of the Water 1 egg group.

Poliwag are prey to many water-dwelling pokemon, as well as more occasionally bird-types. They are clumsy on their feet, but their tails allow them to swim easily. Like the rest of their line, they have a swirl on their stomachs which is the outline of their intestines.

Poliwhirl grow out of their fins and gain arms.

Poliwrath gain the fighting type and massive arms. They also stop being prey animals. They have been known to be able to swim across oceans and their wide backs make them excellent at being surf companions.

Politoed are interesting creatures, they are an evolution that evolved to adapt to the Johto region. Their skins are much thicker, but they retain a swirl on their stomachs. The larger their hair is the more they are respected, and they are at the top of the Poli-line's hierarchy.

TENTACRUEL LINE

Tentacool evolves into Tentacruel. Both are water-poison type and are in the Water 3 group.

Tentacool are a common sight the world over in bodies of water. For this reason they have been dubbed "the zubat of the sea," pestering trainers and boats alike. Fishermen in Hoenn and Kanto use special gloves to avoid their stinging acid. When they are not in the water for long periods they shrivel and die, but they can be sustained by Pokeballs in captivity.

Tentacruel evolve only rarely, due to Tentacool being so heavily preyed upon, but when they do, they turn from prey to predator. They grow until their environment can't sustain them, so deep-sea Tentacruel can grow to immense sizes. Their stinging beak also helps it catch prey.

KINGLER LINE

Krabby evolve into Kingler. They are both water-type and belong to the Water 3 egg group. Kingler possesses a gigantimax form.

Krabby are small, from ten centimeters to half a meter, but their claws should not be scoffed at. It burrows in sand on beaches, so watch out while walking if you don't want to be bitten.

Kingler are strong and deft. They begin to favor one claw, using it as either a club while closed or a deadly pincer while open. The claw, while powerful, is heavy, so it uses the other claw for more mundane activities. It preys on Tentacruel. Its gigantimax form gives it a larger reach and a bubblefoam beard. If you see one, contact the coast guard at once.

SEADRA LINE

Horsea evolve into Seadra into Kingdra. They are water type with Kingdra obtaining the dragon-typing. They are part of the Water 1 and Dragon egg groups.

Horsea is a small creature. Its mouth doubles as an inkjet- Ink is spewed from it while in danger. It is omnivorous, eating both water-plants and small bugs. In Hoenn, Horsea are more aggressive and feed on Surskit. It is not a fast swimmer, but they are hard to catch due to being able to move in any direction at will.

Seadra were once thought to be the final evolution of Horsea, but in regions with clean water like Johto, they evolve. Seadra are much faster in the water. Curiously, the males raise the young instead of the females in this line.

Kingdra is a regal Pokemon. Their mouths become narrow to allow ink to be used as a projectile. They are found in deep oceans where it is clean and warm from vents. It's said this pokemon is the cause of whirlpools, but this has never been observed.

GOLDEEN LINE

Goldeen evolve into Seaking. They are both water-type and belong to the Water 2 egg group. They once had an evolution known as Fincess that no longer exists.

Goldeen are about two feet in length and are the prey of Pidgey and in other regions, Pelipper and Wingull. In spite of this, they should not be trifled with, as their graceful appearance hides their hard, vicious head-spike. While some call them the "water queens," they are not all male.

Seaking on the other hand, are considered by some to be ugly. What nonsense. They have larger head-spikes and vicious teeth, so any bird pokemon looking to make them a meal ought to look out. Despite their large teeth, they are herbivorous.

Fincess were a smaller version of Goldeen that were hunted heavily and as such became impractical. The line developed out of this pre-evolution.

MAGIKARP LINE

Magikarp evolve into Gyrados. They are water type, with Gyrados gaining the flying type. Gyrados has a mega-evolution who gains the dark type.

Magikarp, simply put, are largely pathetic. They are bred to be food for trainers with bird pokemon, they are the prey of bird, sea, and even coastal pokemon on land, and they can often be observed leaping onto land from streams and even into the nets of fishing boats. In spite of this, they are very hardy, they can live in fresh and salt water, they breed in large numbers, and if they live long enough, they grow very powerful.

Gyrados, on the other hand are fearsome. Only very few Magikarp evolve to be Gyrados, fewer still in the wild. It is painfully difficult to train Magikarp to this stage, so if you see a trainer with a Gyrados, look in awe. It is said they are capable of razing cities, but this is a myth, in spite of their aggressive natures.

Mega Gyrados are a unique mega-evolution in that the process affects its brain, causing the Gyrados to single-mindedly pursue enemies until it devolves. They are banned from tournaments due to being to vicious, their rampages resulting in Pokemon's deaths.

LAPRAS

Lapras is water-ice type and belongs to the monster and water 1 groups. It has a gigantimax form.

Lapras are a staple of Kanto. Kanto's oceans remain pollution-free due to the Silph Co. breeding these pokemon for sea travel. They're hardy and strong, and in spite being in the monster group, selective breeding has made them docile. They are also capable of understanding and replicating human speech. They were endangered in the wild until the efforts of Silph Co. Its G-max form is used to transport cargo.

CLOYSTER LINE

Shellder evolves into Cloyster. They're water type and Cloyster gains the ice-type. They're part of the Water 3 egg group.

Shellder are small, only a foot long, their hard shells obscuring their bodies, which are black with white eyes and a long tongue. It swims by clamping and releasing its shell, licking nutrients from coral reefs.

Cloyster's shells gain quite a bit of mass and are hard to pierce or chip. They live on the seabed near Kingdra. Though they aren't preyed upon due to their hard shells, they are eaten by scavengers, leaving their shells littering the seafloor. Their mass can grow to be as large as five feet wide and 300 pounds.

===

Next, let's stay in Cerulean City and explore the Cerulean Cave. Within is a large cave, hollowed by water from the Cerulean River. There are many species in more sophisticated forms here, such as Arbok, Raichu, Parasect, and Kadabra. Further in, there are some species that thrive in the depths, like Rhydon and Slowbro. Most of these Pokemon have other natural habitats, some quite far away, so it's unknown why they congregate here in such high number. There are several explanations for this, but one has to do with Cerulean Cave's most common population: Ditto.

DITTO

Ditto are normal-type and belong to the unique Ditto Egg Group.

Ditto's abilities are unique, able to replicate any pokemon or object with its squishy, amorphous body. As such, they're prized by breeders for being able to make eggs with any pokemon that can have eggs. What's more intriguing than their biology, however is their origin. It's thought they were created by the Cinnabar Group in the Pokemon Mansion as a failed experiment, dumped unceremoniously in the Cerulean Cave, which was once inhabited. It's thought so many rare pokemon occupy this cave due to the Ditto who transform permanently and retain the DNA of the pokemon they transform into.

At one time, they possessed a different evolution, known as Ditto2, but this evolution became redundant.

LICKITUNG LINE (Add scrapped evos)

Lickitung evolve into Lickilicky. They're both Normal-Type and belong to the Monster Egg Group. Historically, they had a different evolution in Johto called Lick-King, but they have stopped evolving into this form for some reason.

Lickitung are only four feet tall, but their tongues are nearly double that. To compensate for the weight of their tongues, their tails are very heavy. Its tongue is different to a human's, possessing sensitive taste buds that it uses to identify things. Their saliva is particularly slick.

Lickilicky are common in Sinnoh, their bodies are longer and their tails shrink. If you ask me, it's a hell of a downgrade, they're a tad ugly. Still- Their tongues are even more astronomically long, the record length being 82 feet. It's unknown how they do this.

Lick-King were once an evolution of Lickitung from the Johto region. Along with tongues, they had large caps as well as whiskers. It is likely they ceased evolving into this form due to its redundancy, gaining no new strength or abilities in this form.

===

North of Cerulean City are Routes 24 and 25, a pass that leads toward the foot of the Silver Mountains and to the sea, where the Cerulean River spills into. It is here where there is another Pokemon Lab is located, the home of the Bill family, a close family friend who studies technology such as the Poke Ball and PC Systems. The usual species reside here, namely Pidgey, Caterpie, with Magikarp and Poliwag residing in the river, as well as some unique species such as Abra and Venonat.

ALAKAZAM LINE

Abra evolve into Kadabra into Alakazam. They are all Psychic type and belong to the Human-Like Egg Group. Alakazam has a Mega-Evolution.

Abra is a small Pokemon that will use the move teleport to cause it to evade danger. It's a stoic Pokemon who doesn't move much, using a trait many Psychic types have, known as Psycho-operation. Instead of muscles, Abra use telekinesis to move their body parts.

Kadabra also use psycho-operation but are capable enough to move normally, also able to move other things nearby with their minds. They stand about four feet tall and are sometimes mistaken for kids.

Alakazam do not evolve in the wild, but only when trained. They stand five feet tall, but rarely use their legs to move. Their psycho-operation is strong enough for them to float. It uses tools to amplify its abilities, sometimes spoons, usually metallic. They are immensely smart. Mega-Alakazam gain a jewel on their heads that many pokemon have that gives them mysterious foresight. 

VENOMOTH LINE

Venomoth evolve from Venonat. They're both bug-poison type and belong to the bug egg group. Venonat have compound eyes that do not see very well, instead moving by their antennae. They're nocturnal and feed on sleeping bug pokemon at night. They like sources of light and can be seen congregating in lamps.

Venomoth are also nocturnal, but their eyes are more developed. They're slow in the air but have a wingspan of five feet. Its wings are covered in dust from pollen as well as natural powders that can cause problems in humans and pokemon. Trainers who use Venomoth are required to use chemical treatments to keep them from spreading these toxins.

===

East of Cerulean city is Route 9, a hilly route which another river runs through, the East Kantonian River. Here there are no unique species or ones gone undiscussed.

Along the East Kantonian River, however is the Power Plant. Route 9 connects south towards Lavender Town via the Rock Tunnel.

The Power Plant, long a staple of the region, sadly, is in its twilight years. It is a massive source of pollution in the river, causing problems for the local wildlife. Happily, though, its decommissioning means that it will be soon repurposed into a home for electric pokemon in the area. Muk have also been employed to clean up the refuse. Some of these species slated for preservation will be listed below.

MAGNEZONE LINE

Magnemite evolves into Magneton into Magnezone. They're all Electric-Steel type and belong to the mineral group. They are all genderless Pokemon.

Magnemite are pokemon made of metal, using the electromagnets that they can turn on and off at will. They're common in power plants and congregate in places with unique magnetic fields. They're often found in rings, completing electric circuits.

Magneton evolve when Magnemite congregate and lose their individuality. It's a strange process, but they all stick together and think as one.

Magnezone are Megneton who grow to be larger and more unified. Their bodies fuse together and they gain an antennae that can detect their surroundings. They're very heavy, usually around 400 pounds, but can levitate using magnetism.

ELECTRODE LINE

Voltorb evolve into Electrode. They're both Electric type and belong to the Mineral Group and are genderless.

Voltorb evolved fairly recently. They are the same organism as Geodude who evolved to reside in the shells of old or broken Poke-balls. As such, instead of rock abilities, they have electric ones. Like their common ancestor Geodude, their line can explode.

