Bleap

CHP 21: Psychotic Priest (What A Surprise)

Turns out I didn't really need much help with finding Sakura after all.

I found her sitting by the hotel's doors with her head buried in her knees, being harassed by one of the employees... or at least that's what I think it was since it was the logical conclusion to what I saw.

A guy in a valet uniform was reaching for my sister's shoulder.

So, I took the most reasonable course of action available to me.

"Special move: Magical Punch!"

I lunged at him and kicked ...

CHP 20: A Strange Reunion

Shirou Emiya sat on a wooden bunch, holding a cone of ice cream as he curiously took in his new surroundings.

It was a stereotypical park, with neatly cut grass, a tree here and there, a fountain in the middle and happy or depressed people scattered throughout the place, either enjoying themselves with friends or family or lamenting their life decisions.

His 'friend' had taken him for quite the wild ride but Shirou couldn't exactly say no when he was asked for help.

Still......

CHP 19: Surprise!

"Now, if you'll please let us extrac-"

I cut off the stereotypical receptionist looking brown haired dude like mf Baldwin, "You don't need to go through the trouble."

If you recall, the Clock Tower placed a number of sanctions on the Matou family for causing a crimson explosion in a residential district and demanded a part of the family crest as punishment for breaking the rules.

Of course they would never have the guts to try this with Zouken but I'm a kid, kids are gullibl...

CHP 18: 100% Calculated Course of Action

I have come to the realisation that running your mouth can bite you in the ass at the most unexpected of times, in ways you wouldn't expect it to.

This is not to say it has happened to me, but I've seen it happen too many times for me to write it off.

What I mean is, me staring down a 12 something year old blonde girl who's glaring at me like she wants to snap my neck and make my head a trophy because I randomly called her a dumbass for arguing with somebody in the hallway is not ...

CHP 17: Clock Tower Shenanigans

So, you know how both the English and French go on about there's actual distance between the two countries?

Yeah, no, there isn't.

It cost barely 40 bucks per person for a seat on the Eurostar trains that took us all the way from Paris to London in less than 3 hours. That's a total of 200 bucks give or take for all of us.

The ride was unexpectedly uneventful after Tiamat punched someone in the face at the start.

I will carry this grudge for as long as I live, how dare ...

CHP 16: Surprise Adoption

The sky was covered up by grey clouds, the air was humid and smelled like wet earth... This wasn't something I was used to, Fuyuki had mostly clear skies even in the winter.

But enough of that, I wasn't really affected by the change in temperature or scenery and was pressed for time as it was.

So I won't waste time complaining, instead I'll do what I came here and be back at the airport in time for my flight to London.

But I guess the air being stale and the people being dic...

CHP 15: Eventful Flight

As many have probably come to learn since my short yet oh so long time in this world, I am, by the admittance of many, a reasonable and benevolent individual who can charm all with the natural charisma I usually slap them in the face with.

A little bundle of joy that brings smiles to all, if you would.

But as you might understand, I can not behave in this way at all times, there will always be exceptions.

Like right now.

I groaned in annoyance as the kid behind me kick...

CHP 14: Father-Daughter Talk

Sometimes, in a world like the one I've found myself in, all a real man needs to stay calm about the prospect of being curb stomped by an Assassin that earned his name because he killed all witnesses or a Lancer that may or may not be the Roman version of God King Zeus, is a bubble bath.

Yes, you heard me right.

A damn bubble bath.

Someone who's never had one could never understand the calm and peace it brings to you.
What? It's for kids?

Jokes on you, I happen to b...

CHP 13: A Sad Day

Yakuza work really fast apparently... You'd think they didn't have a continuous 5 year long war less than a decade ago.

Raiga was a cool old dude, with a strange obsession with motorbikes.

Being the benevolent person I am, I tweaked it to be louder and move a lot faster than before to earn some free brownie points since I had nothing else to do anyway. I definitely wasn't cautious about not getting along with the gang that ruled the criminal underworld of this city.

My fligh...

CHP 12: Fujimura Group

The Sun was about to set, and darkness had started rolling into the city when, like an atypical emo protagonist, I exited the Emiya residence in a dark frog suit that perfectly masked my age and identity.

Tiamat was in a mini-pocket sewn into the suit's belly so I'd have no problems if a fight broke out.

Like I think I said before, there's certain problems that come with being the age I am and there's nothing I can really do except wait... Around 16 is the age magi start giving ev...

CHP 11: Pecking Order

I would like to profess that there are a number of consequences that came with straight up blowing my family home to kingdom come.

