XaiJu
Funatic

Funatic

patreon


Funatic posts

The Gamer Chapter 521 – Events to Nomination 9 – Clean-up is hard

John was ripped out of his sleep by the sound of fists banging on his door. Well, that was not quite accurate. The banging just caused him to get that slight bit aware that he was awake, the state where he could either wake up by moving his heavy limbs or just ignore any impulse whatsoever and seamlessly drift back into sleep.

So, what ripped him out of his sleep instead was the wrath of his weaponized maid directed at whoever was drumming at the door and didn’t stop. It felt like som...

View Post

The Gamer Chapter 520 – Events to Nomination 8 – Undisciplined Behaviour

Whether it was the drunkenness or the recent happenings in the public and with his family had immunized him against sexual awkwardness, John didn’t feel a hint of inhibition as he stripped down to his underwear and stood there with a very apparent erection. As a matter of fact, all three of them had raging boners hidden under the taut cloth of their boxers, which John allowed himself to look at exactly long enough to be absolutely certain of one thing. He was, indeed, that biggest guy in th...

View Post

Drip-Fed - Pieced Together 9

None of them had proper digging equipment, so Apexus request turned out to be slightly difficult. The best they had was the slime growing a bunch cat paws and then using them to rip at the dirt while balancing on the Archwood Walker legs. It looked a bit goofy (or nightmarish to people not used to the chimeric slime’s sight) but it did the trick.

Bigger limbs would have been better, but there were only deer and the Forester Dragons that qualified for that around. One had the drawback ...

View Post

The Gamer Chapter 519 – Events to Nomination 7 – Dine and Kiss

They had dinner inside the Boating Seaquence. The sun was sinking towards the horizon at that point, and one by one, the people only there in official function took their leave. John was trying to fend off the thoughts about the paperwork that even this half-day of talking to the generals had put into the backlog. Beatrice could take care of the boring and easy parts, but that left the complicated and lengthy things for John.

‘I miss you, Momo,’ the Gamer thought as his mouth formed...

View Post

March 2019 Commission Completed - Gnome

Standard disclaimer: You may spread the downsized version in whatever way you like. You may use the original for non-commercial purposes, but not upload it to any hosting website nor spread it in any other ways.

Lydia is up next, finally, my waifu gets a better picture than the current header~

Also putting the poll for next one up soon.


View Post

The Gamer Chapter 518 – Events to Nomination 6 – In General


‘Oh, now that’s very useful,’ John thought and chose the middle option. That was basically exactly what he wanted right about now; his project was going to be finished relatively soon after all. That aside, it was just the best choice. A free, semi-permanent Possession with Spellcarrier and...

View Post

Drip-Fed - Pieced Together 8

Getting ready to leave took a while. While they didn’t have a whole lot of things that needed packing, nothing to be perfectly realistic, they still aimed to obscure the fact that they had been here by obfuscating the more obvious signs that it hadn’t been a normal adventurer party that had been here recently. Mostly, that included the depressions Apexus’ resting body caused in the ground, alongside the small footprints from Aclysia, alongside the little marks she left in the soft dirt ...

View Post

Chapter 517 – Events to Nomination 5 – Raiding the time


“Mhm,” John looked at the vaguely familiar name, then up at the hill in front of him. Although itself normal looking, the Gamer couldn’t help but notice the massive, dragonskull-esque formation of stones growing out of the pile of dirt and rocks. The air was humid, and the wet feeling under...

View Post

The Gamer Chapter 516 – Events to Nomination 4 – Greater Challenges yet


“I would say that,” John agreed and walked towards the secret entrance that had opened after the boss had been defeated. He had been somewhat preoccupied and thus missed when and how exactly, but none of that mattered anyhow as he only wanted to get out of here. “Note to self: no more sex o...

View Post

Drip-Fed - Pieced Together 7

The next morning, Reysha was forcing herself to chow down on a bunny she had caught. After the rich meat she had recently enjoyed, going back to this sour, downright filthy taste was like crashing from the life of a noble down to eating mouldy bread out of a rainwater seeped trash heap in less than a day. At least the fact that it was cooked through made it mildly less egregious.

Still, she had to load at least something nourishing into her stomach to keep her strength up. Even if her t...

