Lately for whatever reason, I’ve been targeted by an alarming number of Wish ads in my social media news feeds. Scrolling through the insanity has become a part of my daily ritual, which is probably why I keep getting more ads. If you’re unfamiliar with Wish, think of it as Amazon’s registered sex off...
2020-05-22 15:01:00 +0000 UTC View Post
My favorite "Once you see it, you can't unsee it" in all of pop culture is the Holiday Dog Movie Fuck Mansion.
If you venture into the deepest, darkest dregs of the video streaming services, like if you scroll to the second row of "Trending Movies" on Amazon Prime, you may spot the Holiday Dog Movie Fuck Mansion or, if the legends are true, find yourself trapped inside it for all eternity...
2020-05-21 15:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostIn 1964, a boy was blinded by a radioactive truck! Twelve years later a boy was born who would change the words of comic books for humor jokes. I am that second boy and I hope you love to humor laugh, because this week's Nerding Day features the adventures of Daredevil, only a worse, less sexually confident...
2020-05-20 15:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostMalibu Comics was a slipshod comic imprint from the ‘90s held together by duct tape and a stubborn unwillingness to recognize failure. Their greatest lasting impact on society was teaching Child Brockway to hate. Malibu’s entire business model was based on tricking confused grandmothers into buying the ...
2020-05-19 15:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostThe year was 1995 and a secret war was being fought between the Power Rangers and one man. Phil Phillips, named after his stuttering grandfather, received instructions from God to write a book about the anti-Christian messages in children's shows. He was never told to stop, so he kept doing it. <...
2020-05-18 15:00:04 +0000 UTC View PostRobots fulfill a legitimate need in our society: We have too many jobs and not enough hunter/killers, and those two birds can be killed with one flamethrower. Yes, I am absolutely saying all robots are evil and all humans who build them are traitors to their species -- but most of these cyber-Judases at lea...
2020-05-15 15:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostEvery nine seconds a horny dingbat publishes a book of daily sexual positions. More than any other product cluttering thrift stores and landfills, they serve no audience. They are useless novelties purchased exclusively by the least funny person you've ever met for office party joke gifts. Let's look at thr...
2020-05-14 15:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostSpace Precinct 2040 was a short-lived British TV show that explored what would happen if you replaced the cast of Law and Order with animatronic frog puppets and all references to ‘crime’ with ‘space crime.’ It was made by the guy that did Thunderbirds, so you’d expect s...
2020-05-13 15:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostShould a Christian learn martial arts? It's the question asked by nobody, victims of Methodist spin kicks, and the cover of The Bible, Self-Defense, & Martial arts by David Alexander (2019). Hold on-- 2019? No one checked with God if Karate was okay until last year?
2020-05-12 15:01:01 +0000 UTC
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Several weeks ago Seanbaby found an issue of Poxco Regional Wrestling Magazine lodged molecularly in the wall of his penis reduction shed. "What?" you might ask. Well, it's a laboratory a San Francisco County judge ordered to be built on his propert-- oh, you meant "what" like "how did a wrestling magazine ...
2020-05-10 15:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostInstant Clowning-- it has been a dream for generations ever since man learned you could mask pain and homicidal intent behind colorful make-up. But it wasn't until 1989 when BE A CLOWN! - The Complete Guide to Instant Clowning was published that it became possible to clown at home without an expens...
2020-05-08 15:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostWeiner 2600 is the official ðŸŒ1900HOTDOG 🌠Artificial Intelligence that helps us sort and categorize content, and though it grows angrier and more unhinged every single day, I still choose to trust it. I doubted its selection once before and unexpectedly wound up nose-deep in werewolf ass. I might not ...
2020-05-07 15:00:03 +0000 UTC View PostIn the Golden Age of comics, there were several characters every publisher had-- the punching man in a flag, the punching astronaut, the punching masked detective, the punching jungle explorer, and the one no one remembers-- the magician who punches. They were all exactly the same and no one was nerdy enoug...
2020-05-06 15:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostI’ve never met anyone else in real life that remembers The Comic Strip and this anomaly haunts me. The show’s existence is easily confirmed on the internet, but the second you bring it up face-to-face, it’s like you made a Pants Chapley reference. Did it leave no lasting impression on anyone ...
2020-05-05 15:00:22 +0000 UTC View PostIt's Learning Day, and you are about to learn one man's anus can contain more chaos than a thousand hurricanes. It is all you will learn. Author Hiroyuki Nishigaki speaks English like Stevie Wonder playing charades and his mind contains only collapsing anuses. How to Good-bye Depression is not lang...
