Memories of Crystal Tide #2

#02 - Identity crisis

CW: Misgendering, Gross injury description (minor)

When she regained consciousness again, the only thing greeting her was pain. Her entire body felt like it had been put through a grinder, part of her chest felt as if someone had poured lava over it, and her head throbbed something fierce.

She couldn’t help the pained groan as she struggled to open her eyes. She only managed to open her left eye; something held the other one shut. A blurry white surface entered her vision once she managed to slide her eyelid open.

Even as her eye lazily tracked the flat white surface in front of her, her mind was doing its best to try and remember what had happened.

But she couldn’t.

Try as she might, she was too delirious and in too much pain to recall anything.

“She’s awake…” a shaky voice to her right announced.

She tried to look at the speaker, but with her right eye closed, and the nose blocking her left eye, she would have to turn her head to look. And that was currently impossible.

“She’s awake… Oh my god, she’s awake… She’s alive…” The familiar voice turned into mumbles.

“Honey… Can you hear me?” a gentle voice prodded her from the left. It also felt familiar. But she couldn’t remember who it belonged to. Neither this one nor the other one.

Her tired eye made its way over to the left and found a face of a woman worriedly looming over her. Dark circles were under her brown eyes. Her expression showed a mixture of worry and relief. Her short brown hair was a mess.

“Wh–” she rasped before her words turned into a harsh cough.

“Easy there,” yet another voice said. It was kind and soothing, but unlike the other two, unfamiliar.

A straw gently touched her mouth, prompting her to open it. She did so and her mouth soon closed around the offered piece of plastic. The cool water she sucked in might as well have been ambrosia on her sore throat.

Once the straw pulled away, she tried again.

“What… happened?” she managed.

“You were fighting a demon at your school,” the kind voice said. Her eyes finally located the source and found a middle-aged lady wearing blue nurse clothes. “You beat him, but sustained some serious injuries.”

Fighting… a… demon?

She stayed silent for a moment, eyeing the nurse in front of her, trying to decipher her words to make some sense. It proved fruitless.

“What…?” she croaked.

“You saved everyone. You don’t remember?” the familiar female voice to the right asked.

“No…” she admitted.

“That’s alright. You suffered near-fatal head trauma. Your memory might be spotty for a while.”

“Okay…” she replied, because what else was she supposed to say?

She still didn’t know what was happening, but she definitely didn’t like the sound of near-fatal injuries.

The people kept talking, but she had already used up all of her strength and began drifting again. She kept blacking out and waking up for a precious few moments to hear people talk around her. Her sense of time quickly disappeared.

Finally, she awoke again, this time feeling a bit more lucid.

“Ah, Ms. Crystal Tide. Are you awake?” the unfamiliar male voice asked.

Her eye focused and with a lot of effort, she even managed to crane her head to the side. She spotted a young man to her left, peering down at her.

“‘Ello,” she slurred.

He gave a nod of acknowledgement.

“Good morning. My name is Henry Peterson, I’m the doctor in charge of you.”

“Hi,” she managed. “I’m… Crystal Tide?” she asked, remembering what he had called her.

Crystal TIde… Is that my name? Sounds a little strange.

Another nod, as if her confusion was expected. “How are you feeling?”

There really was only one answer to that question.

“Pain.”

The doctor hid a grimace. “Anything acute? We patched you up as well as we could, but there were parts we couldn’t touch.”

That sounded odd. Something even doctors couldn’t do anything about?

“Not… really?” she rasped. “Just… pain. Everywhere.”

“That’s a good sign.”

Was it really?

“Now… I’ve been told you have some memory issues. Can you tell me the last thing you remember before waking here?”

She furrowed her brows, digging through her mind, looking for answers. She briefly remembered being told that she had… fought a demon? She tried to remember that. Tried to recall anything she could.

She came up blank.

As in, completely blank.

She couldn’t remember a thing. Not what had happened before waking up here. Not what had happened a week, a month, or a year ago. Not her friends or family. Not who she even was and whether Crystal Tide really was her name.

“I… I don’t… I can’t…” she croaked out, a cold horror washing over her. “Nothing…”

“I see…” His voice softened upon spotting her distress. “No need to panic. It seems like you might be suffering from retrograde amnesia.”

That didn’t sound good.

“You suffered a serious head injury. I heard that the demon hit you hard enough to make you bounce and roll. Honestly, any normal person would be dead.” The man shook his head. “But there’s no need to worry. Amnesia isn’t necessarily permanent.”