View Post

The Gamer Chapter 515 – Events to Nomination 3 – The second challenge

The inability of group members to solo rooms soon became apparent. John was the first that had to give up on that front (and he wasn’t even truly alone, having Undine with him). Three rows after that encounter with the Horrors, he had to throw his hat into the ring. Although not immediately dangerous, the encounter that convinced him had been too grindy and difficult for him to take the continued risk. As the person who had a similar amount of problems, Gnome met up with him and they tackle...

View Post

The Gamer Chapter 514 – Events to Nomination 2 – Decision tree

“NOW, I get it!” John said as he looked at the map. After Sylph had defeated the enemy on her side, the tank had closed again. After about ten seconds, the tank had been refilled with the red liquid and then the empty pipes leading up to the exit had become active. The moment the bloody mixture had reached the door, it had unlocked and allowed the air spirit to continue.

On the side with the rest of the group, John had an encounter with a robot that looked almost exactly like the on...

View Post

Who a King must do Chapter 19 – Vice Gnomeregan City

Anduin got off the tram. His procession had deeply flushed skin, each and every single one of them, and they were reeking of great sex but at least their clothes were as untainted and undamaged as Jaina had promised. They were soon greeted by some sort of herald and then guided through the city. Not that Anduin needed the guide, he had been in Ironforge often enough to know himself around the underground city, but what was courtesy he shouldn’t deny.

Out of the Deeprun Tram they first...

View Post

The Gamer Chapter 513 – Events to Nomination 1 – Guided decisions

Green pasture, two houses, everything was as always with the grinds sponsored by Magoi’s awesome time dilation abilities. “Okay, everyone, let’s-” John wanted to address the gathered girls, when a window popped up in front of him and rained on his parade.

Granted, it was a good interruption. T...

View Post

Drip-Fed - Pieced Together 6

“I don’t like this,” Apexus whined as both girls took a seat on his carapace. Although they were stark naked, he couldn’t see either of them or feel their round asses press into his body. The image in his core alone made the lust tentacles rise from his surface again.

“Too bad, this is your punishment,” writhing on top of him from just that little vibration, Reysha giggled. This had been her entire idea, the curious cat wanted more of this new sensation she had felt earlier....

View Post

The Gamer Chapter 512 – Less important philosophy and home

There were many things great to perceive, heavenly even, but one, most of his senses agreed, was a woman lying on her stomach. This was what he found now before him. With her hair of pink and barely clad form, her sight made his heart flutter with love and some less pure feelings. The joyous sway of her legs was hypnotic.

A pair of black headphones poked out from amidst the chaotic beauty of her hair. Unnoticeable things, aside from the curvature that gave way to two ears formed from he...

View Post

The Gamer Chapter 511 – Steps to take

Back aboard the ship, John was contemplating. Playing with a piece of Baelementium shaped roughly like a pencil, to be used in the project Scarlett was assembling for him, after noticing the gesture, he threw it in his inventory with the rest. Right now, he was weighing pros and cons between staying and leaving Washington DC.

Both had incredibly simple arguments. If John wanted to run for the presidency in this guild, his presence would help in the PR effort. The voting system of the Li...

View Post

A bit of news (09.04.2019)

Just a quick update for whats been going on for those not on the Discord: My Internet was upgraded from pretty meh to pretty good, but the technician had some problems so it took almost two days... so I was off the grid for that time.

Posting two chapters now to compensate~

View Post

Drip-Fed - Pieced Together 5

They waited until night fell over the land before making their attempt. Regardless of how many hunters interested in taking over Aclysia’s quest would be after the group, it was best if people had no confirmation on whether they were still in the dungeon or not. As someone who had followed tracks and stalked prey before, both Apexus and Reysha were unified in their natural understanding that leaving fewer tracks was a good thing.

So, a week after entering the dungeon, they the tiger g...

View Post

The Gamer Chapter 510 - Daily Abyss, Nightly Son Finale – Once more, without her

They were having one more dinner over at John’s parents house and a friendly quiet had settled over the table. After ten days, there was very little to still speak about. His parents were caught up pretty well on his life now. Well, on what he could tell them about his life anyway. On the subject of introducing his parents to the Abyss, John remained undecided.

There was a pretty easy route in. If the vitamin intake was anything to judge by, Brenda was currently on a bit of a health-c...

View Post

Drip-Fed - Pieced Together 4

"Can you hurry it up?!” Reysha groaned, licking her hands clean of the third meal she had taken while Apexus was busy trying to gnaw on the dungeon structure. “You have been working on that branch for like four hours now.”