Electrode are powerful and something of a nuissance in urban areas, siphoning power from homes. They also explode often, so they are treated as pests.

ELECTABUZZ LINE

Elekid evolves into Electabuzz into Eletivire. They're all electric-type and belong to the human-type egg group.

Elekid are common in the service of electric companies. They are used as generators to test functionality as well as feeding on excess electricity in areas. They rotate their arms to generate electricity.

Electabuzz are found in power plants helping employees. During storms, they love being struck by lightning.

Electivire evolve using a device known as the Electirizer. They're common in the Sinnoh region. They're about six feet high and very strong, the wires on their backs connecting to power lines. They're used on crews that repair downed lines and broken, dangerous machinery.

===

There is also a legend in the area surrounding the Power Plant that says that the legendary bird Zapdos has been spotted in the skies. Zapdos, of course, will be discussed in a later chapter on legendary pokemon.

The nearby Rock Tunnel contains the usual cavernous area species. Geodude. Machop. Zubat. It also is home to Onix, who is theorized to have started the tunnels in ancient times.

STEELIX LINE

Onix evolve into Steelix. Steelix has a mega evolution. Onix is Rock-Ground type and Steelix's forms are Steel-Ground. They all belong to the Mineral Egg Group.

Onix are common underground. They span from small sizes to nearly thirty feet long. They're mineralvores, eating rocks and soil, their excrement fertilizes the ground. Aboveground, they can perch on their tails.

Steelix are about as long, thirty feet, but are much more sturdy. They evolve after forming a metal coat, so they're only seen in some areas. Steelix's massive jaws allow them to plunge through rock and they are used in the mining industry. Mega steelix gain crystaline protrustions and are even stronger.

===

South on Route 9 past the Rock Tunnel is Lavender Town. Lavender town is home to the Pokemon Tower. In days past, Kanto has had a tradition- When a Pokemon passes away, its trainer brings it to the Pokemon Tower to sleep. The lower floors of the tower see gravestones and mauseleums, where the upper floors house countless urns where the dead pokemon of long past sleep. Pokemon are no longer taken here, but the place has spiritual significance to the region and is a heavily-visited tourist destination. Sadly, there have been plans to convert the Tower into something else over the years.

Within the town and tower are two unique species: Cubone and Ghastly.

MAROWAK LINE

Cubone evolve into Marowak. Marowak have an Alolan form that will be discussed later. They're all ground type and belong to the monster group.

It's said that Cubone wear the skulls of their mothers, but this is a myth. In fact, their skulls are actually an exoskeleton. They are very emotional and cry easily, clinging to their mothers. Despite this disposition, they are not baby pokemon and can breed.

Marowak also possess the same exo-skull, using bones and sticks as weapons. It is particularly effective at throwing. They work together to collectively lead their packs.

GENGAR LINE

Ghastly evolve into Haunter into Gengar, who have a mega evolution and gigantimax form. They're all ghost-poison type and belong to the amorphous egg group.

Ghastly are largely made of gas, floating above the ground. Strong winds can cause these pokemon to entirely dissapate.

Haunter solidify, but they're still able to float about, even slipping through walls. They lick foes and their saliva has a paralyzing agent.

Gengar lose the ability to float, but still are amorphous enough to pass through walls and doors. They do not evolve in the wild. They're said to be the shadows of clefable, or their dark counterpart due to their affinity with the moon. Mega Gengar are said to be able to traverse other dimensions, gaining an eye-like gem on their heads. Gigantimax Gengar have voracious appetites and massive mouths. They're banned due to eating their foes.

===

South from Lavender town leads towards South Kanto, so for now, let us head west towards Saffron City.

Saffron City is the jewel of the Kanto Region. It is the home to countless houses, the Marsh Badge Gym, a fighting Dojo, and it is the home to the Silph Co. We have mentioned them previously in chapters, they are responsible for the vast majority of the scientific advancements in the region and the world over, as well as efforts in conjunction with the Pokemon League to spearhead conservation efforts in Kanto. Sadly, though, their HQ contains no natural Pokemon species, so we must move North to Route 5.

Route 5 is the final area in North Kanto, and has many species we've so far discussed- Say it with me now. Pidgey, Rattata, Bellsprout, et cetera. Meowth also make their homes here.

PERSIAN LINE

Meowth evolve into Persian. They have a Galarian form and different Galarian evolution to be discussed later, same with their Alolan Versions. Meowth has a Gigantimax Form. They're all normal-type and belong to the Field group. In the past, Meowth had a pre-evolution named Meowsy.

Meowth stand on two legs. They're very intelligent and even can replicate human speech, though this is rare. All of them love riches and collect coins, sometimes stealing them. The gem on their heads are part of their bodies. Their Gigantimax form is known as "Longcat."

Persian are quadrepedal, possessing a gem in their heads, the same gem as Mega Alakazam and Golduck that unlocks mysterious precognative abilities. Despite its elegance, it is petty and somewhat cruel. It feeds on pidgey and ekans, an apex predator.

Meowsy were a baby pokemon that ceased being born long ago. These pre-evolutions belied some more mystical abilities, as they had gems that levitated around their heads. They were heavy sleepers and it's unknown why they stopped appearing.

===

Those are the areas in North Kanto. With time to spare, let's explore South Kanto.

South of Lavender Town is an intricate boardwalk known as the Silence Bridge. It leads towards both Vermillion city to the west and Fuchsia to the south on the coastal route. The Silence bridge is known as such due to the amount of Fishing that is done there and nearby- A humble mandate for the passersby to be quiet to not startle the fish. In the sea there are some usual pokemon, like Magikarp and Horsea, as well as Slowpoke and Snorlax.

SLOWPOKE LINE [EDIT]

Slowpoke evolve into either Slowbro or Slowking. There are regional variants that will be discussed later. They are all Water-Psychic type and belong to the Monster and Water 1 groups. Slowbro has a mega-evolution.

Slowpoke are odd Pokemon. They have a very short memory span, driven by their own instincts alone. Though we humans are herbivorous, Slowpoke's tails are sold as a delicacy. It's said if eaten they can give you sexual powers. From experience, I can tell you, this is incorrect.

Slowbro are Slowpoke who have formed a symbiosis with Shellder. These shellder evolve WITH the Slowpoke into a different form. The new Shellder feed on Slowbro's... Excrement. In mega form, the Shellder grows to envelop Slowbro like a suit.

Slowking, on the other hand, evolve when shellder connect to its mind. The shellder is subsumed and Slowking's mental powers grow. They also grow a neck frill. Slowking are intelligent enough to speak with humans. Though wise, they lack intelligence.

===

Route 11 leads towards Vermillion City and Pewter City by way of Diglett's Cave. In it reside some common species as well as the rarer Drowzee line.

HYPNO LINE

Drowzee evolve into Hypno. They're all psychic type and belong to the Human-Like egg group.

Drowzee are common near urban areas, using their proboscis to eat fruits. They have an affinity for dreams and when one sleeps near one, they do not dream at all.

Hypno are commonly found fraternizing with Alakazam in the wild. Instead of psychic ability, they use tools to put people and Pokemon to sleep.

===

We discussed said cave in brief, but let's dive in in earnest. The cave is the natural habitat of the pokemon Diglett and its intertwining tunnels naturally connect Route 11 to Vermillion City. It's a handy tunnel through the hilly areas, and Diglett don't seem to mind its use by humans.

DUGTRIO LINE

Diglett evolve into Dugtrio. They both have an Alolan Form, but their Kantonian forms are ground type and belong to the Field egg group.

Diglett remain underground and have poor eyesight. They feed on tree roots and dislike sunlight, as they are very sensitive to heat and UV rays. They are often used on farms to till soil and fertilize it, but must be kept away from growing plants. Their underside is rarely seen, but they have stubby clawed paws.

Dugtrio are curious. Specifically, Dugtrio refers to a single member of a dugtrio group, but dugtrio always travel in threes. Dugtrio are longer and heavier than Diglett, but they are three distinct entities who act as one. They can travel very far underground, the longest recorded distance being sixty miles.

===

Vermillion City, located on the coast of the Vermilion Bay, is a port city that does trade with Kanto as well as other regions. It's home to the Thunder Badge and the Vermillion Port. The harbor has long been a staple of the area.

South of the Silence Bridge are Routes 13, 14, and 15, which run along the coast of the Vermillion Bay into the Fuchsia Penninsula, also known as the Fuchsia Coast Highway.

It is a lovely place for grass and water types, as the locale gets a lot of sun. It's home to the usuals- Pidgey, Oddish, Bellsprout, and uniquely, Farfetch'd.

FARFETCH'D LINE

Farfetch'd do not evolve except in Galar. Historically, it had an evolution known as Outlan'dish. They are normal-flying and belong to the Flying and Field Egg Groups.

Farfetch'd use leeks and green onions to fight. They're not endangered, but they are in decline. They're fierce, but their environments have been encroached by Arbok such that their evolution Outlan'dish does not appear.

Outlan'dish developed mask-like facial markings and larger wings.

===

Fuchsia City is a city many tourists flood to, due to its closeness to the coast and the Safari Zone. It's also home to the Soul Badge of the Pokemon League.

The Safari zone, a nature preserve to the north, is where many species reside. Once endangered, these species are given a new place to roam. There are a great many species who live here, including some unique ones, such as Chansey, Rhyhorn, Tangela, Scyther, Pinsir, and Dratini. A full list of the unique species are below.

TANGELA LINE [EDIT] (add scrapped evos as extinct)

Tangela evolves into Tangrowth. They're both Grass type and belong to the Grass egg group. In the past, they had a different evolution line in Johto, a baby named Tangey and Creepela.

Tangela are round pokemon, black with large eyes like shellder, but they are surrounded by tentacles that are made of plant matter. They are rare but this is normal for their species. They blend easily into their surroundings and aren't succeptible to predators, as any vines that are eaten quickly grow back.

Tangrowth are even more massive, gaining the prehensile use of thier vines to grip and grab things. They're friendly and docile, if somewhat slow and less intelligent. They like jungle areas with heavy rainfall.

In the past, Tangela evolved from Tangey, smaller sized Tangela with one eye and fewer vines and into Creepela, a form that possessed a grinning mouth. It's likely Tangela stopped evolving into this form due to redundance- Much like Lick-King, Creepela were not particularly more effective than Tangela.

EXEGGCUTE LINE

Exeggcute evolve into Exeggutor. They're both grass psychic type and belong to the Grass Egg Group. Exeggutor's alolan form will be discussed in that chapter.

Exeggcute resemble eggs or seeds. All of them grow in groups- If you catch one you'll likely catch the whole pack. This is due to their psychic link.

Exeggcutor grow from Exeggcute who burrow into the ground and grow like plants. They are massive trees with faces on fruits. They like tropical areas, and while their heads are mistaken for fruits and coconuts, they can easily defend themselves. Its three heads are still discreet entities who are all psychically linked.

TAUROS

Tauros is normal type and belongs to the Field egg group. This pokemon is the male form of Miltank, who will be discussed in Johto's chapter.

