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Chapter 135: Tomorrow’s Sins

My kingdom never rested on its laurels, and neither did I.

Studiously inspecting the soft grass looked upon by dignitaries. Assessing the lining of the pillows admired by guests. Combing the contents of low-brow adventure romance titles for slander and falsehoods.

Within the halls of the Royal Villa, mine was a schedule laden from dawn to dusk. A life characterised by duty, obligation and sacrifice.

This was no different upon a muddy stretch of road. Or even the glittering b...

Chapter 134: Second Impressions

Silence greeted me upon my arrival to the Trierport branch of the Adventurer’s Guild.

An appropriate response. That someone of my hygiene standards would willingly return to a place infested with rodents was deserving of stunned awe. And there were likely mice here, too.

Even so, it was not due to my grand return that a respectable quiet welcomed me.

Instead, it was due to the fact the guild hall was empty of louts.

Spilled cups. A leaking cauldron. Upturned chairs. ...

Chapter 133: All Roads Lead To Soap

Disgusting.

My only thoughts were how, despite it all, that weird stain on the wooden floor simply wouldn’t go. It was absurdly stubborn. Like a peasant on its knees, pleading that it had a family to feed.

Beneath me, a cadre of ogre servants, each formerly a grizzled sailor, wept as they took turns running ragged pieces of cloth over the weird stain. Even beneath the keen daylight, I couldn’t identify it.

One of the ogres paused, lifting his cloth before his bloodshot e...

Chapter 132: A Promise In Scarlet

Chief Officer Reman Tinsley whistled as he strolled along the beach.

An unusual feeling. He rarely enjoyed the sand beneath his feet. There were few reasons to. As the second most senior officer on the Golden Pearl, he’d transcended the need to personally haul barrels across a beach … or nondescript boxes, as was the case now.

Then again, he’d never experienced that particular joy in the first place.

Reman was, after all, a terrible sailor.

The various r...

Chapter 131: A Gentle Princess

Disappointing.

Were this man truly royalty, he would have chosen between at least two dozen ready made responses. All of them to do with the single strand of wayward hair I needed one of Florella’s combs to repair.

Instead, he blithely approached, a purposeful swagger in his steps as he sought to ward off the effects of his newly bestowed name draining him of dignity.

A futile effort.

Any pride he had was lost long before he’d shown himself to me.

“This has...

Audiobook Vol. 1 Announcement

Hi guys!

If you haven't read the latest update yet, you can do so here (chapter 130 for Adventurer tier) and here (chapter 115 for Fruit Slime tier).

In wonderful news, the audiobook for the first volume covering the Rolstein arc is now available for preorder! Yay!

I'm so excited. I nev...

Chapter 130: Background Tree

As a princess, I had plans.

Big plans. Grand plans. Plans so extravagant in scope that nobody other than myself seemed to understand them.

Of course, not all of my plans bore fruit.

Sometimes, they were a catastrophic disappointment.

My plan to insidiously expand my orchard by planting beautiful wildflowers also classed as perennial weeds? Terrible. The flowers didn’t grow outwards. They grew inwards, ignoring the paved lanes of the Royal Villa to harass the tender g...

Chapter 129: Breakfast Spread

By the time the waves outside the cove had settled, all that could be seen of the creaking ship which had carried me here was a broken keel, a torn mast and a blanket of strewn flotsam washing out to sea.

A grim sight made even clearer by the onset of dawn.

It crept across the horizon, a shy band of joy gently ushering away the darkness. And so for a moment, I merely sat atop the deck of my newly requisitioned flagship, admiring the rare sight of a morning I was not forcibly awake...

Chapter 128: The Lesser Of Two Evils

Young Talrik of the Bloodskull Tribe was always considered a meek boy.

Therefore, if eyebrows could be raised, all the matriarchs of the tribe would have done so when he declared he’d be leaving behind the homely comforts of the Doom Pits, the Arena of Blood and the Chimera Petting Zoo to seek a life of adventure instead.

This was seen as highly unusual.

Few ogres ever left their tribes. And for good reason.

At best, it was seen as a mark of eccentricity, and at wors...

Chapter 127: Even Trade

I stood up, nodding sagely as I completed my thorough medical examination of the drooling mermaid before me.

After examining her blue fins, her pale arms, wrists, and the state of the mortifying dribbling from the edge of her lips, I summoned all the latent healing magic imbued in my angelic form.

Then–

I poked her in the cheek.

“Uhhh … unnghh … uuuu …”

Again and again, I offered her the poke of life as light returned to her glazed eyes.

