At that time many photographers and videographers texted me

I woke up in the morning in a suburban Paris at home of a photographer/agent. I stayed with him for a night because I arrived late at night, and next morning I had a shoot at his house. He was advised by a friend. We often exchanged nude photographers with the girls, because not everyone is ready to take your picture every time you come to Paris, but we wanted to expand our base somehow. And I could always get reliable contacts from my friends.

I usually managed to pay for the tickets, stay with someone at their place and pay or take some cheap option myself, walk, drink wine and take away a couple of thousand euros with me. I will say that for me it was always an interesting job, it gave me an opportunity to travel, speak English, many of the photographers were very interesting and artistic people, and I also shot for fashion photographers, not for money, but in order to gain a good model book and become more popular. It was cool to be inspired by architecture, diversity of people, going to fashion parties, I didn't realize then how much freedom and peace I had. the issue is not that I don't have that particular freedom now, it's that it no longer fills me up.... My dopamine feeds off of other things...

I wanted to get into a modeling agency in Europe, I went there occasionally for castings, but I can't say that I wanted it very much, I rather felt that I should try so hard, that it was a kind of status. There was a time when modeling agencies were moving into the background and Instagram models were popping up. Now I don't know exactly which is more relevant, I'm more interested in the music business than modeling.

At that time many photographers and videographers texted me on Instagram, some of them really wanted to work with me, some kept hoping to get laid, because if I was filming in lingerie and nude, I would definitely serve someone's dick.

There's an interesting aspect to this insight, because really models and photographers are often meeting each other, trying to like each other to get good shots and of course this can push you into a sexual act.

It always pissed me off so much when you make an arrangement with a photographer for a shoot and then you realize that his initial desire was to cater to his dick...

It's my choice to export my sexuality the way I want, and if I want to sleep with someone, I'll sleep with them when I want to. Not because I'm someone's fantasy where a dude as a photographer wants to get his dick served.

And no, that didn't happen on commercial shoots, such attempts happened during creative shoots. You're naked, you're in your underwear, and I have a dick: serve me. You're a model, if I put a little pressure on you, you'll burst and melt on my thighs.

But of course I know what I'm writing about, remembering my life and before modeling, many times people tried to sleep with me.....

After finishing the shoot and getting the money I closed my suitcase, called a cab and drove downtown.

There I had a meeting with a videographer who was messaging me on Instagram with an offer to shoot something.

I needed a place to crash for a couple of nights, and then I had a friend's place to stay. And this cute guy texted me, and I very easily asked if I could stay at his place for a couple of days. I asked it so easily: no worries, probably a gentle vibe all the time eager to live and listen to everything that happens on my way, allowed me to behave that way. Also when you travel a lot and have contact with a lot of people, then staying with someone and hanging out with someone, falling in love...... It's all easy and creatively spontaneous, and you know even really something, you don't try to analyze deeply or imagine far away. You just feel and act, you don't try to see yourself from the outside, you try to live yourself right now....

to be continued...

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