“Right…” She faintly recalled the nurse from earlier mentioning near-fatal trauma. Although… Why had the man just implied that she wasn’t a normal person?

“Now, there’s been some other issues with your state of health.” The man frowned. She definitely didn’t like the sound of that. “Like I mentioned, there were some injuries that we weren’t able to address. Do you still remember how to use your magic?”

Magic?

“No…?”

The man sighed.

“I was afraid of that,” he said as he cast a worried glance at her before noticing her confusion. “Ah, my apologies, I suppose you wouldn’t even remember this.” He gave her a small smile. “In truth, you are a magical girl and you seemed to have patched up the hole in your chest with some strange exotic material. We didn’t want to risk removing or otherwise disturbing it.” He sighed. “I was hoping you would help us remove it so we could patch you up properly. But I suppose that will have to wait.”

She couldn’t help but stare.

Magical girl? Hole in her chest?

What in the world?

“There was also the problem with your right eye.”

“What… problem…?” she asked as she remembered that something was holding her right eye closed.

“Honestly… We have no idea. It looks like regular eye strain as far as we could tell, but there’s clearly more to it. Something to do with magic again.”

“Right…”

Magic.

She wasn’t sure what to think. Common sense told her magic wasn’t real. But apparently, she was a magical girl? Did that mean that she could use magic? Or had whatever had happened stripped her of her powers?

“I’m going to leave for now. Make sure to keep resting. We’ll let your family know you are awake.” The man smiled and turned to leave, before remembering something. “Ah, right. Officer Jones will also come here later to update you on what happened to the demon you beat.”

“Right…?”

The man nodded. “Don’t stress yourself out too much. I’ll make sure he knows about your amnesia.”

With that he left and she was alone.

She flicked her eye to the ceiling and flipped thoughts in her head, sorting through what she knew and remembered.

Unfortunately, she still couldn’t remember anything before waking up in this bed. It was weirdly horrifying. Like an important part of her very being was missing. Was this how all amnesiacs felt? Like an empty shell at the mercy of the unknown world?

Either way, apparently, she was a magical girl, and had just fought a demon.

It sounded so absurd. Like the doctors were pulling some kind of prank on her. But then she remembered that the doctor had mentioned her chest wound and her eye having some kind of magical injury.

So she closed her lone eye and tried to… feel it? She wasn’t sure what she was doing, but if she was supposedly a magical girl, there had to be some kind of innate understanding of magic, right?

And there was. Once she managed to get her mind to ignore the pain, she could feel the thing in her chest. It was a strange tingling feeling brushing against her insides right where the plug thing sat.

And then there was the eye. It felt even stranger than the chest wound. Her entire eyeball felt dull, but gave an impression of sort of… vibrating? Or as if an electric current ran through it. And outside of it, she belatedly realized. It was as if her eye had melted and dripped outside of her eye socket.

It was both gross and extremely alarming. Definitely not normal eye strain as the doctor had suggested. How had the doctors not noticed her eye dripping out of her eye socket?

Then, sooner than she had expected, the door to her room opened again and two oddly familiar people shuffled inside. One of them was the woman who she had first seen when she had initially woken up.

The other one was a man with blue eyes, short dirty blond hair, and a chiseled face.

“Oh, honey, you’re awake again,” the woman said. Crystal Tide looked at her, once again trying to remember her identity or anything related to her.

Nothing.

“Hello,” she croaked out.

“Hey there, my little baby…” the other person said with his deep voice.

“Uhm…” she began, feeling very awkward. “Are you… my parents?”

The two stopped, their eyes minutely widening.

“That’s right… I’m your mom, honey… And this is your dad…” the woman said, hurt audible in her voice.

“So you really have amnesia…” the man – her dad, apparently – muttered.

“Don’t worry. Everything will be okay,” the woman – her mom – said with a shaky smile. “Just rest and recover and we’ll do our best to help you remember. And then you can turn back and everything will be as it used to be.”

Crystal blinked.

“Turn… back?”

“That’s right. We’ll help you turn back into a boy and everything will be alright again.”

What?

Now she felt confused. Turn back into a boy?

“What do you mean?”

“You’re a boy, honey. Did you forget that too?”

“I am?” Crystal asked, confused. “But… they said I’m a magical girl…?”

Her mom scowled for an instant before returning to her forced smile.

“That’s true. But you were originally a boy, so there must have been some kind of mistake. You shouldn’t be fighting demons, honey.” She shook her head.

Her dad grimaced but stayed silent.

