Luxire Worse

Dao of Fuck Off: Chapter 17 - Pupils and Plans

Hotui Mata spent only two days in his deliberation before he found me at my state-requested house.

The house itself was simple and out of the way because the looks of confoundment from visitors are worth far more to me than any amount of luxury, so it clashed beautifully with his robes as he planted his face on the ground and begged me to take him as my apprentice. 

“You’ve taken all the time you feel you need, then?”

“Your two questions unfolded more secrets fr...

Dao of Fuck Off : Chapter 16 - Barren Brazeness

If Province Lord Lung Hao was honest with himself, he loved his job. He knew that his peers considered the Scale-Scrape barrens a punitive position, but that stopped bothering him only a few short months into his post.

Yes, there were no resources left after the great battle with the dread Salt-Scale Serpent had formed it. But that just meant that there were fewer matters to look after. Yes, rogue cultivators hid in the pitiably sheltered wilds, but as long as a loyal cultivator was inc...

Dao of Fuck Off: Chapter 15 - Jumping Around

“Esteemed Immortal. You requested to be informed when a Bone Frog was reported in the Bloating Corpse Fen.” the guard captain, Fui Lee, addressed me with a medley of emotions. He hadn’t yet adjusted to me treating him and his men like people, or to my penchant for working alongside the common farmers.

It had only been a few months, but that was plenty of time for me to slip into a pattern, and Province Lord Milan was as gracious a host as I could expect. I’d inquired about farml...

Dao of Fuck Off: Chapter 14 - Back to 'Civilization'

One perk that I had actually predicted encountering after my ascension was the interest to be garnered from rulers after they heard about my dinner techniques. Because really, some guy is famous for making meals taste better just by being there. What ruler isn’t going to be interested?

And as word spreads in their circles that I’m amiable by default toward anyone wishing to invite me to dinner, meeting with the ruling classes is likely to be as simple as being known in...

Dao of Fuck Off Chapter 13: Frosty Friendliness

Nobility, I’d heard, sometimes mused at why winter was associated with death. Some argued that it was due to blind eyes not being able to see the vibrant beauty in the frost, or the subtle elegance of the winter predator.

Some insisted that the peasants only cared about their own food crops, and having harvested them in autumn, they counted the fields as ‘dead’ until planting season.

But though I’d only spent eight years as a commoner before beginning my path as an immorta...

Dao of Fuck Off Chapter 12: Diplomacy and Diving

Raka stared at the wooden hut. Ling stood beside him, disbelief on her face matching what he allowed himself to feel.

So much had changed so abruptly five years ago, during the civil war that lasted all of a week while they thought they were tracking Guang down, only to learn from a cackling breeze that Guang had ordered the spirits to create a wholly false path and then obscure it to waste their time.

Even having gone so far as to give explicit orders to appear to be obeying Raka...

Dao of Fuck Off Chapter 11: Running a War and Running Away

Dinner with Rangtu was enlightening and more than a bit revealing. She was happy to catch me up on several groundwork matters regarding existing as an Immortal Spirit, from the theory of how to weave my own path among the mortals, the explanation of why I would be unable to hide myself from mortal eyes like Heavenly and Earthly spirits could, to what I quickly realized is the origin of Face culture.

The relation Immortal Spirits have with consciousness is such that, unlike mortals, they...

Dao of Fuck Off Chapter 10: Discussions of Sky and Soil

Having throttled the strength of cultivators willing to come after me directly with City Lord Huan’s aid, and having demonstrated that I could handle anyone who could afford the Face to come at me, the subjugation war went relatively peacefully on my end. 

It would have been unnervingly peaceful, even, if not for the mortals that I had to warn off from identifying me as a Heavenly Spirit as they insisted on worshipping me after I dealt with Xue He. 

It was hard to blam...

Dao of Fuck Off Chapter 9: The First Strike of the War

One trope that I’d thought I understood about xianxia stories was the incomparable value of the auction houses. From simple buying and selling that alone is difficult to overstate why someone without the backing of a dedicated pavilion would find useful, to the ways that the auction houses had dreamt up to keep their nominal neutrality if they weren’t sect-owned, to the secret backroom deals if you were recognized as ‘worthy’ of such illustrious contacts.

For somet...

Dao of Fuck Off Chapter 8: Crafting and Selling

“I’d started to suspect you of delaying for poor reasons.” Yang Zhao grinned as he tested the balance of his new axe. “I am glad to discover myself wrong in that.”

“With how long I was left preoccupied, I cannot fault brother Yang for honest doubt.” It had truly been far longer than courtesy demanded, between the numerous assassination attempts, Master Ho’s refreshingly unreasonable training schedule, and keeping apprised and ahead of the demands upon my co...

Dao of Fuck Off Chapter 7: Promotion Politics

Sang Lee stood across from me, glaring at me with malice as our brethren packed in around the arena. After all, if we were going to risk losing a disciple, the sect wanted to make sure as many could learn from the exchange as feasible. 

