Homeless Bunny 38

Homeless Bunny 38

Tianyu Yue

The rest of the week was largely peaceful. For me, that is. Everyone else leapt into training with a fervor that was downright obsessive.

I supposed that was to be expected. They were huntsmen, even the twins. They weren’t used to feeling weak. Faced with the reality of their chosen profession, they responded with an urgent drive to grow stronger. That was true of everyone but doubly so for Pyrrha.

Pyrrha Nikos, the “Invincible Girl.” She hated the title, but it was true that she seldom lost. Really, only to Amber. Ever since Pyrrha found out just what Amber was, I got the sense that she’d excused those losses in her mind. Not intentionally maybe, but perhaps as a subconscious way to soothe her ego.

Of course she’d lose. Amber was both older and had literal magic. It was okay to lose to Amber. Pyrrha was still the undefeated champion for everyone else. The possibility of there being dangers that she couldn’t handle was foreign to her, not because she was arrogant, but simply because she loomed so far above her classmates.

Then, the grimm tide happened. Even discounting my own involvement, it was a humbling experience. She put herself before the wyvern in her mind and didn’t like the hypothetical outcome. The idea that there was a grimm, a definitive enemy she might one day have to fight, that outclassed her so heavily lit a fire under her.

I smiled with satisfaction as the twins flanked her on either side. They were no match for her individually, but together? The spar was far closer than the redhead initially expected.

Not only was Pyrrha unused to fighting multiple opponents, she’d also yet to fully lose the gladiator’s flair. In other words, she fought like she was being watched, like she expected the audience to ooh and aah over each exchange. And much like Amber’s excessive kindness and sense of fair play, it was a liability in a fight.

On the other hand, the twins had grown by leaps and bounds. Their teamwork, already the best in the school, was now supplemented by real aura mastery. They weren’t quite on the same level as Ren, but their coordination and viciousness more than made up for it.

Melanie bounced off Pyrrha’s shield, only to catch her bladed heel against her twin’s crossed claws. Miltia pulled her claws apart, grinding against her sister’s heel and launching her right back into the fray. Suddenly, the flip that had been meant to gain distance turned into a riposte aimed at Pyrrha’s eyes.

Miltia didn’t waste the distraction. She went low, swiping for Pyrrha’s bare thigh. Without aura, nicking that artery could be a death sentence.

It was a recent mixup. Usually, Miltia was the one who distracted the opponent with swift slashes of her claws while Melanie geared up for a heavy, match-ending kick. Here, Melanie was the distraction, with Miltia going for the kill. This intentional flip of their roles made them that much harder to predict.

Pyrrha allowed herself to take a half-step back before collapsing that leg. She fell into a practiced roll that dodged both twins. At the same time, her spear collapsed on itself, some kind of mechanism that used rotational force to trigger the transformation.

The gladius came up to block Melanie’s followup ax kick, only for her to take a handful of sand to the face instead. The twins disdained anything that even remotely smelled of fairness.

I smiled. It was a good plan, all the more effective thanks to the sheer length of this spar. The twins took my advice to heart. They realized that their collective stamina was far greater than their peers thanks to the grueling conditioning I’d put them through.

No matter what the arena queen tried, she just couldn’t land a decisive blow on one before her sister came to the rescue. Through flawless teamwork, dirty tricks, and raw, hyena-like grit, Pyrrha Nikos was being worn down.

“Aah! Again?” she yelped in barely restrained fury. She instinctively reached for her eyes, leaving herself momentarily open. 

Melanie smelled blood. She completely ignored Pyrrha’s shield and latched onto her swordarm. Her thighs wrapped around the taller girl’s arm. It was a clumsy armbar, but even that halfassed brace was enough.

No matter how strong Pyrrha was, suddenly swinging around an extra hundred fifty pounds would throw off anyone’s aim. Which was when Miltia vaulted over her shield to slam both claws into Pyrrha’s neck.