So, I would like to apologise... to absolutely fucking nobody.

I have the Mother of Genesis latching on to me like some PTSD victim thanks to my suicidal experiment, have an AI that can dominate the technology of the current era which I built, am the current head of a five hundred year old family of magi and have a little sister that holds insane affin...

CHP 10: Inheritance Troubles

Apparently magi inheritance is just as annoying and lengthy an ordeal as it is for the normies if there's no clear will left behind.

It's been a few days since my family's 'unfortunate' passing and I still haven't had any contact from the Clock Tower, which is basically the head of magi government, or the local authorities about what was supposed to happen next.

A few neighbours stopped by to express their condolences, some interested in 'adopting' me and my bereaved sister out of...

CHP 09: True Peace

"Shinji, what are you doing with that brick?"

Dear Shirou, the block in my hand is not a brick.

I glanced at my only 'friend' from the corner of my eye, "You sure you wanna be here for this?"

What he's going to see if he sticks around is the side of the magical world his adoptive father didn't teach him about in adequate detail, the yucky side to be exact.

I tried to come here under the cover of darkness and all that but the weirdo was sitting in his front yard, waitin...

CHP 96: Vampire Counts

Nicholas stood at the helm of the Golden Hind, hands on the railings as he looked down at the Francis Drake's crew... and his own. 

After Blackbeard 'regrettably' lost his life, his crew, namely Anne Bonny and Mary Read, joined him to avenge their captain. But he had more members too including Cu, Mash, Elisabeth, Carmilla and Altera.

There was also one other person but nobody gave a shit about her so it didn't matter.

"Are you tired of the government's policies too?" 2024-06-23 15:23:53 +0000 UTC View Post

CHP 08: Stranger Danger

I sat on a bench in the park overlooking the Mion river that divides Fuyuki in half.

Or to be exact, it separates the cultured individuals of society like myself from the rabble. Please forget that most of my so-called wealth is just inheritance and I have zero feats to my name.

On that note, I found out why magi are so rich.

You can patent spells and formations you come up with, and each time anybody wants to use them, they have to pay you a certain amount of money. It's wh...

CHP 07: Concerning Development

I have a new problem.

No, it's not particularly dangerous or annoying. I've been feeling quite nice and free since I pulled Tiamat out.

It may have been suicidal and made me a target for the powers that be but it puts me at complete ease.

...I can't say I appreciate that.

Knowing I could've had my shit kicked in at any moment gave me a sense of urgency that let my genius thrive. But oh well, I'm a kid.

Foresight isn't my thing.

Right, anyway, I'm standing o...

CHP 06: Profit

Now calm down, I know you want to say, 'Shinji, you dumb fuck. You just painted a massive target on your ass and wrote, fuck me in the bum."

And again, I wanna say, shut the fuck up, your opinion will matter once you stop living off your parents money and jerking off to pencil drawings.

You really think I wouldn't consider the possible drawbacks of summoni-...no, pulling a literal Beast of Man capable of destroying the planet out of it's prison?

Well... hahahaha, you'd be ri...

CHP 05: Servants Are Overrated

I sat in Shirou's living room, bored out of my mind as I fiddled with a pen.

"Hey, hey Shirou?"

Shirou was, doing his homework sitting across from me... the bum. 

You see there is a certain hack I learnt early on.

If you don't do homework at the grade I'm going to be in for a good while, it doesn't actually affect your grade. Sure, your teachers could scold you or call your parents but...

A, my teachers are never going to fuck with me again.

B, my 'par...

CHP 04: Step Two

I found Sakura at the back of the school building surrounded by three kids who were probably harassing her or something judging by how one would pull on her hair after a bit of time.

I would like to state my course of action here on out was not motivated by some sort of newfound appreciation or sentiment for a sibling I've never had, that would be impossible.

It is the fact that the victim is Sakura... and that bullies don't deserve any mercy.

Find me one fate fan who would ...

CHP 03: Step One

A/N: If it isn't obvious by how he pulls out the most obscure pieces of lore when he's thinking, the MC is absurdly knowledgeable about the Nasuverse as a whole.

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Okay so apparently Shirou didn't appreciate my attempt at taking over his storehouse and stuck me in one of the guest rooms in the attached building instead... I'll remember this forever.

How dare he be nice to me?

It's a simple room, mostly empty with a single window that peers out into the empty clearing i...

CHP 02: Useless Adult

I know you want to say that jumping off the roof wasn't the best course of action but... hear me out.

