Funatic

The Gamer Chapter 408 - The first foe

“Jo-ooo-ohn,” the being’s back creepily swung in a circle, the gills quivering as if they were tasting his name, “Ne-wm-a-n. Aaaah, as I said, we are just so stupid when we don’t listen to me. Stupid? We outthink all of you. Yes, by human standards stupid, you think wrongly - Don’t interrupt me?!” The creature screamed at the sky and then immediately slouched back into a hunchback. “You made us what I am.” It swayed towards the boat; where its feet touched the water, it turned ...

The Gamer Chapter 407 - The cost of vindication

The darkness was filled with nothing but itself. Up and down had no further meaning. They were just words. Salamander, normally radiating at least some light, was just a speck of red in the vastness of black. She looked at the hands she still had. There had been a moment where she was nothing but energy, she had become stronger, she was stronger, then her manifestation had been prevented, she had been flung into the point of original fire again. Vast fires, she was on her way back from there, sh...

The Gamer Chapter 406 - In 'safe' conditions

About thirty minutes later, back on the ship, John was waiting for Tilgun after the higher dragon had dived away. Soon thereafter, he saw an orca get catapulted into the air, slamming back into the water. That spot of the ocean quickly turned red with blood.

If that attack didn’t kill the target outright, so Tilgun, it at least disoriented every seaborn creature too much to react to his further attacks. He had attacked Undine in nothing but a sleepy fit of hunger. The strong magic she radiat...

The Gamer Chapter 405 - Not so quickly summarized

Afterwards I had to leave for Germany. Lydia wanted me to help her in the tournament for German succession. As my powers were largely deactivated thanks to an ongoing patch, however, I was unimportant to her for months. It wasn’t until they returned, just shortly before things were about to happen, that she took interest in me.

Jane, healed, safe and toughened up, landed on the same day as the princess begun to actually talk to me a lot about what was happening. At the time I was ...

Sunday Pilots 4 [28.10.2018] - Twin Snakes at the Stake [1/1] – A fantasy story with a villain as the protagonist

If you have been following me for a little while longer. This one might be a pleasant surprise for you. I think most of what you need to know is already in this chapter. Full disclosure, characters may be familiar, but the world is completely my design this time around.

The marketplace of Caramea was known for three things primarily. Some people may say two, others may four, but most people would name you these three when asked about the city at the golden bay. Number one was its exce...

The Gamer Chapter 404 - Error: New Content not found

“Now, now,” Tilgun placed the little boat on the ocean with some care before doing something more than unusual in pulling himself out of the water and resting on the surface. Even going as far as picking some of it up and reshaping it to be a better rest for his head, as if the water was just clay. For a higher dragon, the difference may have been miniscule.

The Maw of Souls’ body must have been at least a hundred metres long, although that was purely length. There was something like a p...

The Gamer Chapter 403 - A worshipper of chaos

Undine had been hanging slightly behind the boat, looking at the wall of light in front of her. Thanks to the perk John had gotten after Christmas, she wasn’t tethered to his immediate surroundings, so she was able to take her time and muster herself before swimming through at her own pace. The wall was weird to her. Blind as she was, she shouldn’t have been able to experience it. She could feel the vibrations in the sea, hear the sounds emitted by the orcas that stayed away from the ephemer...

Eradication 3 – The end of Babylon

A tower the size of a city of ten-thousand, circular segment stacked on circular segment, each with a rim engraved with endless runes and sigils, powered by the gods and the people of Babylonia. That was the Tower of Babel. Or had been, before chaos took its root in the monolithic structure of reddish brown stone.

The unfinished monolith encompassed all it needed to encompass, but nothing more, nothing less. To that end, parts of it had been ripped out and replaced with hastily scri...

Eradication 2 – Chaos

It had been over a thousand years since the creation of Metra. Kingdoms and empires had risen and fallen in the fertile land of Mesopotamia time and time again. Some she saw rise with her own eyes, bloody realms that needed her to quash rebellions or eliminate less worthy candidates.

The laws of Gaia had become stricter with each passing year. Individually it was barely noticeable, but over a millennium it now felt like too great a risk to step outside of the Abyss. None of her brothers or sis...

Metra Side Story - Eradication 1 – The perfect introduction to life

What was living? That was the question a piece of metal was rather suddenly and rather forcibly confronted with as magic hot as smouldering lava was poured into it. It felt… things it didn’t have words for. Just an immense wish to break things around it, a wish so strong for a long time it felt it would break her apart instead.

What was existence became sentience became sapience as other materials were introduced to it. It was stressful, even though it had no true concept of what was norma...

