ActionBoyz

The Fugitive (1993)

Dr. Richard Kimble didn't kill his wife and US Marshall Sam Gerard doesn't care. Well guess what? The ABZ do care and that's why this week they're on the run with THE FUGITIVE. The Boyz learn a lot about Harrison Ford on this one - like what he's in to sexually. In fact, for such a classy, smart movie to review, this is a weirdly dirty episode. Don't blame the Action Boyz if you get caught listening to this filth, it wasn't their fault - it was the one-armed man. 

Young Guns (1988)

Regulators!! Mount up! By "regulators" we mean Action Boyz Guyz and Girlz and by "mount up" we mean listen up. This week we picked YOUNG GUNS for some reason. It's got everything you want in a western, a music video opening where the principle cast breaks the fourth wall, flimsy southern accents, a convoluted government beef contract subplot and an 87 minute peyote scene that's equal parts boring and confusing. This episode is for the die-hard listeners, you can't be any geek off the s...

Death Wish 3 (1985)

What's that delicious smell? It's stuffed cabbage and the Boyz are inviting you over for some dinner and DEATH WISH 3. Bronson's cinnamon roll face pairs perfectly with the culturally cartoonish tenants of the building he's protecting. Second course will be scumbag director Michael Winner's predilection for actual abuse on the big screen, served with a generous portion of Rodger's Bronson impression. For dessert we can all go out for some ice cream...this is America, isn't it?

New Jack City (1991)

The ABZs take in the sights and sounds of NEW JACK CITY this week. Does Wesley Snipes dazzle as Nino Brown? Is Ice T effortlessly cool? Does Eric Robert's character from BEST OF THE BEST make an appearance this episode? Spoiler alert: YES. Now sit your five dollar ass down before the 'Boyz make change.

NOTE: this was recorded way in advance, so it coming out on MLK Day is an admittedly hilarious coincidence.

Sudden Death (1995)

It's time for SUDDEN DEATH...The countdown started well before any of you were born and has been running this whole time - for dramatic effect? Face off with the Boyz as they attempt to understand the most complex hostage plan ever hatched and answer hard questions like, why the Vice President? Do foreign firefighters exist? Does JCVD even know what he's saying? Join us in the owners box, we got big soft chairs and plenty to eat. 

Total Recall (1990)

Happy New Year! The Action Boyz are bringing in 2018 with TOTAL RECALL. This is a movie Stanger's dad wouldn't let him see in the theaters and later regretted that decision. It's a movie Rodgers lied about seeing to save face in the school yard. This is a movie that gave Gabrus special feelings about Sharon Stone. Now, take the Action Boyz' advice and get your ass to Mars. 

Lethal Weapon (1987) CHRISTMAS COMMENTARY

Merry fucking Christmas Action Boyz guyz and girlz. It's that time of year again where the Boyz partake in a Christmas tradition that nobody asked for or cares about. For your listening pleasure on the holiest of days,  it's our 2nd annual Christmas Commentary and the movie is LETHAL WEAPON. We're too old for this shit.

The Beastmaster (1982)

Become one with the Action Boyz, they will be your eyes, strength and cunning for the time honored classic, Beastmaster. The Boyz marvel at the simplicity of the story, the LA actor/waiter "feel" that Marc Singer brings to the role of Dar, and the fact that probably EVERY animal was harmed during the making of this feature. So strip down, oil up and put on your eyeball ring cause Maax is killing kids and the Jun might be coming and you were born from a cow and some bird people are gonna save you...

Navy Seals (1990)

It's NAVY SEALS this week Action Boyz Guyz and the ABZs are coming at it by way of sea, land and air. It's a good thing the Boyz are so well trained because Michael Beihn looks like he's straight out of sleazy porn, the score is impressively chintzy and there's a golf course scene that has to be in the same universe as SNL's Schmitts Gay commercial. Come for the urban warfare and stay for the story Gabrus tells about dragging his family to the Navy Seal Museum in Fort Pierce. Action Boyz: Americ...

