What's in a Fetish? Erotica Origins.

Breeding, impregnation, and pregnancy weren't always a thing for me. It probably started way back when I was in high school, a bundle of awkward raw nerves and raging hormones. The Internet was still kind of new so there was a lot of weird shit out there if you just barely scratched under the surface of Netscape. I was a young explorer in the further regions of digital experience. I remember my very first exposure to porn after sneaking onto my family computer one night. It was some BDSM image of this fairly attractive chick in a spiked collar receiving a shot of cum into her open mouth from this random dick jutting out from the frame. 

I was so shocked seeing that, I kind of retreated for the night, but then I crept back on and tumbled down the rabbit hole, as generation after generation does. But the real trip was roleplaying in Yahoo! chatrooms. This was an even stranger space to be in, honestly. The fantasy of escape, of power, and purpose and identity called to me as not just a young man, but also a writer. I tried out a thousand faces in that time, living out roles and getting deep into the mindset of the characters I created. This was, in a way, the genesis of the kind of 'method acting' mindset I get into while I write for characters to try to make them as real as possible. I get deep, deep down into their motivations, their thoughts, and emotions, and become them while I write their parts of the story. 

It works great, except I've gotten too attached or gone too deep while playing my favorites during text-based roleplaying games; the lines can get blurred emotionally. I prefer to write my own stories now, as there's total control as to how things turn out for my characters. Still – that real danger and unknown outcomes of a game narrative can be so addictive. Amazing writing is produced with a spontaneity that I envy when I craft stories alone.

But yeah, way back when I was just starting out with that scene, it was cringe. Seriously lame in hindsight, but I kept coming back for the cybersex. If there's a genesis for my erotic writing, it was there. 

I was involved in this Game of Thrones-style court intrigue setting where I had two characters, noble-born brothers who shared the blood of the dragon. The eldest was in a relationship with the emperor's daughter. The chick who played her had a serious impregnation fetish. I remember at the time I didn't get it at all. Wasn't a turn-on for me whatsoever. 

The other brother I played had a wife who was similarly baby crazy but not to that extent. With her, it was more about succession and continuing the bloodline and feminine duty. Interestingly enough, the character's player was a real-life dissatisfied housewife who didn't mind living out all her sexual fantasies with an 18-year-old in cyberspace. Fucked-up? Yeah, probably. But I wasn't complaining about her life choices. 

Again, I didn't get the appeal of breeding or pregnancy sex. But with the constant press of the deepest, most primal female desire permeating my literary fantasies in this deeply personal and intimate space, inception eventually occurred and the metaphorical seed was sown. 

From there, my brain just got rewired into believing that the hottest sexual relationship should progress into conception and pregnancy. You've all read my work and know how I feel about this kink, or at least have some inkling. 

It's fuckin' hot.  

Updates: I'm getting closer to finishing Matched. I think I'll be done with it by the end of this month, fingers crossed. Still to come is the monthly chapter of Joy of Sex, as well as a few other projects I've got in the pipe. Talk soon.

-D