“That’s enough. The twins take this one,” I called, putting an end to the spar.

Pyrrha glared at the twins as she wiped sand out of her eyes for the third time today. “I still have aura…”

“Have you noticed that your Semblance doesn’t work on their weapons?”

“What does that have to do wi–Oh… You made them magic weapons, didn’t you?”

“I did. Their weapons are made of lunar cold iron. You need a certain amount of mana before you can affect them.”

“Is a Semblance not mana?”

“Eh, it is in the sense that it comes from your soul, but I’m the one who enchanted those. Sure, weapons aren’t my specialty, but I’m still a Campione. You need a lot more mana than you’ve got to overpower my enchantments.”

Miltia sat down beside me with a tired but happy grin. This was the twins’ first victory against the arena champion. “So? We did good right?”

“You did,” I praised. I opened a jar and handed her a cookie. “Here.”

“What is it?”

“A cookie. It’s Dubai chocolate embedded inside a butter cookie.”

“What’s a Dubai?”

“It’s a city in my world. The confection refers to a milk chocolate shell wrapped around a filling made of pistachio cream and crunchy kataifi. It’s considered a very decadent type of cookie.”

“Ooh, yesss, come to mama,” she said before gleefully taking a bite. “Oh, wow, it’s both crunchy and creamy at the same time.”

“I know, right? Save some for the others.”

“Che, fine…” With much pouting and grumbling, Miltia withdrew as the others gathered around. “You know, I still think Mel and I would do much better if we had enchanted weapons.”

“You do.”

“Not like Ruby. She has a wind-scythe-thing. Ours don’t do anything.”

“Your blades are very durable and teleport to you if they’re ever lost. They’re also forever sharp and don’t require cleaning.”

“Yeah, but magic… I wanna shoot lightning and stuff. How come Ruby gets a crazy over-tuned weapon?”

I ruffled her hair fondly. “That’s because having those active enchantments will teach her to use her aura more efficiently. The goal is to get her used to moving her aura around, which would help her with her eyes.”

“We could use the same lessons, you know.”

“True, but not until you have your Semblance. I don’t want you two to grow too reliant on magic weapons. The Semblance is supposed to be a reflection of your soul, right?”

“Fine… You promise to make us something good once we have our Semblance?” Melanie asked as she nudged into my other side.

“I promise,” I nodded. “I’ll make you weapons that take advantage of your new fighting style, whatever that might be.”

The three of us fell silent. It was dusk and the moon could be seen rising up into a pink-orange sky. Today’s training session hadn’t included everyone; people did have other things to do, after all.

Team CFVY was off on an end-of-term mission and wasn’t expected back until the very last day of the semester. As I understood it, the practical mission was a replacement final. I hoped Velvet kept up with her training in the Lunar Revel.

Weiss had gone to a corporate meeting as the BDC’s chief executive officer. She said something about signing a renewable contract to supply Vale’s civilian utility needs for the next five years. Blake tagged along as an “advisor” and Ilia followed behind Blake. Whether because she still couldn’t believe a Schnee wasn’t a raging bitch or simply because she was horny, even I couldn’t tell.

Ruby and Amber had split off to learn directly from Ozpin. The old wizard had finally stepped out of his tower. Now that they knew about Maidens and silver eyes and whatnot, there wasn’t any reason to avoid directly interacting with them.

Which left the twins, Nora, Ren, Pyrrha, and Yang.

“Say, bun-bun?” Melanie called.

“Yes?”

“What’s Luo Hao like?”

“My wife?” I asked, surprised. “What brought this on?”

“That,” she said, waving at the horizon. The canyon I’d made, now a saltwater inlet reaching deep into Forever Fall Forest, was clearly visible. “You’re always saying she’s even stronger than you.”

“She is. Among all Campione, it’s a widely known truth: The world is round. The sun is bright. Luo Hao is the greatest martial artist in history. I’ve never beaten her in direct combat.”