Crystal, once again, felt completely lost. Just as she began to internalize the fact that she was a magical girl, that reality had been swept away from under her… Or him?

Somehow, calling herself a boy felt wrong. But apparently she had always been a boy? Something didn’t feel right here. Was the woman lying?

“It’s okay. You’re just confused because of the amnesia, but once it goes away, everything will make sense again,” her mom declared.

“Right…” Crystal replied, part of her feeling a spike of dread at the prospect of remembering being a boy for some reason. She shook it off immediately.

“You still look tired. You should rest some more.” Her dad put a hand on her mom’s shoulder. “And we shouldn’t stick around for too long, dear. You know what they said. Let’s let her rest.”

“Let him rest, you mean,” her Mom corrected, and Crystal winced internally. “But yes, you are probably right.” She turned to Crystal. “We’ll be back, honey. Just rest up for now, and soon you’ll be right as rain again!”

Crystal numbly nodded.

“Oh, that’s right! We brought you some of your favorite comic books!” She reached into her handbag and pulled out a stack of colorful books before putting them on the nearby table. “Here, maybe it will help you remember!”

“And if not, at least you won’t be bored here,” her Dad added.

“Thank you…”

“Hmm, I just had an idea! We should bring you some old photos! That will help you remember for sure!” her Mom exclaimed.

“Not a bad idea,” her Dad agreed.

“Alright…” Crystal did as well… although she felt uneasy about it for some reason.

With that, they said their goodbyes again and she watched them as the two left her room.

Once alone again, she stared at the ceiling in utter confusion. Something felt incredibly off about that conversation. Almost as if her supposed parents were remembering someone else. Someone who wasn’t her.

After all, she felt like a girl, sounded like one, probably looked like one as well – although she couldn’t see herself right now – and trying to imagine herself as a boy just felt… wrong. Moreover, how could a boy be a magical girl? It made no sense. Maybe those two got the wrong room somehow…? Mistook Crystal for their supposed son? They didn’t look old enough to be senile, but…

She sighed.

Her head was starting to hurt again. Maybe she should listen to the woman’s advice and go to sleep.

And so she did. She drifted off into light sleep at some point without realizing it, and before she knew it, a gentle knock on the door woke her up again.

This time, a young-looking man in a police officer uniform walked in. He had very short black hair, brown eyes and a small scar on his left cheek.

Crystal felt a bit concerned for a second before remembering the nurse mentioning something about an officer coming here later.

“Ah, Crystal. Got yourself banged up again, I see,” he said in a teasing tone.

“Um, hi…” Crystal replied, unsure.

“Sorry, sorry.” He smirked, not looking sorry in the slightest. “They told me about your little memory blackout. I’m Nick Jones, your best buddy from the police.”

“Right…”

She was friends with a police officer? Well, it kind of made sense if she was a magical girl fighting demons in public spaces, she supposed.

The guy sat down on the chair next to her bed before reaching into the inner pocket of his uniform.

“So! I dunno if it will help, but I brought some photos,” he said as he pulled out said photos and presented them to Crystal.

She warily reached out with her hand and took them.

The first photo featured officer Jones grinning at the camera and doing a V sign with his right hand while his other hand formed horns behind the other person in the picture. The other person being… a girl in a pirate costume. Ocean blue hair, eyepatch over her right eye, a pirate hat with a smiling cat emoji instead of skull and bones, and an awkward smile on her face. She was also doing a V sign.

“That’s from when you saved by butt for the first time and I pestered you to take a photo with me!” The man laughed. “You were such an awkward ball of anxiety back then! Couldn’t believe our hero and savior was a shy teenager!”

Crystal didn’t reply, instead opting to stare at the girl in the photo – herself. She didn’t recognize herself, not really. But just like with her supposed parents, something about her appearance felt familiar. She belatedly realized her mouth had quirked up in a faint smile.

She grabbed that photo and put it under the others to look at the next one and… whoa.

There she was again. Except this time, the awkward expression was nowhere to be seen. Her eyes were sharp, her mouth pressed into a line and in her right hand, she held a shimmering crystalline cutlass. She stood in a battle-ready pose, glaring at something beyond the picture’s frame.

“That’s your most famous photo,” Jones explained. “Some dumbass fanboy decided to snap a picture while you were fighting a demon instead of running away. Then some people on the Internet enhanced it and cropped it and there ya go.”

This is me.

The more Crystal looked at it, the more she liked it. It was like the exact opposite of imagining herself as a boy. This, she was alright with.