From th...

Chapter 126: Under New Management

Of all the barometers measuring the difference between royalty and those who would claim to be royalty, nothing was more telling than the loyalty of retainers.

Even were the worst to pass and a peasant wielding a pitchfork sat upon my kingdom’s throne, all who had ever served under my family’s employ would still work diligently to defend our honour–whether or not we were there to witness it.

Indeed, from the spotty stableboy to our most gallant knights, the dignity and wrath...

Chapter 125: Stress Relief

In the bustling port town of Trierport, a gentle maiden was tending to her flock.

However, she was no shephard. She was a princess. And her flock were the children of the St. Florella Children’s Orphanage.

Though it made her deeply uneasy to be visiting an orphanage with her namesake, she put up with the feelings of immodesty and played the part expected of her.

As the children sang and danced, she sang and danced along with them. As she slowly twirled, the children laughe...

Chapter 124: Royal Negotiations

My, a golden foyer?

How quaint.

I used to have one of these, back when my bedroom tower was still being built. A village had been requisitioned for its construction, the farmers removed from their less important tasks of feeding themselves to aid in its assembly.

It took a summer of work to complete, the tears from the effort requiring a temporary moat to be dug to account for the melodramatic grief.

The final product lasted less than a day.

In the end, it simply...

Chapter 123: A Loyal Handmaiden

I peered above a boulder lodged into the sand.

The wet sand.

Yes. It was grim. Even with my feather steps, I could feel the sludge beginning to coat my soles like the congealed tears of my servants. But this? This was twice as bad. After all, those servants were not present to wipe away the grief they spilled.

Yet here in this darkened cove, the grains testing my boots were a distant second in the causes of my ire.

The grand galleon docked against the shallows...

Chapter 122: All That Glitters

The Golden Prince was a man who saw the beauty in everything. Because he was everything. That was neither arrogance nor conceitedness. Just a simple statement of fact.

Nobody existed outside of the Golden Prince’s world, for the simple reason that he alone lived in it.

A world where people were props as dull as the magic mirror on his cabin wall.

He looked at his reflection. Still immensely handsome, still ruggedly chiselled. But also very disappointingly hard to see.

Chapter 121: A Princess's Tale

The lighthouse might very well be a decrepit tower perfectly in keeping with the aesthetics of the rest of the isle, but the chamber housed at the top was anything but.

Aside from the debris which had mysteriously entered, the layout was hauntingly familiar.

Walnut armoires stood opposite full length mirrors, while burgundy and gold banners were draped across walls. Candle holders, goblets, lockboxes and more were strewn upon small tables and nightstands, all within reach of a bed...

Chapter 120: Room Service

I frowned as I was presented with the latest eyesore my precious memories were tasked with forgetting.

Everything.

Despite the elevation of this particular district, this caricature of a town failed to rise above the odour of poverty which pervaded the entire rock.

Here in the … Admiral’s Quarter, even this richly named plot of land failed to pass as a sewer in our royal capital. And almost all of it was attributed to the paintwork.

“Blackened w...

Chapter 119: The Lowest Expectations

They wouldn’t let me borrow a cannon.

Unfortunate. The effects of a cannon would be simpler for any wandering maids to dust away than every alternative I wished to bring onto this place.

It was interesting. I could feel a pulse throbbing in my temple. Was that good? Likely not. Each time I witnessed Mother with that same vein flaring up, it often came accompanied by the sound of a mathematics textbook being slammed down.

And if I was lucky, upon a table.

But unlike M...

Chapter 118: The Gift Which Keeps Giving

As a princess, I was host to a range of useful and highly specialised skills.

I could, for example, identify the origin of the oranges used to make bergamot tea down to its latitude and longitude. More than once, trade delegations had been left red-faced as I laughed their poorly sourced wares out of our halls.

But here?

Here, there was no laughing.

Only pain.

Because with each waft of debauchery that made its way to my delicate nose, I could only imagine which s...

Chapter 117: Plan A

The Emerald Sea glittered beneath the setting dusk, its endless horizon akin to a line of shimmering pearls as it spread out before me.

They say it’s one of the seven wonders of the world. They are wrong. There is only one wonder and it’s me. And so I gifted the crew of the Henrietta with a moment to remember as I stood upon the bow of their ship, my presence emboldening their lives as I did the image of the paling evening.

It was something quite sorely needed.

...

Chapter 116: Trinkets A-Plenty

It was hard being beautiful.

