Karl Edward Wagner: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the sticks
Wagner: so there's this guy out walking in the woods
Wagner: and he sees some sticks
Barker: yeah thats usually the case
King: clive's right, there do tend to be sticks in the woods
Barker: real unusual man, wow, sticks in the woods!
Barker: where'd they come from huh? from a tree or something?
Wagner: no no no
Wagner: it's not just any sticks
Wagner: these ...
[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: today i am going to tell
Rowling: the one joke
Allison Bailey: the joke! the one joke!
Helen Joyce: dark master is going to tell the one joke!
Jesse Singal: masterful gambit, mommy!
Rowling: Happy Birthing Parent Day to all whosse large gametes were fertilissed resulting in ssmall humanss whose ssex was asssigned by doctorss making mostly lucky guesssess
Joyce: she did it! she told the o...
Dodie Smith: i've got another story about pongo and missus
King: ah do the dogs go on another fun adventure?
Smith: no this time aliens put all humans to sleep and give dogs psychic powers
King:
Lovecraft:
Barker:
Poe:
Koontz: WOWWWW
Koontz: BEST STORY EVER!
Smith: ok so all humans are catatonic now and there's only psychic dogs
Smith: and the dogs think 'oh i bet cruella de vil is behind this'
Smith: 'we should go murder her'
Smith: 'like, we should jus...
Clive Barker: now everyone i want you all to welcome a real scary story by dodie smith
Poe: um clive
Poe: is this really appropriate
Barker: oh yeah trust me this is gonna be REAL scary
Barker: for dean
Poe: are you doing this to torment dean
Barker: whaaaat
Barker: i would never
Dodie Smith: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the woman who kidnaps dogs
Dean Koontz: what?!
Koontz: you guys
Koontz: you know I like sca...
Ai Jiang: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the town where all the houses are haunted
Barker: that rules
King: yeah that sounds really cool
Jiang: oh you would think
Jiang: but in fact
Jiang: it's actually kind of depressing
Ai Jiang: so my family just moved into a new house today
Jiang: Movin' was hard but we got squared away
Jiang: Bells started ringin' and chains rattled out
Jiang: I knew we'd moved in a haunted house<...
[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i have terrible, bone-chilling newsss
Rowling: did you know that india willoughby exisssstsss?
Rowling: thiss makess me ssso mad
Rowling: i know you're all ussed to me being ssubtle
Rowling: you know, talking about womensss ssafety and all that
Rowling: but i'm done with that
Rowling: now i enter endgame
Rowling: tonight my rage ssshall fuel my ...
2024-03-04 22:36:13 +0000 UTC View PostStephen King: so ursula we're all been thinking it over
King: and i think we finally figured out a solution for omelas
Ursula Le Guin: why are you doing this
King: no no we've really got it this time
Le Guin: that's not the point of the story
King:
King: c'mon aren't you even curious?
Le Guin: ok fine
Le Guin: what's your solution
King: ok so omelas doesn't control the sky
King: What if the kid lived in a balloon?
Le Guin: oh christ that's the wo...
King: i can't believe elon's grok is pretending i'm friends with him
King: i need to stop that AI before everyone believes it!
King: i've got to hire a hacker
King: franz, you've got to help me
Franz Kafka: what? me?
Barker: steve, no
Kafka: i'm not a hacker
King: oh i thought franz was a hacker
Barker: what gave you THAT impression?
King: you know, with the cat ear headphones and the striped thigh socks
Barker: no steve that's something ENTIRELY different
...
Stephen King: submitted for the approval of the midnight-
Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyyy stephano king!
King: elon, please stop
Musk: you anna me, we besta friends eh stephano king?
King: elon, for the love of god
Musk: whattsa matta you, stephano king?
Musk: you no thinka we friends?
King: no
Musk: oh no? we see-a about dat!
Musk: grok, what you thinka abouta da stephen king?
King: elon what are you doing
Grok: boy! that stephen king! what can i say...
[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i have excellent newsss
Allison Bailey: yes! yes!
Julie Bindel: yes! tell us more dark lord
Helen Joyce: yes tell us!
Rowling: excellent...
Rowling: harry potter related news!
Bailey:
Bindel:
Joyce: YES!! YES!!!!
Rowling: they're making a new harry potter ssseriessss
Rowling: you might think that i've sssaid everything that needsss to be sssaid about harry potter
Rowli...