“You’re super photogenic, eh?” The police officer smirked.

Crystal realized she had been staring at the photo with sparkles in her eyes. She smoothed out her expression and shuffled the photos to look at the last one. She stopped and frowned as she came eye to eye with… a photo of a close-up of her face… and she noticed that unlike the other two photos, her right eye was uncovered in this one.

The iris was ocean blue just like the left one, but there was a glowing white crescent moon shape enveloping the pupil. It looked a bit strange. Was it a contact lens? What was this about?

“Ah, that’s your super duper magical eye,” Jones said with a hum and she absent-mindedly reached up to her right eye – which was bandaged, she belatedly realized. “You never told me what exactly it does, but I figured it was important somehow. You always hide it behind that eyepatch and uncover it when you are about to kick a demon ass into another dimension.”

“Right…”

Crystal, of course, had no idea what the eye was about. But she agreed that it had to be important. Perhaps something had gone wrong in that fight with the demon and that was why her eye felt so weird and icky now?

She was about to hand the photos back, but Jones stopped her with a hand.

“You can keep them.” He smirked. “I have copies.”

Crystal drew her hand back, but gave him a suspicious look.

“As evidence, of course,” explained, putting on the fakest sincere smile imaginable.

“Uh huh…” was Crystal’s dry reply.

His grin was back. “Oh, hey! You’re already remembering how to react to me! That’s a good sign.”

Crystal couldn’t help but roll her eyes – or eye. And from how she felt like it was the most natural thing to do in reaction to this person, she couldn’t help but agree with his assessment.

“No, but really. We have a bunch of photos of you at the station for documentation reasons. Me being your fan has nothing to do with that.”

Crystal kept staring, her expression drier than the Sahara desert.

“Aaanyway, jogging your memory is not the official reason why I’m here.” Jones straightened up.

Crystal could sense the change in atmosphere and refocused. “Why then?”

“It’s about the demon you defeated at your school. Squid Jester, your nemesis and all that.”

“Right…”

I have a nemesis?

He reached into his uniform and pulled out another set of photos and showed them to her. They featured a strange elongated white mask with a face on it. Its eyes and mouth were closed, as if it was sleeping.

“So, usually, when you beat a demon, you banish them completely. There’s nothing left. But this time, that creep left behind his mask.” Jones shrugged. “Now, I have no idea how this whole demon-banishing business is supposed to work, but we figured something went wrong. Other than, you know, the whole ‘you almost dying’ thing.”

Crystal grimaced as she remembered her near-fatal injuries she had apparently sustained.

“Regardless, we confiscated the mask and locked it away for now. I assume you don’t remember how to do any of your magic tricks right now…?” Jones trailed off and after she shook her head, he continued. “Right. So whenever you do remember, make sure to visit the station and try to look at it. Just a precaution. We don’t want the demon to suddenly come back to life or something, yeah?”

“Right. Sure, Mr. Jones.” Crystal agreed.

“Great.” He smiled. “Oh, and call me Nick. You always did before.” His smile turned into a smirk. “And calling me Nick like always might prod something in your memory and help you remember everything else, right?”

Crystal didn’t know much about how amnesia worked, but even she could tell that he was making stuff up on the spot.

“Sure thing, Nick,” she said anyway.

It elicited another smirk from the carefree officer. He sure was doing that a lot.

“Well, I better get going now.” He clapped his hands and got up from the chair. “You make sure to rest up and get back into shape to kick more demon ass, alright?”

Crystal rolled her eye. Again, it just felt like the correct reaction to this guy.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m trying to.”

“Splendid, ma’am! I wish you swift recovery then! See you later!” He took off his police hat and bowed with it before skipping out of the room.

“Bye…”

The magical girl stared at the closed door, wondering how such a free-spirited guy could be a police officer.

Then she giggled under her breath and shook her head as a light smile found its way onto her face.

Somehow, interacting with him felt a lot more natural than her supposed parents. She wasn’t sure what to think about that.

Oh. I should have asked him about the whole ‘me being a boy’ thing…

She settled back into bed again and once again fell asleep without realizing it. The next time she awoke, it was to the doctor and the nurse coming in and doing some simple check-ups. The nurse also brought some food.

“You’re recovering at an insane rate,” the doctor said while shaking his head. “It’s only been six days since the incident and you’re already fine enough to walk around if you wanted to.”

Crystal understood that recovering this fast wasn’t normal. It was clearly because of her being a magical girl.

