words from september 19 2022
angel, witch, god, satan, elf, fairy, butterfly.
which story will you dive in today?
can we just become a stick?
a leaf?
a droplet of water.
can we become something that is still.
can we dwell on the sensations of a living thing that really knows how to live?
can we sit still
and write nothing.
no words.
no ideas.
no thoughts.
just stillness.
just breath
and presence.
is every hurt or pain always a mis-communication?
is every suffering that is created in the world, from a lack of a full picture.
if we could see everyones full life,
be in their shoes,
we would see,
ahhh
this is how you came to this conclusion,
I understand now,
how you came about this idea,
or this assumption,
or did this action.
could we go through life in a way,
knowing that.
knowing that we will never know an entire story.
the unknown i...
i’m letting go of it all.
what i have been telling myself for ages now.
let go, meredith.
let go.
if i let it go, i let it GROW.
imagine,
a world where we all were constantly letting go.
not white-knuckled around our desires and dreams and homes and money.
if we let go whenever we noticed a holding on, a grasping.
my body hasn’t hurt as much
since i completely let go of my home.
my home.
but it was never my home.
it...
i keep changing my mind.
or i’m simply living,
and realizing,
i was wrong.
oops, i was wrong again.
when will it finally sink in,
that i know nothing?
the knowing,
is
the unknowing.
when we know THAT
that is when we can think.
everything is always changing,
nothing is forever,
nothing is an absolute solid truth.
everything is based on when it happens
and who it happens to
and how they have e...
301222
I canceled my phone plan
and I moved into a house that doesn’t have wifi,
and I plan on keeping it that way.
Last night was my first night sleeping here.
it is 5:16AM
and for the first time in a long time,
I slept through the night.
I fell asleep with Nalcoah at 8
and I woke up at 5.
I woke up once at midnight
and a part of me wonders,
if I went right back to sleep because I knew,
I had no option for scrolling or talking to anyone on my phone...
maybe we are the flowers.
maybe we are the ones who need to come alive
and bite
and strangle a little bit of life
to create new life.
maybe we need to strangle a little bit of our desires and addictions
and JUST GET RID OF the temptation.
get it the fuck out of the house.
get it the fuck out of my home.
maybe we are the flowers,
and all it takes to become a flower,
is to acknowledge that we have harmed,
AND that we are only good.
and maybe we c...
i want me.
i love me.
i thought sleeping alone would be the hardest part of separating.
but instead it has been a way back to myself.
finger tip against finger tip.
breathing into the four pillows pressed against my body.
a night with no self pleasuring
but self pleasuring in the million little ways that paying attention to your body brings.
self pleasuring by noticing my self.
bringing the erotica into everything
by pausi...
2022-12-18 08:27:48 +0000 UTC View Post
181222
1:20 am
awake for hours now.
my body hurts so bad.
i feel it feel it feel it.
i breathe breathe breathe.
i know i know i know.
i’ll raise the money to buy my house in cash by the end of february.
i just have to not be afraid.
no, i need to let myself be afraid and still
i need to do everything im afraid of
i need to make tiktok videos.
i need to ask for help.
i need to talk on the fucking phone.
i nee...
2022-12-18 06:37:34 +0000 UTC View Post
171222
i get it
i do
new laces
new shoes
new turtleneck
new treadmill
new day of desire
desire poured into the things you’re told to crave.
new sugar
new phone
new toys
new toys
new toys.
you want newness,
maybe you need newness.
but that newness wasn’t supposed to come in the way we get it now.
it’s supposed to come as we migrate across the earth,
exploring the land and her peo...
2022-12-17 11:06:43 +0000 UTC View Post
161222 4:01am
everything i wish to do in the world, i wish to do for free.
because i want to,
because i love to.
i wish to create a free food co-op
a free bed and breakfast
a free retreat getaway place
to just rest in, to just be in, to just create in.
how funny that when people hear the word free, they either correlate it with freedom or with cheapness. how can it be both?
i wish to create a world where things that ...
2022-12-16 09:26:24 +0000 UTC View Post
151222 4:20am
just fall into the current. why am i always swimming against it.
the life i dream of, he says, i have it.
i photograph, he says, so i know that if i look at something differently, it completely changes it.
just fall into, i say.
and i tell myself,
just collapse into it, into all of it.
fall into the current and let the water take you.
water.
