therealprettyboygirl

Part 1: Where’s The P@rty?

Danny had a funding conference in the OC he described as “a lot of rich white men talking about money,” but that in the end the event had been a success and Danny had secured investors for his latest venture. He texted me the day he arrived.

Him: You wanna do a road trip, dear?

I was texting another friend at the time and had to consult him on the meaning of the message. Was he actually proposing a road trip? Would would an excursion with Danny look like...

Matt Who Is Not Like Other Guys

The DJ announced the club was officially open for lap dances only. I truly had not intended to still be there, but I was and Candice steered me and my friend Lily over to a pouty looking blonde man lingering in his chair.

Candice: You should buy a dance with them.

Lily: You should buy a dance with both of us.

Lily leaned onto my shoulder. She looked as sleepy as I felt. Her blonde wavy hair cascaded over my back and obscured her fine featured little fac...

Ops

One of my friends had invited her regular in. They were sitting in a VIP booth under the Skybox. I didn’t pay him much attention because she’s my friend, and I didn’t want to leech her paycheck, but I noticed he was glancing my way every now and then. He’s light skin with short tight curls and a stubble beard. I couldn’t really see what he was wearing from my vantage point on the small stage, but he didn’t appear to be dressed very well. He wore a ribbed tank top and some and swea...

Dungeons and Old Men

During my first dance set I’d managed to corral a group of generously tipping retired white men around the stage. When I see old white men, I never quite know how to take it. Are they broadly interested in all the dancers or me in particular? I spent some time afterward noting how much they were tipping the other dancers, and eventually made the decision to try my hand propositioning a balding man whose remaining hair formed something of a bird nest shape from ear to ear. I approached him d...

Don’t Ask These Questions

I get a lot of frustrating questions about stripping. I’ll run through some of the most common cases and explain how they reveal implicit bias.

What’s the worst experience you’ve had with a customer?

Why go straight to the negative? I’m sure anyone who has worked in sales or customer service has had negative experiences dealing with clients. That’s the nature of working pretty much any job. Designers deal with fussy clients who flake mid-commission...

Cut Short

I mentioned the coked up German guy in a recent post, but didn’t go into much detail because he wasn’t important to that story. He still isn’t important, but he has become a real fixture at the club for some inexplicable reason. He’s white with a stubble beard and puffy cheeks. He often wears a newsboys cap, some kind of pull over sweater with a scarf wrapped around his neck, and underneath his dark blue jeans he dons long-toed dress shoes. I hadn’t intended to get to know him, but ...

Michael, Michelangelo Pt. 3: Uniquely Important Men

CW: sexual assault

The following evening, I checked in with my regulars to see who was coming by. One of my favorites was flying in from Idaho and predicted he would stop in at ten or eleven. Michelangelo seemed to be waiting on me to set his arrival time. I texted him as I pulled into the club lot.

Me: You can come by anytime now. I’m here.

Him: I’m not sure if I can make it tonight.

I was disappointed, but not shaken. At least he ...

Michael, Michelangelo Pt. 2: Tammy, His Ride Or Die

I offered to plug his phone into the charging station by the bar and Michelangelo accepted. I put the phone on the charger, then I took him back to the same room as before, cradling his drinks in my arms. He had four in total: he carried two, I carried two, plus a room temperature water bottle for myself.

Him: After this I’m getting out of here. I’ve got to get out of this f— place.

He was biting his tongue. I knew he’d meant to say “I’ve got to get out of ...

Michael, Michelangelo Pt. 1: Twin Baby Girls

After I finished a three-set, one of the bouncers pulled me aside.

Bouncer: That guy wants to talk to you. I don’t know him, but he’s got money.

He pointed over to a black man with a blue and white plaid shirt. I recognized him from earlier when I was on stage. He had sent one of my friends to tip me. She was so kind as to do his bidding, even though it was a sign he was using her to get my attention.

Me: Thanks for telling me.

He was mixing vodka from a water bott...

A Doggy Detour

Note: I’ve been taking some time for personal healing, physically and mentally, so here is a story I wrote while I was living in Salvador, Bahia. I hope you like 🐩 🐕 .

On the Largo of Dois de Julho live the scraggly dog gang consisting of João, a chubby red and brown dachshund; Rafaela, a sleepy, ash blonde dachshund-retriever mix; Bruna, a curly haired collie mutt; Regis, the war-weary loner schnauzer; Ana Paula, a smelly yet loveable pitbull; and Carlosinho, a heavy-set golde...