“Any last words, thief?” He shouted as he drew his sword. 

“Nope, but which eyebrow do you want to keep?” I laughed, twirling mine. Honestly, he should be thanking me for being used to prevent his marriage.

Yang Jingji would...

Dao of Fuck Off Chapter 6: Returning to the Sect

The warped boar snarled at me. It was massive, its eyes level with my own, and its shaggy back rising almost half that again from the ground. 

I held my gaze steadily despite the abject fear of facing down such a beast. I was strong, yes, but having expended all of heaven’s gift to get a head start on my foundation for the next plane of existence, I was only as strong as a talented Soul Core tier cultivator. 

More than sufficient for the task, but nowhere near overwhel...

Dao of Fuck Off Chapter 5: Aggravated Ascension

Before I face my death, it strikes me as an oversight that the sect scholars have so little to publicly say about tribulations.

Like, I know I have an abnormally scientific mindset for the position of ‘Cultivator’, but tribulations are still quite a fundamental part of the process, and the most anyone had to say regarding them was that the severity of a tribulation was determined by how much the heavens hated your path, with a side note that the more powerful a tribulation was, ...

Dao of Fuck Off Chapter 4: Tripping up the Traps

Now that I was looking for it, the constant focused attention on me was even more obvious than Hu and his cronies trying to wear me down. Instead of unnerving me or bothering me, this relaxed me for the very simple reason that it was always either confused, fearful, or both.

For someone who thrives off fucking with people, that might as well be pure ambrosia. 

Some of the eyes didn’t have the patience to figure out why I was so confident and tried repeatedly to dissuade me ...

Dao of Fuck Off Chapter 3: Snakes and Serpents

Demon beasts aren’t actually demonic. Not in an Earth-western sense, at least. 

They’re actually just cultivators. After a fashion. 

See, like any other strand of evolution, sometimes the variety of life gives rise to individual creatures capable of taking in a type of ki and making use of it. The edge this gives results in better breeding chances and offspring more likely to have that particular ability. The rate is much lower than with genetics as far...

Dao of Fuck Off Chapter 2: Tea and Herbs

“I must say, little Guang, you have a clever method to yourself.” Elder Tong spoke as I poured the tea. “To hear the rumors, you’re the most devoted outer disciple the sect has.”

I smiled at the jab. The art of politicking was so strange here. “I’m sure the rumors see me favorably more for my meal habit than any particular devotion. I am only doing my filial duty, after all.”

“Hm. That is likely enough, I suppose. Rare is the man who doesn’t hold ...

Dao of Fuck Off Chapter 1: Settling In

“Guang Jinsheng, reporting for duty.” I announced to the administrator who’d taken several minutes to acknowledge my arrival.

“Ah, I was told you’d be getting promoted soon.” she smiled easily. “Brother Gao Li will be happy to hear that you didn’t get yourself killed.”

I held my bow politely as she spoke. I may be on the ladder, but I’m literally at the bottom rung, so defaulting to being dutiful and polite was still my best course of action.

“Clever to...

Dao of Fuck Off Prologue- Entering the Sect

Y’know. Conscious reincarnation isn’t that bad.

I mean, sure, having to go through infanthood with a fully functional mind isn’t great. And the culture shock is very real when you go from a post-industrial society to a rural farming community that has to haggle for verified news.

But other than wondering what the hell killed me and hoping everyone I knew was either spared completely or died painlessly like I must have, it was a simple, peaceful life. I didn’t...

Cover Art- Dao of Fuck Off

On suggestion from several people, I slapped together some cover art for the story I'm about to start catching up here!

Feel free to laugh if it's amateurish. I'm only really able to barely meet my own standards.

Was reminded that I have this account! And now I'll be sharing a story I didn't drop so hard!

Well, in a couple days at least. Gonna get it sorted with Royal Road which I also just remembered I made an account for.

Honestly, life just ran away with me in a bad way over the past couple years. But hey! I live and a shiny new Xianxia story was what dragged me back to functioning!

So there's that to look forward to if you like stories!

Of Troll Holds and Toll Roads Chapter 1

Holstein cast a practiced eye over the open prairie and sighed. It was a lovely day. The sun hung high in the afternoon sky casting a golden sheen over the wild wheat that spread out like a grassy sea in all directions around the caravan. He could make out the distant silhouettes of the Vine Forest to the west and the Copper Fang mountain range beyond it, but that was it as far as landmarks of any appreciable size.

The grouzers, reptilian pack beasts that he’d traded for from the orcs...

Sparks (I Exist & New Story)

Greetings, you who trawl undeveloped pages!

As I told anyone who reads bios, I like telling stories. I'm even accused of being good at it.
I'm mostly here to allow my accusers to throw lunch money at me to keep me working on the stories they like. If you'd like to join their ranks, I'm always happy to hear both praise and consctructive criticism. (and really, who needs the other types?)

At present I'm only working on one story called Of Troll Holds and Toll Roads that aims to ...