January 5, 2023

This episode and all the talk about motivators and comparing yourself to people and sticking to your goals and being kind to yourself when you can't meet them was EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. I love when you guys discuss preservering on goals. It's so nice to hear other people, who are successful, say the exact stuff I'm trying to convince myself of.

Didn’t have claire being a milk drinker on my 2023 bingo card

Pics of the couch??

Michelle Rawlings

OMG LONDON LIVE PLEASE 🫶

re: the mental hurdle of getting into distance running! i love “temptation bundling” so like Ashley was saying if you can pair running with your fav fav thing (music, pod, video of on treadmill) to listen to when you run & even better if you make a rule that you only listen to that thing when running. for me, it was y’all’s podcast when i was training for a marathon! i started listening on my long run each week and it made me sooo much more excited for that run each week!

Ryan's Science

I did not want the other two women be seen as beacon of feminism (as I do not see Ali as one) but of the very different standards that women face in the public eye. That the reactions are much harsher when women are not "perfect" or doing something shitty that when a man does it barley gets mentioned....

Can you please please do CMBC run club? Even if it’s just once in awhile !! I want to run with y’all. 🤗🤗🤗

If I'm being honest, I appreciate Ashley's pursuit of contentedness which promises longevity. It is what I am attempting with my career and my role as a mother (I have an 7-year-old. I was a teenage mother at 23 LOL). My mothering is not in conflict with my career. My mothering has actually freed me to become my full self and achieve the career I want. I am more focused on nurturing and sustaining my child, my friends, and myself instead of fruitlessly pursuing power and prestige. (We like to think that our personal goals empower others, but they don't, that's existential feminism that was and continues to be popular amongst Anglo-American feminists.) I relate to Claire's frustration that more isn't handed to them because they have put in the work but I have made peace with the fact that I go to bed at night never in fear of who controls and supports my career. I am a writer and my writing is supported by paying subscribers not endlessly pitching to publications in hopes that someone will throw me a bone. I think we are on greener pastures by having community-supported careers over institutions.

I don't think you understand what I'm getting at in my post. I'll explain: I'm afraid I have to disagree with the conclusions you've made about Olivia Wilde and Meghan Markle. Olivia Wilde repeatedly threw another woman under the bus (Florence Pugh) and positioned herself as a savior and beacon of feminist values. She was exposed as a misogynist by a man (Shia Labeouf, who she wanted badly in her movie even after the physical abuse allegations against him). Your conclusion about what happened with Olivia is misguided and not rooted in any truth. What Olivia did is precisely what I am telling women not to do. Existential and power-driven feminism is dangerous for the woman obsessed with power and aligning herself with men, especially abusive ones. Any woman she is in contact with is not safe. Meghan Markle, on the other hand, married into a family with a public history of enacting white supremacist ideals around the world (including my home country Nigeria) and expected to be accepted and loved. How naive! She has said she never saw herself as black (which she isn't, she is bi-racial) but how could she not have considered how the family -- who colonized a significant part of the continent of Africa -- would treat her black ancestry? She thought she was safe from racism which is why they are both so shocked by what happened. What would have happened if she had been welcomed into that family? Indeed, she would have continued their white supremacist work under the guise of “philanthropy.” Her husband isn't merely a spoiled royal; that is a passive belittling of the more significant point: the royal family is so scared of the media that they regularly chucked Harry & Meghan under the bus so that they would look better in comparison. Given that quitting the monarchy & moving to the US didn't stop the abuse - Harry felt he had nothing to lose by revealing it. He has stated he still believes in the monarchy, which is why I do not care about anything he and his wife have to say. What they are doing is for personal gain and not because they believe in the dismantling of the monarchy and reparations to the people the monarchy has displaced and stolen from. Here's what I’m getting at, these two examples you have mentioned support my point but not in the ways that you wrote. Women who choose to amass power instead of practicing cultural feminism (feminism rooted in the belief that there is something just as important as you) end up choosing personal security and safety over the safety of the collective. In turn, they never achieve completeness or fullness of self. They become victims of the very thing they are trying to participate in by amassing power and prestige. The ridicule and vitriol for Olivia and Meghan while extreme is a consequence of power-driven feminism. I do not suffer fools. Black people like to say: play stupid games, win stupid prices. (that was longer than expected, but I hope that explains what I said earlier)

