Heres What I Dont Get

Episode 284 - Ninja Turtle Popsicle

This week HWIDG dives head first into the creamy, frozen world of ice cream! That's right, starting next week, you'll be able to buy a pint of Here's What Ice Don't Cream at participating gas stations and all Dollar General stores. Two flavors are up for grabs, with more to come. First, we have "Tab's Delight", a vanilla-bourbon ice cream with chunks of medium rare steak. Second is "The Scoopbreaker", an extra firm dark chocolate ice cream with ribbons of ghost pepper and white chocolate-cove...

Episode 283 - Going Hard In The Paint For Evanescence

In lieu of a structured episode this week, join us for another fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants, yet intimate, HWIDG sit down where we discuss the finer things in life, such as:

- Telling Your Co-workers Off
- Magic Hats
- Breakfast Foods
- Colin Farrell's Neck Obsession

All this and more on this week's quick and dirty episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, support us on PATREON or by BUYING A SHIRT.

Episode 282 - Cord Wristcutters

Hello HWIDGicans, we have an important announcement to make today. There has been a recent change in leadership, as Elon Musk has acquired the majority of shares in our company. His ruthless coup of our Board of Directors was shameful, and we can only assume blackmail was involved. Some changes to be instated include: mandatory Tesla ownership per host, a switch over to Starlink for internet, and since Mr. Musk is African-American, Tab must now listen to the entirety of Kanye West's discograp...

Episode 281 - Podocastophobia

Dear listeners of HWIDG, you enjoy our podcast right? But what If I told you you could have your own podcast? That's right, For just 25% of your own show's Patreon earnings, you can franchise HWIDG into your own podcast!. Be your own host! For up to 50% off market price, we'll sell you the best Issues so you too can be the Podcaster you've always wanted to be. Please, take this sample pack and tell all your friends that they too can be their own podcast all while earning me money, earning you...

Episode 280 - Tokyo Joycon Drift

This Summer, HWIDG Studios and the producers that brought you the Fast and Furious Saga of films bring you the next pivotal entry in the story all about family. They've been in the streets and all over the world. They've been to the sea, and the sky, and even space. So where is Dom and the family going next? Mushroom Kingdom. The Fast and the Furious Presents: Kart Wars. When Dom can't find a babysitter for date night, he turns to the last man he can: Mario! Dropped into the world of Nintendo...

Episode 279 - Airbnbattery

You know what gets people talking? Celebrities! You know what gets people talking about celebrities non-stop? Celebrity drama! So, taking a page from Tinseltown, HWIDG is now Here's What I Don't Get (About Celebrities)! Every week on  HWIDG(AC) we'll each pit our chosen celebrity of the week against each other in a potential beef. Will it be Estelle Getty versus Wesley Snipes, Tom Hanks versus Robert Redford, or Jackie Chan versus Larry the Cable Guy? No one knows! We'll duke it out on t...

Episode 278 - Spiderman's Mylar Surprise

This week's episode of HWIDG is brought to you by contractual obligations! It's no more than the bare minimum for you and you should take solace in that! The alternative is nothing! And most times, something is better than nothing! Contractual obligations, getting us paid and you only barely satisfied since 1933!

- Balloons
- Clinging On of Late Night TV
- Extravagance of Celebrity

Balloons suck, which is funny because you spend all your time blowing into them. And for what?...

Episode 277 - Emergency Session

We hereby call this episode of HWIDG into session, with little time to lose! As the deadline for the week rears its head, I'd like to take a small amount off time at the beginning to say thank you to Joe's Electrical and Zoology for the highly informational hamster/nuclear fusion part of our program. It's great to know that our future lies in their tiny, tiny hands. A quick reminder: if that portion of the episode did not make it to air, please enact Protocol 7.1.2b as per the instructions in...

Episode 276 - Pancake Stomp

Just when everyone thought all out war would break loose over a territorial pissing match, the real bad guy comes along and kicks our collective butt. Turns out people care more about gas than they do some country halfway around the world. These 18 year olds wont be getting drafted and sent to Nowhere to fight for nothing, they'll be stationed outside your local gas station making sure you aren't stealing gas rations.  Tough lick fighting for Lady Justice when you'
re stuck in Plattvi...

Episode 275 - Surf's Up!

As the looming threat of nuclear war hangs above our head like a bad 80's flick, we must stand firm and remember that the dozens of fatalities from the immediate blasts will be dwarfed by the following radiation fallout! So get your Pip-Boys ready, keep your Gauss rifle close, and sleep soundly to the fact that you'll be a creepy Ghoul at best in the nuclear winter! Dasvidaniya, boys!

