endlessjess

Funny Truck.

I don't think i need to say too much here. This is one of those perfectly titled pieces of art, no further explanation necessary. I'm pretty sure this game only cost a nickel, so you should all probably buy it right now. If i could buy it 5 times i would. One Funny Truck ain't enough, I need 5. 

But i can't even buy a burrito at the drive-through, because the idiot zoomer working there couldn't figure out how to slide my fucking card in the machine. Apparently anything that you can...

Panel-Cast - Free Comic Book Day, a year ago.

This is the the all-time most pointless episode of this show, where i talk about last year's free comic book day stuff because that's how backed up this series is. Normally it doesn't matter too much but it's not like you can walk in and get these now. But if for some reason you're just itching to hear about last year's promotional material for books that have all come out by now, well the old panel-cast is still your huckleberry. 

Fortunately, i'm entertaining and cool no matter w...

Return of The Virtua Fighter

It's been a while since i busted out Virtua Fighter 5, I'd say it's due. This is the game i play for 10 minutes every couple of years, and will continue to do so until they come out with Virtua Fighter 6.

This time i'm playing as this mentally demented cat person, who has created the weakest fighting style that could ever exist. It's not even a cat style, it's more like a kitten style the way she playfully paws at her oppenent. But in the dextrous hands of a legendary gamer such as I, s...

Alekhine's Gun

What the hell is Alekhine's Gun? What's even an Alekhine? How do i even say that? These are all valid and forever unanswered questions. For it was not by my hand that i came to possess such an item. This mysterious game installed itself when i wasn't looking, so it could sit there daring me to give into my curiosity and play it.

Oh i played it alright. I ain't too scared to play any game, no matter how potentially ass. But this is one of those rare times when the game isn't ass at all. ...

Chivalry 2

What random ass free game am i playing stupidly this time? Why, it's Chivalry 2, the most... chivalrous game since Chivalry 1.

You people know by now that i intensely despise online games of this nature. But there's a simplicity to this one that does appeal to me. It could do without the slow leveling up and unlocking and loot boxing modern bullshit, i say give the player all the equipment and play styles from the beginning because the core concept is money enough. No need to nickel and...

Groovy Tunes: Cannons - Heartbeat Highway

Hey baby it's time for a sexy band. Look at that album cover. There has never in history been an album cover so flawlessly and completely communicative of the album's themes. What you see is what you get, these are the lovey-dovey-ist damn songs you've ever heard in your stupid life. 

Here's a real example of this band's lyrics.

crush, crush crush crush crush

crush, crush crush crush crush

crush. crush crush crush cruch

Get the poi...

Your Japanese Animes: Chainsaw Man

I had to drop my streaming services before finishing this show but i saw enough to get the basic gist of the characters and general feel of it. It's pretty kickass for what it is, that being your basic shonen monster fighting anime for 15 year olds, but with really cool animation and a lot of yucky violent gore. 

I couldn't really get too invested, partly because i'm too old to care about this shit, and partly because i jettisoned Hulu out of my life just as it was getting good. I ...

Scott Pilgrim Vs The World Vs Scott Pilgrim Takes Off

Dude, video games, ya know? Here's a happy little talk with myself about Scott Pilgrim that someone asked for. Both the movie from 2010, which i can assure you was very hip and cool at the time, and the new Netflix series which somehow manages to still be hip and cool despite me being 14 years more ancient and jaded.

There was too much to talk about to just do a video about one or the other, and they're both more interesting in comparison. The new series compliments the movie really wel...

Yakuza 0

I don't know too much about this franchise as a whole but i can tell you one thing about this one. The 0 stands for 0 fucking gameplay. This is not a game. It's a visual novel where occasionally you have to follow a slow moving jackass down the street to the next crappy, voiceless collection of static cut scenes. People love this series. People are wrong. 

I have, for some reason, every single Yakuza game on my ps4. Maybe there's one or two new ones i don't have, these games replic...

WRESTLING! Elimination Chamber

Today on Wrestling, a bunch of wrestle happened. It was a good and very big wrestling. Everyone went to the gas station to get some chicken, no wait, that was just me. Wait, i didn't even do that. But i thought about it, and i should have done it. I should do it right now before the gas station closes. Uh oh i better hurry up and get that gas station chicken but first i have to write this post. This post is about wrestling. 

Oh what's the use. I'll never get that chicken because I'...

