Special Agent Outmuscled: Chapter 1

I closed the door to my Lexus and headed towards the door to my building. The sleek glass walls ten feet high were always impressive, perhaps overly so, considering nobody was meant to know what this place was. I was no architect, however. I left the design choices to those in charge. I pulled open the door and walked inside.

“Hey Tim!” Came the voice of our secretary. An older woman, looking prim and proper as usual, she sat behind her large gray desk, a smile beaming on her pale face.

“Good morning, Sheila,” I replied.

“Oh, Tim, I was supposed to tell you. Sgt. Lawson has asked for you to see him ASAP. He says it’s about your next mission.”

“Perfect, I’ll head on up now. Thank you!” She smiled back and went back to clattering her nails on the keyboard.

Sgt. Lawson was kicked back in his chair, his large feet resting on the desk in front of him, hands behind his tired head. He had a long and illustrious military career, as shown be the vast amount of medals on his person and wall. As I walked in, he gave me a stern look, turning his head down, even though he was sitting. I was not very tall, 5’5, to be exact, and it was clear he didn’t respect me. He gave a familiar smirk before speaking.

“Secret Agent Tim, how does this morning find you?”

“Good, sir,” I said, somewhat nervously.

“Excellent. You’ve been a good agent so far, perfect success rate. We’re going to go ahead and upgrade you to the highest rank of agent, Special Agent. How does that sound?”

I couldn’t believe it! This was great news! “That’s phenomenal, Sir! Thank you!”

“Don’t get too excited, Special Agent,” he chuckled. “For your first mission, you’ll be paired up with Special Agent Sarah. She will be handling most of the heavy lifting here, you will be in a support role.”

“Interesting,” I said. “What does that entail?”

“There is a very private stretch of land in Sweden called Siskuna. It’s mostly farmland, but we’ve uncovered a source of rare metals. Sarah has a history with thwarting European criminals in their search for dangerous and expensive metals, and we want to make sure nothing has happened there. We have a sinking suspicion the evil Dr. Glaskow has already entered the mines.”

“Well that’s no good! So you need me to stop him?”

“Not quite. Sarah will be stopping him. She knows the enemy well, and any more than one person on the field is a liability.”

“Oh…” I said, confused. “So… what do you need me for?”

“As I said, Siskuna is a very private village. They don’t allow anyone but family inside. That’s where you come in. One of the villagers has a profile on a mail order groom service, meaning you will be allowed in if you plan on marrying said villager. Sarah has infiltrated the service and is now considered an ambassador for them, meaning she is allowed to accompany you. Once inside, she will begin her mission.”

“And what about me?”

“Just sit tight and wait for her signal. You will be given a communicator. It’s incredibly low tech, as we don’t want anyone to be able to read anything from it. It will only light up when she is done. She will rendezvous with you and you two will escape Siskuna together.”

I scratched my chin. “I would be lying if I said I was excited about this being my first mission as a Special Agent…”

“Don’t worry, Tim. You pull this off, we’ll get you a much more high profile case on the next go round, understood?”

“Yes sir!”

-

The next day, I boarded the plane and sat in my seat. I scrolled on my phone for a bit when a familiar voice came from the aisle.

“Hey, Tim!” It was Sarah. She was a beautiful woman, smaller and more slender than even me, about 5’2 and 100 pounds. She had gorgeous and long red hair, and piercing blue eyes. Everyone at work had a crush on her, and now that I was a Special Agent, she would be my partner. How exciting.

“Hey Sarah. Can’t wait to work together on this one.”

“Oh yeah, this should be a breeze” she said confidently, pulling her hair back. “I’ve been kicking these guys’ butts for years now. This is kind of my bread and butter. And with any luck, we’ll be in and out in a day or two.”

“That’s great!” I exclaimed. “Then I can move on to something a little more glamorous. I wasn’t expecting my first job to be a mail order groom.”

Sarah laughed. “Yeah, it’s a little bit unusual, I must admit. What a lucky break, right? How often does that happen?”

“Can’t imagine very often.”

“Well, whoever your lucky bride is, she’s going to be heartbroken when you magically disappear. Can’t say I envy her.”

“Maybe she won’t like me anyways?”

“Lawson didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?” I asked.

“You were handpicked, but not by Lawson. The woman in Siskuna chose you. All of the males at the firm had their faces submitted. You were selected almost instantly. Can’t say I blame her either.”

I blushed. “That’s very kind of you. Can’t say I’m thrilled that we were basically tossed around like meat online, but I guess that comes with the territory… maybe that’s why I got promoted? They felt guilty?”

“I’ve seen your work, Tim. You’re very good. I think you were going to get promoted anyways. This will be a great test for you. And who knows? If all goes well, maybe we could spend an extra day on the job, just the two of us?”

“Sounds like a plan!” I said.

-

After the flight, we got our rental car and headed out to the small village of Siskuna. Luscious trees and curvy hills decorated our peripherals, and the perfect weather made me wish we got a convertible. She had to drive, as her role as an ambassador was to escort me around. I would have loved to take the wheel, driving in this beautiful foreign country, but such was life. I was just along for the ride.