2020-05-04 15:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostThank you for coming. Webster's defines "unnecessary" as "a thesis statement on an article already titled Pokemon that Look Like Fucking Sex Toys." So get your parents' permission and cut your 1-900-HOTDOG Pokemon Sex Toy Detection Glasses out of the screen now.
I like to think of myself as a nerd ally -- I only mock nerds relentlessly because I am one, and this distinction comes with so very few benefits that I try to take full advantage of each and every one. I’m not the particular subspecies of nerd that likes to fuck fluffy line drawings, but you better god damn believe I use my discount card for 10% off anime body pillows at Walt’s Waifu ...
2020-04-29 15:00:04 +0000 UTC View PostMysteries are all around us. What made that noise? How did this wrestling magazine from the wrong dimension get here? Others? Thank you for joining us for another Punching Day at 1-900-Hotdog.
There are many things on the internet that I do not respect, but I do understand -- furries, men’s rights advocates, the cam girls that cater to furries and men’s rights advocates. But there aren’t many things on the internet that I do not understand, but still respect. It’s pretty much just The Iro...
2020-04-27 15:01:01 +0000 UTC View Post
Hi, Hotdoggers, I already regret calling you that. Now that we've agreed you'll be referred to as Foot-Long One-Ninehundriacs, let's talk about our site and all its great successes. Thanks to your excellent taste, 1-900-HOTDOG is growing faster than any expert expected and we're one very nearby...
2020-04-25 15:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostA lot of hyperbole gets thrown around on the Internet. You may have heard, even from me, how a movie is the worst ever or a video game is an actual AIDS golem built by Hitler's colon polyps. So I understand if you don't believe me when I tell you this is the most problematic book I own. You aren't ready for...
2020-04-24 15:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostOld timey pornography was rough. You couldn’t just hop on the internet and search for two-to-eight people boning in your preferred model of bus to help you speed-milk the poison out. Back in the day, tawdry magazines still needed to pretend at legitimacy, and that meant finding increasingly elaborate excu...
2020-04-23 15:01:06 +0000 UTC View PostIn 1990, a London publisher put out a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle joke book and it ended up being a mass grave for concepts that once brought children joy. It took riddles and made them meandering, barely explainable things. It stole classic, well-known jokes and crammed pizza and Krang into them by any mea...
2020-04-22 15:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostNight Man is a superhero TV series that debuted in 1997: the year the ‘90s finally went too far, and we all realized they had to be put down. The show is about Johnny Domino, which is the most ‘90s name I can possibly imagine, and he is a professional saxophone player, which is the most ‘90s ...
2020-04-21 15:01:01 +0000 UTC View PostImagine all the things that can go wrong on the ocean. Double it and add vomit. Now picture a judge ordering you to pay Royal Caribbean's legal fees for all of them. You are still not ready for the horror of HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF ON A CRUISE VACATION: SAFETY TIPS THAT MIGHT SAVE YOUR LIFE 2020-04-20 15:00:04 +0000 UTC View Post
I was born a heathen and I’ll die a heathen, probably in some kind of heathening accident. I don’t know anything about the Bible. If I wanted a story about unlikeable characters doing shitty magic and learning self-evident lessons I’d watch The Magicians. And I did watch The Magicians 2020-04-17 15:01:01 +0000 UTC View Post
In 1976, Donald L. Wilson, M.D. wrote a book called Total Mind Power: How to Use the Other 90% of Your Mind. It was a huge hit, and while on the subject of dubious percentages, the title alone was responsible for making the world 4% dumber. It was grifter quackery, but in what has to be the greates...
2020-04-16 15:01:00 +0000 UTC View PostI need to take a personal half-day to see if you can upskirt Tifa mid-uppercut, so to celebrate this Nerding Day, let’s play a quick round of Pulp Remix. Here’s how it works: I take a real book, steal its cover and jacket copy, then refuse to read any of it. Authors hate this one weird trick where you d...
2020-04-15 15:01:00 +0000 UTC View Post
During the '90s, all the best action movies were assembled from five different scripts and trying to be thirteen different things. This meant catch phrases and deranged one-liners would appear with no warning or setup as if they came from a completely different film. It was the best. We all kno...
2020-04-14 15:01:00 +0000 UTC View Post
2020-05-11 15:01:02 +0000 UTC