Buff Movie Me: Groovy Tubi Tales

I'm too poor to relax so i axed all my streaming services except for Tubi, which is free, and therefore the only one that matters. On nights when I'm able to successfully melt my brain with enough substances to enjoy entertainment, i happily accept my ad-ucation in exchange for some ad-utainment, because at least the tubi ads don't go off like a fucking jet engine every five fucking minutes like the ones on youtube. 

Here are some quick flick picks and groovy tubi movie ...

Puny-Sized Panel-Cast: Storm/Daredevil and Echo

I don't know what's sadder, that Daredevil is too blind to read his own cool comics or that Echo is to deaf to hear me talk about them. But if anyone in the Marvel Universe is blind and deaf it's Storm whenever she tries to cut her own hair or listen to fashion advice, ahyuck. 

That's right, i don't care for mohawk Storm, she's poser as fuck. Yeah, I said it. What's she gonna do, hit me with a rain cloud? She wouldn't dare, it might mess up her very lame 'do. 2024-02-01 05:58:58 +0000 UTC View Post

Buff Movie Anime Buff - Saint Young Men

Each day i pray for my suffering to end but the Lord continues to test me with these trials. Trials of watching cutesy dog shit anime movies that depict his own son in vain, so that i may know the depravity of man's sacrilege.

I need to rest for a thousand years. Let me die and take a mental health millennium or two as a corpse in a cave. Casting me down to Hell for a time would seem a nice little vacation from the Sisyphean reality of my life on this forsaken planet.  2024-02-01 05:13:38 +0000 UTC View Post

No More Heroes 3: The Thrilling Conclusion.

FUCKHEAD.

Wrestling! Royal Rumble 2024

Congrats to our rumble winners Bayley and Cody, i'm almost as proud of them as I am of my own thumbnail here. The real rumble winners are all of you for getting to see it, click on it, and hear me speak on it. 

Other than that my brain is mush. I can barely form sentences right now because living my life is killing me. I like wrestling. That is all. 

Buff Movie Buff: Maniac Cop

My bastard internet is so shit this bastard video took an entire bastard day to upload onto this bastard site. I got a few more to upload which means I'm gonna be battling it all day again, so as usual I'm suffering for you, and if you never see me again it means my bad connection won, and I'm dead in an alley just like the many victims of my hero, Maniac Cop. 

This person had the audacity and hubris to request not one but 2 films, and i had the unparalleled professionalism and com...

Attempts at Gaming 2023.

A lot of games came out this year and I played almost none of them. But i played some, or at least attempted to. I'm not talking about the 10,000 Blue Glow episodes i so graciously blessed you all with this year and many years prior, I'm talking about real gaming. The kind you are not invited to. Real gaming is for me and me alone, and doesn't involve any wretched expectation of entertaining people with the same 4 complaints about every game and the same napalm burning a hole in my g...

Amazing Comics: Invincible

Robert Kirkman is indirectly responsible for there being a game where Norman Reedus throws poop grenades at slime-lions, so for that he has my respect, but i still think The Walking Dead is uh... you know... sorta gay. Fortunately for all of us, boosting the guy from Boondock Saints' career and being the richest man in the universe wasn't enough for Kirkman, so he decided to write a comic that was actually good, and it was called Invincible.

I spent the last couple of weeks reading all ...

Doctor Who: Black or Wack?

Doctor Who, a series that was ruined forever, has returned. Can it possibly redeem itself? No. No it absolutely cannot. But I suppose it can try.

As much as i hate to waste my energy saying things that a bunch of nerds have already said for me, just this once i'll add my voice to the choir and say that yes, everything to do with the Chris Chibnall/Jodie Whitaker era of this show is indeed dreadfully unwatchable dogshit, for reasons too multitudinous to get into, and as an extra middle ...

Christmas Movies for 2023

I'm going to round out the year with some festive Holiday text posts, because i'm visiting my people and don't have a microphone or editing software to make videos. So i hope you can read or you're going to hate this like Santa hates my letter demanding Jay and Silent Bob toys every year. He must have gotten lost again because i'm still waiting on those, along with my Britney Spears memoir and I'm Just Ken shirt. Come on, I've been good this year, you old bastard.

Two things you can cou...

Groovy Tunes: Vaxis 2 Dawn oF The Spac e worm.

