My Teenage High-school Romance Comedy Can't Be This Perverted!

Not beta read yet

Next update is An Archer's Promise

.

.

.

-Kuoh-

I had plenty of moments of pure disbelief and shock throughout my life. Some came during moments where death was close enough to feel, others during my regular high school days when things should have been simple. In a world filled with supernatural beings, ancient creatures that still wandered certain regions, and even weird gods who just couldn't act normally, I had learned not to be surprised easily. I understood that strange revelations came with the territory, and I had long accepted that as part of daily life.

But this time, the disbelief did not come from any of those things. It came from what I had just heard directly from Asia’s mouth. Raynare of all people had saved her from being kidnapped, only to end up being kidnapped herself. The words did not settle properly in my mind. I actually pinched my arm, half expecting to wake up or hear someone laugh and tell me this was some tasteful joke.

Raynare getting kidnapped? Ha! But unfortunately, nothing happened expect me feeling some pain from pinching myself.

Asia’s earlier sobbing had already told me everything I needed to know. She was not exaggerating or telling a lie. Like Gabrielle, she was someone who could not lie even if she tried. That alone erased any doubt I might have had. I abandoned any thought of continuing my training and returned straight to the clubroom with her.

When we arrived, the atmosphere was heavy as expected. The blonde former nun sat in the center of the room, surrounded by everyone else. Koneko and Kiba were nearby, both trying in their own ways to ease her worry. Gabrielle stood close as well, keeping a careful eye on her. Asia looked smaller somehow, her shoulders drawn in as if she were bracing herself.

I broke the silence. "What happened?"

She flinched at the sound of my voice. "I-It was Ray-Raynare. She she…" Her voice faltered, and the words refused to come out. I stepped closer and gently took her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"I know," I said. "Somehow she ended up getting herself into trouble while protecting you. Do not worry, nothing will happen to her, she's a surprisingly hard person to kill, even a Demigod couldn't manage to do it. This can be handled, but I need the details. Does anyone know exactly what happened?"

"It happened while she and Raynare were at the mall shopping," Kiba said.

That answer alone threw me off balance. That bitch willingly going shopping with Asia was not something I ever expected to hear. The image did not fit what I knew of her, and that made the situation feel even stranger.

"We do not know much beyond what Asia told us when she came here," Rias' Knight continued. "Someone approached her out of the blue and tried to capture her using a binding spell, then followed it up with teleportation. Raynare sensed the hostility and pushed Asia away at the last second. The spells missed their intended target, but they caught Raynare instead."

A pretty straight story which did not leave me much to work with… hold on. The method sounded familiar, far too familiar given I went through the same thing not even a week ago. A specific face came to mind immediately. Had I not been talking about him just minutes earlier? The more I thought about it, the more my irritation turned into anger. Of course he would do something this reckless, At this point the world was against me and ginseng my words. At this point I might as well stop talking and learn sign languages just to avoid that.

"Does that mean you captured the one who tried to kidnap her?" I asked. "I do not see anyone here, and no one mentioned it, so I am guessing the answer is no."

"We went back to check the area," Koneko said calmly. "There was no trace left behind. I can try to track them, but there is no guarantee if they teleported away."

"We might still figure out who did it," I said. "A scent should tell us if it was a devil or something else." Even as I spoke, I realized the flaw in my own idea. "Damn it. It is almost guaranteed that it was a devil, we all already know who it might be."

"I am afraid so," Rias said with a quiet sigh. She rubbed her temples, clearly trying to think. "Since they captured the wrong target, we do not know what Diodo—cough, this person will do next. We also do not know why they wanted Asia in the first place."

"Do you really need to ask why?" I replied. "Did I not remind you about a certain someone who came here trying to buy her in exchange for a few chess pieces?"

The room fell silent again, and no one argued with that.

She did not disagree with my point. Instead, she wore a complicated expression. "I know what you're trying to say, but there is also a possibility that it could be someone else trying to frame him. Or someone else who got to Asia in order to get to you instead."

"They literally kidnapped someone who is practically considered a member of my non-existent peerage. If they wanted to get my attention, then they certainly did. Your face alone tells me that you're not believing your own words.”

Rias nodded, “We will need to contact Ajuka as soon as possible.”

“There is no point, he also does not know where Diodora is or even if he did, why didn't he share this information earlier on? Asking him is a waste of time.” I could already tell this conversation was going nowhere. Worse than that, I was genuinely feeling angry, and on top of that, stressed. Out of everyone, Raynare was the one who got kidnapped. That alone annoyed me more than it probably should have.

