PRT Threat Assessment: Ziz (Grunt Edition)

Image and statement that 100% proves that Ziz is not the Simurgh, honest.

Cape Name: Ziz

Real Name: Also Ziz [[Definitely Not Simurgh, Haha!]]

Disposition: Vagrant

Location: Bumbling around and giving us conniptions. She’s around the Midwest frequently but she flies all over the damn place. She often travels overseas and doesn’t seem to be a local. 

[[Buckle up chuckle fucks because the weenies did the bean counting. Ziz is hitting up all of the Simurgh’s major hits. Davao. Madison. That one city in Mongolia I can’t pronounce. And shocker, Baghdad and New Delhi. So you get zero guesses as to who the white bird lady with an attitude problem is.]]

General Information: Ziz is what the kids these days are calling a “furry.” That doesn’t mean she actually has fur, as she’s some sort of owl that received a vision and turned into a human, just like those weird raccoons from Japan or that one girl’s dog from Brockton. I have been reliably informed however that if you try whatever the fuck a “yiff” is with her, she will send you straight to hell. 

Either way, the scoop is she used to be an owl until she got a hankering for freedom and that spoony bard turned his gaze on her, or however getting one of those things works. Either way, she got anthropomorphized faster than a corporate mascot and ended up as an angry bird lady. 

Ziz spends her time finding people to harass verbally and physically. Oddly enough, instead of getting pissed at her for screaming at them, most people break down in tears and declare their eternal gratitude. Even more oddly, this only seems to further enrage Ziz, whose catchphrase seems to be “stupid humans.” With or without added expletive flavor. 

She’s also buddy buddy with Nahida Saeed, so she can’t be all that bad, right? Least ways, she’s less grouchy and prone to swearing like a sergeant with a sore tooth after she has a pow-wow with the world’s cutest radish. 

She’s been deemed a non-threat and Troopers are instructed to observe her and not interfere with whatever it is she’s doing. It seems harmless enough, and people enjoy it. Pain in the ass she might be, but it would be even more of one to arrest her. 

[[If you’re reading this, I don’t know how the fuck you got clearance for it, but here goes: Ziz is the Simurgh. Yes, you read that right. She’s not trying all that hard to hide the fact, as her disguise seems to run on the same energy that Clark Kent’s does. Namely that no one is looking for a goddamn Endbringer to show up looking like an angry teenage girl with bird bits glued on. 

How she ended up calling herself Ziz isn’t our problem. What is our problem is what the fuck the Simurgh is doing. As it turns out, she’s deprogramming the sleeper agents she scattered about the world in her first three attacks. It’s scary as fuck, but all those people were actually carrying some sort of alien brain worm that would cause them to go Manchurian Agent on us when activated and instigate some sort of horrible disaster for humanity. 

Why is she doing this? Brother, if you can’t figure that one out, you should be busted back to private and have your memory of this document wiped, but I’ll spell it out for the slow ones in the back. It’s Kusanali. The Hopebringer has turned the Hopekiller against her former masters, and now the Simurgh is on our side. 

Yeah, I’m getting too old for this shit too, but if Nahida Saeed were old enough to drink, she’d never have to buy a beer. As it is, I’m sending her a case of chocolate milk.

And that’s why you’re not to touch her. Plus…]]

Classification: Brute 2, Mover 5, Blaster 3, Shaker 2, Striker 1, Master 4

She’s got an Anemo Vision. Also a bird. She can fly and shoot air balls at you. Not anything too special other than that, but expect she has some tricks up her sleeve and is going to be hard to pin down. We would, however, prefer you not. She has some sort of master powers she uses to sing at people, but it just seems to pep them up. Interview those she uses her abilities on, but don’t arrest them or her. 

[[Classification: Ha. Hahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHA. GRUNTS DON’T FUCK WITH ENDBRINGERS MORON. TOO HIGH FOR YOU IN EVERY CATEGORY.]]

Recommended Strategies: Leave her alone. 

As foul-mouthed and prone to aggravated assault as she is, the brass have decided to leave the bird woman alone. Maybe she’s an endangered species or something. My personal theory is they don’t want to piss off the world’s only Endbringer Deterrent by hurting one of Nahida’s playmates. Works for me, but the paperwork when Ziz shows up is enough of a nightmare on its own. 

[[You know that Endbringer repellent? Turns out, it’s more of a friendship beam or something. Kusanali made friends with an Endbringer instead of killing it. Apparently, Archons can do that too. Fuck me. 

Well, the recommendation says the same, but this is because we do not want to screw the pooch on the greatest gift mankind has been given since Jesus Christ himself handed out free wine. We do not want to do anything that would convince the Simurgh to stop her from repenting of her wicked ways. Or decided to actually have a real fight with Nahida instead of just doing the hi/bye routine they’ve been banging on with for years now. A free win every few months on the Endbringer Rotation is enough in my book, especially with the Twins, Behemoth, and Apep still causing mayhem. Shit, Ziz in her Scary Form and Nahida just had a meet-up in Atlanta, Georgia, and my sister and her family live there. They ain’t dead or mad after an Endbringer attack, and that’s enough of a win in my book.]]

Addendum: She has recently joined the Tone Deaf Bards. Not half bad as a bassist and singer either, though she’s way more into metal. Win in my book, their other stuff was too pop-y for my tastes. 

[[Well. 

Fuck.]]