“I don’t recommend it, though. No matter how magical you are, you should still keep resting for now.”

She nodded.

“With that said, though. I think you should be cleared to accept visitors now.” Crystal felt a bit confused at that statement. Hadn’t she already had visitors? “Other than the police, and your legal guardians, I mean.”

“Oh, okay.”

“For now, that’s it. We’ll do some more tests in the afternoon after visiting hours.”

She nodded and both the doctor and the nurse left.

Once again, she forgot to ask what gender she was really supposed to be.

She sighed to herself, blaming her still aching head, and dug into the mysterious hospital food. Some piece of meat in a sauce and rice. Not too bad all things considered.

After lunch, she finally decided to grab some of those comic books her parents left for her, wondering what her supposed tastes in fiction were like.

The books were alright. Better than having nothing else to do, at least. A lot of it was cheesy fighting scenes and action mixed with some romance. But it was only okay. Hadn’t her mom said they were supposed to be her favorite?

Once again, she felt uneasy about the whole situation.

As she skimmed through one of the books, she got to the plot twist and stopped with a frown. The protagonist was apparently a girl disguising herself as a guy because they didn’t let girls into their hero programme.

The hell? That was just stupid. Why would they care about gender? Shouldn’t it not matter as long as the person was good for the job?

Crystal felt a bit conflicted about this particular story. On one hand, frustrated about the blatant discrimination shown, and on the other, a bit excited, rooting for the protagonist pushing against the established norms and making a name for herself despite the handicap.

She could sort of see why this would be her favorite.

Sort of.

She decided to properly read it all from the beginning rather than skimming through it. Maybe she would like the earlier parts more now that she knew about the upcoming plot twist.

And then, before she knew it, there was another knock on her door, making her realize that she had spent a good few hours reading through the comic books.

“Come in,” she said.

The door opened and an oddly familiar girl walked inside. Long wavy brown hair, brown eyes, heart shaped face, and a school uniform. She smiled as soon as she saw Crystal.

“Hey… Uh, Crystal. How are you doing?”

“Better. Um…”

“I’m Diane. Your friend and classmate,” the girl introduced herself.

“Oh, hello Diane. I did feel you were somewhat familiar,” Crystal confirmed.

Diane’s eyes widened minutely and she smiled. “You did? That’s great! I thought you wouldn’t remember me at all,” she said as she sat down on the chair next to the bed.

“Well, no… I don’t remember you at all, you just feel familiar.” Crystal shrugged. “Sorry.”

“Oh…” The girl deflated again. “That’s okay, no need to apologize. I’m sure you’ll remember at some point. And if not, then we’ll just have to become friends again!” she declared.

Crystal couldn’t help but smile. “Sure.”

They chatted about mundane things. Well, it was mostly Diane talking. About school, about how they used to hang out together, some bits about her magical girl efforts as well…

Similar to Nick, she felt like Diane was someone she could trust. And with that said, she needed someone she could trust to explain something to her. Something, Crystal belatedly realized, Diane had been avoiding touching.

“So… There’s something I wanted to ask…” Crystal began.

“What is it?”

She decided to be blunt.

“Am I a boy?”

That seemed to have caught her friend off guard. She stopped and her eyes widened.

“I mean… Apparently, I’m a magical girl. That’s what Nick and the doctor said. But my mom said I was supposed to be a boy? And that there was some kind of mistake?”

With every word she said, Diane’s expression became more and more pained.

“That… Well… I don’t know if there was a mistake. But yes, the friend I remember was a boy, and yes, you revealed yourself to be a magical girl to save us from that demon. So… You’re both?”

Crystal blinked. It felt wrong, but she supposed boys could also be magical girls, then?

“I… see. So I’m actually a boy then?” The words felt like ash in her mouth. She couldn’t help but grimace.

“Yeah, I suppose you are,” Diane confirmed, seeming a bit uncomfortable saying it.

“Right…”

Once again, Crystal tried to imagine herself as a boy. And once again, it felt incredibly off.

“Well, maybe… I… I don’t think it should really matter what gender you are, you know? You are you. And you can be whoever you want to be.” Diane smiled. “And I would never judge you for whatever you decide. You’re my friend no matter if you’re a boy or a girl.”

The magical girl looked at her friend in surprise. She could feel Diane was genuine. It felt surprisingly relieving and warm.

“I… think it does matter… But thanks.” Crystal did her best to return the smile. “For being my friend, that is.”

“Of course.”

She still felt quite confused and lost, but at least felt a bit better now.