Why was I even worrying about someone like her? Instead of worrying, I should have been praising the idiot who managed to kidnap her and take such an unbearable person off my hands. That would have been the logical reaction. The normal one. Unfortunately, logic had a habit of abandoning me at the worst times… hah, that was also a lie.

I could not ignore the obvious changes, the obvious facts, or my own thoughts. I did not have the luxury of playing the dense protagonist or pretending to be some detached character who did not care. The truth was irritatingly simple. I was worried about her because I genuinely cared, just like I would have with everyone else in this room. At one point in the past, I had wanted to make her suffer. I had even thought about killing her for what she had done when we first met. Now, whether I liked it or not, she was more than that. She mattered to both me and Kalawarna.

Damn it. If I ever told her that to her face, she would probably insult me, slap me, or both. The thought alone was enough to make me tired. I said that to myself fully aware that she hated anything resembling sincerity directed at her.

I forced my thoughts back into order. The decision was clear and stalling any longer would be pointless. Worse, I was worried that the Fallen Angel would start taunting her captors. Knowing her, she would do it just to pass the time or because she got bored. That could easily push them into doing something lethal like killing her in the most horrific way possible. Instead of returning her alive, they might decide to decapitate her or cut her apart and send what was left back as a message.

"I want you all to stay with Asia. There is a possibility that Diodora might try again and come back for her. We cannot risk that."

"Wait, where are you going?" Rias tried to stop me as I began preparing the teleportation circle.

I gave her an apologetic smile. "Trying to get that bitch out of trouble. Do not worry. I will be back before dinner."

"What are you thinking? You cannot use your powers anymo—" Both she and Akeno did not even get the chance to finish her sentence.

The world shifted.

In the next instant, I was back at the Himejima shrine. It should have been a calm place. Quiet. Peaceful. Instead, it was filled with memories that made my skin crawl. I blamed Sairaorg for giving me a mild form of PTSD. He had a talent for ruining locations that should have been left alone.

I walked up the stone stairs leading to the clearing once again. Halfway up, I stopped. Sitting at the top was the same Devil man looking down at me while casually drinking what was most likely a protein shake. Of all things.

"From the look on your face," he said, "I take it it is not all bad news."

"Asia is safe. Whoever tried to take her failed to do their job properly and ended up kidnapping someone far more troublesome instead."

"That is kind of ballsy of them," he replied. "I do not see the point though. Are they trying to have the entire angel faction come down on them? Or are they aiming to start another war between all three factions?"

"Can't say. I honestly doubt they even thought that far themselves. Most likely they did it on the spur of the moment, or out of sheer desperation. Your guess is as good as mine."

He smirked as he said it, the kind of expression that suggested he already had a conclusion in mind and found it mildly amusing.

"My guess is that we'll end up going after this guy and teaching him a valuable lesson, one that may or may not result in death."

"Well, as long as you don't have any issues killing your own kin," I replied, taking a seat beside him and letting out a slow, tired sigh. "Not even a week into my ‘vacation’, training arc or whatever you want to call it and I already have to deal with people like this. I honestly expected things to be much more peaceful, especially after getting back slapped by you during the rating game."

Sairaorg shrugged, "People generally tend to become more aggressive when their enemy shows signs of weakness," he said calmly, as if reciting a basic rule of nature.

"Can't argue against that." I rubbed my face with one hand, staring ahead. The logic was irritatingly sound, and it annoyed me that I had not arrived at the same conclusion on my own. It made sense when I thought about it properly. As much as I disliked admitting it, my reputation beforehand had been domineering, to put it lightly. To have that same individual taken down with a single hit would definitely raise eyebrows. Suspicion followed weakness like flies to sugar.

"You have a name?"

"Ninety percent chance that it's Diodora. Nine percent that it's someone from the Old Satan faction trying to get one of their members back. That makes even less sense, given they should have tried capturing another devil rather than someone tied to the angel faction. One percent chance that it's a random nobody yandere who wanted to capture an angel. One hundred percent chance that it's an idiot."

He let out a short laugh and so did I before being able to stop myself. "Yeah, there really is no end to them. But do you really think it will be as easy as going to the Underworld, storming the Astaroth estate, and getting that friend of yours back?"

"His whereabouts are unknown. I got the news from Rias earlier. So it's very unlikely that he will be anywhere there and not somewhere completely off the map."

"That makes things difficult," he said without much thought. The unknown was always the worst part. You could plan around danger, but not around empty information.

"No, it actually doesn't."

A third voice caught both of us off guard. We turned our attention downward at the same time, looking past the edge to see a blond-haired man walking out into the open as if he had not been lurking moments ago. Azazel stood there with his arms crossed, striking a pose so exaggerated it looped around into being ridiculous. The confidence was almost impressive, if not for how forced it looked.