Tauros are found running accross plains, their three-tails are used as whiplike defenses. It's heavy and strong, bashing headfirst into foes. 

PINSIR

Pinsir are bug type and belong to the Bug group. They have a mega evolution and historically evolved into the extinct pokemon Crushir.

Pinsir has massive claws on its head that are strong and hard. They hang from trees and use these pincers to crush the shells of coconuts. Mega pinsir gain wings and the flying type. In both forms, it spears prey like Pidgey before opening their claws to obliterate them.

In the past, Crushir was an evolution of Pinsir, but it stopped evolving into Crushir due to Crushir lacking eyes.

SCYTHER

Scyther evolves into Scizor. Scyther is bug-flying and Scizor is bug-steel. They both belong to the Bug egg group. Scizor has a mega evolution.

Scyther are vicious and fearsome, a standout in the bug type. They have wings, but they can't fly far with these, only hovering. Their arms end in scythe-like appendages that they use to drive off foes. Despite their fearsome appearance, they are herbivorous and their scythes are for defense only.

Scizor gives up its scythes for heavy claws that can cleanly cut anything. Their carapaces grow into mineral coatings. They are agile and skillful. Mega Scizor's claws grow into fearsome sawtooth pinchers.

RHYPERIOR LINE

Rhyhorn evolves into Rhydon into Rhyperior. They're all Ground-Rock type and are in the monster and field egg groups.

Rhyhorn are vicious and travel in packs. They've driven Charmander's line nearly to excinction in mountainous regions. They represent the lion's share of the Silver mountains' species. As such, the Silver Mountains are considered intraversable by land.

Rhydon are the bosses of Rhyhorn packs and their horns grow into drills. They also develop to be bipedal.

Rhyperior don't evolve in the wild and are much more docile than their counterparts. They use a device called a protector which is padded armor developed in Sinnoh. In their palms there are large holes which rocks can be shot from. They're used in the excavation industry alongside Steelix.

BLISSEY LINE

Happiny evolves into Chansey into Blissey. They're all Normal type and belong to the Fairy egg group. They're all female.

Happiny is a baby pokemon. It has a pouch where it keeps round stones and Pokemon eggs. It is used in the breeding industry as incubation. 

Chansey also has a pouch for eggs. They're often seen in Pokemon centers assisting the nurses. They are helpful and kind.

Blissey are larger forms of Chansey who grow tufts of fluffy hair. They serve the same function as Chansey, but they are impressively massive and are deceptively strong, being tough to knock over and defeat in battle. In the past, before domestication, they had a more distinct appearance with a heart-shaped protrusion on the head.

KANGASKHAN

Kangaskhan are normal-type and belong to the monster egg group. They have a mega evolution. They're all female.

They are a somewhat unique Pokemon in that they are actually TWO Pokemon. Kangashkan and Kangaskid- One might imagine that the Kangaskid in its pouch is its young or a pre-evolution, but they are born with these pokemon in their pouches. If you capture one or the other, they are both caught. Kangaskid and Kangaskhan have a psychic link and if they stray from one another they perish.

In its mega form, Kangaskid grows larger and actively fights with its counterpart.

DOTRIO LINE

Doduo evolve into Dotrio. They're both flying-normal type and belong to the Flying egg group, even though their line can't fly. They used to evolve from the baby pokemon Chicktrio.

Doduo have long legs allowing it to run across large distances. They migrate from north to south Kanto depending on the time of year. They have two heads that think independently but work together.

Dotrio are similar but they have three heads- The third middle head being the "leader" in a sense. They're cooperative but are seen arguing on occassion.

In the past they evolved from Chicktrio instead of Doduo, but Chicktrio were much less adept than Doduo so they stopped existing.

DRAGONITE LINE

Dragonite evolve from Dragonair from Dratini. They're all dragon-type and belong to the dragon and water 1 egg groups.

Dratini are snakelike creatures with cute round eyes who adore people. They grow to be about six feet long.

Dragonair are even more elegant, with its head-fins growing intricate fur patterns, as well as developing gems on its body and tail. They are regal and prized through the region.

Dragonite are huge winged creatures, developing arms and legs and a yellow coloration. They are serene and majestic and difficult to train. Their head whiskers indicate how long-lived they are, and they usually outgrow their trainers, passed down through generations. They are a spiritual symbol in Kanto.

===

Finally, with time to spare, let's discuss the Kantonian Sea. The Kantonian Sea contains several locations, as well as a few water routes. Heading south from Fuchsia city we arrive at Route 19, which connects to Route 20. This route contains the Seafoam islands, a large undersea cave system accessible east of Cinnabar Island. On the water there are some unique species such as Staryu, and in the caves there are others, like Seel. It's said Articuno lies deep in these islands, too.

STARMIE LINE

Starmie evolve from Staryu. They're both water type, Starmie gains the Psychic type. They belong to the water 3 egg group.

Staryu lie on the seafloor and don't have a food source. Instead, their gem absorbs light and heat. They're largely inert but decent partners.

Starmie are much the same, but they gain another five limbs.

SEEL LINE

Seel evolve into Dewgong. They're both water type, Dewgong obtaining the ice type. They belong to the Water 1 and Field egg groups. 

Seel live in cavernous areas in the ocean. It is resistant to cold and heat, using its horn to headbutt foes. They love fish pokemon.

Dewgong are larger and longer and are better swimmers. They can shoot ice from their horns.

===

To the West is Cinnabar island. Cinnabar is home to the Pokemon Mansion, a Pokemon Research Lab. Sadly, this lab is unaffiliated with the Pokemon League, instead, devoted to genetic research rather than preservation efforts or study. The island itself is a volcano, from which geothermal power is drawn. The Volcano is inert, but continued efforts in the Pokemon Mansion have led this to be tenuous. It is also the location of the Volcano Badge of the Pokemon League.

North past Cinnabar is Route 21, which connects to Pallet Town, aptly, where we began.

To the south of Cinnabar and Seafoam are the final stop on the Kanto tour. The Sevii Islands, an archipelligo of nine islands are home to many Kantonian Species as well as a few settlements. Due to its proximity to Johto, it also contains some species there which we will discuss in the next chapter.

One Island is home to yet another Volcano, Mt. Ember. The path to this volcano is known as "Kindle Road." Here, Fire Types thrive, such as Vulpix and Magmar. Moltres is said to live inside the Volcano itself.

MAGMAR LINE

Magby evolve into Magmar into Magmortar. They are all fire type and belong to the human-like egg group.

Magby are small and cute, often found in hot areas. Though adorable, they are not recommended to keep as pets as they are dangerous and evolve into the more volatile Magmar.

Magmar are taller and have flame-tails like Charizard. They love volcanoes and the deep underground. Interestingly, they are called "boober" in other regions.

Magmortar don't evolve in the wild, only after exposure to the Magmarizer, an invention from Sinnoh. They have holes in their hands that shoot fireballs. They are used alongside Electivire in factories and power machinery that operate on heat, like steam-powered tools.

VULPIX LINE

Vulpix evolve into Ninetails. They're fire type and belong to the Field egg group. They have an Alolan form which will be discussed later.

Vulpix are good pets, their cuddles are warm. They are born with one tail and grow more over time.

Once Vulpix grow their ninth tail, they evolve into Ninetails. Not the most... Creative name, but I did not choose it. They are haughty and prideful, do not touch their tails without permission. Lucky trainers sometimes get to lay their heads on their downy tails. It's said they can curse people, but this, as all curses are, is a myth.

ARCANINE LINE

Arcanine evolve from Growlithe. They're fire type and belong to the Field egg group.

Growlithe are loyal partners and common pets. They are fire-type but seldom shoot fire unless instructed, making them less volatile than some other of the same type. In the wild, they like eating bird pokemon and even larger prey. 

Arcanine are large with fluffy manes. They're obedient even more than other pokemon, fierce and loyal. They're often used in law enforcement, but many have questioned the ethics and effectiveness of this. Arcanine are an emblem of Kanto's police force.

===

Two island is home to Cape Brink, and Three island to the East is home to the Berry forest. No undiscussed Pokemon live here.

Four Island is home to the Icefall Cave. Inside are Pokemon Adapted to the cold like Seel and Slowpoke, as well as Jynx. Relocation efforts are underway to relocate Jynx, as the climate in Icefall is warming too much for them.

JYNX LINE

Smoochum evolve into Jynx, both are Ice-Psychic type as well as belonging to the Human-like egg group. They're all female.

Smoochum is cute and small and loves giving kisses. Its kisses are chilly but very pleasant. They kiss one another to communicate. They love cold areas and are used in hot regions as air conditioners.

Jynx are larger and their hair grows more. Their fur is purple and red and it flows into a dress-shape. People seem split whether they think Jynx is cute or strange. As for me? I think Jynx is quite lovely. My son Oak says she has DSLs, which I am sure stands for distinctly shaped lips.

===

Five island is home to the crime syndicate Team Rocket. Unfortunately, this means exploration of the Lost cave is impossible. Six island is home to the Altering Cave, which will be further discussed in the Hoenn chapters, the Dotted Hole, a mysterious ruin, and Ruin Valley, a large craggy area with Spearow, Psyduck, Natu, and Wooper.

Seven island is home to several more ruins, and while they are interesting, they feature no undiscussed pokemon.

The final two islands, Navel Rock and Birth Island, which are small islands that are said to be home to legendary pokemon.

Finally, I'd like to discuss a few Pokemon that have no natural habitat that call Kanto home. 

WEEZING LINE

Koffing evolve into Weezing, who have a Galarian form, discussed later. They're both poison type and belong to the Amorphous group.

Koffing are repulsive floating coagulations of solid waste who expel gasses. They're similar to Grimer in that they're horrid but not malevolent.

Weezing are clumps of several Koffing who combine. They're used in waste disposal.

HITMON LINE

The so-called "hitmon" line comes from a pokemon called Tyrogue. It has three options for evolution- Hitmonchan, Hitmonlee, and Hitmontop. They belong to the human-like egg group. They're all male.

Tyrogue is a small pokemon, roughly the build of Machop with different head frills. They're very strong, being fighting-type, but are more disciplined than Machop.

Hitmonchan are strong boxers with large red fists. They're more defensive and stalwart and are capable of many types of elemental punch attacks.

Hitmonlee, sometimes called the "kicking fiend" is capable of stretching its legs like springs to attack. It's the favorite of the three hitmons.

Hitmontop is the strangest of the three, preferring to stand on its head and spin like a top. It uses its arms AND legs to fight like this, as well as its tail. It's difficult to fight for this reason.

MR MIME LINE

...Mr. Mime evolves from, er. Mime Jr. It has a Galarian Version and a Galarian evolution. Uh. Discussed later on. Aherm. They're psychic-fairy and belong to the human-like egg group.

Mime Jr. is a cute tyke with a button nose that loves to entertain with theatrics.

Mr. Mime is. Ugh. Okay, hold on.

Look.