Hugo Gernsback: hey everyone its me, hugo gernsback
Gernsback: editor of Amazing Stories and namesake of the hugo awards
Gernsback: perhaps you've heard of them?
Clive Barker: oh buddy
Barker: buddy
Barker: we've heard all about them ha ha
Stephen King: they're named after you? i thought they were named after victor hugo Gernsback: ha ha a common mistake
Gernsback: but that's fine
Gernsback: i'm not mad at all that victor hugo keeps getting the credit
Gernsback: ...
Algernon Blackwood: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the haunted weed
Blackwood: so there's this weed that's SO dank
Blackwood: that if you smoke it
Blackwood: a ghost will get you
Poe: yeah that is
Poe: that is pretty dank
Blackwood: see, this weed is SO DANK that a humor writer smoked it
Blackwood: and he just got super depressed
Blackwood: he couldn't even reassure his readers that he was not making it up
Blackw...
2024-02-19 23:24:03 +0000 UTC View PostDenis Villeneuve: hey frank what if we put a giant rubber bondage spider in dune
Frank Herbert: [snorting space cocaine] sounds great!
David Lynch: what if i taped a cat to a rat and then you had to suck the cat titties to get a poison antidote
Frank Herbert: [snorting space cocaine] top notch work, guys
Herbert: love how you're all really making the story your own
Frank Herbert: anyway there's politics happening on dune
Poe: i thought we already did this bit
King: ...
Denis Villeneuve: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of dunc
Villeneuve: and unlike david lynch
David Lynch: the dark in the deep, the eyes in the snail
Villeneuve: i intend to be faithful to frank herbert original vision
Villeneuve: of dunc
Villeneuve: so anyway, dune
Villeneuve: desert planet
Villeneuve: not a drop of water
Villeneuve: let's talk political intrigue
Clive Barker: booo!
Barker: show us the worm!
Barker:...
King: submitted for the approval of the
Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyyy stephano king
Koontz: oh steve! it's your friend!
King: he's not my friend
Koontz: but clive said-
Barker: ah ha ha
King: goddamn it clive!! now you've got everyone saying it!
Elon Musk: eyyyy stephano king wottsa matta for you
Poe: steve can you please tell your friend to leave us alone
King: he's not my friend! we're not even acq...
Frank Herbert: hey man
Fitz James O'Brien: hey
Herbert: so uh
Herbert: you got any more of that
Herbert: special stuff?
O'Brien: maybe
O'Brien: why don't you sit down and play some mariokart with me for a while
[later, at space coven]
Frank Herbert: [manic, nose running] so there's a special drug that makes you hallucinate so hard you can fold space
Herbert: its made out of worm shit and it will turn you into a salamander
Herbert: also they have to use the ...
2024-02-12 18:00:09 +0000 UTC View PostStephen King: so i'm gonna go over to space coven tonight to tell a story
Clive Barker: what, the sci fi nerds? good luck with that
King: oh they're not so bad once you get to know them, clive
Barker: i do not intend to know nerds
King: look, clive, you know mary goes over to the sci fi campfire sometimes
Barker: i do not believe it
King: it's true! she invented sci fi, you know
Barker: mary shelley? OUR mary shelley? the queen witch?
Barker: she invented being a ne...
HP Lovecraft: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the mountains of madness
Lovecraft: it's about a scientific expedition to antarctica that finds a terrifying ancient evil
Clive Barker: is it penguins
Lovecraft:
Lovecraft: m-maybe
Lovecraft: look it's not just penguins
Lovecraft: these penguins are really scary
Lovecraft: for one thing, they're really big
Barker: so emperor penguins
Lovecraft: no i
Lovecraft: you know wh...
George du Maurier: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of trilby
du Maurier: its about this girl named trilby that everyone loves
du Maurier: cuz she's just the best
du Maurier: sweet cinnamon bun too good for this world
du Maurier: let me tell you, you're gonna go gaga for trilby
du Maurier: she's so great
du Maurier: what are you gonna do when the power of trilbymania runs over you
du...
2024-02-02 19:09:42 +0000 UTC View PostL Ron Hubbard: hey friends its me again, your old pal Honest Ron
Poe: what's your scam this time ron
Hubbard: i'm hurt, friend, hurt!
Hubbard: i'm just an honest merchant, a purveyor of quality goods, services, and occasional religions!
Poe: ron every time you come here you've got some new scam
Poe: we're not falling for it again
Poe: right guys?
King: that's right
Koontz: yeah!
Barker: we're not that stupid
Lovecraft: not...