For Roxelle de Carreaux-Lensoise, it was especially hard.

She loved being beautiful, sure. Who didn’t? But for the most beautiful mermaid in the Emerald Sea, she suffered challenges nobody else did. And it wasn’t just the daily routine necessary to maintain her impeccable skin and flawless fins.

Because every moment of the day, without fail–

“Damnable birds!!”

Roxelle flipped acrobatically upon the water’s surface, smashin...

Chapter 115: Siren’s Song

Despite my impressive 20 metre swimming certificate, I did not count swimming amongst my favoured hobbies.

Such a revelation often caused visitors to query the certificate placed prominently on its own display in the Royal Villa, their heads tilted in puzzlement as they hid their shock and amazement with a veneer of polite confusion.

Indeed, the fact I was able to achieve such a feat was testimony to my natural talents and not my likes.

None admired this fair kingdom more th...

Chapter 114: Bewitching Call

I blinked as the wooden ceiling barely inches above my face faded in and out of my vision.

Here in a private compartment, I, Juliette Contzen, 3rd Princess to the Kingdom of Tirea, was currently lying atop a sack of potatoes.

Yes, potatoes.

Not a chaise armchair padded with corduroy cushions. Not a meadow pruned until only petals as soft as my heart remained.

But the flag of the peasantry.

Potatoes.

Because here on this creaking ship, even the compartments ...

Chapter 113: Letter Home

The Royal Villa was a grand monument to opulence. Though outwardly little more than a countryside manor, it was no lord’s holding or duke’s summer retreat.

It was the home of kings and queens. And behind its modest walls resided more treasures than could be found anywhere else in the kingdom.

Though lesser in size than the Golden Palace of the Dunes or the White Tower in Granholtz, the official residence of the Contzen family possessed enough riches to rival the abodes of any ...

Chapter 112: The Weight Of Gold

The ship creaked as it left Trierport’s docks behind. Creaked. Like the roof of an inn beneath a rainy night. I had significant concerns each time I slept in an inn, and I was now no more accustomed to the thought of a mouldy ceiling crashing down upon my delicate head than I was the first time I’d closed my eyes after being robbed of 5 silver crowns.

This, however.

This was a new terror.

Now the wooden beams and scurrying mice weren't above me. They were below ...

Chapter 111: Golden Horizons

As a princess, I was all too used to my smallest endeavours drawing the adoration of commoners and nobility alike.

Granted, all which separated the two were a handful of vowels and consonants. But even so.

Whether it be my 937th award winning dabble in modern impressionism or the simple grace I exuded as I swept a chocolat chaud through the nearest window, I treated the wide eyes of my admirers as I did the gasps whenever my father juggled a dozen flaming Château de Dutaine les c...

Chapter 110: Shadow Beneath Trierport

Within the twisting streets of Trierport’s old town, shadows danced between alleys as lantern posts flickered with life.

The last dregs of dusk could no longer be seen rising over Trierport’s rooftops. The scarlet hue which had welcomed us was now stifled by a blanket of early night.

Soon, the stars would begin twinkling down at the town below, competing with the dim lanterns to illuminate the faded cracks in the walls, the wine bottles strewn amongst the gutters, and the cloc...

Chapter 109: Adventurer's Calling

The Trierport branch of the Adventurer's Guild was even more slovenly than I imagined.

Within a common room intricately modelled after the finest of rundown bars, I wrinkled my nose at the sheer lack of any morals on display.

Truly, the void of work ethics was spectacular in its own right. Given my impeccably low standards of these louts, I could only begrudgingly acknowledge the ability to dip below even my non-existent expectations.

Everywhere I cast my gaze, I saw layabou...

Chapter 108: Gold Digging

“W-W-What is this … ?!”

My mouth fell open at the sight before me.

There was much to admire about the kingdom's famed coastline. Beneath the setting sun, I witnessed a shimmering sea as rich as pearls and beaches as golden as my heart. And yet neither was currently responsible for my dereliction of form.

No … it was holes.

Instead of windswept grasslands facing the sea, there were holes!

Instead of glittering sand beneath the dimming horizon, there were h...

Chapter 107: Rose House

In the royal capital of Reitzlake, the flocks of white gulls circling the air above the lake announced the onset of dusk even before the first hints of scarlet could be seen.

For first time visitors, the sheer cacophony was enough to drive them to the peace of an inn on the other side of the city. For its residents, however, the squawking was tolerated, if not exactly beloved.

A familiar sound to herald the end of another familiar day.

Even so, tiny patches of calm could be ...