This isn't a Pokemon. This is a man. This is a fellow. Mr. Mime is a person. Absolutely, they can't speak, but he can UNDERSTAND words. He CLEARLY has high-functioning cognition at our level. We do not cast the mute out of society into pokeballs, so why do we for Mr. Mime? I tell you! He's a FELLOW. A MAN. I've seen them DRIVE! Bloody hell. Let Mr. Mime vote! Mime rights.

Er... My apologies.

===

And with that- That is Kanto. The species that naturally occupy its borders. The pokemon listed here are not exclusive to Kanto, of course, but they are indeed its native population.

The next chapter of this tome will be, of course, devoted to Kanto's Neighbor to the west: Johto.

AFTERWORD:

It is with a heavy heart that my musings on my home come to and end. I've studied this place for what feels like an eternity, and passing the torch to my son has been both the hardest thing in my life and the most profoundly happy. Oak, if you ever bother to crack open dad's old books, then just know this, what I'm too cowardly to say to your face, brave enough only to utter in the written word: You mean the world to me. Kanto is our home, and I am so proud to have brought you into it.

Harry Potter Critique Script

Hello. My name is Funk McLovin. I've decided to take a break from my other projects to work on something that I've been thinking about for a while. All of my ongoing stuff is still going to get finished, but I wanted to talk about something that has been on my mind for a while.

JK Rowling. We all know she's a shithead. She's the self-proclaimed TERF who's single handedly disproving that cancel culture is an effective mechanism. Even still, a lot of people still enjoy the Harry Potter books and media, and why not? They're a nostalgic piece of the Millennial collective consciousness. The author is dead, right?

Wrong.

Harry Potter is a fucked up book series. It was written by a woman who didn't think through the broader implications of her world and how that reflects on society and her own views. And you know what? It's fun taking that apart, vindictively. If you're not down with that vibe, I understand. If you are, then rub your hands together with gleeful joy, because Mama Funk has THE RECEIPTS.

1. Privilege

I'm going to begin with the least offensive of these issues, one that I think is less of a critique and more of a... Perspective. It surrounds the franchise's titular character, Harry Potter, and it can be summed up by a singular question:

Who IS Harry Potter?

Seriously. In the films and books, he's kind of just... A dude. A guy. In Book 1 he barely speaks. What's his favorite color? What foods does he like? The fella's a blank slate. Now- There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, JKR has probably done the age old trick of creating a generic character which the audience can project onto. A sort of blank slate which anyone can relate with. Or at least- What JKR THINKS is a blank slate.

Because what JKR thinks is a blank slate is kind of weird.

Harry Potter, objectively speaking, is a trust fund jock who went to private school then became a cop working for the same militant, segregationist institution that demonized him, personally, growing up.

Strip away the tragedy of childhood with the Dursleys, and Harry Potter's life begins to look not just charmed but downright lavish. Harry never wants for money, never wants for upward mobility. His friends come from similar means, Hermione from a family of Dentists, a profession that historically is high-income in Britain, and Ron from one of the oldest families in the wizarding world. Sure, the Weasleys SEEM poor, but they own acres of land, a large house, and have the means to raise a family and throw a lavish wedding during what is ostensibly war-time. Their father has a government job and Molly isn't portrayed needing to work.

In other words, JKR has a somewhat warped idea of the average life is like, one that trends towards privilege and wealth. This is why I've always been puzzled as to why people characterize Harry as a "nerd" or "outcast." He wasn't an outcast until the political elements of the last three books, and he's certainly not a nerd. His grades are rather shit. Is it the glasses? The kid got drafted into sports in Year 1 and there was a whole scene in the movies about how much cash his parents left him.

Again, not a critique. I just think it's funny. This next one, though...

2. Slaves

What the fuck is up with Fantasy stories and slavery? Seriously. It's like every fantasy writer simply has to cram in a species that just loves being enslaved. For Doctor Who and Game of Thrones it happens twice- For Doctor Who it's the Ood and the Tivolians, for Game of Thrones it's the Unsullied and Mereenean Slaves. For more examples, look up "Happiness in Slavery" on TV Tropes- Or don't! It's kind of miserable!

For JKR, though, the example, of course, is House Elves. House Elves are, in short, strange. The first one we meet is named Dobby, and he is positioned as an exception to the rule, a House Elf who wants to be free. At first, the idea seems clear- That maybe this is an underclass who is oppressed by the wizards, which would follow the theme of the 2nd book about prejudice- IE Mudbloods vs Purebloods. But it's not. Dobby IS the exception to what seems to otherwise be a hard-and-fast rule, and the other House Elves we meet in the books and movies, Kreacher and Winky, both adore being slaves and wearing sacks. Even Hogwarts's cooks are house elves, ones that are creeped out by Dobby's lust for freedom. 

Not only this, but Hermione, who sees the issue with, uh, slavery, makes a group called the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare, which, as you might have guessed, spells SPEW. Like the british word for puke.

Now- Hermione is a smart person. Like, very smart. She's not an idiot savant either, she's portrayed in the books and films as being more interpersonally savvy than Harry and Ron combined, especially book 4. She's smart enough to realize her acronym sucks. So this is a case of the books making a joke at her expense. A joke. About her starting a liberation campaign. For slaves. Hm.

Now. I really hate to do this, viewer, because I respect your intelligence. But let me explain to you why slavery is bad. Slavery is bad because it is unjust to take away another person's free will or forcibly make someone do things they might not want to. It creates a power dynamic that is inherently unjust. Human beings are equal in terms of their right to pursue their own happiness, and slavery impinges on this.

Now, you might be saying, "Well the Elves LIKE it!" and you're right. In the story, they do. The House Elves who work for Hogwarts are implied to be treated very well. But they still get mistreated, like Dobby with the Malfoys, Sirius beating Kreacher, and Winky and Barty Crouch Sr's relationship. They're not treated well. And what happens to House Elves at Hogwarts who disobey? What about wild house elves? Are they just... All slaves? How did they get that way? Were they selectively bred for- Actually? Never mind. Thanks for making me think about that, JK!

Not to mention- In real life, there are no reasons to have like... Slavery happen. "But they like it" was an argument used against real people, real people who were the great-grandparents of people living now. Maybe don't do that?

I get it- There could be some interesting stories to tell about autonomy and what slavery IS and how it might look different with hypothetical different species. But Harry Potter isn't that story. Harry Potter is a story where people make fun of Hermione for wanting to free slaves. Because as it stands, JKR wrote words and arguments into her books, in earnest, that real human people wrote about other human people a century ago.

Ouch.

3. Azkaban

For casual readers of Harry Potter, Azkaban is a small plot point. It's just "wizard jail," and beyond that, there's very little rationalization. But like. Let's do think about it, just for a little bit.

First, what IS Azkaban? Well, it's a prison. It's where the wizard criminals go. It's introduced in Book 2 where Hagrid is sent under suspicion of being the Heir of Slytherin and in Book 3 it's expanded with lore about the Dementors and the fact that there's only been one escape in history to that point. You probably knew this.

Let's chase the implications down, here, though. First of all, Hagrid wasn't sent there for BEING a criminal. He was sent there when he was under SUSPICION. So Azkaban isn't just prison, it's also a holding cell for potential criminals, in Hagrid's case not even awaiting trial, just... A suspect. So, it's an ultra-high security prison where you can be taken without trial. Not great so far.

But the conditions in Azkaban are kind of... Incredibly fucked up. It's hard to overstate HOW fucked up they are. Dementors are the most conceptually upsetting creature in the Harry Potter universe. As Ron puts it in the film, even slight exposure to one made him feel like he would "never be cheerful again." Dementors make their home at Azkaban prison. They're not just THERE, they're like. The staff. They're the wardens. Did I mention they can also eat your soul? They can do that, and presumably do. In the context of Harry Potter, a soul is your eternal life, so Dementors don't just kill people, they SUPER-kill them.

Now, in real life, prison is kind of a hot topic. A lot of people have argued that the prison system we use today doesn't work- Due to things like recidivism, where people who have been imprisoned tend to just commit more crimes upon release, as well as indentured labor done by inmates. I won't get into it- But JKR poses a system that's way worse than the shitty one we have, affecting more people, and no one in the books once critiques this. Not even Hagrid or Sirius. They complain that they were framed, sure, but they offer no systemic critique of how Azkaban runs.

I'm not saying that JKR HAS to make a prison system that is good, in fact, Azkaban could have been an interesting commentary on how fucked up prison is as a concept or demonstrate problems with the ministry for magic. But she doesn't.

Especially in Books 2 and 3, this is posed as a system that is brutal but effective. Even Hermione, who, as I discussed, has a bleeding heart about this stuff, threatens Rita Skeeter that she'll out one of her crimes, being an unregistered shapeshifter, which will net her a stay at Azkaban.

I'm not going to opine about how JKR feels about prisons because I'm not a mind-reader, but her books and the characters in it seem to think Azkaban is a fair system. In fact, after the Dementors betray the ministry and join Voldemort, Azkaban isn't even abolished, it's just... Continued with people as the guards, instead. To be fair, this is an improvement, but like. It doesn't seem like that was a response to criticism from any characters.

So in sum, JKR made the most conceptually upsetting prison systems imaginable and expects us to think it's fair and just, or at the very least, brutal but effective.

=Conclusion

JK. Come here. Listen to me- I know you're watching this. Lean in close.

Why?

Why'd'ja do this? It's not hard to not write slavery into your books. It's not. Look- I'll demonstrate. I'm doing it right now! I'm not writing slavery into a book as we speak. So I have to ask. Why did you write this instead of something, ANNYTHING else? In book 2 Molly Weasly does all her chores with magic, so why did you make the central setting of your books, Hogwarts, participate in slavery? Why did you write in a torture prison? Why didn't you just... Write something other than these things? I mean, it's too late to change this, so I guess it's a moot point. But I just want to know.

This has been Funk McLovin. Like I said, next week it's back to my ongoing projects, so check those out. Special thanks to this month's patrons:

PieEight, Zipperozic, Zach Vincent, KaliedoscopeMediator, Luny Skywalker Tucker, and Jojro. With my Patreon money last month, I paid my electricity bill, so thanks, guys. This isn't a joke. Thanks. If you'd like to support me as well, head over to Patreon. I also have scripts for vids over there and some fun podcasts!

Bye. I love you.

Pokemon Bestiary CH 3 Early Access/Script

When compiling a Bestiary, one must consider first and foremost, the locales that Pokemon appear in. Before going into depth about any specific creature, we must break them down by location. Broadly, the world has been split into regions, all of whom have sovreignty between one another, as well as established borders. More specifically, these regions have been split into informal areas, called anything from "zones" to "provinces."

In Chapter 3, we will begin with the Kanto Region. Kanto has no formal provinces, but ecologists and cartographers break up the area into four quadrants of varying size, listed on this map.

Going clockwise from the right: West Kanto, the largest area, North Kanto, the most populous, South Kanto, bordering the sea to the south and east, and of course, the Kantonian sea to the south.

In each section, I will introduce a new area and its species, and if there is a species we have as yet not discussed, I will give its line a detailed explanation.

First, we will discuss the ecosystem of West Kanto. We shall begin, aptly enough, with the town that is home to my own Laboratory: Pallet Town.