“Is dense material,” Apexus answered. “IT is dense material… Keep… I keep forgetting the first word in sentences.”

The tiger girl yawned, to show just how little she cared about the slimes imperfect speech patterns. “Gimme an idea of what you...

View Post

The Gamer Chapter 509 – Daily Abyss, Nightly Son 7 – The philosophical doubts of John Newman about his own pride.

A drumming sound was competing with the classical inspired video game soundtrack that ran in the background of the large office, the installed audio system hooking up to the Gamer’s phone seamlessly. John had finally done it and claimed one of the unoccupied bedrooms for himself. Not to sleep on his lonesome, not to stash away anything, just because he needed somewhere to think over today.

Thump-Thamb-Thump, the trio of noises repeated itself at nauseum. Its source was a simple golf b...

View Post

The Gamer Chapter 508– Daily Abyss, Nightly Son 6 – What secrets holds a golf ball?

“Are we upper class yet?” Rave asked as they sat in the back of the golf-cart, driving them to the start of their game. The question was justified by their current environment.

Although this Sunday was considerably colder than even the last few days, the dedicated golfing barrier at the back of the White House had its own temperature regulation. Winds, caused by large enchanted pillars, that must eat a fortune in mana upkeep, blew over the field of blue-tipped, finely trimmed grass....

View Post

Drip-Fed - Pieced Together 3

“Having legs’s nice,” Apexus announced as he stretched the four thin stalks. Although he was a bit bigger, those things carried him reliably. They were surprisingly strong. If he hadn’t needed to yell at his two companions, then he would probably would have considered growing those instead.

“You wouldn’t use a contraction there,” Aclysia informed.

The slime thought for a second. “Having legs is nice?” he repeated what he thought to be the corrected version. As he...

View Post

Who a King must do - Chapter 18 – Underground

The void elves position in Stormwind was swiftly established. As Xal’atath had wanted, they were put under her command. Rather than worship her as the eldritch manifestation of dark power she was supposed to be, the Old Goddess became an idol of sexuality. Her pervertness and loyalty to her master became the highest values of the deeply tainted people.

The 534 void elves, 430 of which were females, were just as much public property as their night elven kin were. However, there were a ...

View Post

The Gamer Chapter 507 – Daily Abyss, Nightly Son 5 – Dipping

John was doubly thankful for the white table in the middle of the jacuzzi. Reaching just far enough out of the rather chunky electrical bathtub to not be bothered by the bubbling waters, the smooth plastic surface served two purpose. Naturally, it was the place where they were placing the beers between drinking. The thing the Gamer was much happier about was that it served as a protective barrier between his eyes and his father’s junk. Even if the ever-moving water surface would have made s...

View Post

The Gamer Chapter 506 – Daily Abyss, Nightly Son 4 – Skinny

“Right, I keep forgetting to ask,” John asked across the table, his father perking up when he realized that he was the one being addressed, “but how do you afford this house anyway?”

Their house back in Springfield had been decent, but nowhere near this near-mansion of a residence. Combining that with the fact that a city in the middle of nowhere had considerably lower real estate costs than a wealthy suburb in the capital and one had to ask how an engineer could shoulder all of...

View Post

Drip-Fed - Pieced Together 2

“I’m so booooreeed, wanna play a game?” the question reached Apexus’ ears as he slowly shifted out of unconsciousness. Although he heard the words, he wasn’t really able to make sense of it. The part of his core that was tasked with listening comprehension hadn’t quite woken up yet. Instead, he only slowly got control of his senses one by one.

First to awaken was the most fundamental sense the slime had, being its tremor location. The water running over it made the sense pre...

View Post

The Gamer Chapter 505 – Daily Abyss, Nightly Son 3 – Sphere

For some reason, John was much more impressed by the cathedral than he was by the White House. The uncreatively named Washington National Cathedral was just more imposing, with its many spires and arches and sombre grey colour. The way the shadows were caught in the carvings, fell from the segmenting stone constructs that spanned between the massive windows and the ground, an entire building dedicated to the inconclusive existence of some almighty creator.

To John, who did not believe i...

View Post

The Gamer Chapter 504 – Daily Abyss, Nightly Son 2 – White House


John had to say that, in person, the White House looked a good bit smaller than he had anticipated. It was still an impressive building, the white façade meticulously pure, the pillars stretching decoratively and those tall windows sitting in a perfectly even array across the three storeys as th...

View Post