“I can’t imagine it, bun-bun. You literally broke the world. With your fist. Like that one comic book character who gets obscenely strong whenever he eats spinach.”

“Popeye? He’s a thing here?”

“Yeah? How do you know wh–No, never mind. It doesn’t matter.”

“Well, I’m telling the truth. I might be the strongest person you’ve ever met, but my wife is even stronger still. All Campione are exceptional, but even among the seven of us, she stands a cut above as the most martially gifted.”

“Well, what’s she like?” Yang asked curiously. “She’s probably at least as buff as me or Pyrrha, right?”

I laughed softly. “I thought I showed you guys a picture already, but no. She’s actually quite short, not much taller than me, and fairly slim. Fit, sure, but you wouldn’t recognize her as a warrior at first glance, especially since she prefers flowing robes over tight dresses or jeans.”

“Huh… I guess you’re also kinda slim. I wouldn’t think you’re much of a fighter, either.”

“Magic is funny like that. So is ki for that matter.”

“Do you miss her? You’ve been on Remnant for almost half a year now, right?” Pyrrha asked gently. 

“Longer than that, and I do,” I replied softly, “but it’s not so bad. A year is a blink of an eye for immortals. This isn’t the first time we’ve been apart.”

“Is it true that distance makes the heart grow fonder?”

“No. Distance just reminds you of the way you’ve felt all along. If you love someone, you will miss them. And if you find yourself ambivalent, or perhaps even enjoy your life more, then that is also an answer.”

“Deep… Is this the part where you give us girls love advice? You’re not going to start sounding like my dad, are you?” Yang laughed with a mock shudder. “Because I love dad, but he’s the second worst person to ask about love.”

“Second worst?”

“First is my Drunkle Qrow. Come on, that one’s obvious.”

“You know, I’ve yet to meet the man.”

“His reputation certainly precedes him,” Ren said with a wan smile. Unlike the girls, my tea-buddy had opted for a glass of jasmine tea and sour plums. “But Tianyu, if you don’t mind me asking, how did you meet your wife?”

“Ooh! I bet they met and had a huge showdown that tore up mountains and split the sea!” Nora said. The excitable girl mimed out what I assumed were supposed to be kung fu moves in between taking big bites of her cookies.

“Nothing quite so grand,” I chuckled as I refilled Ren’s glass. He’d been a big help in teaching the twins the finer points of aura control. “The goddess I slew to become a Campione descended in Luo Hao’s territory. She found me right after I passed out.”

“Wait, was she mad? Campione have huge territories right? So that must mean they also fight over territory, too.”

“No, she was curious to see what the new godslayer was like. One thing led to another and we had a cooking contest for her hand in marriage.”

“Hold up. I feel like you’re skipping over a lot there,” Yang said in disbelief. “She… gambled her own marriage… on a cooking contest…? With you?”

“It’s not as unbelievable as it sounds. For starters, I really wasn’t called the Divine Chef at that point. And besides, Luo Hao is an excellent chef, a real master of Guangdong-style cuisine.”

“Yeah, but you’re… you.”

“I am indeed me,” I agreed with a proud nod that sent my ears flapping. “Obviously, I won. After that, she said that she couldn’t stand for her husband-to-be to be uninitiated in the world of the supernatural. She kidnapped me to her temple-palace and trained me for a bit.”

“Oh, so you got a fiance and teacher rolled into one. Neat. She seems very… strong-willed… and spontaneous…”

“That she is. Luo Hao has a single-minded focus on martial arts, just like I do with cooking. Outside of that, she is a kind, benevolent person, though I think I might be the only person in the world who’d say so.”

Melanie, finished with her food, sank lower until her head was in my lap. “Why do you say that? If she’s nice, wouldn’t everyone know it?”

“It’s because she is also a very strict ruler. She’s quite a bit older than the modern era in my world, and so has a very different perspective on social norms and the duty of those in power. To put it simply, she’s Confucian.”