++PALLET TOWN AREAS

Pallet town is a small town, nestled in the south of the landmass that comprises Kanto and Johto, ideal for field research. No Pokemon exist in town, but Route 1, which is managed by my own lab, is home to several very common Kantonian Species, namely the Pidgey and Rattata lines.

PIDGEOT LINE:

The Pidgeot Line begins with Pidgey, then Pidgeotto, then Pidgeot. All three cohabitate and have similar diets and behaviors. They are all normal-flying type and belong to the flying egg group.

Pidgey is small, a meter long with the same wingspan. It eats bug types, a favorite being Caterpie. It's a common pokemon, both with trainers and in the wild, unwary and easy to train. The whole line has excellent direction and can fly tirelessly.

Pidgeotto are more territorial and gain a crest. They are less docile.

Pidgeot is more aerodynamic and has a longer crest. They are regal and confident and fiercely loyal to trainer and nest alike. They are responsible for getting food for young Pidgey. They are a meter and a half tall with a massive wingspan of five meters. It can hunt larger prey like Magikarp and can fly at Mach 2. Its wings are immensely strong.

Mega Pidgeot gains colored plumage and even more speed.

RATICATE LINE:

Rattatta evolves into Raticate, both of which possess an alternative form native to the Alola region. All varieties belong to the Field Egg Group. Kantonian Rattata and Raticate are normal type- They have a slightly different counterpart in Alola, which we will discuss later on.

Kantonian Rattata are herbivorious, foraging for nuts and berries. At a meter long, they are sometimes prey to Ekans and Pidgeot and more rarely Golbat. As such, Raticate are less common, but Rattata are very common in grassy areas and forests. They live in groups, often underground or in caves. Their teeth are very sharp.

Kantonian Raticate are aggressive and are seldom preyed on due to their dangerous fangs. It gnaws habitually and can chew through even stone and concrete. It must do this otherwise its teeth grow too quickly. Trainers often use incredibly stiff chew toys for their raticate.

++VIRIDIAN AREAS

Viridian City is home to the Earth Badge's Gym, one of the eight Kantonian Pokemon League certified gyms. To the north is Route 2 and Viridian Forest, and to the West are Routes 22, 26, 27, and 28. West on Route 22 and 28 is Mt. Silver, north on Route 22 and Victory Road is the Indigo Plateu, the Pokemon League HQ in the region. South on Route 22, then 26 and 27 is the Johtonian border.

This area is very diverse, so we shall cover each area in sequence.

+ROUTE 2 and VIRIDIAN FOREST

Route 2 and Viridian Forest connect Viridian City to Pewter City. There is also an exit to Diglett's cave here. Pidgey and Ratatta reside here, as well as Nidoran. In the woods proper, there are the Weedle and Caterpie lines as well as Pikachu. Oddish and Bellsprout comprise the plant life, and at one time, Bulbasaur lived here.

BUTTERFREE LINE:

The Butterfree line begins with Caterpie, continues to Metapod, and ends with Butterfree. This line lives in thick woods and forests. Caterpie are very common, but are preyed on by birds like Pidgey, so Butterfree are rare. They are all Bug type, Butterfree acquiring the Flying type. They are part of the Bug Egg Group.

Caterpie is small, only about a foot in height, and escapes from danger using its silk. It climbs trees using its sticky feet and drives foes away with a terrible smell from its antennae.

Metapod is a cocoon spun by Caterpie. It remains inert until it evolves, making it easy prey for birds who can peck through the hard thread.

Butterfree, in evolving, stops being a target of bird pokemon due to its toxicity. It can also release poison dust from its wings. It aids in pollination and is about one meter tall, nearly three meters in wingspan.

BEEDRILL LINE:

The Beedrill line begins with Weedle, then Kakuna, then Beedrill. Bedrill has a mega evolution. They're all bug-poison type and belong to the Bug Egg Group. It lives in the same environment as the Caterpie line.

Weedle is similar to Caterpie, a foot long worm, but Weedle has poor eyesight and a spike on its head and tail. It is preyed on by birds, but are toxic to eat, leading to indigestion and death to its would-be predators. Its stinger is also venomous, deterring predation. Unlike the weedle line, which prefers sweet things, Weedle likes leaves.

Kakuna is Weedle's cocoon, and is softer than Metapod. Though it loses its toxicity and is less hard and is preyed on more.

Beedrill is about a meter high, a meter and a half in Mega form. It has poison stingers on its forearms and rear end. Mega Beedrill gains a second set of forearm spikes and a larger rear stinger. Beedrill often swarm together and the swarms are very territorial. They become issues in modern areas and require exterminators.

RAICHU LINE:

Pikachu evolves into Raichu. Pikachu has a gigantimax form and Raichu has an alolan variant, which will be discussed later. They're electric type and they all belong to the Field and Fairy egg groups. Pikachu also has a baby form in Pichu.

Pichu is notorious for being clumsy with its electricity. It's not old enough to control its power, yet so it hurts itself and others.

Pikachu is beloved the world over. This is in spite of its dangerous penchant for electrocuting new trainers and moody disposition. It's common and a decent starter pokemon for the ambitious. It is not often preyed upon because it is not commonly found in the wild. Like Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle, Pikachu is rare in the wild due to conservation efforts.

Gigantimax Pikachu is much the same, but gains a staggeringly powerful tail and the customary immense height.

Kantonian Raichu have gained more control of their electricity and use their long tails as a ground. It is said that this pokemon can discharge a hundred thousand volts. Raichu are rare, as their evolution is based on a synthetic Thunderstone.

THE NIDORAN LINE

The Nidoran line has a branching evolution, depending on the gender of the Nidoran. Adolescent Nidoran and the Nidoking line are in the monster and egg groups and Nidoqueen line is in the no eggs group. They're all poison, the latter evolutions gaining the ground type.

Male Nidoran evolve into Nidorino then Nidoking. Female Nidoran evolve into Nidorina and Nidoqueen.

Nidoran vary from gender, but they all have long teeth like rattata as well as whiskers and long ears. Males are darker in color and neither are heavily preyed on due to their poisonous nature. They have barbs in their horns that are toxic for defense.

Nidorina lose their horns in favor of thicker hides and stronger muscles. They're more aggressive than males despite being less imposing, but only become aggressive in defense of nests.

Nidoqueen are bold matriarchs. Very friendly, but don't approach their nest. They treat their trainers like their own children. It is highly armored more than its male counterpart.

Nidorino are the first male evolution. Unlike Nidorina they are quadrepedal and exist to gather food. Despite their imposing stature they are herbivores. It retains its horn and venom.

Nidoking stand a meter and a half tall, boast huge horns and strong tails and claws. Less defensive than Nidoqueen, they are similarly paternal. Trainers with Nidoking seek strong opponents to sate Nidoking's temprament.

VILEPLUME LINE:

Oddish evolves into Gloom, into Vileplume or Bellossom. They are all poison-grass type and in the grass egg group.

Oddish is very small at a half a meter, and spends a lot of time burrowed underground. It's common prey for many pokemon when it comes up to eat and the scent it exudes makes it easy to find.

Gloom are fascinating, as they have a unique smell that attracts some pokemon and people, but repels most. Gloom turns from prey to predator, luring in smaller pokemon who feast on plants before devouring them.

Vileplume are even more noxiously smelling. Trainers will have their scent glands removes to avoid the unbearable stench. In the wild, it has both a scent gland and a poison gland, which they use in tandem to disable and poison prey. It only stands a meter tall, but in the wild with no pruning, its petals can become nearly double its height.

Belossom evolve from Gloom if they are exposed to the rare Sun Stone or simply a high amount of sun. They're more common in Johto due to the sunnier areas there. They are more sweet-smelling and have a better disposition than Gloom and Vileplume, but they are still toxic to eat. Their spores cause sleep in those who spend too much time around them.

VICTREEBEL LINE:

The Victreebel line begins with Bellsprout, then Weepinbell, and finally, Victreebel. They are all Grass-Poison type and belong to the Grass egg group.

Bellsprout is one of the rare Pokemon possessing roots. They are capable of using these roots to walk, but prefer to wait stationary for bug pokemon to wander into their sweet-smelling mouths.

Weepinbell, unlike their terrestrial pre-evolution, hang from trees. They have a similar manner of consuming. While they are just 1 meter tall, they can consume even large prey like butterfree, but due to being stationary, more so than Bellsprout, they are eaten by Pokemon and even Humans who mistake them for fruit.

Victreebel have no such problems. They are much larger, at 1.7 meters, and their mouths could fit a human inside. Happily, they do not prefer humans to eat and spit out preys they don't prefer- Still, their stomach acid isn't pleasant to feel. The acid is used in some industrial zones to dispose of waste. It's safe to harvest with the correct equippment. Be careful, though, as Victreebel can eat anything that is small enough to fit in its mouth, so large congregations in urban areas are considered pests.

+BORDER AREA

To the East, there lies the craggy Silver Mountain Range which serves as the border between Kanto and Johto, as well as the Pokemon League HQ, which Kanto and Johto share. Kanto's Gym Challenge, known as the Indigo Conference, and Johto's Gym Challenge, known as the Silver Conference, are both elligible to compete in the Indigo League Champion bout. In the past, champions have hailed from both regions.

The unsettled areas, including Routes 22, 28, and 26, are home to the usual Kantonian suspects. Rattata, Spearow, Nidoran, Mankey. In water routes, there live Magikarp, Goldeen, and Poliwag- All saltwater creatures living in the Route 26 inlet. In the more mountainous areas, there are also Ekans, Sandshrew, Ponyta and Tentacool. There are some Johtonian species such as Noctowl and Quagsire, which will be discussed in Johto's chapters.

Victory Road, which is a large mazelike cave system, holds common cave pokemon like Zubat, Machop, Geodude, Onix, and Cubone, as well as Marowak. It is also said to be the occasional home of Moltres, which will be discussed in the section regarding Kanto's legendary pokemon.

Route 28 and Mt. Silver are on the border, containing Ponyta, Tangela, Ekans, and Zubat, as well as Johtonian species such as Ursaring, Donphan, and Sneasel.

Mt. Silver is home to some craggy customers, Zubat, Psyduck, Geodude, and Magmar, as well as the Johtonian Ursaring, Donphan, and Larvitar.

This area is also home to Tohjo falls, discussed in Johto's chapters.

FEAROW LINE:

Spearow evolves into Fearow. They're both normal-flying type and belong to the flying egg group.

Spearow are scavengers and predators alike. Though it cannot yet fly well, it can run and climb. It prefers Kakuna and Metapod, able to break their shells with its hard beak.

Fearow are massive, not as fast as Pidgeot, but far more deadly. They're more than a meter tall and have even wider wingspans than Pidgeot, more than five meters, as well as downy fur to increase maneuverability. Their long beaks skewer even large prey like Raticate and huge talons and powerful wings allow them to grab even large pokemon. It can fly very high and has the stamina to fly for days at a time. Trainers with Fearow need to keep them well-fed.

PRIMAPE LINE:

Mankey evolves into Primape. They are both pure fighting-type and belong to the field egg group.