"I heard about your situation and came with a solution," he announced proudly. "Now you can go ahead and praise me as much as you want."

I stared at him for a moment longer than necessary. "Have you been hiding behind that tree this entire time, waiting for a cue to come out and make yourself known?" I asked, genuinely baffled. I had not noticed him at all when I first arrived. That realization alone was unsettling. Just how absurd were his concealment abilities if he could hide like an assassin without triggering my awareness? The thought made my skin itch.

"Yes," he answered without even a hint of shame. Nodding once, as if that settled everything. "But that's not what's important. I know you two are planning on finding Raynare. The problem is that without knowing where Diodora is, you're basically stuck here going back and forth."

“That's about it.”

"The Underworld is a big place. It could take days, maybe a week, or even months just to find a single clue, let alone their actual location. Running around blindly is a waste of time, and time is something you don't have."

The man went on and on, saying things that I already knew. I was aware he was doing so just to build up for the upcoming revelation and make his solution sound more grander. He had a bad habit of doing so, and I had just gotten used to it. Still, I stayed quiet. Interrupting now would only encourage him.

And that, unfortunately, felt like the smartest option available.

"I can ask Sirzechs and Ajuka for their help," I said, laying out the only workable option I could see. "They can lend whatever people they have available and cover as much ground as possible."

That was my best solution, and I knew it. There was no realistic way for me to accurately track down Raynare in particular. The Underworld was large enough to swallow entire the earth several yimes, and that was assuming she was even there in the first place. The possibility that she had slipped somewhere outside the Underworld entirely was still on the table, which meant dumping time and manpower into a search could very easily end in nothing.

"Hah," I replied, sounding almost amused. "And what solution do you have after that?"

If he bothered to make an entrance like that and even show up here in person, then he clearly had something prepared. People like him did not walk empty handed. That alone was enough for me to keep my mouth shut and hear him out instead of arguing in circles.

"This," he said, calmly pulling a scroll from inside his jacket. With a flick of his wrist, he tossed it toward me. I caught it out of reflex, the material heavier than it looked. As I slowly opened it, my eyebrow rose on its own when I saw what was written inside.

"An ownership contract?" I said. A certain memory surfaced immediately concerning this little thing in particular. I had used something like this on Raynare long ago, or rather he did and passed the ownership onto me before at some point I just forgot its existence. This one, however, was blank. No names. No bindings already filled in. I did not see why he would be handing this to me now of all times.

"Well, I see you did not do much research on this particular type of contract," he replied without missing a beat. "Whether it remains active or gets annulled by the owner does not entirely erase every trace of it. Especially in the one I gave you. There were several clauses embedded within it that are still active even today."

"What?"

"Back then, I had to keep an eye on her," he continued. "A single contract of ownership was not enough. We were not dealing with someone reasonable and I wanted to remain as careful as possible — especially when you two were heading in a foreign territory ruled by another faction. She could go fully suicidal and kill you while being perfectly willing to forfeit her own life in the process. Of course, that was the worst case scenario and I genuinely did not think she was that desperate. But let's say if that had happened, I needed a way to recover both of your remains. So a tracking spell was inscribed within her through the contract."

My mouth stayed open longer than I would have liked. This was a pretty big fucking revelation!

"You had done this with you the entire time and you never bothered to tell me?"

"No. I thought you already knew. Did you not read the fine print?"

I did read it back then! Every line. At least I thought I did. It had been so long that most of it blurred together, leaving only the parts that mattered to me at the time. Everything else had faded, especially anything that was not directly related to the ownership of a fragment of her soul.

"Do not get too excited," he added. "This is not foolproof. It does not guarantee that whoever it is inscribed in is alive. It only gives the general location of the body. Nothing more. So if I were in your shoes, I would move as soon as possible."

"You do not have to tell me that."

There was no need to say anything else. I could already feel the air shift as he prepared a teleportation spell. Judging by the direction and density of the magic, the destination was most likely the Underworld. With someone on his level, preparation time was a luxury. This kind of spell could be completed almost instantly. I stood beside him, the scroll still in my hand.

Just as the light was about to swallow us, a third figure jumped in front of us without warning. “Hey, I also want to join in on the fun!” Sairaorg said, I only had time to glance back and catch the grin on his face before everything turned white.

When the world snapped back into place, we were somewhere else entirely. A luxurious office greeted us, polished surfaces and oppressive authority baked into every corner. I recognized it immediately as Azazel’s office in the Underworld. “Oh, I forgot to tell you. I already shared the information I told you to the other members of your group.”