“Which means…?”

“Oh, right. Long story short, Confucius was an immensely influential ancient philosopher. He believed that men could live fulfilling lives by cultivating five primary virtues: benevolence, righteousness, propriety, wisdom, and trustworthiness. Naturally, the duty of a father is to guide his children towards these virtues. And, what is the emperor if not the father of the nation?”

“So she sees herself as some kind of paternal figure over her territory? That’s not so bad. I still don’t see why that would make her a harsh ruler.”

I thought about an appropriate example. It was hard; I’d never been much of a philosopher. “Okay, I’ve got an example for you. Have you ever given your father a gift? Maybe for his birthday or Father’s Day? Something small, like a drawing or maybe a wallet you bought with your allowance.”

“We’re orphans,” Nora said with a shrug.

“Mom murdered our dad,” Miltia reminded me as she too settled her head on my lap. The twins stared up at me like a pair of cats and I knew I wouldn’t be getting up anytime soon. “I mean, no one has any proof, but yeah…”

“I did,” Yang said, “but I feel a little awkward saying that now. Pyrrha? Please tell me you had a normal childhood.”

“I had a normal childhood,” Pyrrha replied dutifully. “I enjoyed fishing with my father at a large pond near Argus. We didn’t catch much, but it was a nice, peaceful break from training.”

“Well, when a father receives a gift, he accepts it, right? Not because he needs your crappy drawing, or because he couldn’t afford whatever you saved up to buy, but because he acknowledges your effort and sacrifice.”

“Yes, I suppose he does.”

“Luo Hao sees the relationship between herself and the mage associations under her, and all of East Asia as a whole, in a similar fashion. The mage associations offer her tribute, and though she doesn’t need anything they give her, she accepts them graciously.”

“I see… Could it be that people keep giving her things with the assumption that she wants more tribute? In that case, I can see how she may have built up a reputation as being greedy.”

“Not quite. No one ever called Luo Hao greedy. Reckless, destructive, and impossibly demanding, yes. Greedy? No,” I corrected. “What does a father do after he acknowledges your effort? He rewards you. He might bestow upon you a bigger allowance, or a gift worth much more than your own.”

“That would be the virtue of benevolence, then,” Ren nodded understandingly. “How does that lead to her appearing harsh?”

I let out a huff of exasperation. “Luo Hao is best known as the Ruler of the Martial Realm. Naturally, a woman of such peerless skill has much to teach a dedicated mortal.”

“She beats them up, doesn’t she?” Melanie deadpanned. “She receives tribute, thinks that she needs to repay the favor, and then gives them something that is worth more than any tribute could possibly be worth: her fists.”

“Her tutelage… but yes… Coupled with a somewhat archaic sense of what constitutes lawful punishment and you have a Campione who is both immensely powerful, and immensely strict with her subordinates.”

“Is she not harsh with you, Tianyu?” Ren asked.

“Not nearly as much. She used to be when she was training me, but I am her husband and peer. She understands that I pursue the dao of cooking, not martial arts.”

The conversation eventually drifted from my wife to more mundane matters. And, as we finished up, I heard Amber and Ruby approach.

Amber stomped toward us in a righteous huff. I would have said it was a rare sight, but I’d seen it more often than not lately.

Ruby trailed behind the exasperated brunette, only to catch sight of the last cookie and blur into a whirlwind of rose petals. My teammate rolled her eyes but didn’t contest the redhead. She knew I had more waiting for her.

“So, how was practice?” Melanie asked her partner.

“Not bad. I’m getting the hang of using the elements simultaneously,” Amber replied.

“What’s got you in a huff then?”

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s CRDL,” I cut in with a snicker.

“Tianyu, please.”

“It’s funny.”

“It is not!”

“What’s team CRDL doing?” Nora asked as she reached for her hammer. “Can we break their legs?”

“No, they’re not… They’re stalking me…”

“They’re what?”