Thoroughly Exhausted Thursday

I tried my darnedest when I came in Thursday, but some nights are insurmountable, regardless of effort. The night started off relatively smoothly with a three-in-a-row string of three-sets. I was running to the bathroom every thirty minutes to check my menstrual cup to make sure I wouldn’t leak blood on anyone. I checked every guy’s pants before sitting on them, to make sure they were wearing black or some color dark enough nothing would show. My stomach was bloated, but I was trying not ...

Richard Sightings

Richard has been making more and more frequent appearances at the club recently, often looking tired, usually wearing the same purple-gray Champion sweatsuit set. It took some time before he recognized me consistently, but now we’ve gotten to the point we wave at each other and share a quick conversation. It’s our BSE, “big Scorpio energy,” I like to think. This time I saw him speed walk across the club to the men’s room. He was on his phone with one hand clamped over his...

I Forgot Your Name Sorry

I truly don’t remember people sometimes. White men all look the same after a while. I bumped into a guy who looked familiar, but I couldn’t tell if it was actual familiarity or if he just had the look of a man who likes brown chicks. Thankfully he clarified the matter.

Him: There you are!

Me: Here I am.

Him: I was going to look for you, but here you are.

Me: It all worked out. How have you been since I saw you last?

Him: Things are fine. About the ...

A Lumpy Black Garbage Bag

There’s a young looking man who likes to sit in the VIP corner booth by the bar with a few favorites. He’s got dark, slicked back straight hair and a deep widow’s peak that reminds of Dracula. This weekend, I was staring at that booth trying to deduce what the strange lumpy black trash bag on the seat might be. Lately I’ve been listening to a lot of True Crime podcasts, so my second thought was, “is that a body?” Maybe the thought was too cavalier, considering how many sex workers...

(In)Fidelity

Taking your wife or lady friend with you to the strip club when you know she isn’t physically or romantically attracted to women is mistake central. It’s trial by fire and your relationship is metaphorical kindling. Once, this white man who looks like a grownup version of TJ from Recess, baseball cap and all, who regularly frequents the club stopped in with one of his girlfriends. He’s in his late 40s, maybe early 50’s, and his gal looked to be about the same age, possibly older. “T...

Rewriting Truths

I’ve been telling clients about their stories. Not any particular details, just that they exist for an audience somewhere. A few I’ve given this account information to, for better or worse. Part of me thinks it’s a mistake, to include my subjects in the making of their narratives. The other part is fascinated with their reactions. It’s an honor to be seen and considered in such detail, regardless of the words on the page. Each story is an hour or more of meditation. An hour I spend th...

All the Broke Educators of LA County

Saturday was a night of entertaining broke Los Angeles County educators. All of them seemed to be enjoying the scenery but none of them were willing to pay any dancers. The first one I encountered was a mild mannered black man in his early forties. He was sitting in one of the high back sofa chair by the small stage, and I hadn’t considered talking to him because he looked like he couldn’t afford it. He had on mismatched sweats. On the table beside him sat a worn bulky wallet and a hodgep...

“Quarterback” JT

I saw a group of businessmen, two white men and one Asian man, buy a corner booth, so I went over to try and pull one for a dance. A white guy with a mop of brown hair and a black button down addressed me:

Him: Hey sweetie, we just got here. Give us half an hour to talk business, then we’ll be ready for fun time.

Me: Okay.

I walked away. “Why come to the strip club to talk business?” I wondered in passing. The club was full of lurkers, men who sit and watch,...

Night Call with Danny

I trust Danny, to some degree. At least enough to visit him privately. Some of you may be familiar with my Danny stories. He’s my piss fetishist plutocrat with a love for dirty talk. I realized this last session that it has been about a year since we met. He was my first $2,000 night. The first time I’d watched another stripper giving head. She had put a condom on his limp coke dick and blown him, even as he half-heartedly protested because he knew he couldn’t nut. I had appreciated her...

A Shopping Date

I went on a shopping date with one of my more lovestruck clients. He’s a short white man in his mid 30s with brown hair and a face usually covered in light stubble, with lips so thin they appear to recede into his mouth. Matt and I met months ago when he washed up at the club after a late night bender. He was throughly sloshed by the time I got to him, but he was smitten and stole me away that night for the next hour and a half. I gave him my number to coordinate the next time we might meet...