Merry Christmas, you horrible mutants. Here's a Groovy Tunes review that has nothing to do with Christmas. Its from a band i've avoided listening to since they first forced themselves on me in 2004, but someone thought it was important that i hear them again. Coheed and Cambria. Yuck. More like Blowheed and Cumbria. I used to hate this band because they just seemed like some kind of lame emo fart band. I still hate them but now i know they're actually a lame outer space emo fart band...

REmake: Bad Time Vine

We are now at the part of this Blue Glow series where i have run out of things to write about the game under each episode. So instead i will tell you the story of what i did today. This will surely be a captivating rollercoaster of a tale. 

First i made a patreon post for that baseball cartoon. Then i purchased a Little Caesars Hot n Ready pizza. It was not the best Hot n Ready i've ever had, it was merely acceptable. Then i did a bunch of other pointless crap and now i'm here crea...

Your Japanese Animes: One Outs

This is a shorter video because i said all that needs saying. One Outs is a baseball anime and it's very good at being a baseball anime. If you're into at least one of those two things it should speak for itself. But don't worry i'm here all the same to articulate it's strengths and make some funny sounds for you all.

Remember the time on Deep Space 9 when Worf played baseball? That was a good baseball thing too. Or how about that Mario baseball game on the gamecube? Pretty sure you cou...

Buff Movie Buffs: Ernest Saves Christmas

I haven't seen every single Ernest movie, but i'm pretty sure this is the dumbest one and that's saying something. It's nowhere near the best, but it is Christmas themed which is why i waited a year to put these highlights together. It was recorded last year on the same night as the Jingle All The Way stream so by the time we got to this movie we were both totally loaded.

We're just boys having fun. When the Buff Movie Buffs riff a movie the goal is not to be coherent, so this one is mo...

Buff Movie Buffs: Jingle All The Way

Get your asses ready for another manic and loud Buff Movie Buff Riffmas Double Feature! First up is the Holiday Turbo-Classic, Jingle All The Way, which features Arnie punching a reindeer and screaming about cookies. This is either an extremely funny movie, or Gargak and me were just extremely drunk and therefore funny enough for ourselves and the movie. 

This a film about Arnold Schwarzenegger, the only normal man on Earth, trying to get a Turbo man for his kid while contending wi...

REmake Part 9: No More Funny Business

This is probably the slowest moving drunken stumble / senile ramble through a game which can be beaten in 2 hours that anyone's ever witnessed. That's because I'm savoring it. I like this game. Also, I'm too fucking funny to make any progress, both in video games and in life. I'm cursed.

This whole episode is just me stupidly getting back to where i hilariously died last time because i silly-ishly hadn't saved in a while. I also die in this one, in a fashion that befits my famous fooler...

WRESTLING! Return of The Punker (WWE Edition)

I completely forgot about Survivor series, only to be informed by a cacophony of clock people that it is once again clobberin time. I forgot these things are on Saturday now and i was instead nose deep in that most shameful of acts, watching another man's youtube video. In my defense, it was a good video, which is extremely rare.

Despite not having willingly subjected myself to social media in about half a decade, i was, within minutes of Punk's name trending, assaulted with a barrage o...

Buff Movie Scary Spooky Stuff - I am Not a Serial Killer

Some guy on here requested 4 different things and told me to pick one. This overwhelmed me with decision paralysis so i just picked the easiest one, which is this low budget spooky about Christopher Lloyd and his new boy who is a massive step down from Marty Mcfly. This kid is more like Farty McDie.

The other choices were...

A snappy horror satire that i enjoyed too much to want to analyze, which probably makes sense only to others who do this for a living.

A well known horr...

Puny sized panelcast: prebador vs wolferime

This puny sized ancillary panel cast mini-sode is a followup to the last month's Halloween special, or at least the star trek part of it is. I got issue 3 and 4 here of the Holo-Ween. So u can see how it ends now. Itz a shorter one tho cuz I wuz hongry Fer pizzer

Also a silver surfer comic cause that guy is cool. Also predatpr cause that guy is cool. Aldo wolverine cuz tgat guy is cool. Also me cuz ME am cool. Pizzzaaaaa.

Buff Movie Buff - Mid 90s

I tried to put this on youtube but it immediately got flagged for "child endangerment" or some stupid shit like that because of one clip where the characters in the movie are smoking pot. Clearly Jonah Hill's fault, not mine. I could sit here and rant to you for an hour about how retarded youtubes policies are but it's nothing new to me so i don't care to repeat myself. It's just reason number 9,742 why i despise the platform and have zero desire to engage with it in any fashion beyond being ...