He said just in time for me to notice Xenovia, Kalawarna, Kuroka and… “You are not part of my group, I thought Akeno hired you.” I pointed by finger at Rossweiss, the white silver haired woman standing awkwardly behind the sofa.

“U-Umm… I-I don't know… I got dragged here…”

I was not sure how it was possible to feel this sorry for this person.

{Break}

-Underworld-

Everything was falling apart.

That was the conclusion Diodora had been forced to accept over the past few days. In hindsight, he should have known from the beginning that this particular human would become a thorn buried deep at his side. From the moment he blocked Asia from becoming his, the writing had been there.

Back then, he chose patience. He decided to wait instead of rushing in blindly. He played the long game and shifted to another plan, exchanging her for Rias. Of course, reality had other ideas. From what his sources reported, that option was becoming less viable by the day. Forced escalation became inevitable.

Even that attempt was ruined, foiled by that cursed Phenex heir and that dragon whose mere memory made his skin crawl. After that, he had no choice but to retreat and fall back on his second plan. Fate, however, seemed determined to mock him as obstacle after obstacle appeared, especially after he learned that Asia had become property of the angel faction. That revelation was the final blow.

It was now, he was genuinely beginning be wondering if he was cursed or not, for even that did not turn out well as soon as he heard a single phrase of his hideout’s guest… “Get your fucking slimy fingers off of me you cunts! Any closer enough fucking pierce my spear into your guts and give you all a second pussy you can go fuck yourselves with!”

Diodora was genuinely stunned, for rather than hearing the pleading voices of Asia, delivering the same line of how he should show mercy, back to be released, ask for him to search for the goodness in his heart to let them go or straight up just start praying out of panic — he instead heard these kind of words that not even a single one of his conquests ever so much as uttered.

“What the hell is going on here?” This hideout was perfect, in the middle of practically nowhere, a place not even known to the old Satan faction or any one of the curren Satans. It should have been impossible for any kind of intruder to stumble upon this plate without pure dumb luck and a miracle. “You two, come with me!”

Pointing his fingers at two of the latest batches of pure maidency received from Rizevim as am award for his role at making sure that Hikigaya Hachiman would get teleported to a specific location in time. While he knew that this would inevitably lead him to have a falling off with the current powers of the underworld, at least he had a powerful backer who was more than willing to compensate him for any period member he lost.

This on top of granting him two snakes that's slithered under his coat granting him a near endless amount of power.

Walking away from his private room, he soon came upon a large clearing outside where at that exact moment, something flew right past him.

Whoosh!

A powerful gust of wind rattling his clothes and the shoveling his hair, pure made of pure light immediately missing him by just a hairbreath before destroying the entrance behind. “Ah!” One of his replacement maiden was not so lucky for her arm had gotten completely erased by that attack.

“Shit!” Panic gripped his heart, for his eyes finally went to gaze at the perpetrator of this chaos and right where Asia should have been present after his pieces managed to fulfill their task and bring her in — instead there stood another person. Several dark wings as cure as the night sky in the human realm, latex clothing that barely covered any thing, giving her an overall dominatrix style which immediately repulsed Diodora more than anything.

She dressed just like every other one of those disgusting Fallen Angels. “Who are you and what are you doing here!? This is the territory of the Astoroth clan, are you looking to die?”

There was a high likelihood that the news of his disappearance had not spread to the other factions and remained contained in a small circle. Having an heir betray the current powers could easily cause a lot of mayhem, so he did not fear that the other side knew of his betrayal and used the clans name without any fear.

“What the… So you're the dick face we're trying to kidnap Asia? Send me back right now before my carve that snake face off of your body and glue it to your ass given how much shit is coming out of your mouth.”

The sheer amount of hostility that came off of her body stunned him, even more was her words. She was with Asia? Wasn't the latter associated with the angel faction? What was she doing with a Fallen Angel!?

“Get rid of her now! She's off waste of space and my time!” He shouted, not wanting to deal with this intruder anymore and then necessary and instead to wish to go back to his office and come up with another plan.

“The fuck you say to me, bitch!? I'll show you who is a waste of space and time!” Several of her wings on the foiled at once, a large amount of light energy pouring out of her being like an avalanche, this time wielding to light spears she sent them flying towards him.

“Damn it!” Did these useless pieces actually kidnapped a cadre!?

Having barely any time to react, and drawing upon the power granted to him, the man raised his hand where a neon green magic circle formed with the symbol of his clan prominently shown at the center. Expanding until it covered himself only. The spears struck the shield with a thunderous bang, breaking into shards of light but releasing a shockwave powerful enough to send anyone around him flying backwards. The one who had her arm destroyed, crashed through several walls until her entire body ended up getting entombed by a mountain of debris.