Sunday Pilots 3 - In Desolation [1/1] – A horror story saga

In Desolation [1/1] – A horror story saga

In Desolation is a story idea about mankind’s struggle against one and only one kind of monster in a world that is already plain and desolate. It would follow the viewpoints of several protagonists all encountering what you will meet the first time below. 

What was that thing?

The grey caves were supposed to be empty, they had always been empty. Just mankind, it’s kettle and the mushrooms they both ate. That was all that...

The Gamer Chapter 402 - The Atlantic Fuse

It was a change too sudden to go by unnoticed. As if they had all lived in the middle of the night and suddenly the sun stood at its highest point, the cruise entered the natural Illusion Barrier that surrounded the Atlantic Fuse.

John had imagined leylines to look something like they did in World of Warcaft, just massive torrents of blue and purple, simply said arcane, energy ripping through the ocean. What he was presented with was much, much more than that.

It looked like someone had ...

The Gamer Chapter 401 - Ready to fire

They made their way to the bedroom undisturbed and fell into each other’s arms on the way to the bed. Being as impatient as ever, Salamander pulled him straight into a heated kiss as soon as her censoring flames flickered away, leaving her naked. With only his trunks on, getting John naked wasn’t exactly a thing of long fidgeting either. As they fell into the bed, the blaze elemental on her back and him on top, the former hooked her feet in the gap between trunks and muscles.

There was one...

The Gamer Chapter 400 - Water to water

John was sipping ice water, laying in the sun, as he listened to that announcement. As was scheduled, it was 30 degrees right now, noon, and all around wonderful. Siena was, begrudgingly, teaching Sylph how to move in water. Rave and Metra were playing volleyball against Aclysia and Gnome in the pool, hitting it over a net that the panel had created. In her absence, Eliza had taken to the maid role and was now running errands for John. Her constant tirade of courses whenever he requested somethi...

The Gamer Chapter 399 - The end of the Fluffy Monday – The awakening flame

“About time,” Salamander said, fishing the last piece of paper out of the bowl. There was no need to unfold it; the blaze elemental burned it between her fingers in a quick flash of magical fire. John checked his phone, it was almost 15:00 o’clock now. On average, each date had gone on for over an hour (with Aclysia’s being the shortest and Rave’s being the longest as individual outliers). Dating was quite a good way to spend half a day, John found. “Okay, come with me,” the blaze ...

Sunday Pilots 2 - Golden Heart [2/2] – An Isekai [Sent into a fantasy world] Story

I don’t want a buffer on these ones and I already got the one for next Sunday done, so here is the second part of last Sunday’s pilot.

Rebirth was certainly an interesting experience, especially the first four years. There is just something to be said about being a toddler with memories you cannot yet make sense off. As to who my parents were this time around, I couldn’t tell you. I grew up in orphanage, thankfully not the poor kind.

It was only as I grew up t...

The Gamer Chapter 398 - The return of the Fluffy Monday 6 – The chattering maid

“I like this, this is fun, this is lofty,” Sylph declared as she played with her new clothes. “John, John, how do I look? Do I look good? I mean, of course I look good, I always look good, I am your concubine and you look good, so I, as your concubine, have to look good as well. Cause good looking people stick together right? Or were those magnets? I think those were magnets. Or halfway molten gummi bears, as Sally once showed me. Mean Sally, laughing as she transformed the bag into...

Addendum – Stirwin Combinations

Well, against my better knowledge I decided to do it anyway. It helped that I figured out something to lessen my workload tremendously. More details in the next chapter with three-kind combinations. For now, here are the remaining two-kinds - the Chompy combinations.

Appearance: A norma...

Sunday Pilots 1 [14.10.2018] - Golden Hearts [1/2] – An Isekai [Sent into a fantasy world] Story

The following is the first of two parts that is going to set-up a not exactly original premise. The amount of Isekai stories out there is vast, but I feel very little of them do a lot outside of riding the hype train of the genre. If I had to liken it to already out Isekais, I would name mostly Grimgar in addition to a taste of Overlord and Shield Hero. Minus the misery, I have other misery projects coming up. For now, I hope enjoy this one.

Alone.

That would have bee...

A bit of news (13.10.2018)

Hey people, how are you doing? Giving you an update on a few future plans.  

First, the update of the pay-classes thingy-magics. I will enact that after the charging of next month is complete. In other words, the 6th of November.

For the promised dumping of chapters: The current state of affairs is that my main proofreader can only work so fast and it would be pretty selfish of me to hurry him along at doing something he does well and for free. Therefore, the dump will begin whene...