Mankey are small, only about a foot tall, but their arms and legs have a wide reach. They are pack creatures, living in trees. They're prone to anger, at each other and at trainers.

Primape are less prone to anger, only in that they seem to always be furious at something. They are tireless and Primape in the wild sometimes exhaust themselves finding food. It's not recommended to run from them and instead play dead.

ARBOK LINE

Arbok's line begins with Ekans, then Arbok. They are both Poison type and belong to the Field and Dragon types.

Ekans is a lover of eggs, consuming eggs as its main diet. They grow to be nearly two meters long and can swallow small critters whole, able to dissolve them quickly with the same acid that populates their stomachs. In spite of this, they are often preyed upon by large birds, namely Fearow and Pidgeott.

Arbok, on the other hand, is an apex predator. They are gigantic and fearsome, growing three and a half meters in length, usually positioned upright at about five feet tall, their frills on display. They have no predators and consume even formidable birds who may have once given it trouble. They are also not discerning, consuming any Pokemon small enough that it comes across, with some exceptions. Its body can constrict with deadly force and its frill can hypnotize prey. While they don't usually feed on humans, it's not unheard of, and a trainer can have its pokemon eaten by this foe. Be wary.

SANDSLASH LINE:

Sandslash evolve from Sandshrew. They are both ground-type and part of the Field Egg Group. They also have an Alolan form, discussed later in this tome.

Despite their small size, Sandshrew are very hardy and tough. They hide at the openings of their burrows, blending into the sand. When prey wanders by, they strike. Due to their camoflauge, they are hard for trainers to spot. Even so, they are good companions, since they do not require much sustenance or water. They also curl into balls for easy storage.

Sandslash are larger, standing a meter tall. Their spines make the balls they roll into dangerous to enemies. They are also good at climbing trees and cacti. They hunt like their pre-evolution, but both pokemon are omnivorous, able to consume even tough cacti and desert plants.

RAPIDASH LINE:

Ponyta evolve into Rapidash. They are both Fire-type and belong to the Field egg group. They each have a galarian form that will be discussed later.

Ponyta are rare among fire-types in that they are found outside of hot, remote areas. They are expert runners, and groups can be seen in flat plains. They avoid forests, which is for the best, as the fire that they exude would not be good for the environment. Their hooves are incredibly hard, as well.

Rapidash are mature Ponyta. They are sometimes used as mounts, but require fireproof pants and saddles. They're found on Cycling Road in Kanto, racing against trainers there. The faster they go, the harder they blaze.

GOLBAT LINE:

Zubat evolves into Golbat, then Crobat. They are all poison flying type and belong to the flying group. This line is rare in the flying egg group as it doesn't have feathers or fur.

Zubat is slightly less than a meter and is a pest to anyone traveling through caves or tunnel routes. Infestations must be quickly dealt with, otherwise they will overtake populations.

Golbat are rarer, as they have a nasty habit of consuming Zubat when other food is scarce. Their massive mouths are largely for show, as they actually consume the blood of their prey. When they get too glutted with blood, they become unable to fly and are fed on by other Golbat or predators. They're not common with trainers but are a favorite of the crime syndicate Team Rocket.

Crobat are two meters long and significantly more docile than Golbat. None exist in the wild, as they only are able to evolve in captivity. It can fly incredibly swiftly and nearly silently. Its feet shrink in size and it gains a set of secondary wings. Since it cannot support its own weight standing, it's able to sleep hanging from trees.

MACHAMP LINE:

Machop evolves into Machoke into Machamp. They are part of the human-like egg group and are all pure fighting-type. Machamp has a Gigantimax form.

Machop are small, sometimes mistaken for children. Even so, they're massively powerful. They exercise tirelessly, as well, lifting large rocks for fun. They sometimes lift Geodude and Graveler by mistake, much to the chagrin of said Geodude and Graveler.

Machoke are larger, standing about the size of a small adult, five feet or so. They cooperate with humans and are used as labor in moving companies and factories. This work suits them, as menial tasks are invigorating to them. Even so, in Kanto and Hoenn, labor unions have fought for their rights to avoid exploitation.

Machamp are about as tall as Machoke, but they gain a secondary pair of arms. They evolve very rarely, and only after some large emotional event. The specific mechanics are unknown. Still, they are excellent fighters, and are seen being trained for the Pokemon League rather than in industry. Gigantimax Machamp are huge and their power is so great their muscles glow under their skin.

GOLEM LINE:

Golem evolve from Graveler, from Geodude. This line is Rock-Ground Types and belong to the Mineral Egg Group. They each have alolan forms, discussed at a later date. 

Like many pokemon part of the mineral group, Geodude's "body" is mostly inorganic. Its actual biomass is contained inside the rocks it occupies and can repair dents and scratches by appropriating rock mass. Their actual biological mass looks like reuniclus, a pair of arm muscles and nerves, eyes, and a mouth. While inert, they resemble rocks.

Graveler gain a secondary pair of arms as well as more boulder-like appearance. Their biomass doesn't increase much, but their inorganic mass does. They enjoy a round shape and can roll around. They're a danger to mountain trails to hikers.

Golem do not exist in the wild. Unlike their pre-evolutions, they have biomass that extends from its rocky insides. Its hide is still very thick and it can withdraw its limbs to roll about. Due to a long life of adding rocks to its mass, it is unspeakably hard, able to withstand dynamite blasts. It is also capable of expelling explosive force in self-descructs. It uses this ability to move from place to place in craggy areas.

++PEWTER AREAS / MT. MOON

Pewter City is home to the Boulder Badge of the Indigo Gym challenge. It's also home to the Pewter Museum of Science, which has long studied the fossil record of the region. In a later chapter, I will discuss many extinct Pokemon and efforts to revive them.

To the East lie Route 3, Mount Moon, and Route 4, which lead into Cerulean city in North Kanto. This area is craggy, as the Silver Mountain range comes around to envelop this area. The Silver Range extends around Pewter City and the Indigo Plateau to form the Indigo Valley.

In this area, broadly called Mt. Moon, there are several rarer Kantonian Species. There are of course the ususal suspects- Pidgey, Ratatta, Spearow, Sandshrew, Mankey, Nidoran, Ekans, and Zubat, but also Fairies like Jigglypuff and Clefable, inside Mt. Moon proper. Inside the caves of Mt. Moon there are Paras, Geodude, and Onix. Moonstones can be found here.

WIGGLYTUFF LINE:

Igglybuff, the baby, evolves into Jigglypuff, then to Wigglytuff. All three are normal-fairy type and belong to the Fairy Egg Group.

Igglybuff, the baby pokemon, is quite small, just about 30 cm or one foot tall. They are often found in groups bouncing about and are easy to tame. They enjoy singing and bouncing and despite their docile natures, normally predatory pokemon do not bother them.

Jigglypuff is a common sight in Kanto and abroad, beloved for its singing voice. There exist services in Kanto to rent Jigglypuff out to new parents to help their babies sleep. In the wild, this singing ability is not used for predation, but they are known to put prey animals to sleep, causing their untimely deaths. It's unknown if this is intentional on Jigglypuff's part.

Wigglytuff are massive and have huge lung capacities, allowing them to inflate and use incredible pneumatic force to their advantage. They are less easygoing than their pre-evolutions. It also makes this pokemon difficult to hurt with blunt force, as its rubbery skin absorbs hits. Despite their large eyes, they are safe from dust due to a thin layer of tears.

CLEFABLE LINE:

Clefairy evolves into Clefable. There is also the Baby pokemon Cleffa that will be discussed in the next chapter. Oddly, this line is disproportionately female. They are fairy type and in the fairy egg group. Cleffa is their baby form.

Cleffa are small and shy, rarely seen in the wild.

Clefairy is rare, seldom appearing to humans. There has long been a folktale that Clefairy are from the moon, and while they do have an affinity for moonlight and the night time, this is unlikely. They're most commonly seen in a full moon.

Clefable do not exist in the wild. They evolve only when exposed to a moon stone. Like Clefairy, it is very wary, but it is protective of their trainers. It's said that those who evolve their Clefairy will have a happy marriage. They're sensitive to noise and it is considered cruel to keep one in an urban area.

PARASECT LINE:

Paras evolves into Parasect. They're both bug-grass type and are in the bug and grass egg groups.

Paras is a fascinating creature. They are all infected by mushrooms called tochukaso which are so involved in its life cycle that no Paras exist in the wild without this infection. Curiously, Paras bred in captivity without this mushroom have no will to eat and quickly die of starvation.

Parasect evolve after the mushrooms completely subsume the host. The body slowly decays while being piloted by the mushroom. It scatters spores to make more mushrooms and infect more Paras.

The relationship between this pokemon and the mushrooms is not symbiotic, but Paras are still unable to live without the mushrooms. It's accurate to say that the fungus has fully domesticated the insect.

++CELADON AREAS / VERMILLION INLET WEST

Celadon city lies near the coast of the Vermillion inlet and Routes 16 and 17 extend east and south respectively. Route 16 connects to Viridian city, though through the rough wilderness, and 17 connects to Route 18 and Fuschia City of South Kanto. The divide between Viridian and Route 16 is a large wood connected to Viridian Forest, broadly called the Viridian Wood.

In Celadon City proper, the Game Corner hosts a number of Pokemon available for purchase. Kanto is the only region that allows the corporate purchase of Pokemon, and the Game Corner is the only place that this practice proliferates. There are a number of Pokemon bred by the Game Corner, such as Porygon, but species such as Eevee, Dratini, and Scyther can be bought. Eevee and Porygon are common in these urban areas, but other such pokemon will be discussed in their natural habitats.

Route 16, the non wooded areas, are hilly and home to the common species like Ratatta and Spearow. Pidgey do not live in these areas where their preferred bug pokemon are scarce, in favor of Spearow and Doduo who feast on the grass-types here. There are also several species who have developed in this urbanized area, such as Grimer and Muk. Celadon and Saffron Cities are closeby, so urban pokemon proliferate.

Route 17, also known as Cycling road, has few pokemon. The only unique member of this area is Ponyta, who enjoy the long, flat area to run upon. It is also a popular fishing spot.

EEVEE LINE:

Eevee are a unique Pokemon who evolve depending on the environment they are raised in. They evolve into either Vaporeon, Jolteon, Flareon, Espeon, Umbreon, Glaceon, Leafeon, or Sylveon, depending on their exposure. They are normal type and belong to the Field egg group. Eevee possesses a Gigantimax form.

Eevee is small, just 30 cm in height, and they enjoy a healthy population in the wild and in domestication. They were once the premiere starter pokemon until the advent of the starter program, but they still are a trainer's first partner in many areas. Gigantimax Eevee grow immense fur on their tufts.

Vaporeon, the Water type, evolves from Eevee who either live in watery areas or are exposed to the Water Stone. They gain the ability to breathe underwater as well as swim elegantly. Its fins detect barometric pressure.

Flareon, the Fire type, evolves from Eevee in hot climates or when exposed to a Fire Stone. It stores fire in its body, like many fire-types. Be careful, it can radiate intense heat. They're the rarest in the wild.