Baby Stripper Story 3

Michelle, my housemate, decided she wanted to audition. Sonya and I rode with her to the club. I let Michelle borrow a pair of my heels. I was jittery and excited for her, but I’d coached her beforehand and she had had some time with the heels to work on her coordination. Sonya went to warm up and I demonstrated what I do for a stage set. Then Michelle got on stage to practice. After the practice Justin came in and told her to start the audition. She passes with flying colors, but I also th...

Glandoff

CW: Use of Homophobic Insult

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I spied a “come hither” finger from a wiry old man with a lazy eye, sucking a glowing blue vape. He exhaled a plume of smoke around his long, misshapen head and looked a lot like a smushed Gandalf. I decided to talk to him. As I was walking over, my friend Mariah stopped me.

Her: Be careful with him. He’s crazy.

Me: What kind of crazy?

Her: He a freak.

Me: Hmm. Thanks for the warning. I’ll be careful.

He...

6 Homes and $30 Dollars

I got pulled aside by two older white men slumped into a corner booth next to a mini stage. They literally pulled me. I had been walking toward the back stairway, and along the way, the one nearest to the walkway grabbed my arm and pulled me onto the couch. A dancer with a botched boob job slowly wove her way around the pole for them. She stepped around a little pile of ones. I sat with the man who had pulled me aside. He had recently dyed black hair, a bulbous body, and large pores, visible ...

Toby and the Ten Year Stint Pt. 2

Him: Long story short, my cousin and I staged a robbery and I got charged with robbery and attempted murder.

Me: Wait what? You’re going to have to explain this to me.

Him: I was eighteen. Me and my cousin came up with the plan. He was working at a T-Mobile shop and he told me everyone was already in on it. We was gonna go in, steal the phones in the back, and take the money, real quick. But, come to find out one girl didn’t know. So we all came with masks and BB guns tryna ma...

Toby and the Ten Year Stint Pt. 1

A group of wiggers walked into the club Thursday wearing tracksuits and chains, sporting face tattoos and hard parts. One of them, a tall guy with brown hair and a gray tracksuit comes up to me.

Him: Come with me. I want to introduce you to my friend.

He points to the only black man in the group. His black friend is talking to a Latina dancer, one of my favorites because she’s kinda crazy but it’s hot. Like I could see her murdering me with her pussy and I wouldn’t be upset ...

Race Play

It’s funny how race is a constant selling point at the club. Whether people are looking for an exotic jungle queen, a submissive oriental dream girl, or an aryan snow bunny, we’re all spotted and categorized. Starr got a dance with an Asian businessman who I see at the club every week. He walks around with his little round glasses and a navy blue suit sipping from a mug of tea. I introduced myself to him many moons ago and he shooed me away, looking past me. He brought Starr for a VIP se...

Benedict, The Worst Man in the World

There are two versions of this story. One is how he sees it and the other is how I see him. I will start with what he sees.

He is Benedict, The Worst Man in the World. Benedict is a fretful creature and deservedly so. A slight Asian man who only smokes when he drinks and only comes in when he’s been drinking. He is too ugly for words and reeks of stale cigarette smoke. Nobody likes him, but they all recognize the familiar shadow of his loathsome figure. He takes solace in t...

Parkinson’s Pete

I should have trusted my gut when I saw an old geezer sitting by the stage. He had only tipped two bills, but I couldn’t tell what denomination they were. Sometimes two bills are $2, sometimes $200. He was eyeing me for a while as I sat on the mini stage, but I wasn’t keen on approaching him just yet. Starting a shift is like being roused from a deep comforting slumber. I wake up to face a world of men greedy for attention and validation. Eventually I pried myself up from the stage and st...

I’ve Never Dated a White Girl

My shift started off with Casey from Malibu. It’s not often I meet people who are genuinely from Malibu, the place where stars go for rehab with a beach view— where Justin Bieber crashed his car cruising along the PCH. Casey looks like McSteamy from Grey’s Anatomy. He’s white with salt and pepper hair, and chiseled features. He comes up to me while I’m dancing on stage and whispers into my neck that I’m exactly his type. He says he saw me, and he knew he was in trouble. I ask him ...

Tim Identifies a Redbone

Thursday I met Tim, a morbidly obese older white man with gray hair wearing a sage green t-shirt advertising a burger joint.

Me: “Hi there!”

At work I’m folksy and charming. I’m the girl from Oklahoma who decided to move out to the big city, and it’s So Different from that Wholesome Simple Life.

Tim: “Looky here! Are you a redbone?”

I’m kinda blown by the use of the term so casually, but I roll with it.

Me: “Uh, I guess you could say that. Mind...