Hi.... I just wanted to thank you for your comment. Even so Ali is, to a certain degree, quite funny - she definitely is not a feminist. And the inter racism between non white groups sometimes makes me sad (in the same way that non solidarity between women) because you would think that oppressed groups have compassion for each other. It is hard to learn and see the structures that run society. Ignorance is bliss. But you can not change something if you are not willing to get uncomfortable. Ali's niche is, sort of, the one with the least resistance. Surely she does push the envelope to a certain degree, but mostly she is edgy the same way a lot of male comics are "edgy". It helps that she can write very well and is cute. PS: Olivia Wilde is a good example how easy it is to fall from grace as a woman. Male directors are having affairs with their stars a lot. And not every movie they make is really good. But they press they get about their shortcomings is not even close to the destruction and pile on that happend to OW. I am not even a fan of her, but the double standards... Also Meghan Markle: sure, her husband is a spoiled royal. But the hate campaign against her never fitted her "crimes". Sadly they do not handle this situation very well and this new book also seems to be not helpful.

My comment feels trivial after Subrina's much more interesting and considered post. However, I just want to say that I'm 40, am from (and spent my 20s) in Chicago, spent a few years in Boston, and ended in Detroit. I also have what I would describe as a tortured relationship with achievement and ambition. I just want to throw out that perhaps a non-negligible factor in the difference between the ladies' relationship with money and ambition is that Ashley is from the Midwest and Claire is from the Coast.

Katie

This is my first or second comment here because I don't always have to say when I don't agree (when I agree, someone has already said what I want to say) with something that I've heard in the podcast. I couldn't bite my tongue because this thinking has more dangerous consequences for women. The point of feminism or equity was never about women becoming like men, and it is dangerous for cis women to aspire to be like them. Many women whose feminist praxis isn't rooted in reading and practicing theory have difficulty digesting that we're an oppressed class. Instead, they pretend that we can "girl boss" our way into equity, which is dangerous. Patriarchy is structural, so it wouldn't matter how much money or power you amassed as a woman because if enough men decided they didn't want to hear from you, you'd be gone just as quickly as you arrived. In my opinion, (and the view of many Black feminists), aspiring to be as ruthless as men treat us is the most boring thing you could be, especially when men created the game and will consistently move the goalpost once they catch on that we've figured them out. I guess I'm trying to say that Ali Wong's brashness isn't feminist. I cannot speak about how she talks about her husband in her latest special because I haven't seen it and refuse to, so I will not comment on that. I have a hard time that you both look up to her because, in her comedy, she switches up her way of speaking in a way that mocks ebonics, and I am deeply uncomfortable with that. If a man dropped his pants and showed his penis during a comedy special, we'd call that sexual harassment, so why does Ali get a pass? I can't figure out whether it's because she's Asian and you're both white, so you have a hard time criticizing her for that, but I can guarantee that no one would fault you for calling out the obvious. If humiliating your husband for millions of people is comedic, then call me a square because I can't find the joke. Her hypersexualized jokes, like enjoying being roughed up in bed, feed into stereotypes about Asian women. I am not criticizing her preference but merely commenting on the intentional carelessness with which she presents the joke. Her jokes are very "edgy HS school girl who hangs out with all the boys." They are nonsensical faux-feminist talking points that we should have all evolved past by now. How is she still doing shallow and boring old "who runs the world?" feminism? We need to leave that in 2014, please. I am uncomfortable with anyone labeling her comedy as "vulnerable." More importantly, representation doesn't matter if it's the sort of representation that contributes to further oppression while advancing the personal goals of one person. Ali Wong's success as an Asian woman does not benefit anyone if she's willing to make the same racist jokes as her white counterparts to line her pockets and advance her career. (By the way, if anyone was confused, I am a Black woman. I don't have to state this to make my points, but I just wanted to add it if anyone was wondering where this analysis came from.) PS: Claire and Ashley, you will get what's coming for you. Some of us get it handed to us, and some have to demand and take it. I have had to do that in my career, and I'm about your age (turning 31 this year), and I know how fucking aggravating it is, but I have accepted my fate. It feels good to owe no one and know I can say and do whatever pleases me! You're both better off!

If Claire had a reality show it could be called clarieified lolol Also I’m mostly in shape but I’ve never been good at running and the idea of a marathon is 😵‍💫😵‍💫

RJ

Ashley’s vitriol towards men gives me life (“you should not be this way….you’re an idioTT”)

when claire started talking about when there a guest star on a show i LITERALLY in that moment could see brad pit on friends in my mind and then she said it lmaooo

the story about the preschool teacher literally harrowing