2024-02-01 18:00:10 +0000 UTC View PostDaniel Kraus: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the whale
Stephen King: sounds like a whale of a tale!
Kraus:
Kraus: yeah actually that's accurate
Kraus: it IS a whale of a tale if you think about it
Kraus: i'm gonna start using that
Kraus: its about a diver in seach of his dead father
Kraus: who gets swallowed by a whale
Kraus: which allows him to come to terms with thing...
JD Barker: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the bad app
JD Barker: it's a spicy story about an app that you download on your phone
JD Barker: but this app
JD Barker: is a little
JD Barker: spicy
JD Barker: boy let me tell you
JD Barker: it's tough to get word out about a new book these days
King: tell me about it!
King: i keep posting but nothing's making a dent!
King: there's got to be a better way!
JD Barker: there ...
Paul Jessup: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the glass house
Jessup: and this house?
Jessup: let me tell you
Jessup: it is
Jessup: so hot
Jessup: you will want to fuck this house
King:
King: uh
Barker: shut up steve let's see where this goes
Shirley Jackson: [mumbles]
Mary Shelley: shirley has a question about this house
Jessup: yeah?
Jackson: [mumbles]
Shelley: she wants to know how the bricks me...
Algernon Blackwood: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the town of cat people
Stephen King: wow! this sounds almost as adorable as ramsey's story about the town of rabbit people
Ramsey Campbell: it's not adorable, it's creepy
King: of course ramsey
Blackwood: this whole town is full of people who are secretly cats
Lovecraft: is this supposed to be scary? this town sounds great!
Poe: yeah i wouldn't mind visiting
Junji Ito: [wear...
JK Rowling: hello children
Poe: oh joanne
Poe: you're back
Rowling: yesss i have a new harry potter TV sssseriesss that you are all obligated to watch by order of the king
Poe:
Lovecraft:
King:
Koontz:
Barker:
Barker: yeah how's that work?
Poe: clive
Rowling: harry potter isss back!
Rowling: he'sss the boy who lived! and he will NEVER die
Rowling: thanksss to my wealth and influence, i can cram whimsssy down your throatsss forever!!
Ro...
Preston Fassel: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of 42nd Street
Fassel: ahhh New York's 42nd Street!
Fassel: [rubbing hands in delight] Just as rancidly rotten as I remember!
Fassel: 42nd st in the 70s
Fassel: the greatest hive of scum and villainy on the planet
Fassel: just a big bubbling cauldron of slime and sleaze
Fassel: just a raw teeming itching hole of depravity
Fassel: just a Ralph Bakshian pornocopia of steam...
Franz Kafka: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the guy who turned into a cockroach
Steven Boyett: god i wish we were in oklahoma
Boyett: they wouldn't tolerate this degeneracy
Boyett: this perversity
Boyett: this
Boyett: this furversion
Poe: what? what's happening in oklahoma?
Boyett: oh haven't you heard?
Boyett: the good patriots of oklahoma are gonna make furries illegal
Boyett: furries will be illegal in oklahoma!<...
2024-01-18 18:00:08 +0000 UTC View PostJohn Wiswell: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the story of the monster romance
Clive Barker: hell yeah some monster fucking
Wiswell: no no no
Wiswell: not monster fucking
Wiswell: monster ROMANCE
Barker: wait what
Barker: what's the difference
Wiswell: well instead of fucking
Wiswell: there's going to be hand holding
Wiswell: the exchanging of knowing glances
Wiswell: perhaps some complicated victorian fan code
Wiswell: th...
2024-01-12 18:00:08 +0000 UTC View PostClive Barker: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the billionaire who
George Romero: boooo
Barker: shut up george let me finish
Romero: billionaires shouldn't be
Barker: oh my god LET ME FINISH
Romero: billionaires are bad
Barker: george where do you think i'm going with this story
Barker: do you think the point is gonna be that billionaires are good?
Romero:
Romero: only a ...
John Boyne: hey it's me, John Boyne
Boyne: author of 'the boy in the striped pyjamas'
Boyne: [whispers] a fable
Boyne: and have i got an offer
Boyne: for you!!!
Boyne: so i wrote the boy in the striped pyjamas
Boyne: [whispers] a fable
Boyne: to educate people about the holocaust's littlest victims
Boyne: the sad children of concentration camp commandants
Boyne: and i wrote a sequel 'all the broken places'
Boyne to educate people about the holocaust's other...