There, over the horizon, seemingly in the middle of nowhere, was Siskuna. A giant windmill could be seen turning, and a large collection of small houses scattered around it. Most of the roofs were made of hay, and you could faintly hear the sound of children playing. This place was as old school as it gets.

As Sarah pulled up to the front gate, made entirely of wooden logs, a man stepped out. “State your business,” he said in a strong, Swedish accent.

Sarah described who we were (or were pretending to be) and handed him some documents. He perused the papers, then looked back at Sarah. “Vilhelmina?” Sarah nodded. He looked at her, then peaked in and looked at me. He then chuckled. “Good luck.” The gates opened, and Sarah drove forward. I glanced at her confused, and she just shrugged. All parking for this small town was relegated to the front, and there were few cars.

I stretched as I got out of the car, and Sarah approached me, clearly all business already. “Tim, time to move. I have the address here. We will press forward and make our acquaintance. From there, I will begin my portion of the mission, understood?”

“You got it,” I said slyly.

She laughed. “Can’t wait for this to be over and we’re sipping drinks at a fancy European hotel. Now, do you remember your prompt about who you are? You will speak only when necessary.”

“I know, I know,” I said. “My name is Tim Phillips. I’m fresh out of high school, I’m from Los Angeles, California, and I’m large and in charge.”

“That last part was improvisation, and is hilarious, but don’t you dare say it.”

“Of course,” I smiled.

“Ok, we’re here,” Sarah said. We were now stopped in front of a rather large looking house, which sat in front of a fairly vast stretch of farm land, with cows and sheep grazing all around. The house itself was certainly rustic, and made of hard wood. They certainly didn’t make them like this anymore. Sarah knocked on the tall door, and we stood back and waited.

A middle aged woman, with light blonde hair, opened the door and greeted us. “Hello, you must be Timmy!” She said, staring right at me. Timmy? Oh well, it’s a job.

“That’s me,” I said. She wanted a hug, so I obliged. We embraced for a bit.

“Vilhelmina is so excited to see you! I’ll call her down. VILHELMINA! Your husband is here!” I could hear a rather large stomping noise coming from within the house. The wood must have been a bit loose to make that much noise. But much to my shock, the door opened further, and a giant of a woman appeared. Immediately, I noticed the height. She had to have been at least 7 feet tall. She was also the thickest woman I had ever seen. Years of hard labor on the farm seemed to have given her a fairly muscular look, but her curves were undeniable. Her hips were almost as wide as the door frame, with each of her legs, though wrapped up in a dress, clearly twice as wide as my entire body. And peaking over the top of her green dress were the largest breasts I had ever seen. They bulged out of her dress like they were trying to escape for the sky, and with each step they bounced and wobbled. Each arm looked bigger than any body builders’ I’d seen, though less defined. This was a girl who ate. She had curly golden hair, a button nose, and large green eyes that lit up at the sight of me.

I glanced at Sarah, who was staring at Vilhelmina in awe. I think it was safe to say that neither of us had ever seen a person this size before, especially not a woman. She had an aura of power about her that could not be ignored. Without testing, it was clear she weighed at least twice as much as I did, and was as strong as an ox. She barreled towards me with unprecedented speed and power.

“Timmy!” She yelled. Both of her massive arms reached out and grabbed me under my arm pits, scooping me high into the air. First her arms: they were thick. Incredibly thick. She looked like a mom holding a baby her arms were so bulky. They weren’t even straining with lifting me, a grown adult. Second thing: looking down was like being on top of a sky scraper. If I had a problem with heights, I would have been freaking out. My legs dangled helplessly below. “I’ve waited so long for you!”

She ripped me towards her, almost giving me whiplash. Her face grew closer and closer until she arced her head slightly, puckered her plump lips, and planted a huge, wet kiss on my mouth that engulfed the lower half of my face. The muscles in her lips overpowered mine and wrenched my mouth open, her tongue slithering in and pummeling my throat. I tried pulling my face away, but one of her hands grabbed the back of my head and thrust me forward, meaning she was now pinning me against her huge chest with one hand. I felt like I was going to run out of breath if this continued any longer. Finally, she stopped kissing me, and it was as if she sucked all of the life out of me. I collapsed forward, my face landing on her extended breasts. I gasped desperately for air. “Ooh, it looks like baby Timmy loves mommy’s bosom?” She asked in a baby voice. I couldn’t believe how big her breasts were. Both of my arms were wresting on the sides of them and my face was resting on one, and both were still clearly visible.

“Vilhemina, put him down before you hurt him!” Came her mother’s voice.

“Okay, I’ll let him go… for now…” she said with a smirk. She knelt down and let me feet hit the floor. I stumbled a bit and took a moment to get my footing.

“Both of you, please come in,” her mother said. “I believe you have some documents for us to sign?”

Sarah snapped out of what appeared to be a hell of a trance. “Y-Yes ma’am. Some documents, and… some rules.”  We all entered the house.