The Gamer Chapter 397 - The return of the Fluffy Monday 5 – The grounded break

“Yay!” Gnome jumped on the spot when her name got pulled. She gave everyone a big, honest smile in a blushing face. Shame did not hold a candle to her evident happiness. She bounced a bit more, the deck vibrating under her weight.

Eliza was opening her mouth, presumably to make a comment that was going to put a blunder to the earth spirits mood. With a pleading glance, John shut her up. At least for the next hour, they could skip making fun of Gnome, no matter how easy it was.

“S-s...

The Gamer Chapter 396 - The return of the Fluffy Monday 4 – The hurtful game

“Heeeeeey, you?” Eliza turned around when she heard them approach and blinked at Rave’s new hairdo. “Did you want to look like your fucking mother?”

Rave crossed her arms, “Thanks, ya ruined it. We had fun for… geez, when did 2 hours pass?” It was always the same with them, time just flew by when they were talking.

“In my personal opinion, it looks good,” Aclysia said. “It gives you a more adult look while also adding to the wild factor. It does remove so...

Rave Commission, the beginning

Main girl is finally getting her picture taken and its great that this happens on the same day that she is getting her longer hair, because she obviously has it here. She is also supposed to wear her battlesuit, should become more apparent as the work continues (the mid section is not supposed to be naked, it just currently appears so because sketch).

The breasts seem a little big right now for Rave, I told monori as much. Might just be the angle though. We will see where he takes it~

A...

The Gamer Chapter 395 - The return of the Fluffy Monday 3 – The longest, shortest date

“You are back early,” Rave noted as they came back. “That was like 20 minutes tops, didn’t ya want to take an hour for each of us?”

Aclysia made a little bow as her dress transformed into her bikini. Apparently, she had a mind for what was best in this setting. “I was thoroughly satisfied by what I received in attention and therefore forewent the need to stretch it out unnecessarily.”

“Pretty much that,” John added a vain phrase as his girlfriend stared at hi...

The Gamer Chapter 394 - The return of the Fluffy Monday 2 – The wonderful blade

“Happy!” Stirwin announced their return. For whatever reason, Nia didn’t come with him to the table but simply walked up to the edge of the pool and fell into the water like an out of balance pillar. Then she proceeded to float underneath the surface. A golden crocodile finding its way out of her arms.

John felt his hand twitch as the impulse to scratch the back of his head reflexively came up and was just as automatically suppressed. ‘It’s fine, John,’ he told himself and raised h...

Chapter 393 - The return of the Fluffy Monday 1 – The blank slate

They were in the restaurant, on their VIP platform. It was nice and early, after all they had a lot to do this day. Well, John had a lot to do.  “Let’s jump right into it,” he announced, having finished breakfast. “I cannot tell you how much I am looking forward to today.”

“Ya do seem really excited,” Rave commented; the way her boyfriend had thrown said breakfast down his throat had been hard to miss. Then again, everyone else around was also eating at breakneck pace, for w...

The Gamer Chapter 392 - Largely Eventless

It was more than a day later, and John was lazing in a lounger, looking at the endless see. “You can sit down as well, you know?” he told Aclysia, who was standing at his side. She did a grateful little bow and then laid down next to him on the lounger. “Not what I was thinking off,” he said, “but this is better.”

So what had he been doing? Nothing really. After yesterday’s failed experiment, about which he still didn’t know what it was about, he had been gaming for about half ...

The Gamer Chapter 391 - Home Party

“But why though?” Rave whined, having jumped on her boyfriend’s back following the latest things he said and thus being carried around as they were heading inside.

“Because me and crowds in confined spaces to loud music with flashing lights above me are the literal opposite to my natural habitat,” he answered. “Which is mostly just me, to background music with the static light of my screen in front of me.”

“Wouldn’t it need to be completely dark for it to be the total o...

The Gamer Chapter 390 - On the chomping block

“Give!” Stirwin’s cutely high-pitched voice whimpered in the tone of a pleading kid as he was stretching his head upwards. There were many things a crocodile’s body were built to do: being a bone-crushing killing machine, having the ability to grow endlessly, be armoured with strong scales while also possessing a strong healing factor and be all around a killing machine that didn’t need large evolutionary adjustment since the age of the dinosaurs.

None of these virtues was the abilit...

A bit of News – October 2018

Hey, how are you? I am doing okay. I have stuff to say about current problems about things outside the story so let’s get right on it.

Let’s start, against better knowledge, with the good news: The buffer is way too big. As of the time of me writing this it is somewhere around 35 chapters. I will soon initiate some sort of dumping strategy. Whether this means chapters everyday for the next few weeks or double chapters on some days or whatever remains to be seen, but there will be something...