Under Siege (1992)

Y'all better listen to this episode quick cause the Action Boyz are UNDER SIEGE and they, "got pies in the oven."  Also, did you know the 'Boyz are Cajun? Don't worry, it's of no consequence and it'll never come up again. Bottom line, the only thing standing between national security and Gary Busey in drag and Tommy Lee Jones doing Two-Face, is a cook. Good thing this cook is an ex-seal, with no muscle tone, who will strip down to a tank-top first chance he gets. Did we mention he's just a ...

Rocky III (1982)

"Well what do you wanna know?!? That they're afraid?!? That for the first times in their lives the Action Boyz are afraid? Afraid that their rationale for picking Rocky III as their "Thanksgiving" movie doesn't makes sense. Afraid they got too specific about Clubber Lang's apartment situation. Afraid Gabrus was too in to Rocky's funeral attire as a young boy. If you're afraid this episode is "gonna bust you up", be like the Action Boyz and say the anticlimactic line, "Go for it"

Backdraft (1991)

Sound the alarm, slide down the pole, put your gear on wrong and bring your young son, the Action Boyz need your help extinguishing BACKDRAFT! You may have to put on a fake mustache and play your own dad in the past or you may have to play an arsonist that's just a shitty Hannibal Lector knock off. Hell, you might even have to be a stereo selling, flip-flop wearing, afraid of fire pussy who will finally understand that the fire is the biggest character in this movie - it eats, it breaths, it fuc...

The Delta Force (1986)

Gear up for The Delta Force! The Action Boyz address some negative press about one of their own, then they break down this classic, featuring a cast studded with academy award winners and starring TV guide award nominee Chuck Norris. The Delta Force aims high, and hits higher, you’ll never believe what we rate this one! Okay, grab your gear, move your gear, drop your gear, now pick your gear back up, and TAKE EM DOWN! 

Léon: The Professional (1994)

Léon: The Professional has a lot going on and fortunately The Action Boyz are up to the challenge. They deftly identify the film's Frenchness - no easy task. The Boyz are so professional they also noticed Besson's sexual gaze, the weird oink sound Jean Reno makes with his pig puppet and how cops always ask about "secret knocks". This is a good one, so make to sure tell... EVERYONE!!!!

The Thing (1982)

It'll take more than Gabrus having a cold to stop the ActionBoyz from taking apart John Carpenter's chilly thriller, The Thing. Who else would pick up on the beastiality undertones, how Wilford Brimley always looks the same age, and the fact that a dim witted drunk is running the show. Happy Halloween ActionBoyz Boyz and Ghoulz and "Yeah, fuck you too!" 

The Rock (1996)

Rodgers was offered too much coffee and walks us through why he’s not The Flash, Stanger has football PTSD, Gabrus pitches “THE COCK.”  All that and Cage, Connery, SEALs, Mercenaries, Car Chases, Mexican Stand-offs, and of course Quicksand!  Only an extra large episode can fit our breakdown and subsequent tangents... Welcome to THE ROCK! 

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991)

No blades! No bows! Leave your weapons here! The boys dig into the romantic classic Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. A forest where everyone has different accents, a friar does something meta, and how’d he get so fucking good with that bow? 

48 Hrs. (1982)

The Boyz swoon over 48 Hrs. A late night recording leads to a bizarre tangent about the commercial for Talkboy. We ain’t brothers, we ain’t partners, we ain’t friends... We’re Action Boyz. No animals were harmed during the recording of this (at least the Boyz think so).

Point of No Return (1993)

This week your Boyz finally take it past the Point Of No Return. And what do we find when we get there? Besides a clunky title? An irredeemable lead, an Irishman masquerading as an American farm boy, a chill 90's dude from another movie and if you train a woman to become a bad-ass, elite assassin, she also has to take etiquette and elocution lessons to be more "ladylike" because the patriarchy is real. Not sold on watching this movie yet?? How about you kiss our ass, right in the crack. 

Highlander (1986)

The ActionBoyz break down the many timelines, accents, and homoerotic undertones of the 1986 classic, Highlander. Rodgers gets too excited about recognizing a bar, Gabrus shares what he says during climax, and Stanger's son shows up.  Feel the stag! 