“Ever since Forever Fall, they got it in their heads that I saved their lives. Now, they won't stop following me around.”

Miltia crooned with mock sincerity. “Aww~ You've got puppies.”

“Not funny, Miltia.”

“You have minions, enjoy it. I'm not seeing the problem here.”

“The problem is that I don't want minions. I’m not like you, some sort of mafia princess! What am I even supposed to do with them?”

I watched with bemusement as the group offered up a host of suggestions:

“Given who they are, I suggest potty training for starters,” Melanie replied dryly.

Amber made a face. “Ew, no. I don’t even want to think about that.”

“Maybe you should just ask them to stop,” Pyrrha said, ever the kind one.

“I did! They just took to stalking me from behind trees instead! I can still feel them in the air!”

“Ah… I… I’m sorry…”

“We can break their legs!” Nora grinned. “Come on, it’ll be fun!”

Amber sighed despondently. “I can’t. They’re not doing anything wrong, per se… They’re just really annoying.”

“Make them stop being meanies,” Ruby tried. “Use your new minions for good! Well, good people don’t really have minions so… henchmen…? Flunkies? Why do all synonyms for minions sound evil?”

“That just makes me sound like a cult leader. And how would I even do that?”

“I don’t know… Ooh, you can make them apologize to Velvet when team CFVY gets back from their mission.”

“Okay, that, I like.”

“Nah, too easy. Dress them up in a fitted suit and bunny ears, like the rest of Tianyu's gang,” my partner drawled. “We can send them to Junior and tell him to have them only cater to faunus.”

“No, bad Miltia,” I chided, gently flicking her ear. “Membership within the Moonlit Famiglia is a privilege to be strived for, not punishment for bullies.”

“Ahem,” Yang coughed pointedly. “What am I then? You totally pressganged me!”

“Hush. Your indentured servitude predates the famiglia’s creation on Remnant. You wronged Junior and so your part-time job is to pay back Junior. The Moonlit Famiglia merely folded Junior’s organization under its banner.”

“Wait, so I’m not part of your bunny-mob, right? That means I don’t have to wear the stupid bunnygirl maid outfit!”

“Of course you do,” I sniffed. “It’s the club uniform. The waitress should obviously follow the establishment’s dress code.”

“I hate you so much…”

“Anyway, Amber, do you really want them to stop? I can make them.”

“I’m a little afraid of what you’d do to them,” Amber replied. She let out a tired sigh. “It’s fine. They’re just overreacting after nearly dying. I’m sure they’ll go back to normal soon.”

Author’s Note

Not gonna lie, I wasn’t sure how to recover after Tianyu redrew the map near Beacon. I’ll close out the semester, introduce Winter, and then maybe have Tianyu visit the Land of Darkness.

I just picked this up again after a few months and realized there are 38 chapters of this nonsense. Looking back, I probably spent dozens of hours on this. I could have learned a whole new skill or something. Instead, I made a story about a bunny-chef.

Animal Fact: Shrimps and prawns breed more often when they’re crippled… kinda… Let me explain because this shit’s honestly pretty horrifying.

In aquaculture of shrimp and prawns, it is common to rip off or burn the eyestalks of females. Sometimes one, but removing both is pretty common as well. This process is called eyestalk ablation (ESA). Both farmers and researchers have this shit down to a science. And the sad part is, it works.

Females will produce more eggs, more frequently, without their eyestalks. Even species that do not normally breed well in captivity will see an increase in egg production.

The most commonly accepted theory for why this works is because crustaceans have neurosecretory complexes in the eyestalks. It’s thought that these complexes produce a gonad inhibitory hormone. There is more of this hormone during the off-season, and less in the breeding seasons.

In captivity, the generally poor conditions result in greater stress. This elevated stress causes an increase in this hormone, resulting in fewer eggs. No eyestalks, no hormones.

The saddest part about this is that we still don’t have a good (read: cheap) alternative to this method so it’s standard practice in many aquaculture farms.