A cotton duvet on a double bed with a room heater.

Yes, apparently, the Matou have quite a bit of money and live in more luxury than I could have imagined in my last life.

It would be perfect if I didn't know there was a pit filled with more than a thousand slimy dick shaped, no, I'm not kidding... ACTUALLY dick shaped worms slithering under the house.

I didn't catch a...

CHP 01: The Epic of Seaweed

This is something I've been messing around with for a bit and decided to check with you guys now that I have over 10k words for it.

Any feedback would be appreciated.

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I sincerely believe that everything in the world has a logic behind it, that can make sense of what occurs at any given time.

It might not be the logic you or I conform to, but it is there.

Someone shot up a school?

They were probably fed up with all the shit they had to deal with over there...

CHP 95: Mutiny?!

"You'll regret this boy."

"True that." Nicholas spoke with a pop, sitting on the beach in nothing but cotton shorts and a tropical shirt with weed patterns all over it.

Oh and, sunglasses.

You couldn't have a day at the beach without those after all.

Before you ask, he'd shoved the stuff inside his manny pack.

Suck on that Olga, forcin... er, asking Gudako to learn how to go about making DIY beach chairs had clearly been a great decision that reflected his amazin...

CHP 94: Bad Boys?

The higher chain of command completely disappearing and their fleets being scattered in strangely familiar seas was, while potentially dangerous, not as crippling as it could have been for the Spanish Armada that ruled the sea.

They'd seized one of the local islands, and their commander had 'convinced' the local denizens to relocate to the brig's cells so that they could use the place as a contemporary base of operations... The natural port provided by the shape of the island itself, ou...

CHP 93: Anarchism is very Cool

"You..." Nicholas turned to stare at the Saber sitting on the wooden deck in the seiza position with tears in her eyes, "Again?"

Artoria vehemently shook her head from side to side and whimpered, "No, no, please... don't take away my food and games again. I didn't know it was Master, I'm telling the truth... please. I don't want to be cold and alone again."

There was probably something deeper in that last sentence than just the punishment he had given her last time but did he care...

CHP 92: TRAI-...tors?

"Guess I'll earn my money for once." Nicholas spoke shortly, eying the dark wave of energy rising to the sky in the distance as he stretched his arm, "Yo Blackbeard, are those the guys with the other Grail?"

Yeah, that was right.

Every singularity had a Grail, usually in the hands of someone with heavy daddy issues or crippling existential crises, that was fucking everything up. This time around, from what he knew so far, the big bad was a massive fan of One Piece and turned the w...

CHP 91: Ship Ahoy!

"Uuu... I couldn't go deep enough..." Blackbeard sobbed into his hand, stealing gazes at Mash who was studying their map, "M-Maybe some maiden should console me."

As was expected, Blackbeard tried to outdo Nicholas by catching something even bigger than him but, again, as was expected, failed miserably and only managed to catch a dolphin that was trying to hump him... He then had to let it go because Mary started judging him for killing a 'harmless' creature and he wilted under the loli...

CHP 90: The Darker Side

"Senpai, wake up! Senpai!"

Nicholas, who'd dozed off leaning against an empty barrel of rum sitting near the railings, groggily sat up, rubbing his eyes as he sleepily looked around, "Wha...What?"

His stomach rumbled as he pushed himself up with a hand, stretching his jaw with the other before staring over at the railing, "Hmmm... Correct me if I'm wrong but... we don't go toilets on here do we?"

"No... I don't think so?" Mash replied with her head slightly tilted, but then ...

CHP 89: True Pirates

"Loli? I like this word! Lolis are the superior representation of beauty, damn you!"

"Hold up there now, R.Kelly. Clearly, big onee-san types and goth baddies is where it's at."

"So not only do you wish to take my crown, you also wish to decry my ideals! Curse you!"

"Calm down, Drake. They're kids!"

Sitting on a barrel of rum with her hands wrapped around her knees, Mash felt herself losing a bit of the inane respect she had for Nicholas.

By some leap of logic no...

CHP 88: Terror of the Sea!

Mash hid behind her hands, peeking through the gaps in her fingers with tinted cheeks.

"S-Senpai, maybe you should w-wear something else?"

As she had said countless times before, her senpai was a good person, special in his own way, but ultimately competent and a picture perfect representation of what it meant to be human but... again, as she had said countless times before, his 'quirks' could be... overbearing.

"Nonsense, Mash. If I'm going to be a pirate, I need to dress l...