- Channel Surfing
- Tiny Propaganda
- Machismo
- Easy Mode

Ah, channel surfing. The true...

Episode 274 - Activated Boners

Guns. Experimental aircraft. Sonic the Hedgehog. A chili cheese Coney combo with tater tots and a vanilla shake. This episode of HWIDG. What do these items have in common? Well they all have the ability to go supersonic! Life comes at you fast, but we come even faster. Wait, no. I worded that wrong.

- Hateboners
- The Snowpocalypse
- Generibad
- The Way It's Always Been Done

A hate boner is when you hate something so much it gives you physical pleasure and you need t...

Episode 273 - Big Honkers

As Americans, we basically invented honkers. Even if we hadn't, we've got the most famous ones! I'm talkin Convoy (the song), Convoy (the movie), Smokey and the Bandit, Dolly Parton, and Optimus Prime! We need to stand in solidarity with the Canadian truckers that get that sweet maple syrup from Calgary to Alberta however far that is! Seriously, how far is that? Anyways, we need to be honking just as much! Show them that while Rock & Roll may not be Noise Pollution, honking sure is! That'...

Episode 272 - Save Tab (The Soda)!

Not all heroes wear capes. Some are born heroes and some are made heroes. But what do they have in common? When the bell of justice rings, they answer. When Gotham is under siege by The League of Assassins, Batman swoops in and takes vengeance. When a meteor is hurtling towards Metropolis, Superman flies up and saves the day. When a multi-billion dollar company is going to discontinue your namesake's soda, Tab is there! No longer will the evil corporations leave the original diet soda in the ...

Episode 271 - Meatloaf Forklift (ft. Vinnie from The Creep Off)

What makes a creep? Is it a broken door handle collection that gets slowly caressed every night? Is it dressing up like Dolly Parton and stalking Sylvester Stallone until releases Rhinestone on Blu-Ray? Is it creating a fictional podcast listener with a funny voice named "Andy" just to call in to your own podcast and others anonymously? Or is it guesting on this podcast without bringing in an issue? Find out on this week's exciting creepy episode!

- Women Loving True Crime
- Traffic...

Minisode 45 - Wash Yo Dick

Old Movies Not Getting HD Restorations
New Products
You No What I Mint
Women's Bathrooms
Phone Wallpaper Issues
Interconnected Google Hatestream
People That Don't Understand Jokes in 2022
Right Wing Degens

Bonus Episode 62 - Double Double

After Work Comas
Rubbing It In
Efficient Employees
Brutal Honesty
Deconfirming Your Buyers Remorse
The Clouds Parting
Gamer Back and Forth
The Winter Warm Days

Minisode 44 - No Minisode November

Bad Website Integrations
Bad Cover Artists
Chinese Shipping
Vertigo

Bonus Episode 61 - Movember

Omnibuses
Heated Clothing
Turning People to the Dark Side
Programming

Episode 270 - Grand Theft Ticket

In lieu of a regular episode this week, here's something much funnier: three hours of audio of Tab playing Grand Theft Auto V. Will he get away from the cops? Will he throw the controller multiple times because of some bush you can't just drive through? Will he accidentally shoot the friendly A.I. because the camera freaked out? Will he be broke AF despite pulling off multiple million-dollar heists? The answer to all of these, unshockingly, is yes. Because that's what happens to everyone.
...

Episode 269 - Go Dolphins

We here at HWIDG think of ourselves, not just as a podcast, but as a global brand. With that in mind, we've been looking to expand our brand into other forms of media, which why, we're proud to announce that we have plans to acquire Microsoft. With their established foothold in gaming, computers, mobile, and more, we as a global brand will be able to do the one thing that no one could ever do. That's right, we're going to hold a public execution for that crime to humanity called Clippy. His l...

Episode 268 - Cursed Speedruns

2022 is a year of efficiency, that's why this episode was made as efficiently as possible. No energy savings mind you, just recorded right before it comes out, so that it reaches you at it's most fresh level. Next week we'll be beaming the episode directly into your ears for maximum efficiency and also to make you look like a crazy person in public.

* The Time Warp
* Testing Positive
* Showing Your Ass Online
* Cursed Land

Are you 2020? Because I want to do you again and ...