Losing his original pieces was already a heartache for him, these ones who also fit his taste just added further few to his already sour mood. “You idiot! I'll make you pay for this! What are you idiots waiting for? Take her down now!”

Is palms slap the ground beneath come out several chains bursting forth and entangling themselves around her limbs. Only for Raynare to snap them off by summing more of her spears and sending them raining down around her in a circular pattern.

Her prior look of anger morphing into pure arrogance and mockery. “Is that it? A bunch of flimsy chains? Ha! Even that other bastard with the dead fish eyes has a stronger way to restrain me with just his pinky finger than you, limp dick!”

“Just shut up!”

Thankfully, several dozens of shadows emerged with mages clad in loose dark robe, each one of them casting high tier spells at her. Though she could defend herself perfectly against one of them, doing so against so many at the same time instantly pushed her to limit. Struggling to keep up with all of them while conserving enough energy and stamina. Unfortunately for her, Diodora was confident in his ability to win, for he had been granted powers beyond her imagination. Just to showcase that, one of the snakes slithered around his wrist before the appearing within his body, the green aura around him amplifying by several folds.

“Hahahaha! This is it, this is true power!” It was almost intoxicating feeling, and he wasted no time in testing his new abilities. With a flick of his fingers, a powerful shot of pure condensed demonic energy flew towards Raynare. “Ah!” Even though she managed to intercept it in time, the sheer power behind it made that irrelevant, both of her spears shattering upon impact with the remaining energy slamming into a guts. Saliva and blood flying out of her mouth with her body crashing against a giant boulder, “now!”

The majors who worked for him did as ordered, shooting several powerful spells at their target at once. With Raynare forced to simply tank them all at once, using her wings as a shield. Though her efforts were in vain come out from his point of view, Diodora Saw how bit by bit wounds started to spread across her body. Small parts of her wings getting torn off and eventually her strength starting to wane even further.

At the end, when the firing stopped, all that remained was a weekend woman struggling to breathe with several of her wings broken and in a miserable state. It even then, the harshness in her eyes towards him did not go down even a bit, in fact, she continued to smirk.

“And last words?”

“You hit like a three-year-old kid, can't even protect yourself without being surrounded by so many mages. What a pathetic excuse of a Devil, even Hachiman’s sneezes Make more damage than your attacks combined.” Even now she spat out distasteful words and that hateful man's name! That human, ever since he met him that day things just kept getting worse and worse!

He should have just allowed that rating game to happen so that he could showcase the world just how weak a human he was! Even if Sairaorg did that for him, doing so with his own hands would have been far more satisfying.

“Hold on,” while his mind went through the events of the rating game come on It soon dawned upon him that this woman looked suspiciously familiar. “Aren't you part of that human's Peerage?”

“Peerage? Fuck no!” She answered immediately with a look of disgust before spitting on the floor. “The only reason I'm around him is because of how pathetic he is and how much he needs my help! Bastard can go on a month without finding himself in some life or death scenario where he will cry out my name at the last second just to save his life! He is my toy, not the other way around!”

Veins thrompt on his forehead come up just talking to her for a couple of seconds already made him this irritable. Doing so for another minute was no different to pure torture. But now rather than killing her, a different plan emerged in his mind. One that would solve his lingering anger towards that human.

“Sounds the same to me. Since you're part of his group, what a great opportunity drive him finally feel pain after everything he has put me through and making my Asia from me. I will make you suffer, I will break you and use you against him.”

Raynare rolled her eyes at those words, “Can you be any more lame? You sound just like Kalawarna whenever we have some villain and hero foreplay before sex, and she sucks at acting as anything else but the villain. Also, my Asia? Hahahaha! This is funnier than I thought, you're a fucking creepy loser! What? Can't get your dick hard anymore and now you've developed a fetish around playing with innocent maidens? Fuck off. Those tactics won't work on me, I would rather fuck a rusted and mold filled piece of pipe I can find inside a landfill rather than you, bitch. Or better yet, I'll strap you into a chair and ask Asia to sleep with Hachiman and have you watch, hahahaha—urgh!”

That was it, he could not bear to listen to this… thing anymore. Blasting her away with another powerful attack. Completely rendering her unconscious and shutting up her mouth finally. “Throw her inside a random cell! Make her suffer! I don't care how but just do it!”

Just looking at her maid his urge to kill her grow by the second. But he could not do so for his surprise for that human would be completely ruined then.

“I'll get you, Asia… one way or another.”