eyes-windows-heart wide open.
Meredith posts
slowing
hi, thank you all so much for being here.
i’ve been quieter on here lately because i can’t seem to think anywhere except for where i am. i can not seem to plan or think in any kind of straight line. and yet, i keep wondering, what’s actually wrong with that? absolutely nothing is wrong with that. but maybe it could be more helpful if i was able to? maybe it would be more helpful for me to fit into the world in the way it is designed if i could.
but i do...
2022-10-27 17:16:08 +0000 UTC View Postunsure. always unsure.
7/29/22
A big fear I have is that I want to be a writer but that I’m actually a terrible terrible writer and every single person who reads what I write knows it.
But why do I even need to care or think about that.
Make it for me. Write it for me.
Writing is one of my absolute favorite things if not my number one favorite thing!!! I want to write. I want to write constantly.
Really though, I want to think. I...
2022-10-12 00:35:06 +0000 UTC View Post
the hardest moments.
those seemingly unloveable 4am and 9am moments.
2022-09-22 11:20:01 +0000 UTC View Post
chantel photographing me taking some of the most important photos i’ve ever made…
link for behind the scenes videos
Hey, this is the free trial link to my onlyfans account where I'll be able to share longer BTS videos of me making my self-portraits.
https://onlyfans.com/action/trial/hfgoh9vsapgqmfep2wkspoke7jcjxdtj
excited and so nervous to share these, as you'll see, the finished photo can sometimes look so different than the process to get it there.
BTS video of self portraits by the shed
this is a BTS video from a few days ago when i got inspired by the rain and the green and the flower petals sticking to my skin, as they do when it rains, and is always so inspiring.
the password for the video is video13
back in my pink bed.
August 13 2022
be. receive. give thanks.
be. receive. give thanks.
I repeat over and over in my head as I lie on my pink bed. Finally back in my pink bed.
be receive give thanks.
I repeat over and over in my head as I lie on my pink bed with my vibrator in my hands between my legs.
It is 6 am and I have been awake and writing for two hours.
be, receive, give thanks.
be
me.
just me.
just me, meredith, laying here.
receive
pleasure...
i wrote the poem that is THE poem
August 10th 2022
I feel drunk from the coffee.
the caffeine.
we sit across from each other,
room full of backpacks and suitcases.
croissant on each of our plates.
the butter and honey in the middle.
a cup of coffee for us both.
I drip some honey in my mug before spreading some on top of butter that’s on top of my croissant.
little regrets come floating in and out of my head.
â€...
2022-08-10 16:56:09 +0000 UTC View Posta gentle nudge
August 4th 2022 on the train back to Berlin from Hamburg
I did the right thing by staying.
there is something calling me.
I think it’s the world.
I think I dwell in enchantment most of the time.
being pulled by I don’t know what, but being pulled.
the world calls to me and I enter into her.
the world calls to me and tells me what to do and how to move and where to dance and how to love.
but there are times, many times, when ...
to Budapest.
I’m on my way to Europe.
yesterday I had some sort of mental breakdown.
Mental let out.
Emotional collapse.
Emotional rebuilding, I woke up at work in the tent I’m sleeping in with a sort of sadness I haven’t felt in so long. Maybe ever.
It was a different type of sadness. Im still finding words for it. I knew I needed to cry. But I knew I wouldn’t be able to let myself cry there.
I packed up my things. I walked the half mile to my car.
Holding in the tear...
i can breathe again when i’m with you
when i’m surrounded by pinks and whites.
when im covered in greens.
when im submerged in blues.
suffocated by the life living around me,
that’s when my breath comes back to me.
(the laurel flowers!!!! in them in them in them!!!)
2022-07-22 19:59:34 +0000 UTC View Post
more photos in the midst of writing
when i'm alone in my room - moving between dancing, writing, singing, really hearing the music and being like "what on earth are they telling me right now" or letting it play behind me as i write; playing with the flowers or rocks, playing with myself, crying - that's when i feel the most alive. completely alone, doing whatever my body feels like. letting everything flow, stopping nothing. letting everything come and go and pass in and out of me.
2022-07-16 13:57:21 +0000 UTC View Post
being home.
i could cry at how i am changing.
how i am thriving.
how i notice alllll the parts of me evolving and growing.
how i let all the parts of me out, and allow them the space to grow.
i could cry and i do.
from never liking olives to now liking them
from having so so so much anxiety when driving and often not able to go out anywhere to LOVING driving and the things it does for me, the thoughts i have while in the car, and the art i can create in that...
2022-07-03 12:01:50 +0000 UTC View Post