Episode 267 - Top Heavy Bubble Butt

IT'S 2022 AND WE'RE TAKING NO PRISONERS THIS YEAR. NO ONE IS SAFE. NOT EVEN YOUR GRANDMA. AND THIS TRAIN AIN'T STOPPIN' ANY TIME SOON. WHERE SOME OTHER SHOWS TAKE A WEEK OFF (OR 6) BECAUSE OF A LITTLE COUGH, WE'RE BRINGING THIS SHOW TO YOU BIGGER AND BETTER THAN EVER. I'M TALKIN ABOUT FOUR, COUNT'EM: FOUR ISSUES PER EPISODE. THAT'S RIGHT. NOT ONE, NOT TWO, NOT EVEN A THREE-CHEESE BLEND OF RAGE, BUT A XXL FOUR-CHEESE, CONSTIPATED-FOR-A-WEEK EXTRAVAGANZA! 2022! BE THERE OR ELSE!

- USITT ...

Before & After - The Matrix Resurrections

Welcome back Trannies and Faggots. In the cultural scorched earth we now live in next up is 1999s revolutionary film, now reloaded as a trans allegory to combat the right wing co-opting of the narrative. It's a garbage film, made by garbage people.

Reccomendation
Tim - Absolutely Not
Tab - No Watch the Original again.

Episode 266 - Beefboozled

As our last episode of 2021, we'd like to take this time to say goodbye to all those that we lost this year. The slicin' and dicin' Ron Popeil, the Ruff Rydin' DMX, the King of Monday Night Football John Madden, the uhhhhhhh best Burt Reynolds Norm McDonald, and much love and RIP to Shock-G and anyone else that ever got busy in a Burger King bathroom, I'm sure you're all dead of Hepatitis A, B, and C by now. But enough of that, let's look forward to next year, where the rest of your childhood...

Episode 265 - Corn Dogs of the Swamp

Merry Christmas folks! This year Santa is changing it up and going rogue! No more presents, no more coal, no more naughty or nice. Instead, he's playing a new game and it's called Corn Dog or Cattail! Check your stocking on Christmas morning and he's put either a delicious state fair corn dog in there, or a cattail, the very similar looking reed found near ponds! If you get a corn dog, you win! If you get a cattail, you get 12 months of bad luck. Happy Holidays!

- Potlucks
- Dumb De...

Episode 264 - Debris Dildos

What up my fellow CryptoBros? How's it hangin'? Allow me to introduce the HOTTEST NFTS since whatever the last ones were. Introducing: Whale Farts. That's right, you can own your own individual, special recording of a geniune whale fart for just whatever $10,000 USD is. That's right, own your own piece of non-erotic animal flatulence before anyone else gets in to it. Simply email your cryptobits to GetRichQuickPumpAndDumpScheme@computech.serve in the next 24 hours to get yours!

- People...

Episode 263 - Where's My Money?

We here at HWIDG would like to apologize for this week's Advertisement. It was wrong of us to run a promotion for such a limited time, therefore we are extending the Boner Concealment Promotion until the end of this sentence. Ha got eem!

- Not Paying Your Bills
- People With One-Note Personalities
- Victim Points
- Chinese Superman

You forget a payment to a company and suddenly the world has gone up in flames for them. Late fees, threats of legal action, repossession, ev...

Episode 262 - Family

I can't believe it. All our childhood wishes come true! they're real! Transformers are real! Oh boy! Sure, they're just G1 right now, but we must be getting Beast Wars soon, right? How do I get one? No, I'm not talking about Covid, who mentioned Covid, I'm talking about Transformers! Autobots! Decepticons! Maximals! Predacons! What do you mean they're not real? Everyone's talking about them, especially Omicron, he's the coolest. He's like a big planet! A transformer the size of a planet! Oh, ...

Episode 261 - 3D Printed Feet

Ah, Thanksgiving. The one time of year that you can just engorge yourself and no one minds. Except your pants. Decadent mashed potatoes with a whole stick of butter for garnish, bread that we dried out, then soaked in juice, then dried out again, vegetables covered in cream and cheese and other deep fried vegetables. Not to mention a huge bird, usually relegated to emulsified cold cuts, that cooks unevenly and is 50% bones. But the cherry on top? A can of jellied fruit that we call sauce desp...

Tab and Tim Watch - No Time to Die

Hello James Bond fans, and welcome to this, the final and worst James Bond movie.

Worthless old whiteman Jimothy Bond teams up with the mysterious Agent BLM7 who is great at everything to save the world from an evil villain who wants to kill everyone because of reasons.

Anyway listen to our review and find out for yourself.

Reccomendations

Tab - Fuck No
Tim - Long rambling maybe.