Best of the Best (1989)

Best Of The Best. The ActionBoyz waste no time in unpacking what that title truly means...A US National Karate team that's made up of the best America has to offer: Chris Penn doing an out of shape cowboy from Miami, Eric Roberts doing Lennie from Of Mice and Men, and Phillip Rhee doing impressive martial arts but not much else. That plus, a thriving Oregon auto industry, dad's mouth kissing their sons, Tommy "popping it" and the premise that James Earl Jones used to compete in karate tournament...

The Last Boy Scout (1991)

Shane Black supposedly wrote The Last Boy Scout after a breakup, it barely shows in this movie where the female characters are a stripper, a cheater, and a cranky demented little girl. The ActionBoyz have a lot to talk about, like why is that helicopter so low? Why does comedian Damon Wayans gets almost no jokes, while action star Bruce Willis gets too many?  We probably missed some stuff, got a lot wrong, repeated ourselves, but hey...ain't life a bitch. 

Drunken Master (1978)

You guys drunk? Good... 'Cause this week is all about Jackie Chan's early treasure, Drunken Master. No stone is left unturned as we discuss how unlikable Chan's character is made to be, a hairy mole that's stroked like a beard, some drawn on Raggedy Ann freckles, and how when you try to hookup with your cousin and your aunt intervenes you MUST insult them both (you know...all the usual shit). Pour yourself some wine so you don't get the DTs and let the ActionBoyz teach you all eight of the drunk...

Hard Target (1993)

Why is his name Chance? Cause his momma took one. Take a chance and join us for Hard Target. We try to understand JCVD's greasy mullet. We marvel at how fucking stupid one of the main characters is. We play "Who Would You Be" and determine that Gabrus would play the worthless, fat pervert. Point your titties north ActionBoyz Boyz, and tell us...How does it feel to be HUNTED!!

Point Break (1991)

The Boyz ordered wings, but maybe they should've gotten meatball sandwiches (make it two U Utah!) This is just the FIRST of the fuckups. Wait till you listen to this thing, the ABz eat, go on long ass weird tangents, forget to talk about the movie for big long stretches...But hey, you guys are the assholes that voted for this. So wax up your stick and slap on your Nixon mask, because these guys have been podcastin' since you were shitting in your hands and rubbing it on your face. Enjoy the comm...

Tango & Cash (1989)

Tango and Cash, Cash and Tango. Does repeating the titular character names make the movie more memorable? Come for Stanger's segment that involved a lot of prep and little pay off, stay for Gabrus' mildly brain damaged impression of the gadget guy, and OF COURSE Rodgers figures out a solid Palance.

Death Wish II (1982)

At this point most women close to architect Paul Kersey have been raped and murdered. And if that isn't bad enough he can't figure out what material to make a radio station.  Join the 'Boyz as they breakdown crime stats, radio news as narrators, and criminals choosing their own wardrobe. Enjoy the subtle language as an 80s revenge thriller really hashes out the prison-industrial complex. 

Roadhouse (1989)

The ABz enter the small town of Jasper, which is located on some kind of small lake or river where everyone can see each other at all times, bouncers are like nationally known rock stars, and Gabrus is comforted by the amount of fat guys that populate it.  Road House is a masterpiece that follows the dramatic principle of Chekhov's Monster truck: if in the first act you introduce a monster truck, then in the following one it should run over the cars in the local dealership.

Out For Justice (1991)

Put on your berets boyz and girlz, the ActionBoyz are Out For Justice this week. We may not have Seagal's skinny arms to slap you with, but we have us doing offensive accents. We have endless stories about how much Gabrus's dad loved Seagal. We have Stanger's incessant screaming and we have Rodgers end the episode with a story about shitting that is fucking glorious. Listen FIRST! then go play catch with your Italian looking sons you goddamn fanooks.

Cobra (1986)

Boredom is a disease and the ActionBoyz are the cure. You guessed right ActionBoyz Boyz & Girlz or whatever the fuck we're calling you, Cobra is this week's movie. You will learn that there are no fat people in this film, a major character could be an imaginary friend, and why it's considered an action art movie. Bonus: new segment, new shitty song from Stanger.