“just water. it’s just water!” she says as she...
2022-12-15 09:27:54 +0000 UTC View Post
141222 5:01 am
in the bath at moms.
completely defeated and depleted.
but i’ll regain; somehow.
i want the water as hot as it can be.
this doesn’t really make sense.
having yet another house to fix up and clean up and sewage to deal with.
and yet.
i’m not sure what else to do.
i will create the world to be a place that just houses and feeds people.
beautiful comfortable housing.
delicious nutritious food.
love all a...
2022-12-14 14:05:26 +0000 UTC View Post
expired roll of film that i shot of juliet in malibu - someone else took the photos of the mysterious helicopter and windmills <3
her patreon is linked below 😍
https://www.patreon.com/embodiedportraiture?utm_campaign=creatorshare_fan
2022-12-07 15:22:31 +0000 UTC View Post
is our technology making us feel less real? could technology be something that brings us closer to nature and not further away from it?
also the type of technology we keep pursuing, that we know is wrecking havoc. i think we have so much infinite creativity to develop new forms of technology that is more advanced and more in tune with the earth. we’re just so far in this direction that it’s hard to take it all backwards and try and think in a different direction.
2022-12-04 08:51:42 +0000 UTC View Post
there is a way to evolve and not cause harm.
there is a way to move through nature causing as little harm as possible and still going light years faster in growth with technology.
a first idea is a first idea. a first idea can be a good idea, but is there a better idea? is the first idea causing harm? maybe we don’t know yet. let’s watch and find out. and if we learn that it does cause harm, we stop and try and think of something else. no shame anywhere w...
2022-11-30 09:02:48 +0000 UTC View Post
September 26 2022
you know how many times I change my mind?
a-fucking-lot.
every day.
and how can we not?
every single day is a brand new day,
every single day brings brand new thoughts,
ideas,
conversations,
interactions.
how can I not be changing the way I think?
or that completely sound decision I made yesterday
that I swore would be for life.
how can I think so strongly about one thing,
just to have it be wisped away the next day,
fall into it.
into all of it.
into the oceans
and the rivers
and the tears
and the pain
and the kisses
and caresses
and every good thing.
it is all good.
it is all for you.
it is all love.
2022-11-26 09:26:09 +0000 UTC View Post
yes
mutual compassion.
no two people will ever have the same conversation, the same understanding.
no two people will ever feel the same way,
think the same way.
it’s all just about that.
being ourselves,
and others being themselves
and an understanding that we are all
always learning,
always growing,
never meaning to hurt another,
often trying to make sure we aren’t hurt.
often getting lost in translation.
... 2022-11-25 23:48:16 +0000 UTC View Post
November 22 2022
putting nalcoah to sleep tonight she asked me “when will we wake up?”
and I said, “when it is light out, when the sun comes up.”
she said “why when the sun comes up?”
I said “that’s how she wakes us. With the light.”
maybe it doesnt have to be like that. Sleeping in the dark, awake in the light?
then she whispered “when will we die?”
and I of course, hesitated for a little bit, and then said “well we never know when we wil...
not that it was the wrong decison, but maybe it wasn't THE decision.
Maybe not the thing to be acted on, or maybe not carried on...?
I'm learning...
I'm changing a lot that is going on here.
It may seem and feel and even be a little chaotic at first.
I want you to all know, you are welcome to send me constructive criticism.
I need all the help I can get, from anyone, from anywhere.
I have ideas and I am learning how to implement them,
how to create structure and synchronicity;
how to move in the world in a way that is only healing,
in a way that brings everyone together.
Everyone.
You are me. I am you.
We are...
September 26 2022
life often feels too overwhelming.
whether it be overwhelming pain,
or overwhelming love and beauty.
lately it’s been overwhelming interest
and curiosity.
every
single
conversation.
every
single
interaction.
with anyone.
with
e v e r y o n e,
I get a little piece of wisdom,
or multiple pieces of wisdom.
and when I get home it’s all running through my head.
and I can’t believe I can learn this much
...