Jolteon, the Electric-type doesn't evolve in the wild. It evolves due to a thunder stone. Its fur conducts electricity and is useful to the power industry.

Espeon gains a jewel on its forehead and is Psychic type. It evolves if no particular environment is present, making it the most common in the wild. It's said they can read minds, as they react uncannily to their opponent's moves and have a knack for knowing just where prey are.

Umbreon are dark-type. They evolve if there is no particular environment, but they evolve to be nocturnal. It's unknown why this is. Its bodily rings glow when exposed to moonlight. They co-exist with Eevee and Espeon in the wild and keep predators away by unnerving them. Also, interestingly, their sweat is poisonous.

Leafeon are Grass-type. They evolve in wooded environments occassionally, or when exposed to Leaf stones. It's likely they evolve when food is scarce, since they can consume grass and other plant mater. Their fur changes into leaves which it uses to store energy.

Glaceon are Ice-type and evolve in frigid environments. It uses its fur to make its hair stand on end and protect itself. They are popular in the winter recreation industry due to their abilities to make snow by freezing the atmosphere.

Sylveon are fairy-type and evolve during mysterious circumstances. They evolve seemingly when they are needed and trainers who desire them seem to always evolve their Eevees into Sylveon. They are capable of soothing the spirit, and partner Sylveon are given to people suffering from depression. They are also good in fights due to their ability to make foes unlikely to retaliate as hard.

PORYGON LINE:

Porygon is one of the several man-made pokemon. It has two evolutions depending on the data it is given, Porygon 2 and Porygon Z. They are all normal type and belong to the Mineral group. They have no gender.

Porygon, or Porygon 1, was orignaly made by the Silph Co. to combat computer viruses. Later, it was considered sentient, and later still, Silph Co. made bodies for Porygon to occupy. It is able to reproduce biologically due to Silph Co's efforts, but sadly, the research has been lost due to the head programmer, Bill Sr. passing away before passing on his code.

Porygon 2 were invented by Bill Jr. the creator of the original PC Pokemon Data Storage System. Upgrade discs are in regular circulation for trainers to upgrade their Porygon. Silph Co. partnered with Hoenn's Aerospace efforts to create this Pokemon to explore the stars. As such, it requires no oxygen and is pressure-stable, allowing it to live in zero G.

Porygon Z were created by an anonymous bioprogrammer. It's unknown why or how it was developed. One theory is that it was developed by the Aether Foundation to explore different dimensions, but they have not taken credit. It acts erratically, but trainers love them. They are evolved using Dubious Discs.

SNORLAX LINE:

Baby Munchlax evolve into Snorlax. They are both normal type and belong to the Monster egg group. Snorlax possesses a gigantimax form.

Munchlax are small creatures, 60 cm tall, who consume far past what their metabolism requires. This eating causes their evolution.

Snorlax grow into their massive appetites. They seem to only engage in sleeping and eating, but are happy to be trained. They occasionally carelessly eat small pokemon, but their diet is herbivorous. They are immense, two meters tall and two meters wide, weighing an average of 460 kilos or half a ton. Due to their sedentary lifestyle, they are peaceful with humans, but they do get in the way of routes occasionally.

Gigantimax Snorlax grow so large that trees and bushes grow on them. Their snoring is a nuissance.

MUK LINE:

The Muk line begins with Grimer, then Muk. They have an Alolan form to be discussed later on, and the Kantonian form is Poison-Type, belonging to the Amorphous Egg Group.

Grimer is a pile of sludge and waste. The actual biomass of a grimer is very small, but it attaches itself to waste of all kinds. Newborn Grimer are incubated inside their parents' bodies and hatch into a fresh batch of sludge. Grimer quickly die if they have no sludge to bond to.

Muk are even larger and even genuinely toxic. Trainers who use Muk are legally required to use synthetic sludge that has no aroma. Large groups of them congregate around factories. Though they smell repugnant, they are good for the environment, since they consume waste.

++Sadly, Chapter 3 is long enough as it is, so next time we shall discuss the remainder of Kanto's areas and the remainder of the pokemon therein. Worry not, Kanto fans, your favorites shall be discussed soon.

This has been Professor Redwood. See you next time.

Pokemon Bestiary Chapter 2 Audio

Information from Professor Redwood on STARTER POKEMON!

POKEMON and all Pokemon characters belong to The Pokemon Company, Nintendo, Gamefreak, and Creatures Inc.

Video: https://youtu.be/BDnCB9K_KHE

Pokemon Bestiary Chapter 2 Preview

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3 Adorable Pokemon Tunes

Now on YT

Pokemon Bestiary Chapter 1 Audio

PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/funkmclovin

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Polly Want A Rhythm?

Sheet Music: https://imgur.com/a/JPMivJl A song using polyrhythms.

A Thank-You Video to my Patrons

You're welome in advance

New Project Preview 👀

OwO what's this?

"Ten Tips for Twitter" early access.

[I haven't edited the video yet, so here's the script and audio for Patrons!]

SCRIPT:

HOW TO USE TWITTER

Last week I made a video explaining why Twitter sucks ass. At the end of the video I was somewhat at a loss for what to do about this, and while some people suggested other solutions like Mastodon and decentralized social media, those don't solve the issue now. So, in this era of Twitter, what do we do?

Well, I've done some research into Twitter's workings and I'd like to offer a guide. I won't call these "hacks" because "hacking Twitter" means something different, so here are some Twitter Tips. These are especially useful for creatives.

#1: Play the Game

Before I get into anything specific, I just want to say. If you're using Twitter for self-promotion, branding, or just to get your art into the world, I think that's wonderful, but the most rewarding way to use twitter is as intended, as a social media platform first and foremost.

I see a lot of people who get on twitter and aggressively promote their own stuff without interacting with others. Reply to creatives you like, look at your replies, and talk to people. Act like everyone there is a potential new friend. This is how I've made many friends the site over and opened myself for many networking opportunities.

I've seen the term "clout-chaser" thrown about a lot, but don't worry. Unless you're exploiting people, it's not "chasing clout," it's just... Making friends. You know. That thing people have been doing for tens of thousands of years.

#2: Tweet and Reply

I mentioned in the last video that the timeline is a strange beast. For your tweets to be seen by followers, you should tweet frequently. A good habit is to just... Kind of tweet anything that pops into your fucking head. You don't really need a filter. The best thing you can get on your tweets isn't likes or retweets, but replies. Replies represent people willing to engage with your tweets on a level above just pushing a button to like or boost it.

Also get in the habit of replying to others. Replies get sent to the mentions tab of whoever you're replying to, so they'll usually see it. Just talk to people.

If you're not the type who tweets often, then it might be a good idea to encourage people to turn on notifications for you. This especially goes for people with separate art accounts.

#3: Retweets vs Reposts

On Tumblr, it used to be that posts would be circulated for months, sometimes years. The Tumblr account Heritageposts finds such blogs and boost ancient content. Tumblr's economy of posts is VERY different to Twitter. Where it's common on tumblr to see years-old posts, on Twitter, it's rare to see posts that are more than a few days old. Tumblr also circulates posts from deactivated blogs, which isn't the case for Twitter, which deletes posts from old accounts.

I'm not sure whether this is due to Twitter's back end, in other words, Twitter actively suppressing old posts, or because users on Twitter get bored more quickly, but it's the case. This also goes for Retweets.

To summarize: Tweets that are more than a few days old do not get circulated. Period. Therefore, if you've made a funny meme or video or just a very good post, it's wise to delete them and re-post rather than retweet if you'd like to boost viewership.

Let's say I've got a funny picture of Tom Scott I edited with the Jerma face and engagement has died down, but since posting it I've gotten some new followers. Instead of Retweeting the old post, which will be suppressed, post it anew, wholesale. This also gives you a chance to re-caption it.

The reposted work might get less engagement since people have already seen it, but it doesn't matter.

You might be worried that people would get annoyed at these reposts, but I really wouldn't worry about it. No one cares if you repost a funny meme or two, and they might appreciate seeing it again.

#4: Searching and Archiving

Another field that Tumblr has a leg up on Twitter for is archiving. Twitter has no archive whatsoever, so unless you want to scroll for days, make sure to keep this tip in mind.

The Twitter search feature is very useful if you know how to use it. If you remember a phrase you used in an old post, a good way to find it again is to search the phrase, then type (from:[youraccount]). That way, twitter will limit your search to YOUR account. This can also be done for other accounts.

It's not ideal, but another way to archive it is to use a notepad document to keep posts you put a lot of effort into or add some kind of tell-tale phrase to posts you put effort into.

#5: Photo Power

This one is simple. Text-posts get less engagement than posts with photos. Again- Not sure if this is due to user habit or Twitter's backend, but there you go. Even if it's just a watermarked stock photo, people will like it.

#6: Videos

Videos on Twitter are also useful for engagement. If you have a YouTube channel or a video-based project, making previews compatible with Twitter is a good idea. Twitter allows 2:20 which is considerable for the site. It's also recommended that if you have a music project to post videos, even if it's just a waveform.

A good tool that's free to make quick Twitter-compliant previews of your music is Avee player.

Since Twitter mutes videos by default, make sure to include "Turn on Sound" in the video itself at the beginning or in the post. Encouraging retweets is also acceptable.

#7: Copyright Scrubbing

If you make a meme that uses a copyrighted song or footage from a film, make sure to delete it after a week or two. Twitter copyright is incredibly strict and people get suspended for just one infraction, sometimes from videos that are years old. Don't keep them around. They'll stop getting engagement after a few weeks anyway. This goes double for fancams.

#8: Diversify

Your presence should not be exclusive to Twitter. Facebook groups, YouTube channels, Discord servers, and even Tumblr are better and less volatile platforms to operate on. Many, MANY people have been banned from Twitter for small infractions. Twitter should be considered a very bad platform for retention and hosting. Don't use Twitter links to host images. Don't use Twitter to build engagement.

If you do get suspended, you'll have to start your following from scratch, which is very difficult without other mechanisms.

#9: Self-Promotion

Twitter is a terrible platform for self-promotion. Unfortunately, it is one of the largest platforms FOR self-promotion.

The reasons for this are myriad, but the main reason is that Twitter suppresses links. Again, I can't confirm if this is back-end or user preference, but tweets with links always get less engagement. I've run some tests, and for me at least, identical tweets with links get only HALF the views than the ones without.

This means that links to other platforms like Youtube and Deviantart will ALWAYS be suppressed. What this means is you'll have to lean on other things such as branding. Using graphics that have the name of your page in them helps, mentioning your pages without linking them helps, and if you make a promo video for a Youtube vid, post the link in the replies so the original post won't get suppressed.

That said, very few people actually CLICK the links. Twitter wants desperately to keep you ON Twitter. This means that you have to play the long game. Build recognition and you'll catch some people.

Again, don't be afraid to repost either if it's been a while since you've promoted something.

Twitter might suck, but it's better than other sites like Reddit, which have explicit anti-self-promotion rules for some reason. That travesty is a topic for another time.

#10: Turn off Push Notifications

There is nothing that Twitter notifications can give you. I'm serious. Turn them off. If you turn them off, the notifications in-app still appear. Push notifications just distract you and try to drag you back onto the site.

This isn't conspiratorial or anything, but Twitter is trying to get you addicted. Resisting this is vital. Consider using Twitter on Desktop instead of the app and don't turn on push notifications to open yourself up to distractions.

---

And that's it. Ten tips to improve your Twitter experience, whether as a creative or not. I hope these helped, they helped ME and I had to figure them out the hard way.

If you have any tips, post them in the comments and I might make a follow up video.

I'd like to thank this month's patrons.

Today's anti-sponsor is Raid Shadow Legends. I tried the game and it blows. It's garbage. It's worse than Clash of Clans. It's so riddled with loot boxes and microtransactions, all to prop up the abysmal gameplay. No shade to any channel who DOES promote this game, as YouTubers need to eat, but I'm not promoted by them so I don't have to suck their dicks. If you want to put yourself in a skinner box that will exploit you play Overwatch. Then at least your shitty game has a community around it.

See you next time.

Sunday Vid Script: "Twitter? More Like Shitter"

Let's talk about Twitter.

Twitter dot com is a web page for scoundrels. The web site is a slaughterhouse for braincells, both perpetrated by staff and users, and the experience of using it can only be described as a kafkaesque nightmare paradox. You might think I'm being funny but by the end of this film you'll see Twitter for the thinly veiled hellscape it truly is.

Like many epic tales, Twitter's begins long ago, in the ancient times of 2006. Ancient denizens of that bygone era such as myself will remember 2006 as a cradle of web development that existed post 9/11 but pre great recession. We as americans were coming to terms with the fact that the internet was the next big thing, and we were coming to terms the only way we knew how. By profiteering and cornering the new market.

The top dog in this post 9/11 pre recession cradle I'll hereby refer to as the "cradle of filth" was Facebook, inhereting the legacy of personal web sites like Myspace and Friendster, where users could build internet monuments to themselves while interacting with their loose social group.

Twitter, on the other hand was a little different. While it did have some of the same appeal of these social websites, Twitter marketed itself as a blogging website, with its limited character count as the main draw.

Back in the 2000s, the idea of Twitter was, in a word, quaint. Blogging websites already existed as did social media platforms, and the only selling point was Twitter's limited character count and the tagging system, both of which made it a pale imitation of Tumblr and Facebook alike. Twitter founder Jack Dorsey described the initial idea as follows:

"...we came across the word 'twitter', and it was just perfect. The definition was 'a short burst of inconsequential information,' and 'chirps from birds'. And that's exactly what the product was."

Most people seemed to regard it as a novelty. A fad. But not all novelties are fads. Some novelties persist.

This video isn't about the rise of Twitter as a platform, oh no. There's already a Wikipedia article about that. This is all just to demonstrate the conceit of Twitter as a web site and company. As Jack said- Inconsequential information. Unfortunately that's not how things stayed.

Part 1: Shitter

It's difficult to succinctly describe why Twitter is such abject dog feces, so instead of trying to capture it in some cheap, quick truism like most of the posts on the site do, I'm going to just say it and hope the next few minutes of the video can prove the myriad reasons why I think so.

In 2021, interacting on Twitter is similar  to how things were back in the day. For starters, there's still a character limit and the hashtags, but there are also new features, like photos and videos. On top of this, Twitter remains the only prominent social media platform other than Reddit to allow NSFW content after the great tumblr titty exodus of 2018.

Twitter also has the featured news tab, which posts updates on current events and news, allowing people to plug into whatever neoliberal horseshit that Twitter wants you to see. The news tab is driven half by news sites and half by user interaction, which means that half of stories are going to be about Joe Biden and how his brain is NOT decomposing in his skull and the other half is going to be either Dream stans or Kpop fans congratulating their idols for sitting down in chairs and other such mundane activities.

These features alone, however, don't make Twitter bad. Maybe you like Kpop. Maybe you like Minecraft youtubers. Maybe you are neoliberal trash garbage. If you like this stuff for some reason, then Twitter sucks for different reasons.

First of all, let's talk about the timeline. The timeline is where most Twitter denizens are going to spend a majority of their time on the platform. There are two configurations you can make your timeline be, Top Tweets or Latest Tweets. Most sane people would choose Latest Tweets, but for some ungodly reason, just like Facebook and Youtube, Twitter doesn't want you to see things in a simple sequence. The other option, the default option, is "top tweets." What the fuck a "top" tweet is is beyond me. From my best guess, it's sort of like the most recent tweets, but weighted by how many likes and shares and replies they've gotten. This sounds good, but at the end of the day, the calculus they use to decide "top" tweets is so inscrutable as to be useless. Top tweets bury the smaller accounts and the sequential view covers anything good with the people who tweet the most. It's the worst of both worlds.

Frankly, we could call it a day right here. Twitter is bad on its face at getting content that you might like to see to your eyeballs. There's a halfway decent feature in the "who to follow" tab, but even then I'm just going to follow more people whos posts I'm never going to see.

Compare this to Tumblr. I'm following only about 100 people on Tumblr and it's pretty consistent that I'm going to see SOMETHING there that catches my interest. Twitter, on the other hand, where I'm following nearly double that, takes ages to get anything that I'm remotely interested in.

But let's say you do find a tweet that you like. Let's click on it and see what happens.

Twitter isn't very forthcoming about this, but there are two "types" of tweets that have very different levels of engagement. First, there are the run of the mill posts, then there are the replies. Replies are by nature less prioritized and rarely show up in the timeline at all. Again- I don't know how twitter works on the back end but it's rare that I see replies at all when normally scrolling. Not to mention, the more replies you have, the further they're buried INSIDE of the tweet thread. If there are more than one or two replies in a thread, they're usually hidden behind a "read more." This is also annoying. Twiter arbitrarily hiding things will become a theme.

There's also a feature called the "Quote Retweet" which is like a reply, but instead of the reply being included in the thread, it's posted as a status with the main tweet embedded inside it.

A much more elegant system is the humble Tumblr reblog, from which things can be added and reposted at will, all posted to the timeline. Or, like Facebook and Youtube, replies are relegated to comments sections and aren't given a full post status of their own.

This is all to say that Twitter is just... Annoying to navigate. You rarely see posts you're interested in and when you do, they're a jumbled mess of replies and comments.

But besides the general post-flow, there's something much more fundemental at play.

Part 2: Characters and Characters

There's also the issue of the character limit. I know this is like, the central conceit of the site, but the character limit sucks. Everything beyond that is just so much annoying extraneous bullshit. Twitter is built around this, and it sucks, like it's a building built on shitty soft mud. It's a stupid idea. People say less is more or that necessity is the mother of invention, but even then, 280 characters is seriously nothing. If you want an artform with linguistic limits write a fucking haiku.

As twitter has aged, more and more prominent figures have accessed the platform, and increasingly, the interactions between people on the platform have become more and more toxic. This isn't just a case of being personally miserable on the website, but it's fuelled actual discontent.

On any platform, there are going to be fuckhead idiots saying fuckhead idiot things, and Twitter doesn't have more or less fuckhead idiots than any other place, but on Twitter, these fuckhead idiots can scream the loudest. Reactionary politics thrives in an environment where there's little nuance, and I can't think of a web site less conduscive to nuance than Twitter, where you only have 280 characters to refute the man who says Jews caused 9/11.

People can just scream whatever they want, basically without fear of refutation. One of the US presidents did it for four years.

I sometimes check in on web sites like Reddit and 4chan where reactionary sentiments are more common, and frankly, Twitter is a much better environment for these people. On 4chan and Reddit, the forum is open to anyone, and more often than not, these reactionary spaces are invaded by trolls clowning on them for being such dipshits. Whenever you go on /pol/ there are always a few threads saying things like "you virgins are pathetic, how can you live with yourselves" and whenever you go on Reddit, there are people posting copypastas on people's dumbass takes.

On Twitter, there are robust systems in place to keep these same people inside their echo chambers. On Twitter you can block people. On Twitter you need only interact with the people you want, yet your sentiments are still publically available. You can say anything you want, block the naysayers, and come out looking squeaky clean.

Twitter did ban Donald Trump near the end of his presidency, but that was far little, far too late. The damage had been done. He told a bunch of people to storm the capitol and they did. They did the shittiest job imaginable, but they did.

Part 3: So What?

Ultimately, Twitter is here to stay. The genie is out of the bottle. For the forseeable future, it's going to be the largest platform to promote things and network. It pretty much sucks ass.

There's nothing we can do. It's depressing, but it's true. Still, it's not like you can get banned for saying Twitter is a shithole, and it's not like you have to spend a shitload of time there.

In a little while, I'm going to make a follow up video to this one on how to actually survive on Twitter as a creative, but for now, all we can do is what we always do under capitalism: Exist in a perpetual state of mild yet profound discontentment until we organize a revolt.

In Minecraft.

Special thanks to this month's Patrons: Sebastian Hagert, Zipperozic, Zach Vincent, KaleidoscopeMediator, Luna Skywalker Tucker, and Jojro.

Today's anti-sponsor is Honey. I've seen the Honey add-on to Chrome being passed around, and I used it for a week. Most apps of this type farm data, so I was suspicious, but upon doing some research, the only data it farms is stuff to give you targeted ads, which isn't that bad, but still kind of shitty. As for how it actually works, it's pretty much garbage. I didn't save a penny after making several online purchases including Amazon, some custom tee websites, and Grubhub. It's going to sit on your computer and bother you. It's less about saving you money and more about keeping your browsing history to pass onto ad firms. It's not DANGEROUS but it's worthless.

See you next time.

New Video Script for Patrons

https://justpaste.it/26fm8

The script for a new vid. You guys can read it early. The link will expire on Monday.

Bucky Grant Interview "Analyzing Analysis" Audio

For anyone who prefers to listen as a podcast. The Youtube version is higher quality since Patreon only allows 512MB audio files.

VIDEO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9LldznWYvg

This Week in Florida Man March 28th

With featured guest AE!

https://twitter.com/43ON1C

Dedede Eurobeat! EARLY ACCESS

This Week In Florida Man (March 21)

Featuring DAVI!

(The filename is wrong- It says the 14th but it's actually the 21st.)

This Week In Florida Man: Week of March 14

Here's another one, featuring ELIZABETH

New Vid: "Slurs in Homestuck"

About specifically the R-Slur

New Music Early Access

This one is a March, for March ;)

Available HERE after 3/18: https://youtu.be/sYJsnfA5Hks

"Sans and the Skele-Tones" Early Access

The Florida Man Podcast: Week of March 1

Florida man is at it again. He's in your pools and on your trampolines.

Preview for next week's essay: "Slurs In Homestuck"

With pateron shoutout :)

Orochimaru Essay

Out today at 5PM! Here's the link.

https://youtu.be/BeBnlM16oXM

Rosemary Thoughts

Before I write any video essays, I like to record my thoughts on the topic before writing a script. I'm going to be doing an essay on Rosemary, the ship from Homestuck, and here's the "pre-script" track for anyone who's interested.